Disclaimer: The characters of Final Fantasy VIII belong to Squaresoft. Just to clear up any confusion beforehand, this is Squall's thoughts and not the actual conversation with Laguna.
You left me.
Three simple words but they changed my life forever.
You as in the man who could rival Seifer in being egoistical and moronic. You as in the heartless jerk who broke not one but four……three hearts that looked so towards you. You as in the bastard who left us behind under Matron's care without ever caring to know about our welfare. You as in the toad that leapt at the chance to claim me as your son for your own selfish reasons.
Left as in running away from your true responsibilities to ones that weren't your problems at all. Left as in disappearing from our lives, never to let us know that you were alive and cared for us. Left as in absconding from reality and living in a fantasy while we suffered the consequences.
Me as in the baby whose mother died without ever seeing her husband one last time. Me as in the child who grew up in an orphanage, never knowing that I had a family. Me as in the boy who was left alone when Sis left me without an explanation or an answer. Me as in the lonely teenager who struggled through life alone. Me as in the person who finally found someone who would never let him down unlike the dog that left me until it wanted a new bone.
You left me.
My life was solitary as long as I can remember save for Sis who was always there for me. I know I had Matron and the rest; Quistis, Zell, Selphie, Irvine…hell even Seifer. Although I never accepted them into my life, I know that without them I would not be where I am today. Sis left later but it wasn't her fault. She had no choice. Quistis, Zell, Selphie, Irvine; they left as well. They didn't leave me intentionally. Matron eventually left and all I had left was Seifer. Ironic that of all the people I knew most, my rival was the one that never really left my side throughout my life. You, on the other hand had a choice. You could have chosen to come and get Ellone back and so save me from the hell I went through. But you didn't. And so all rights you had to me was lost from that day you took the other choice.
They all came back in my life although it was much later. Our memories were absorbed by the Guardian Forces we had come to rely on as a necessity to survive. Only Irvine ever remembered and held on to the memories. That day in the ruins of Trabia Garden, he gave us back our memories and the bond between us was cemented. I would never admit it to anyone but a burden was lifted from me. I had found a missing piece in my life. Each of them slowly reentered my life to make it more complete with an additional person.
Rinoa, my salvation. My beautiful angel. It was she who saved me from the waters that I was drowning in. My friends tried to help but only she succeeded. She came into my life and gave me what I have been searching for. She gave me what you bastard can never ever give me.
You left me.
Why should I let you back into my life after all you have done to me? Why should I let you hurt me again when you cannot even my existence until it was too late for you to redeem yourself? Why should I allow you to mess up my life again? You messed it up first and nothing you do will ever set it right. Some mistakes can never be set right. Some things can never be undone. Some words can never be enough.
I'm sorry. I should have come back for you and Ellone. I should have been by Raine's bedside before she died. I should have been the father you needed. That's what you said and more. Damn right you're sorry!
How easy it is for you to say you're sorry. How easy it is for you to say all those I-should-haves. How easy it is to apologize and offer to kiss and make up. How easy it is for you to hurt someone so bad that you wish you could go back to the past to change your mistakes. Well, let me tell you. Try all you want but what you've done has already burned its way through and I'm the scarred victim.
You left me.
Sometimes I think that maybe I can forgive. Maybe I can just forget what happened and pretended it never happened. Sometimes I believe that maybe this is my destiny and nothing can change it. After all, Fate is a whimsical being that can never seem to let up its torture on the poor souls caught in her web of stories. Until I remember that you had a choice to come and get me.
You may be the President of Esthar and a hero in many people's eyes. But you are not the hero in one person's life. Instead, you are the betrayer who turned to the enemy camp, unfaithful to his true calling. You had the chance to be the ultimate hero but instead, you chose to be the ultimate traitor.
I can't believe that I am saying this but I hold Seifer in lower contempt than you. Although you both had choices, at least he was brave enough to continue on with his vain crusade. At least he did not turn tail and came running back, begging for forgiveness. He stood like a man, knowing that he had lost but unwilling to betray his own cause. You however leapt at the opportunity that presented itself and claimed me. How convenient that the President's son is also the world's current hero.
You left me.
Let me make myself clear right now. You can stop trying to make up now. You can stop announcing your sorrows and regrets concerning me. You can stop acting like a little puppy hoping that its master would reward it with a pat. I am not interested in your pleas and denials. I am not interested in what you did for me. I am not interested in how much you want me to forgive you. Because I don't want to ever see you again.
So get this straight. I, Squall Leonhart am no son of you, Laguna Loire.
Notes: Here it is for all of you who wanted a sequel to Regrets of a Father. I also promise that another sequel will be up soon, depicting how Squall and Laguna eventually made up. Don't worry, there won't be too much mushiness (only Rinoa can make Squall mushy. ^_^). Really appreciate all the feedback and would love to know how I did with this one.
