Title: Is it Okay to Feel This Way?

Author: Zipporah

Genre: Humor/Parody/Romance ; too many pairings to name

WARNINGS: Contains EXCESSIVE SLASH! By excessive, I mean EXCESSIVE. By SLASH, I mean boys romantically involved with boys and girls romantically involved with girls. Consider yourself WARNED.

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. I am using them without the knowledge or consent of their owners. I am making no money.

Author's notes: Thank you, Corpruga, for looking this over, and huge thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapters. To be honest, this never would have been finished without that incentive.



The morning of January first, mere days after a frightened Ron Weasley had come out to his stunned but mostly supportive family, dawned just as beautifully and gaily as it ever did for the family that lived in the Burrow. As far as the eye could reach out the window, there was white. Snow covered hills and plains stretched as far as the eye could see, broken only by a shining frozen lake in the distance. The icicles drooped broodingly, aloof from their surroundings, glinting silver in the sunlight. Despite it's being winter, birds and squirrels chirped and chatted lazily in the post-dawn morning (they stayed through the winter because the Burrow's residents always had a spare bite for them to eat), and sleepy lovers' voices murmured through the cozy house by way of fire grate and ventilation. The scene was soon to be shattered, of course, because seven of the house's nine residents were leaving that morning, to return to school or work.

Ron, one of those soon to be returning to the halls of Hogwarts and the second term of his sixth year, was the last and most reluctant to wake. There were three completely independent and intimately related reasons for this: The first was that Ron was not eager to face his family, who were still a little confused and disappointed at the revelation of his abnormal sexual tendencies. The second was that with school came the other students, and now that he had come to terms with his sexuality, he would have to admit his leanings to his soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend Neville - and things could get messy. Finally, and most simply, he had no desire to end his current dream which featured prominently the witch of his fancy in form fitting robes dispensing frequent sexy come-hither glances in his direction. But all good things must end eventually, and it was for this reason that Ron eventually found the strength to rouse himself, pack, dress, and descend the stairs to greet his family for breakfast.

In the kitchen, he was greeted with the same strained voices and falsely cheerful faces that had been his welcome to the world of the waking since he had come out, a mere three days past. He ate mostly in silence, and with no little bit of self-consciousness, because his twin brothers couldn't seem to stop frowning at his choice of apparel. Ron couldn't see what was wrong with it, himself - he had always thought that baggy blue jeans and a loose t-shirt with cut sleeves was a comfortable and presentable statement to make to the public. Equally, he couldn't have told what his brothers could possibly have against it, it was almost the exact thing worn by his sister Ginny, and they never sized her up like that. And even Percy wore jeans and a t-shirt sometimes, never mind that they were black straight leg jeans and a skin tight t-shirt. Ron lacked the perceptive inclination to pick up on such slight differences.

**********

After the discouraging start to his day, it was with a heavy heart that Ron made his way with his family to platform 9 3/4, where at once he was met with the sight of snogging!Harry'n'Draco (he didn't know, and considered that he was probably happier not knowing, why Harry hadn't been at Hogwarts, and where he had been instead) and butch!Hermione, who after a brief "Hello," abandoned him in favor of Ginny. The sheer normalcy of the scene was almost too much for Ron, but he was fortunately reminded of his life's recently acquired touch of the surreal by his family's abnormally restrained farewell. Ginny, of course, didn't go for the touchy-feely goodbyes, but usually there were plenty of hugs and tears between him and his brothers. While the change in routine didn't seem to trouble Hermione or Ginny unnecessarily, it was unfortunate for Ron that Draco and Harry did notice and devote their combined mental powers to the unnatural scene until such a time as the rest of the clan was out of earshot, at which point they pounced on Ron for information - which he promised to provide, later when they were alone on the Express.

As Ron had anticipated, and even counted on, "later on the Express" never came to be. His two sets of friends immediately set out to find their favorite "private" spots, leaving Ron with nothing to do but contemplate their folly, and his own secret and socially unacceptable crush. Hermione and Ginny were openly making out in the next compartment, and no one was dumb enough to disturb the tough looking girls, with a tougher reputation to go with. Although they were not as audible from his current locale, he would bet money that Harry and Draco were in the mens' toilet three down from the prefects compartment, enthusiastically... enjoying themselves. He, personally, didn't see the attraction. That particular restroom was a tad too much like muggle airplane bathrooms were rumored to be - crazy, daring, and reckless enough for fantasy, but altogether too cramped, public, and stupid for reality. Given the choice, he'd really prefer to think about the gently rounded hips and bosom of the beautiful witch of his dreams, one -

The train's whistle sounded and Ron hurriedly changed into his robes before the train stopped and the doors opened to reveal the cheery, snow-covered grounds of Hogwarts. Upon disembarking, Ron met with a flustered and slightly disheveled Harry and Draco (come straight from the fourth carriage exit), and an equally flustered and disheveled Dean and Seamus, come straight from the Gryffindor common room. Absently, Ron noticed that Neville was no where to be found. Feeling guilty, but nonetheless relieved, he decided not to enquire of the others as to his boyfriend's whereabouts. Instead, he smiled at his friends in greeting, and proceeded with them back to the castle for one last afternoon of break.

**********

In large part because "later on the Express" never came to be, later in the day Ron found himself cornered by Harry and Draco in the sixth year Gryffindor boys' dormitory, confessing everything. The response was everything he could have hoped not for. "You're what?!?" asked a perplexed and slightly stupefied Harry.

"Screw that," Draco glanced at his boyfriend. "YOUR WHAT?!?!" he asked Ron. Not that Draco was concerned, of course - but Harry's best friend being straight, or even worse, publically straight, could have drastic consequences for Harry's image, or even his own. Besides, he didn't want Harry infected with any... straight germs. Not that he believed in such things, but... better safe than sorry.

"Ron," began Harry gently, "Have you really thought about the implications on your lifestyle, considered -"

"- CONSIDERED YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FRIENDS' FRIENDS, WHAT -"

"- what such a decision could mean for your career -"

"- CAREERS, HARRY'S CAREER, MY -"

"- my confidence in you remains as strong as ever, but your -"

"- YOUR UTTER STUPIDITY MAKES ME THINK -"

"- think maybe I should fetch Hermione -"

"- GRANGER WILL KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS!"

And they stalked off, much to Ron' relief. That had gone over rather better than he expected, he supposed. Harry had stuck by him (in a manner of speaking) which was really what counted. As for Draco, well, he was always sort of a fair weather friend, anyway. And that meant he only had to listen to one other friend's perspective, which could wait until dinner.

A menacing voice was heard from the stairway, ruining Ron's plan. Never mind that this was the boy's wing, there was no mistaking that it was Hermione on the stairway. Ron concentrated on what she was saying. "Ron Weasley, if this is your idea of a joke..." She swung open the door, stalked in, and one look at her bet friend told her that no, this probably wasn't a joke. And if it was, well then, the joke was on the youngest Weasley himself because as far as she was concerned, his voice, expression, posture, attire, manner, position, location, and attitude all clearly cried out "STRAIGHT!" to anyone who was looking. In short, weather he knew it or not, Ron was definitely into girls.

And really, thought Hermione, there was no point in banging your head against a brick wall. Drastic times, she decided, called for drastic measures. "There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals," she seriously informed Ron. "Techniques have been developed that might allow you to change if you really want to. Have you considered aversion therapy?"

Baffled, Ron shook his head. Hermione continued. "I'll have to find you a therapist -"

"But do be careful," broke in a concerned Harry, "to get someone... appropriate. I mean, could you really trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Wouldn't he or she be inclined to suggest to you his or her own leanings?"

"Good point, Harry," Hermione applauded. "And it's a good thing you came to get me. No offence," she added quickly, "but you gay men really can't keep your heads in a crisis. Don't worry, Ron," she continued, blissfully unaware of the dark looks sent her way by Harry and Draco, or of Dean and Seamus entering the room. "We'll have you cured in no time."

"Cured?" asked the notoriously hyperactive and gossipy Irish... Irish... Irishman. "What's got Ron?"

"Ron -" Harry began delicately, only to be interrupted by his impatient boyfriend.

"Ron thinks he's straight," Draco finished.

"Correction," Hermione intoned, "Ron IS straight. But were helping him change that. Changing is a difficult but ultimately rewarding process -"

"STRAIGHT?" asked the normally quiet and decorative Dean, as he moved to block Ron from anyone in the hallway. Couldn't have it getting out, that one of the sixth year Gryffindor boys was a... a...

"Straight?" came a timid voice from the hallway. Everyone looked up and blushed. It was Neville. "What's wrong with being straight?"

Everyone blushed some more. Hermione cleared her throat heavily. Draco coughed delicately. Seamus gigged nervously. Dean fidgeted guiltily. Harry looked down ashamedly.

Neville stared them all down. "There's nothing wrong with being straight," he clarified. "My grandmother would be horrified if she raised a heterophobic grandson. I know it seems weird to some of you, but perhaps you'd be surprised to learn that only 11% of the world is gay? That means that 89%, the majority, is straight. And I know what it's like for them, a little. My brother is straight, and believe it or not, so were my parents."

When no one made any move to unblock the bed, Neville used his new physique (new since fifth year) to push through the assembled students, and on the bed he found admittedly the last person he'd expected - his boyfriend, Ron. "RON?!?!" he yelled. Ron flinched, and Neville winced himself in sympathy. He figured Ron had probably been yelled at a lot already.

Neville considered his options. By far the most attractive one was to break down on the spot and cry for a bit, and he let a single tear slowly make it's way down his face in preparation. A nice hysterical screaming fit was a close second he tightened his throat and opened his mouth slightly, so he was ready to begin at any second. But the drama queen he was at heart ultimately won out, and Neville decided it would be the most fun to shock everyone in the room (and anyone who might be following along) with something a little more outstanding and unanticipated. He gathered his composure, gathered Ron in his arms, and told the shaking body that was trying in vain to move away from him, "It's okay. I was in love with Justin Finch-Fletchly, anyway. Didn't he just break up with Ernie McMillan? I've been thinking he should for a while - that boy is just dull. Justin deserves someone much better."

Everyone stared. Ron's mouth dropped open, revealing that he had forgotten to brush his teeth that morning. Neville decided it was a good thing that Ron was his ex - he didn't like kissing people with morning breath. He left that to the less fastidious, like Ginny, and Cho.

"So," Neville continued as if there was nothing out of the ordinary, and his boyfriends announced that they were actually straight every day. "Who's the lucky girl?"

Ron blushed, but answered anyway. Head hidden in his hands, he whispered, "Pansy Parkinson..."

Neville threw his across the bed so fast, one would think he had either cooties or straight germs. "Pansy? Pansy Parkinson? PANSY PARKINSON? You left me for HER?!? She," he looked as if it hurt to say it. "She... SHE wears BLUE with ORANGE!!" All of the gentlemen present began to look sick.

"So?" asked Ron, mightily confused. "It makes her legs look long..."

Hemione shook her head at Ron while all of the other boys in the room exchanged horrified glances. Well, all but one. Draco had passed out on the floor. Harry quietly placed him on the nearest bed, then ran to the bathroom to throw up. Dean, Seamus and Neville weren't far behind him.

Ron flopped back on his bed, content to contemplate Pansy's behind and leave the mysteries of color-coordination to his friends. Really, it seemed like an awfully painful thing to think about, as far as he was concerned...