Chapter 7: Trapped

Disclaimer: The characters of FFVIII belong to Squaresoft.


"Hey, Squally-boy! Whatcha doing hiding here?"

"Go away, Seifer. I don't want sand in my hair."

"Aw come on Squally. I'm bored and there's nothing to do."

"What about Zell and the others?"

"He's busy crying as usual and Quisty's helping Matron make the beds. Irvy and Sefie are playing cards and it's a stupid game."

"…fine, you can stay. Just don't try and do anything funny."

"Yeah, yeah."

"…"

"What do you do here anyway? I never see you anywhere else anymore 'cept when we're eating or sleeping."

"I…nothing."

"Squall, do you ever think of who your parents were?"

"Not much. Why?"

"I heard Matron saying that some grownups will be coming to see us so that they can adopt us next year. So I started thinking about my real parents. I wonder where they are now."

"I dunno. I never think about mine. I only remember…Sis…"

"I don't have anybody. Alive anyway. I remember a little bit about my mom. She was always crying and sick. I don't remember much about my dad though 'cept that he was smelly and dirty. He was always drinking from this bottle and seems to like it a lot."

"I don't think I have a father or a mother."

"Nah. That's impossible! You gotta have them if you're here, stupid! You're dumb just like Sefie."

"I'm not dumb! If I had parents, I would remember them. Everyone else remembers them but I don't! Maybe I can't remember them because I never had parents! Maybe that's why I'm all alone now! Sis doesn't want me anymore and I don't have a mom or a dad! Nobody wants me! Sis! Sis! Please come back! SIS!"


Matron and Cid arrived two days ago. They just suddenly dropped by out of the blue without any forewarning whatsoever. Since my promotion to Commander, I've learned to deal with out-of-the-ordinary things. Come to think of it, Rinoa was the one who actually taught me to live with variety. Before she came, I've always been a lover of routine. My days blended into one another, never differing from the last. It all changed when she entered. She was always surprising me with her little 'specials' and I never knew what to expect from her. She was about as unpredictable as the winds in Trabia. I'm in love with a woman who is the complete opposite of me and I wouldn't give up a damn thing to have it differently. My life is full of contrasting ironies.

Matron spent most of her time with us or as Selphie likes to call us, the Orphanage Gang. Rinoa especially was always with Matron. Both of them had taken to each other and Rinoa seemed to regard her as a mother. Matron has always had that motherly streak in her. I wasn't so indifferent to everyone else that I couldn't see that.

Cid, on the other hand did nothing but survey Garden. He took a long tour of Garden and spent time talking with the other SeeDs. If I didn't know any better, I would think that he was acting as an instructor checking on his student's progress in running a Garden.

I wonder about their true intentions for visiting Garden…


"Would it be a terrible offence if I asked for a few minutes of the busy commander's time?"

I looked up and saw Cid's body framing the door. I stifled a sigh and resisted the urge to throw him out. It's been the third time I've been interrupted this morning but…

I gestured at the couch.

Cid accepted my welcome if somewhat reluctant invitation. However he didn't sit down as I expected but walked over to look at the view facing my desk.

I lifted an eyebrow at this. Again I had to resist myself from doing something I'll regret later. The room was silent. I am not going to say anything. He requested my attention and he has it. For the next thirty seconds, that is.

As I was about to count the seconds, he turned around abruptly and spoke.

"It's a beautiful view, isn't it? I have always loved to sit here and just look outside my window. I used to wonder about what lies beyond. Not because I had no idea what was out there. I knew what was out there. I was wondering for my students. I wondered what each of my students would face out there in the great big world."

Uh oh. I do not like the sound of where this is going. Of all the things I couldn't tolerate, adults reminiscing is one of them.

Before I could think up a decent reply, Cid had changed the subject.

"So, how is running a Garden suiting you?" He settled himself comfortably in the chair facing mine and studied me. I felt like a young student being tested by his instructor.

"It's a challenge but I've been coping well." I said, choosing my words carefully. I don't want him to think that I'm failing at my duties. Failure is not an option.

"Less trying than defeating a sorceress hell-bent on time compression, eh?" He laughed and I almost smiled. Almost.

"A lot less trying, sir."

"Well, its good training and I know you can do it. After all, it has always been your destiny." A sudden feeling of déjà vu attacked my senses and I desperately tried to push them away. I couldn't handle another barrage of feelings at the moment. It's taken three days to forget the strange dream I had. Somehow I must have known subconsciously that they were coming. Why else would I suddenly dream about the Orphanage by the sea?

"I hope I have been able to teach you to be able to do this on your own. I'm a huge coward to shirk my duties all because of some minor problems." He laughed again but it was a hollow laugh.

"Sir, you did what you thought was the best. I'm sure I would have done the same for the sake of Garden." My response was automatic and I didn't need to hear myself to know that it sounded hollow as well.

Cid shook his head. "Squall, you're a far better commander than I could ever be. I know I did the right thing by handing over Garden to you despite your youth and experience. Maybe it was because of your youth and experience that I knew you could do it."

I nodded. I didn't want to tell another hollow lie. I never was a tactful person.

"Handling Garden is a difficult task but you've proven yourself. I can rest assured that I have done my duty and have not ruined your life." His smile suddenly seems to make him look so old. I had never seen him look that way before. A rare flash of understanding and sympathy overcame me.

"Sir, how could you have ruined my life? You've been like a fa…" I paused. "You've been like a mentor to me."

His face betrayed no signs of noticing my blunder. Quite the opposite. He seemed to be relieved.

"I'm glad, Squall. I'm very glad."

He changed the subject again. I was getting irritated.

"I heard you rejected a request from Esthar to escort their representatives to the treaty signing in Galbadia next week." Oh Hyne! Why can't anyone just leave it alone?

"Sir, it would be a rather unwise step to take for Garden." Please don't tell me that family relationships are important et cetera, et cetera. I have received more than my fair share of them from just about anybody who dares to mention the subject.

"Oh? And why is that?"

I was startled. I had not expected this. I stared at him but Cid calmly returned my look.

"Well, Garden has always remained neutral. I don't think it would be wise to accept their request. It would be like taking sides." I somehow stammered out. I had never needed to come up with an excuse. It was the other person who had to make the excuses on why I should see that bastard…

Cid shook his head and leaned forward on my desk.

"You're wrong, Squall. The main purpose of Garden is firstly to destroy the Sorceress Ultimecia. Now that the matter has been settled, the next goal for Garden is to maintain peace throughout the world. The world is filled with unrest and this peace treaty is something that everyone has been dreaming for years. Garden's role is to make sure that the treaty is signed so that this war will end once and for all.

"You know as I do that the past year has been difficult. Galbadia has been in a state of upheaval and they're only beginning to show signs of cooperation now. We have to strike while the iron is hot. If not, our efforts will be wasted and we will return to square one.

"Esthar is not requesting SeeD escort without a rational reason. Perhaps you're not in a position to receive this news but threats on the President's life have been made in the past three months. Esthar has strove to hide this secret but they have been striving to hasten the signing of the peace treaty. How I know this is my secret but I know it for a good reason. You and I are the only people outside of Esthar who know of this. I'm sure you understand why I'm telling you this and I don't need to convince you on what you should do."

His voice was earnest and his look was of the utmost sincerity. I could not doubt that tone he used.

I leaned back in my seat. My thoughts were back again, trying to confuse and unsettle me. Concentrate. Think!

"Squall," His voice was quiet now and I could hear the growing sense of urgency behind it. "Every word I have just told you isn't a lie but the truth. Act now or our efforts will have been wasted. If you regard me as a mentor like you said, then you know what you must do."

This time, he got up and began walking to the door. I said nothing as I watched him leave. What should I say? What could I say? I don't even know what to think now. A commander should be in full control of himself and see what he should do clearly. But now all I feel is confusion.

Just before he left however, Cid turned around to look at me full in the eye before dropping his last bombshell. "Never ever let your personal feelings get in the way, Squall. Its not only a mark of a responsible commander but a guarantee of a job well done."

The door closed silently but the sound of it echoed and vibrated in my head for a long time as I stared out my window. Looking at the view beyond the sea.

Damn it! Why is it that I feel like I'm being forced against my will?


Notes: Having my school break now which means Regrets of a Father will have more updates. Once again, thanks to all my loyal readers. You are the only reason why I'm still alive. (just kidding!) Relax, Read, Review!