Disclaimer: The characters of FFVIII belong to Squaresoft, not to me. The song Father of Mine belongs to Everclear. Just to warn you all beforehand, I alternate POVs but it shouldn't be too hard to guess which is which. This of course is Squall's (duh!).

Father of mine

Tell me where did you go

You had the world inside your hand

But you did not seem to know

Father of mine

Tell me what do you see

When you look back at your wasted life

And you don't see me

Everclear (Father of Mine)


The wind felt good up here, my hair ruffling slightly in its breeze. I knelt down and closed my eyes. Relax. Don't try to think about anything now. Just let the wind blow my worries away. Just let it blow my thoughts away. Just let me forget about him…damn it! Why must I think of him even while I'm trying to relax? My eyes flew open and I shook my head, hard. Come on, stop thinking about him! Surely he isn't that hard to forget!

I'm sorry. I meant to come back…

I looked down on the ground, ignoring the words that kept on repeating themselves. I don't have time to deal with this.

I meant to come for you and Ellone…

Stare at the ground, at the white stone carved with her name on it. But so is his…

I didn't know this would happen…

Perhaps I should find her maiden name. Ask the locals, she was well-loved. They would be too glad to help you. Carve a new name for her sake, for your sake…

I never meant to hurt you or Raine…

Carve a new name over your heart and forget that you have another.

I wish I could undo all the things that I've done to you…

Forget that you have another life. That you could have had another life…

I hope that you will listen to me and try to understand me…

That you wouldn't be like this if he had come back…

…and maybe one day, you can forgive me.

No! I will never forgive you! Not then! Not now! Not ever!

I slammed my fist down, vaguely feeling it strike something hard. It didn't feel like grass. Grass never felt like this even when the ground was hard. My heart chilled. No! Please don't let me have done this!

I looked at where my fist had landed. A mixture of relief and shame rose up in me. No, it wasn't damaged. It was still whole but the marks on it will never fade as long as the stone is there.

I lifted my head to the sky and closed my eyes.

I'm sorry for doing this. I meant to hit the grass not it. But it doesn't matter. I've erased - even if only for temporarily - the name that let us both down.

I looked again to make sure that it hadn't changed. Yes, it was still there. My blood over her gravestone, covering the accursed name Loire.


It must have been hours that I stooped there, staring at the light-grey marble. I don't know. I lost all track of time when I punched the stone. I just knelt there, staring and staring and staring. Trying to remember the mother I never knew. Trying to forget the man that I wish I never knew. Trying to understand why my life has to be this way.

Its time I went back. Rinoa would worry and imagine all sorts of impossible things that could have happened to me. I don't want this to happen to her. I don't want her to suffer. Not like how I had to. I will love her and be there for her, not like the one that left me. I swear over this grave!

I rose slowly to my feet, conscious of the pain shooting through my legs. Exactly how long have I knelt there and not realized my aching muscles? Dimly, I felt my knuckles throbbing. I brought my hand to my face and stared at the skin that had split when they made contact with the cold granite. Blood that had been flowing freely moments ago - or was it hours ago? I don't remember - were now dried and caked around the wound. It stung but I let it go. A deeper type of ache was burning in my heart. Physical pain could never compare with emotional soreness. It could not wipe away the hurt that bled in you. It merely added to your suffering, reminding you of the other pain that you wanted so much to forget.

Tiredly, I wiped my eyes with my other hand. It felt cold, almost lifeless. I shivered a little, wondering when it had gotten so cold in Winhill. It was only then that I realized that the sun was already setting. I had knelt there for more than two hours, simply staring at the stone. And thinking.

Its time to leave. I had already stayed too long, longer than I said I would. I looked back at the stone with my blood on it and spoke aloud for the first time since I had been there.

I wish I had known you, mother…

"I wish she had known you too."

I turned around, revulsion already rising in me. Him! I closed my mouth and resumed my normal look. Only I wasn't looking with indifference, I was glaring with hate.

He flinched at my look but stayed his ground. How long has he been watching me? Listening to me? But I have only said those seven words so he couldn't know my thoughts. Could he?

"What are you doing here? I saw Rinoa with the Ragnorak back there. She and the other girl - what's her name? - Selphie are waiting for you. They look pretty worried about you. Maybe you should get back to them."

I don't need your questions. I don't need your observations. I don't need your informing me of their situation. I don't need your advice.

I nodded and continued staring at him. No, glowering.

He shifted from one foot to the other. I'm glad I make him feel uncomfortable.

"I…ahh…perhaps should…ummm…come back later. Seeing that you're still busy and all." He turned to leave but my eyes still bore into his back. Clearly, he was afraid of being around me. I'm glad of it. I don't need to be around him so much then.

He was still walking away and I kept on staring after him. My bitterness was overwhelming me. I never felt so much hatred for someone before. But I felt another emotion in me. It was small enough to be considered minor but large enough not to be ignored. It felt strangely like disappointment.

He left me behind once and he is still doing it now.


Notes: Sorry for the late update. One has to been in the mood to write angst. ;) Anyway, I haven't been receiving that many reviews so please if you've been reading and not responding, please do so! I need to know that I'm not wasting my time because I'll be stopping if I am! (thinly disguised threat that! Hehe!) Thanks to all that have been supporting me as I write this! Your reviews meant lots to me!

Oh yes and does anybody know how to bold, italic, enlarge etc font? It doesn't seem to show up which is why I have to resort to other drastic measures. If anybody knows how to deal with this, please tell me!