I Will Always Love You

By: Zarabeth McGregor

Chapter 3: Wufei's Prayer

Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing; they belong to their respective owners. The portion of the song used, Dante's Prayer, is copyrighted to Loreena McKennitt. Oh, yeah and 'I Will Always Love You' is indeed copyrighted to Dolly Parton. Actually, it was said right there on the lyrics' page…

~*~

*When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
*

It still didn't register, didn't hit home. It had been three weeks, but it still didn't feel real.

But it hurt like hell.

*When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone*

The days and weeks had passed like a blur. Finding out the morning after, the final arrangements, the funeral, the cause of death.

"Death from an over dosage of the anti-depressant Prozac," the coroner had said. Prozac? What the hell was Rei doing on Prozac? He soon received his answer.

"Um…how do I say this…?" Serena had said later that day. She was avoiding his eyes, as she sat him down on her couch. She looked down on her hands. "The wars we were involved in, they had an…effect on Rei." Her hands were trembling slightly. Then she looked up, frantic. "We thought she was over it, she seemed so fine for the past few years. I never knew she was still on them, she never told me. God, if we had known…if I had noticed something…there were so many signs…she was so quiet lately, not herself…" she ended up sobbing into her small hands, muttering her name over and over again.

"Oh God, Rei…why?"

He was wondering the same thing himself. Looking at Serena, usually so joyful and full of confidence now crying and shaking like a leaf, his heart heaved.

"Serena…" he had said softly, resting a hand on her back. She didn't acknowledge it, but her sobs quieted slightly. "Nothing happens without reason." Serena looked up, her brow furrowed.

"What?" she asked in disbelief.

"If this was meant to be, there was nothing we could've done to stop it," he said, his voice calm and steady. His face was a mask of blankness; inside he was tortured.

                  The conversation had ended abruptly, with Serena saying she was tired. Wufei saw through it, though. She'd expected him to break down and bawl, blubber on about how he missed her, how it wasn't fair. If Divinity said it was to be so, it was to be so.

                  Yet when he was alone, there was no stopping the tears.

*I did not believe because I could not see*

 Later that night, in the safety of his dark apartment, Wufei sat. His living room was immaculately clean. He may be torn up inside, but that didn't get in the way of his housekeeping. He twirled the martini shot in his hand, before downing it in one swallow. Wufei didn't usually drink; it messed with one's state of mind. But one could always make an exception. He never had anything to do at night. He always did everything in the day, when everyone else could see him, could see that he was just fine, unaffected by the death of his one true love.

"Once bitten, twice shy…" he muttered the popular little phrase absently. Another martini down the hatch. "Twice bitten, never again will I try."

"She will always be with you…" the droning voice of the minister floated on by.  Ah, here they come. His best friends now a days; memories and heartache.

                  He was instantly transported back to that bright, sunny day. The sky was cloudless and the breeze blew gently. Sunlight streamed through the canopy of trees, touching the flowers below. Flowers brought everyday religiously to the rows and rows of grey headstones.

                  There were some people there that day, though. All dressed in black. All their faces somber and wan.

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me…" the melodious singers of the choir Rei recently joined sang lustily, if not a bit unsteadily. They were standing around like stone. No one was crying. The shock still hadn't worn off. Or maybe they couldn't find any more tears.

"Brothers and sisters," the minister said. "You are hurting, all of you. It does not matter how strong you all think you might be, how strong you think you might look, I can see it in each and every one of your faces." Wufei knew he saw the man throw a look in his direction. But it was brief.

"But I have words of encouragement for you today, each and every one of you. I'm not going to tell you she is happy, that she is in a better place, because you wouldn't believe me anyway. I just want to say she will always be with you. That she will always be in your hearts."

"Hmph," Wufei snorted. Lita and Mina gave him odd, suspicious glances. But he ignored them. To hell with them.

He still shared that sentiment. 

*Though you came to me in the night*

He felt it slightly, almost unnoticeable at first. But soon there was no denying it. Her smell, jasmine and lavender. Her movements, graceful and light. Her eyes on him, dark and observant.

Her touch. Soft, silky, on his skin. Her hair, long and loose falling upon his bare shoulder. Her breath, sweet and warm against his ear.

"Why," her voice, deep and sexy, "are you trying to forget me?"

*When the dawn seemed forever lost*

He jumped in shock, dropping his shot glass. It tinkled lightly on the floor. Her laughter. Wufei turned around quicker than he thought he could. No one was there. He sighed. It figures. It fucking figures. Just when he was getting his hopes up. He turned back.

She was sitting on the coffee table. A smile crossed her face.

"Well?"

*You showed me your love in the light of the stars*

"What the hell is going on here?" Wufei demanded. She giggled lightly and crossed one leg over the other.

"You haven't answered my question," she stated, suddenly solemn. She was just as he remembered seeing her last. The beautiful, red halter dress and platform shoes. The simple gold chain he'd given her a few months before glittered in the faint moonlight. Her lipstick and mascara were immaculate.

"What?" she rolled her eyes.

"Why, Chang Wufei, are you trying your hardest to forget about me?" Wufei narrowed his eyes.

"What the hell kind of ghost are you?" he asked, though his words slightly slurred. "Aren't you supposed to be telling me to move on?"

Rei snorted.

"In case you haven't noticed, it's a process. You have to come to terms with my death before you can move on."

"Oh, but darling," Wufei said with a sarcastic smile. "I have come to terms with your death. I've come to terms with the fact that you left me behind, that you had so much regard for the rest of us, the people who care about you, that you decided to pay us back by killing yourself, no explanation. Oh, I've come to terms with the fact that you didn't trust me enough to tell me what you were going through," he voice was rising steadily. He got up and paced the room. "And I've come to terms with the fact that you couldn't give a damn about me."

"What?!" Rei shrieked, shock registered on her face.

"Oh, shove your innocent act!" Wufei raged at her, his expression livid. "Yes, you couldn't care less, could you…?"

"That's not true, Wufei and you know that," she said softly.

"Oh really?!" he shouted. "Then what the hell was that? Getting up in a crowded karaoke bar, and singing that song…damn it, Rei! Without a single explanation! Then to wake up and hear that you OD'ed on anti-depressants?!" he shook his head sadly. "On that night…of all the nights in the damn year, you choose that night!" Rei got up and approached him gently, yet with determination.

"That night?" she asked, puzzled. "What do you mean?" Wufei, whom had his back turned to her, leaning on his arms on the bar, turned to face her.

"You want to know what I mean?" he asked, dangerously calm. Before she could answer, he stormed out, only to come back a moment later. He tossed a small box at Rei, who caught it perfectly. She opened it and gasped softly.

"That night…" Wufei said softly, as Rei looked up, her eyes wide and mouth slightly agape…tears streaming silently down her face. "I was going to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me."

"Oh, God Wufei…" she said quietly, walking toward him. He covered his face with a hand.

"What the hell were you thinking, Rei?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly. "You did know how much I loved you, right?" He looked at her shocked face. "Did you?" she nodded hastily.

"Yes." Wufei sighed and continued.

"Do you know how it feels to live without you? Every single day, not being able to talk to you, to see you, to hold you. Knowing that I'll never be able to do those things again?" Rei lowered her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to worry about me," she said simply, but sadly.

"Rei," he said, with disbelief, "I was supposed to worry about you. I loved you, remember?" Wufei sighed again. "Okay, then why didn't you tell somebody else? Serena, anybody?"

"Because it would've gotten back to you!" Rei said in exasperation. "I know that they would've let you know, because they're kind like that!"

"Well, we could've helped you!" he shouted back. "The whole 'suffering in silence' bit doesn't help anyone." Rei scoffed.

"Oh, that is so rich coming from you!" she cried back. "Well, if that's your belief, one would've thought you'd have told Heero and the others about Merian by now."

"That is none of their concern," Wufei replied, his voice trembling with suppressed anger.

"Oh, so you don't think I would've thought the same thing?" she countered. Wufei looked at her, hurt in his eyes.

"I don't know which was more painful," he said, his voice barely audible. "Merian died in my arms, I saw her take her last breath. Or hearing that you killed yourself the night I wanted to propose to you. I loved the both of you beyond compare." His first tears fell silently, and he seemed oblivious to them. "Why?" he asked, looking at her, searching for an answer. Rei's face contorted and she enveloped Wufei in a warm, tight embrace.

"I didn't want to, you know," she whispered. "I didn't want to do it." He felt her tears on his bare chest. Soon, he heard her sob.

"Shh," he said through his own tears and kissed the top of her head. He returned the hug. "Hush, baby, it's going to be okay." Funny how he was comforting her when she should be the one comforting him. "Shh…"

"I love you…" she whispered. He stroked her hair.

"Me too. Aishiteru, Rei," he muttered back. They stood like that for a while, in the light of the stars and moon. She soon pulled away.

"I have to go now… but I want you to remember something," Rei said. Standing on her tip-toes she whispered:

*Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me*

He looked down and she was gone. Wufei was alone, once again.

*Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire*

 

The light was harsh, unforgiving. Wufei cracked open his eyes and groaned. He was still in his living room, he had fallen asleep in his armchair.

"Oh Father, God," he moaned, rubbing his eyes. He was stumbling across the room when his foot hit something small. It skittered across the room, before coming to stop at one of the dining table's legs. He picked up the velvet box and everything came back with startling clarity. Him drinking, lavender perfume, Rei. His voice raising, her voice raising, the hurt and pain in the room. Then the love and comfort as they held each other and cried like a pair of children. Then her strange message. And it all became clear. Perfectly clear.

*From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire*

He slipped on a shirt and some shoes before racing out of his apartment. He hadn't thought about it before but it made sense. The beach. Where they first met. As usual, it was Serena's doing. She decided that her friends and Heero's friends should meet. Everyone had hit it off—expect the two of them. They had left that evening with nothing but animosity toward each other.

But the others had seen something they hadn't. For the next few weeks the other eight (Heero, Trowa, Quatre and Ami had barely tagged along) had tried every single hook-up trick in the book. Until one night, with no assistance from their friends, they had run into each other at La Mer, a restaurant by the same beach. That night had cinched it, and as they walked along the beach together that night, they had shared their first kiss. The others still took credit for it. Wufei was all for setting them straight, but Rei had insisted they let them remain blissfully ignorant. In the end, he agreed.

Wufei also realized something as he walked along the boardwalk. He was no longer feeling cold or angry. He had forgiven Rei.

*Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me*

He looked out onto the pure, calm sea. The waters were a beautiful, turquoise blue. Much like it had been that day. He still remembered how she looked when he first saw her that day. A red tankini and a wide-rimmed, red straw hat. Her hair was plait in two pigtails that fell past her shoulders to her waist. Laughing at a joke Mina had just told. He knew Cupid had just claimed a new victim at that time—him. But he wasn't ready. She reminded him of Merian, beautiful, strong, passionate Merian. He soon discovered that this Rei-person was just like that as well. And it had scared the hell out of him. So he had put up the protective barrier, aka, the asshole mood.

                  That night at La Mer, he didn't know what had happened. She looked purely stunning in the white, linen wrap dress, almost angelic. There were no other tables available, so they had to share one. This was because neither of them were willing to give up a wonderful meal like this, knowing the other person would benefit. He found she wasn't as bad as he had made her out to be, and he could tell she was thinking the same about him. The rest is history, as they say.

                  Looking out onto the sea's beautiful surface, Wufei found himself totally at peace since Rei's death. He was wrapped up in memories of their times together. Only this time, they brought a smile to his face, instead of tears. 

Thank you, Rei.

*Please remember me
Please remember me...*

 

Yes, um, I enjoyed writing this very much. This has to be the most romantic thing I've ever written, well, without being overtly sappy, that is.  Thank you for all the kind reviews. I'll do a sequel with Serena, I'm working on it at this present moment.

Oh, to Megami, of course I don't mind! You probably did a much better job than I did, anyway. Thank you, again.