Ch.3
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TC- 14 walked in and brought the two Jedi and the brat some drinks. A few seconds later the room filled with gas, so Obi and Quiggie held their breath but Luke didn't have enough brains to do that.
"AGH! I'm choking!! Can't… breath!!!!!!!" And he collapsed. Even though the door was open by that time…
"LUKE! The door's open you frickin' moron!" Obi- Wan yelled, getting an amused look from Qui-Gon.
"I see you have a lightsaber, Luke. Why don't you take it out and help us fight?" Qui- Gon said.
"Master! He won't be able to-" Obi- Wan started to say.
"Ok!!! I get to fight like a real Jedi!!!!" Presently, more battle droids were coming down the halls towards them. Luke pulled out his lightsaber, closed his eyes, and swung it around wildly, nearly taking off Obi- Wan's braid.
"Did I hit one yet?" He asked, opening his eyes up again.
"No, but you almost took off my braid!" Looking down at all the broken battle droids that Obi- Wan and Qui- Gon fought, Luke said, "What are you talking about, imposter? Look at all these droids I killed!!"
"WE BROKE them!!!"
"Yeah, right… Just taking all the credit for yourself… besides, why should I believe an IMPOSTER?" Obi- Wan stopped listening to Luke awhile ago because more droids came down the hall way. And Luke continued, while swinging around his lightsaber, oblivious to the fact that no one was listening to him. "See? I'm killing all these droids and you're probably going to try to take all the credit!" Then, some destroyer droids came rolling down the halls, and Obi- Wan and Qui- Gon decided that because they had shields, it probably wasn't wise to fight them… However, Luke had other plans, unfortunately. As Obi and Quiggie were running down the hall way to the ventilation shaft were they would make their escape, they realized Luke was trying to fight the destroyer droids.
"Damn it! Can't he listen!?!" Obi- Wan said, exasperated.
"Stay calm, Obi- Wan. I'll go get the brat." And Qui- Gon took off. When he got to Luke, he found that he was delusional, bloody, and quoting Monty Python.
"The black knight always wins!… I'll bleed on you!!…" So, Qui- Gon did what most people wouldn't do. He saved Luke, dragging him by his hair. Finally back at the ventalation shaft, Luke was back to normal… for him, at least…
"Well split up, stow about separate ships and meet down on the planet." Qui- Gon said, mostly to Obi- Wan, however, Luke was the one who responded.
"Ok!"
"Well, you were right about one thing, Master. The negotiations were short." Replied Obi- Wan. Qui- Gon smirked, and Luke became confused.
"What? Wait… I don't get it! There were no negotiations! Were there?? Wait… Obi- Wan imposter!!!!" Luke called after Obi- Wan, who was getting aboard a ship. Lukily, no battle droids heard Luke.
"Shh! Get aboard a ship, Luke!" Qui- Gon said as he left to board one himself.
"ok, Luke… all you have to do is ask one of the battle droids if you can get aboard their ship, and they'll let you! Now… go!" Luke said to himself. And he did just that. He walked up to a battle droid and asked, "Excuse me sir- er well, I guess your not a sir or a ma'am are you? Uh…" Why the battle droid didn't just kill him then and there, I don't know. "Excuse me, battle droid? Can I get aboard your ship so I can meet my Jedi buddies, who are also on some of your ships, down on the planet?" The battle droid looked at him for a while, then, for some reason, let him get on… it was probably experiencing a malfunction… Anyway, Qui- Gon's ship landed and he was being chased, along with a bunch of other Naboo animals, by the battle droid tanks. In front of him was a very, very slow Gungan, who wouldn't move out of the way. So, Qui- Gon, again did something that most people wouldn't have done. He saved Jar Jar by pulling him underneath the tank. After the tanks passed over them, Qui- Gon got up and left, only to be followed by this pathetic life form called Jar Jar Binks.
"Oyi, mooie- mooie! Mesa luv you!"
"Are you brainless? You almost got us killed!"
"I spake."
"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. Now get out of here."
"No no! Mesa stay! Mesa called Jar Jar Binks! Mesa your humble servant!" Etc. Etc… we all know what happens here, don't we? If you don't go watch episode 1 a couple hundred times, then maybe you'll beat my record! Anyway, let's go see what Luke is up to!
"Hi! I'm Luke! Let's be friends!!" Luke said to a battle droid.
"That doesn't compute.. uh, wait… your under arrest!"
"Why?… AGH! Stop shooting, friend!!… fine, if you won't stop… I'm never talking to you again!… Why aren't you stopping!?!?!?!?! QUI- GON!!!!! OBI- WAN? ANY ONE? Hahaha any one is like Obi- Wan! Hmm… what if I fight them with my lightsaber??… hmm… it's a bit tricky to turn on, but maybe Qui- Gon will come then I'll ask him how!!" Why Luke never got shot during this, I don't know… it's just one of those mysteries of the universe… like why eagles can survive out of water!
[a/n: HAHAHA! Isn't that funny!?!… well, I guess it's not really all that funny, isn't… oh well! HAHAHA]
Upon hearing Luke's feeble cries, Obi- Wan decided, against his better judgement, to go help him, and thought to himself,
'He's really not all that bad when he's not telling me I'm an imposter, whining, or saying that he's a better Jedi than me... Sure, it's only about 5 seconds in between his sentences, but if you combine all those 5 seconds... well, Qui- Gon will be mad if I don't help him…' A few seconds later, he caught up with Luke.
"Thank the Force!! Obi- Wan! I can't figure out how turn on my lightsaber!!!!"
"Much less use it…" Obi- Wan mummbled before saying to Luke, while fighting the battle droids, "You see that switch that's labeled 'on'?"
"Yeah?? What about it?"
"If you press it, you lightsaber will turn on! Hence the label!!"
"Oh!! I get it!!" By this time, almost all of the battle droids in that section were destroyed. "Wow! It's shiny!!"
"Stop staring at it, and start fighting!" Then, to himself, Obi- Wan thought, 'Well, someone has to train him, I guess it's gonna be me… After all, it IS me in the future…' Then he continued to Luke, "See that battle droid over there? Close your eyes and try to block one of the shots."
"I'm gonna get killed! What if I can't do that?!?!?!"
"uh… Qui- Gon won't be very happy"
"And I'LL be DEAD!!"
"That's a risk I'm willing to take!"
"Hey!" Luke said, holding his lightsaber idly to his side and when the battle droid shot, it happened to deflect right off his lightsaber and destroy the last of the droids.
"Wow. You did better than I thought you would" Obi- Wan said, impressed.
"I didn't do anything."
"Well, even though it might've felt like you did nothing, you accually-"
"No, I mean, I literally did nothing! I forgot I was even holding a lightsaber!!! Because YOU wanted to KILL me!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh… Then I'm not impressed and I stand by my statement that you're a lazy annoying brat. Let's go."
"Oh, did I say I did nothing? I meant to say that it FELT like nothing!!"
"Nice try, Luke. There's Qui- Gon and… Jar Jar. Tell ya what, why don't we go practice some more, away from Jar Jar??" But when Obi- Wan turned around, there was nothing there. Luke had run over to Jar Jar and started talking to the Gungan.
"Why do I sense we've picked up yet another pathetic life form?"
"Aren't you supposed to say that when we pick up Anakin?"
"Yeah, well, the circumstances have some what changed." And he looked directly at Luke.
"Oh, he's not that bad, Obi- Wan." Qui- Gon replied as they all started walking.
"Easy for you to say! He's not telling you that you're a imposter!!"
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