Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of FFVIII.
Effortless. Too effortless. What once stimulated a rush of adrenaline through my veins now has become a mere way to past the time. And to add more carcasses to the Training Centre grounds.
Frustrated, I slammed my blade into the dying T-Rexaur's gut without even thinking of what I was doing. Crimson blood spurted out and made a pattern on my shirt. Thank Hyne it wasn't my jacket. I had shed it earlier - a thing I rarely do - when the heat of the Training Centre overwhelmed my need for protection.
Protection? Protection from what? Why did I insist so much on covering every part of my body? I looked down at myself. Except for the missing jacket, everything looks much the same as it has always been. White shirt, black pants, three belts, black shoes, black gloves, necklace dangling down my chest…nothing's changed. Then why do I feel so vulnerable, so exposed, so naked?
A rather bright light from my left caught my eye. I was near the Secret Area. I hesitated. Should I…? It's been a while since I've been in there. The last time had been with Rinoa when she wanted to see the Secret Area. It was also the second time that we kissed…
I picked up Lionheart and retrieved my discarded jacket and headed towards the light. Stepping inside - or outside if you prefer - I had to shield my eyes for a while from the brightness. As my eyes adjusted themselves, I noticed that I was alone. I supposed it makes sense that people only come here at night. Gee, I wonder why?
Dropping both jacket and gunblade to the ground, I leaned over the banister and stared into the distance. I could see the whole of Balamb Garden from here; something which I still couldn't understand seeing that this area is a part of it as well.
Why did I ever feel the need to protect myself from any sort of human contact, physical or otherwise? The only part of me that was always left uncovered was my face and everyone knew what happened to it. I lifted my hand and traced a finger down the long, thin scar. Scar. Seifer. I wonder where he is now…
A sudden thought drifted into my head. Actually, it was more of a memory. Strange, I've never remembered it until now. Maybe it was because I honestly didn't care then…
It's not like everyone can get by on their own, you know?
I winced as I remembered my retort to her.
Says who?
Damn fool that I was to think that I could get by on my own. Quistis was right, like she has always been. I couldn't get by on my own.
But I know one person I could get by just fine without…
"Laguna sends a request for SeeD escort and you refused?"
Almost mechanically, my hand went up to my forehead and I spoke in reply to her. "Please just leave me alone now Rinoa."
"Look Squall, I deserve to know the reason why you rejected Esthar's request without even so much as offering a replacement?" I don't need to look at her to know that her hands are on her hips and her eyes are glaring at me.
"Rinoa, you're not Esthar's representative so technically you have no right to demand that." I replied recklessly. I'm probably going to regret this later but I just want to be alone now.
She quieten down but I could feel her eyes boring into my back. I began to shut my mind down before she could attempt to exercise a little of her sorcery again. Safe in my mind, I waited for the first signs of probing.
None came. I waited a little longer.
Still nothing. Has she left already?
Finally I turned to look at her. She was looking at me with a half-amused, half annoyed expression on her face.
"Good. Now that you are looking at me, will you tell me why are you so…tensed?"
I rolled my eyes. Now that's an understatement.
"Squall, why won't you let me in? Why won't you tell me what you're feeling?" Those eyes so full of love and concern. Why haven't I met someone like her earlier? Why couldn't he be more like her? Why am I thinking like this??
"You've been so remote since we've returned from the mission in Esthar. I'm…worried about you, Squall. Am I losing you again?" Her voice broke midway but she managed to finish the sentence without breaking down.
Basic instinct told me to just hug her, embrace her so tightly and tell her that everything was all right. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Fear of betrayal and of being left alone has ruled me for too long. All I could do was to look away, afraid to show her what I feel.
Then a heavy buzzing filled my head. It was all too familiar. I clutched at my head as I stumbled to the floor. Just before the darkness overwhelmed me, I thought I heard Rinoa mutter "Perfect timing". Then I was gone.
Am I Laguna again? Likely. Kiros and Ward are standing next to me so I must be him.
"He won't listen to us at all. Maybe you should try…" Kiros said, looking helplessly at me. Who's 'he'?
"… . . .. ."
"I know, Ward. I know." A feminine voice. Oh. Dear. Hyne!
"He came back from Winhill, looking paler and more withdrawn than I have ever seen. It's obvious he must have ran into the boy. At least he didn't have a black eye this time." Kiros added. Bitterly, I thought.
I would be clenching my fists if I could but her hand was hanging limply by her side. Ellone! Get. Me. Out. Of. Here!
I or rather Ellone shook her head. While I was still trying to make up my mind whether it was for me or for the other two, Ward began gesturing again.
". … . . ."
"I'm curious too, Ellone. Was he ever like this when two were in the orphanage?"
Ellone sighed and I gritted my teeth inwardly. I do NOT like where this conversation was heading.
"No, he was never like this. He used to be so loving. He never left me alone for long, always being with me even if the others were playing outside. He was the sweetest little boy I ever knew."
Kiros snorted and Ward looked bemused.
"Now THAT is hard to believe."
Ellone shook her head again. "It's true. He took really good care of me and always cheered me up even while I was missing Uncle Laguna and Raine." Her voice drifted away. Her words were already making their way into my mind. I was…loving, caring even?
". . . .. . .." From the looks of his face, it must be a question. I wish I have picked up lip-reading.
Ellone's lip was trembling. If I were looking at her instead of out of her, I would probably be seeing her clutching at the end of her shawl. She always did that before her eyes start to tear up. Even when we were younger…
"Ward, she was a child for Hyne's sakes! How would you like it if I told you that I knew who your parents were all along??"
"… .. . ." I could see exclamation marks popping on top of Ward.
"Yes, you knew who your parents were as did I but that's not my point!"
Now I know why Laguna is such a moron other than the obvious fact that he was born one. He had friends that were just like him.
"I…I…wish I had told him now."
Ellone? Ellone!
My vision blurred but I wasn't sure if it was due to her tears or because I was waking up. It was neither.
"I totally agree with you."
This time, Ellone was standing in front of me and coming closer towards me. Coffee-colored hair swung in front of my eyes as I leaned back into my chair. I was Laguna again.
"Please, just go to the treaty signing with him. Talk to him. Be with him. I don't want to see the only family I have, ignoring each other. Do this for his sake, if not for mine or yours."
Slowly, I was nodding my head. Ellone leaned down and whispered a thank you in my ear before kissing my cheek then leaving the room.
I or Laguna leant back in my chair. His eyes were closed but I could hear what he was saying all too clearly.
"Squall, please say you'll come…"
Then my vision was blurring again and then the darkness descended.
Ellone, why are you doing this to me?
Notes: Relax, Read, Review.
