Get Back: Epiphany
By Alyssa
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, the lovely people at NBC do.
The first part of the Title is a name of Beatles Song. The second part is from a Staind song.Parts of their lyrics will be in the story. You really have to know the tune of them to get the full effect.
This is a continuation of 'The Weak Link' series.

Previously:
Dave an Jing Mei were trapped in an elevator, but came out with minor injuries. Jing Mei tried to tell him she loved him.

Thanks to all my readers and the people who E-mail me. Especially Kelley! (again!)

There is a little swearing, but not much.
NOTE: I'm assuming Legaspi still works at County

Dave awoke a second time, but this time it was his alarm clock and not the phone ringing, that brought him to reality. He briefly wondered if the whole phone call was a dream created by some inner desire in him. He had realized, a while before Jing Mei, that he truly loved her; and he so desperately wanted Jing Mei to love him as much and he loved her; but deep inside he knew that if she did it would ruin him. He could never be good enough for her.... and eventually he would disappoint her...... or hurt her.... eventually he would ruin everything. Someday she would hate him and would leave him. And that he knew he could not handle. So he was going to do what he had always done, what had always worked out for him, he was going to run.

His head was throbbing too much with the pain of his hangover to dwell on the subject very long, and he soon put it out of his head. Dave rolled over in his bed and groaned, 'G_d, how much did I have to drink?" He asked himself. The only relief to his hang over was his peace of mind. Today had the promising of any other day. He would somehow luck his way through both his meetings, and come home only to wake up the next morning and go to work. Work was his only constant, the only thing in his life that made sense, and work would never hurt him.

The fact that he had to get to the hospital to meet with Weaver began to chip away at his delicate state. He knew he should care about what he looked like and if he would arrive on time; but he didn't. Dave got out of bed, still dressed in yesterday's clothes. He moved slowly towards his medicine cabinet in the bathroom, and searched feverishly for the aspirin. He quickly downed two without the aid of water, and closed his eyes, waiting for the relief. When it didn't come immediately he grew frustrated, and as he looked at his reflection in the mirror he thought, 'G_d, I look terrible'. He moved over to the shower and turned on the cold water, praying for mercy from the hangover. He got out of the shower, and glared at the clock contemptuously; it was already 11:20 and he had to be leaving soon.

He searched in his closet for a clean shirt and pair of jeans, and was relieved when he found one of each. Why he bothered he wasn't even sure. Lately he didn't care what anyone thought of him; everyone already knew he was weak. He pulled on the clothes lazily, still acutely aware that he smelled of alcohol; it was seeping from his pores. 'Chief should love that', he thought as he headed for the door. As he locked the door he considered, flippantly, calling a cab; but decided the fresh air would do him good.

The bike ride to the hospital was considerably refreshing, and when he finally locked his bike to the bike rack he felt awake for the first time that morning. He looked at his watch and found it was 11.56. He smiled at himself; he had made it on time.

~~~
'Cause I can't take anymore
Of this, I want to come apart,
or dig myself a little hole inside
your precious heart
~~~

Weaver and Mark were waiting for him in the conference room
"Good morning Malucci." Kerry greeted.
"Hey." Dave answered casually. He made his way towards a seat that was obviously for him and sat down heavily.
"How have you been lately?" Kerry asked as she looked at Mark, who was also wearing a concerned look on his face. Kerry didn't think that she had ever seen Dave look worse, he even looked worse than after his suicide attempt. At first glance, it was easily noticed that he was thin and had dark circles under his eyes, not to mention the acrid smell of alcohol he seemed to be carrying with him.
"I'm fit to see a patient if that's what you mean." Dave answered, failing to look either of them in the eye.
"Oh, I don't doubt that Malucci. I just want to know how you've been." Kerry articulated.
"Fine." Dave answered, already bored with the question.

"We wanted to have this discussion with you on your first day back, but then you got stuck in the elevator. We just need to go over a few things." Kerry stated.
"Shoot." Dave responded, just shy of comical.
"When I called you last night you were pretty drunk Dave, do you feel up to understanding what is being said here?" Kerry asked bluntly.
"Yes." Dave answered, 'why wouldn't I be?'
"How long have you been drinking like that?" Kerry asked
"My personal life is really not the issue is it?" Dave asked defensively.
"No, we're just worried about you." Kerry responded.
"I'm sure you are." Dave said, his voice cold and hard, like his eyes. "I've never come to work drunk, and I never will; so you don't have to worry about it."
"You know why we had to suspend you right?" Mark asked, speaking up for the first time.
"Yeah." Dave answered.
"So you know what you did was wrong, and you won't do it ever again?" Kerry asked. Dave nodded, he didn't want to speak in fear he would let out a yawn.
"You don't seem to enthusiastic." Mark stated.
"Well, it's not like I'm expecting presents. I just want to get back to work." Dave countered.
"Fair enough." Kerry started. "These are the conditions we want you to start off with. No major traumas for a while. Stick to regular patients and cases. Any bursts of violence and there will be repercussions. Is that understood?" Kerry asked.
Dave nodded. No traumas, so what? He could handle that. At least for a while.
"And you have to have counseling sessions with Dr. Legaspi on a regular basis. If she feels that you need any specialized counseling, say like alcohol counseling, you must go. You also must provide proof of all the counseling you're in. I don't expect Dr. Legaspi to tell me what you say, but she will confirm that you are attending. If you have to go to specialized counseling, documentation for that must be provided too. We will also be asking whether you are cooperating, and again anything of any detail will be confidential. Are we clear?" Kerry asked.
"Yep." Dave retorted.
"Are you upset, Dave?" Mark asked.
"Well, I don't like being accuse of being an alcoholic. So, no, I guess I'm not too happy." Dave snapped.
"Dave are you willing to abide by these terms of not? They are not negotiable." Mark countered.
"I said I'll do it and I will." Dave answered aggressively. He was getting worked up, and he knew it.
"You also have to have all your cases reviewed by an attending, before the patient is discharged." Kerry added. "And we reserve the right to add conditions at anytime."
"Well, that sounds like fun." Dave replied shortly. Kerry slowly slipped him a piece of paper to sign, stating he agreed. With out formal goodbye's they dismissed him to his counseling session.

~~~
Your words to me just a whisper
Your faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

'Cause it's always raining in my head
~~~

Dave sat in a very comfortable chair in Legaspi's office. He was slouching heavily and finding more interest in the ceiling pattern than in their conversation.
"Why did you hit your step father?" Kim asked.
"I guess I was mad." Dave answered.
"What made you mad?" she pressed forward.
"It was something he said, I don't quite remember." He answered evasively.
"How do you feel about the upcoming trial with Mr. Mason?" Kim asked.
"I guess I'm a little anxious. I want everything to go right." He answered. Kim wasn't satisfied with his answers, and Dave wasn't enjoying her questions. A moment of silence stretched out. Kim stared at Dave attentively, but he continued to look at the ceiling.
"If you're not going to willingly talk, I don't see why we're are having this meeting, perhaps you could come back when you feel like cooperating." Kim finally announced.
"I don't see why I have to be here either, but if I leave I can't practice medicine, so here I am." Dave responded harshly.
"Why don't you just talk to me and this will go a whole lot faster." Kim suggested.

Dave started to crack, and he realized it. He decided that if there was going to be a hole in the dam, it might as well be a big one. "What do you want me to say?" He asked loudly, finally fed up; he straightened in his chair. "That I hate my step father? That I hate my mother and father for leaving me alone with that prick? That I hate Mr. Mason and everyone like him? That I'm not satisfied with my job, or myself, or my life?!?" He was now on his feet and pacing around the room, turning every once in a while to direct what he was saying to her. "How about how I can't commit? Or that I'm actually afraid to get involved with someone? Do you want me to dwell into that? How about how the only reason my coworkers notice me is because I attempted suicide? What about the fact that I wish every day that I had been successful? Do you want me to talk about that? Huh?!?" Dave exclaimed zealously.

Kim could see that he was close to loosing control. "Dave, calm down. Why don't we pick a topic and we can talk about it during out next meeting?" She suggested.
"I don't WANT to TALK to YOU!" Dave screamed. "Not about anything or anyone. You can't help me…."
Kim stared at him unflinchingly. "Okay Dave, that's enough for one day. I think you can go home now." she said calmly. Dave suddenly calmed down and turned to her again.
"So what are you going to tell Weaver? Are you going to tell her that I'm a nut? What will you classify me as, huh? Are you going to take my career away?" Dave asked, clearly more then a little perturbed.
"No Dave, I'm going to tell her that you came to your appointment and we discovered several topics that we can discuss. I'll also tell her I don't see any reason why you cannot return to work tomorrow." Kim said simply, "Dave, I don't expect miracles, and I know this isn't easy for you. It will take time. Just be patient."
"Yeah… right." Dave agreed softly. "Thanks." He finally managed; he wouldn't be getting fired today.
"Before you thank me," Kim began, "No drinking tonight if you have to work tomorrow, and no drinking for 24 hours before our next appointment. If you come into my office smelling like alcohol again, I will cancel the appointment and inform Kerry. If you fail to comply with these rules, I will terminate you from counseling and you will be asked to resign from County."
"Okay." Dave said, clearly embarrassed. "I'm sorry… about my temper." He forced. He didn't know why he was suddenly acting like this, but it must have been Legaspi; she WAS a psychologist.
"I expect that it will probably happen again." Kim interrupted him. "Make an appointment for next Tuesday, for an hour." She instructed as she walked him to the door. Dave nodded his agreement.
"If you need to talk before then, here is my pager. Use it anytime."
"Sure." Dave replied as he stepped from her office.
.
~~~
So I speak to you in riddles because
My words get in my way. I smoke the
Whole thing to my head and feel it
Wash away
~~~


It had taken the cab driver a while to find the Juvenile Court in downtown New York. "I'm not used to driving there. I usually drive uptown; I'm just filling in." He had explained.
"No problem, as long as we get there before it closes." Lenny said from the back seat. Finally they arrived at the Court and Lenny paid the fare and began to walk up the steps. He was playing a hunch. No, he was playing on Lowe's hunch. Lowe had a feeling that they would dig up something about Dr. Malucci here, and Lenny would never question him. He walked up to a leggy blond receptionist and threw her his best smile.
"Hello, I'm Lenny Meyers, I'm a detective from Chicago and I'm researching for a case and I need to find any files on a David Malucci." He explained quickly, deliberately making it sound like he was a cop.
"How long ago was the case?"
"About 12-15 years." Lenny answered.
"Hold on a sec." They secretary murmured. She picked up a phone and dialed a short number. Lenny turned around to study his surroundings while she talked. It was a typical state building, but it was a dignified looking place. He studied the doors as different people came in: a worried looking middle aged brunette, a sad and sulky young man gripping the hand of a young girl, and finally a happy looking courtly man. Lenny was in the process of wondering why they were all here when the secretary got his attention.
"You're in luck, the case was never sealed. I'll have to see your identification, and then I'll get you a copy." She said as she popped a bubble.
"Thank you very much." Lenny smiled broadly as he reached for his wallet, and produced what appeared to be a Chicago Police ID. This was WAY too easy.

Lenny quickly glanced through the file as he waited for a cab. Dave had been arrested and convicted for arson and attempted murder. He was then sent to The Johnson Juvenile Detention Center. So Malucci hadn't lived a crime free life, like he had written. Lowe had been right, and now it was Lenny's job to find out more. A cab pulled up and he got in.
"Where to buddy?" The cabbie asked.
"The Johnson Juvenile Detention Center." Lenny answered.
"What are you going to that hell hole for? Jesus buddy, I hope your kid isn't there." The cab driver said pulling out into traffic.
"Why?" Lenny asked, intrigued.
"That place is worse than some of the state pens. It's where the State keeps the worst of the worst, until they can go to prison. It's a really shitty place, full of murderers and rapists."
"All of them?" This was getting interesting.
"Now, yes. I remember they use to keep other kids there too, you know the less hardened kids, but after a few got hurt, they stopped that. Now it's run just like a prison." The cabbie said.
"Has it always been that violent?"
"Yep, since the day they opened the door." The cabbie answered solemnly.
After about a 30 minute drive, the cab pulled over and Lenny got out.
"You want me to wait for you, buddy?"
"No, I don't know how long this will take." Lenny said paying the fare. Lenny walked to the front doors, he looked around. There were high walls and towers like a prison, and Lenny wondered how Malucci ever survived a place like this. Sure he was a tough enough looking kid, and Lenny was sure that in a fair fight Malucci could more than hold his own, but in a place like this...never.
Lenny walked into the main office and waited for the pretty young red head to get off the phone. When she was done with her conversation she walked over to him.
"Can I help you?" she asked politely.
"Yes, I'm Lenny Meyers. I'm a detective in Chicago and I need to get a file on one of your boys." He said flashing her the fake ID and badge.
"What's the name?" she asked routinely.

"Dave Malucci. He would have been her about 12- 15 years ago."
"Okay hold on, I'll have to go to the records room. It could take about 20 minutes okay?"
"Sure thing." Lenny said sitting down. True to her word, she emerged about 20 minutes later with a thick file.
"If you want a copy of it, you'll have to do it yourself. The copy machine is across the hall." She said handing him the folder.
"No problem." He said. Lenny copied the entire folder and then caught a cab back to the hotel. As soon as he got into his room, he called Mr. Lowe and filled him in.

~~~

The detention center files had been very helpful, it was full of information that Dr. Malucci 'forgot' to mention on the court papers. Not only was Malucci in trouble on the outside, but trouble seemed to follow him inside too. There were notes there stating that he was a quiet kid, small for his age, and he other boys beat him up on a regular basis. About 4 months in, he got into a fight with an older kid and was beat up really bad. Malucci was given 60 days in protective custody. As interesting as it all was but one small fact stood out. Just before Malucci's first anniversary at the detention center, when he was 15, he had been badly injured by some of the other inmates. The nature of the injuries were not mentioned except to say that they were severe enough that Malucci had to removed from the facility and treated at an ER. Lenny had acquired the name of the ER where he had been treated, and would head there tomorrow.

Mr. Lowe chuckled softly. He had sent Lenny up to New York to dig up any files he could find on Dr. Malucci, but even Lowe would never have hoped for these kinds of results. He just hoped Lenny found something at the hospital.

~~~

Providence General Medical Center was a large, ugly building. It was a victim of several renovations and additions that made it look like a mismatched pile of children's toy blocks. Lenny walked through the front doors into a crowded ER. Someone was shouting for an extra nurse, and a lady was wailing that her son needed to be seen. As he walked up to the main desk, Lenny wondered how anyone could work in an inner city ER.

"Where would I go to get files on someone who was a patient in the ER?" He asked a fatigued receptionist.
"Medical Records. Second floor." She answered before moving away to help someone.
"Thanks." Lenny said to her back.

Lenny walked into the elevator and pushed the button for the second floor. He waited for a short while before the elevator doors opened again to spit him out. He found an information panel on the wall that directed him to the right. He entered what looked like a filing cabinet store. A middle aged woman was sitting at a desk typing on a computer.
"Hello, I'm a detective from Chicago and I need to see all the medical records on Dave Malucci." Lenny said, quickly flashing his badge. Without speaking the woman typed something into the computer. She waited a second and asked.
"Do you want 1981, '82, or '84?"
"All of them please." Lenny answered, following her as she walked over to a specific filing cabinet. She pulled out a file and gave it to him.
"Are you sure these are the only ones?" He asked.
"Yes, here at least. You could check other hospitals. I'll need that back, but you could make copies in that room. Or you can just sit and read it." The woman suggested.
"OK, thanks." Lenny said as he walked to the copy room.

~~~

The ride home wasn't as peaceful for Dave as the ride to the hospital. His meeting with Legaspi earlier had upset him. He had said things to her that he hadn't wanted to say. He had said things that he didn't even knew he thought about himself, and now it was scaring him. He almost rode right through an intersection before a truck honked at him. He stopped immediately, just avoiding falling over his handle bars. He took a deep breath and tried to focus. Everything was going to be alright. He would go to work tomorrow, he would avoid Jing Mei, Mr. Mason would soon be in jail, and Ray would be out of his life. Everything was going to end up all right.

~~~
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than a little boy inside
That cries out for attention,
though I always try to hide
And I talk to you like children,
but I don't know
I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

But it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said.

SAVE ERIK! Sign the petition at http://www.PetitionOnline.com/keeperik/ http://209.185.240.250:80/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=6c8c377b1f7c02d1bc82b7e37f3a0989&lat=997849024&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2ePetitionOnline%2ecom%2fkeeperik%2f Also write them. The addresses are at http://www.vanessaonline.com/docdave/shrine.html
I'm NOT posting the next chapter until I get atleast 5 reviews! :) (seriously though)