She awoke on a kitchen floor that was littered in papers and odd assortments of objects. Candle wax dripped from the nearby stove and onto the crudely tiled floor. Everything about her seemed chaotic even in the dim light.
"Where am I?" Ariel asked herself, "and what am I doing here?" She felt like she'd already asked herself that once in her life although she did not remember the reason or the circumstances. It was a memory that had been there once and could not be remembered. Had it ever been there? She proceeded to ponder this statement. She was still dazed and confused to the point that she would not have recognized her own face in the mirror (which was highly likely at this present time). At that moment something jutted her in the side and she winced in pain as she felt the stinging sensation leek up her spine. She turned and there was Gimli's ax bloodied and bearing the stench of orcs. Ariel felt herself become lightheaded at the sight of the fresh blood that dripped onto the white kitchen floor. Who would have guessed? White? That too brought back memories from some unknown dream or wild fancy that she thought she'd endured once upon a time. A sudden realization came to her.
"Why! I am at home," she breathed wondering faintly why she didn't recognize the place. The white walls encircled the small kitchen and the white tiled floor bringing a dull life that had been deceived for a dream to reality.
She sighed and nodded her head in recognition. She would have to do the laundry and then mop the floor. Why had she left the stove on? These thoughts protruded from her mind and into the stiff air the encompassed the dully light room. Her voice was high and drifted as though a breeze had been there. It did not fit the ambience of the placid area.
She laid her head back onto the floor only to realize that someone already occupied the space.
"Trisana?" Ariel said with a mixture of surprise and astonishment in her voice.
"Yes?" said her friend gravely when she looked upon Ariel's concerned features, "what troubles you so?"
"Nothing," she replied onto her friend. She tried to allude to everything that had happened in the past but she could not. For the first time in her life she'd actually imagined something other than her own guilty pleasures of life. But once more did it hurt her tired mind and she ceased to consider the matter for longer than worthwhile. Everything at that present time was too hard and her motivation had reached its edge. She no longer yearned to fathom the minds of which she could not understand so she yielded and shunned those unknown enigmas. It perplexed her for the first time and she was know undergoing a stage that very few go through in their sheltered lives.
"Oh! Life!" she hastened to a thought that did not need to be contemplated at that point in time, "is but a walking shadow full of sound and furry! A poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more." She cowered under the weight that pressed against her sides and her chest heaved to an unsteady beat. She could not circumvent the new rivalry that included only her. A battle was being fought right then and there between a mixed group of feelings and contemplations.
She doubled up and reeled in cold furry, her heart rate pulsing through her body as she recoiled and swung again at an intangible object that did not exist. It was her dreams, her passions; her concerns all enveloped in this tiny ball of hope that would not unwind did come forth but yet again too abruptly and too unknowingly for her or the fear that she required to live.
A far off voice came to her lodged brain that was still trying not to contemplate the theories that she was discussing before amidst the futile swings into an unknown and unreachable goal. She exhaled and her face burned up. She had almost forgotten to breath. Her breath was strangled by the ever-pressing foe.
It was only a dream, all of it. Nothing was true she assured herself, as she lay half asleep on the floor of the kitchen trying to recall exactly what she was doing there.
"Ariel, are you ok?" Trisana butted in disturbing her deep moment of silence, "I wasn't sure what was happening."
"I am confused Trisana," Ariel murmured more to herself than her friend.
"Well, that's a first, rightly said. At least you can admit to such defeat," said Trisana facetiously, "now, what do you propose we have for snack?"
"There should be some crackers in the pantry," Ariel replied in a muffled voice. The attrition she was bound to was now wearing in the progressive atrophy in her mind. She never even knew that she was bound such power that could consume her so readily till now.
"That isn't enough to feed the rest," Trisana went on in a worried tone till she ventured on, "what do you suppose we do?"
"Who is 'the rest' may I ask?" Ariel said with half interest as she dug her face deeper into her arms, trying to rid the throbbing pain in her head.
"Well, you know, the rest, everyone else who came," she replied to the befuddled Ariel. Her friend now looked her with confusion clearly marked on her brow and her head swarmed in a series of menacing thoughts with no set pattern.
It was at that precise moment that Sam walked in complaining about the lack of good food. Neither of the girls paid him any heed. He had no command of presence even when he was sneaking into secret meetings where his fat little nose did not belong.
"Well, I say! A good draught of ale would do me fine right about now," he replied.
"Aww a good bit of love would too but no one gives you that do they?" Trisana replied with apathy.
He looked dejectedly at her but she made no motion or hindrance to take back her insult.
"Well, I figure we can always go out for a bite to eat then? I see no harm in that," Trisana stated while looking at the rest of the starving fellowship who had just entered the room.
"Oh, and no one will find it strange that a bunch of funny looking medieval clad men walking into a McDonald's?"
"Ariel, you are so unvigilant!" Trisana cried in response to her statement, "have you not read these papers? The ones that are all over the floor. They are of us! Someone knew we were in Middle-earth all along! If someone's been writing our story then there would have to be a way to go into a restaurant without being looked at strangely. The writer wouldn't be that mean as to make us starve would she or he or it?"
Ariel gazed at her in astonishment, not believing her and again, not understanding everything that was coming out of her mouth.
"So we can go to Burger King then? Or eat Chinese food or order pizza?"
"You bet your lucky bottom!" She cried with glee and went to get the car keys to her lovely rundown VW bug.
"We are going on a field trip guys!" they said as they tried to stuff eight people including themselves into the car, which proved rather difficult. They had made Sam run behind because he needed to burn some calories anyway.
So now, with eight other men in the car including Ariel and Trisana, they were off on their adventure to the health food store seeing as Trisana was a vegetarian and seemingly forgot that fact on the way there.
"So we're going to celebrate at the health food store! I am so longing for good old tofu cheese lasagna!" Ariel cried in bliss.
"I thought you didn't like tofu? Or lasagna as a matter of fact," Trisana questioned to her friend.
"Well, I don't but I do now! Oh, by the way, what are we celebrating?" Ariel asked after her tofu spasm.
"We need to celebrate?"
"Yes, of course! That is what we always do when we go to the health food store."
"How about the fact that we screwed up Tolkien's masterpiece? Or the fact that Amery's dead and Boromir isn't? Or how about the fact that we are actually thinking for once in our lives? Or how about the fact that all of Middle-earth is falling down beneath the evil dark scary forces of Saruman while we engage in petty quarreling over what we should celebrate?" Trisana said with little dignity in her high voice.
"All four of course!" Ariel said acting as though very pleased with herself.
They got to the health store where they would celebrate the fact that they made everything on their planet and Middle-earth askew by the imbalance of what had previously been done. But, in the check out line, the fellowship began to fuss and complain and rant and rave till at length Ariel was forced to take them all out. Of course, that was before she had to show all of the how to use the 'waste receptacle' and there was a detailed discussion on the use the urinator. Then lastly, they discussed why no male specimens could go into the women's bathroom even if elves and dwarves weren't considered men. When they had finished their talk on urination and how to do it properly, Trisana left them all to do their business although she would have loved to make sure Legolas had the right idea and was not confused.
When they had finished the need to go, they came out only to realize that Ariel was still in line trying to pay for the groceries. So Trisana decided to teach them a game. They went outside and began to play a version of duck, duck goose in the parking lot.
"Orc, orc, orc, cave troll!" Trisana said as she, for the seventh time, tagged Legolas. He got up and ran like a maladroit incompetent orc till she sat back down in his spot. Yes, he did let her win if you are wondering. He began now and tapped each person on the head, skipping over Sam of course.
"Orc, orc, orc, orc, orc, orc, orc, orc….orc, orc, orc, orc, orc, orc, goblin!" Legolas cried as he tapped Trisana on the head before running once more like a maladroit incompetent orc while she tagged along at his heels before she tagged him and he was in the stone of Orthanc again for the sixth time that game. This pattern continued even after the company grew tired of the game. Finally Ariel came out with groceries and the key to the car in hand. Gimli got up to help her not to be nice but to get away from the lovesick couple, Legolas and Trisana, who were now giggling like boisterous rabid cave trolls.
"Thank you dear," she said while he took two bags under each arm while she unlocked the car and threw the twenty million groceries into the tiny little trunk, having to tie bungee-cords to get it closed so as not to let the spinach tumble out.
"Now we are ready? We must go back to the stronghold once again, every able-bodied man into the car!" and with that she jumped into the drivers seat and cranked the stereo up as high as possible. All the rest clambered into the car while she started to sing in her lovely off key voice:
I heard there was a secret cord that David played and it please the lord but you don't really care for music do you?
It goes like this the forth the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift! The baffled king composes, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah…
Maybe there is a god and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.
It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah…
And she sang till even Sam, who didn't have the slightest idea about singing on key in the first place was clutching his ears trying to rid the sound of the dying bovine cat.
"Please," they all wailed in reprimand to her misunderstood and underestimated singing ability, "please refrain! Abstain and desist at once!"
"Your words mean nothing to me!" she said with dignity realizing few appreciated such wonderful and majestic a voice as hers', "do not be so quick to find petty faults in me. I can so easily see above them! You shall digest the venom in your spleen." She said this with as much dignity as she could muster and she looked at herself with silent praise. No, she didn't know what it meant but it was a good enough insult to shut the rest of them up while she continued to sing in her off-key voice with no harmony rhythm or melody:
Maybe I've been here before, I know this room,
I know this floor; I used to live alone before I knew you.
It's not a cry you can hear at night,
It's not somebody who's seen the light,
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.
Ok, people, please tell me what you think about this. I know it's probably not as original as some people would like it to be and I did try to make it funny or as funny as I could but my 'sunny side of life' has worn off at the present moment. I am not in the mood to be flamed right now especially because I'm not one to take criticism lightly. I do warn you that if you flame me then I would strongly suggest beware for I will most likely flame you back. And my most predominant way of doing that is by putting you in my story and letting you meet a tragic death like that of Amery Dias. Perhaps later when I am in higher spirits you can flame me but not at present. And if you do have this overwhelming urge to flame me do tell me what I can work on, what parts were good, what parts sucked and a detailed explanation of why you were dissatisfied and loathed it so much. By the time you right this essay-long explanation, you will probably find it not worthwhile on behalf of both of our time. I am sorry if I don't measure up to those high standards you people think you have over me but I am only a carpenter! I mend old soles and I walk around to celebrate the victory over Pompey's blood not in earnest but to get myself into more work. And yes, I am being as smart of an ass as I can at the moment. Oh, by the way, I strongly suggest you read Madame Blueberry's piece entitled "Alka Seltzer is Dangerous". She is feeling rather low at the present time and I would like it if you all cheered her up by giving her a warm, welcome review. And no, she's not really on that much medication, only a little dose every two to three hours.
