Chapter 13: Quarrel

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Final Fantasy VIII.


"Nida…" My voice sounded different. It wasn't a cry or a shout. It sounded…broken, and full of pain. I was in pain. A lot of pain.

I clutched his hand tightly and closed my eyes. No, I must not…I must control myself. I…I can't lose it now. I must…

I looked down again. I couldn't see anything in the darkness. I directed a Fira spell at…something, not caring what it hit. I have to see if…he might still…maybe……

A low flame lightened the ruins and I could see clearly again. I looked down, and almost wished I didn't. Nida's face was twisted into a grotesque mask of agony and torture. Nida, you fool! You stupid, stupid fool! Why did you have to do that? Why?

With an effort, I pushed away my thoughts and bent over to examine the wound. The bullet had pierced his jugular vein, lodging tightly on the right side of his neck. His death was not instantaneous. He must have…no! I can't think of it. I must not…I must not…

I inhaled deeply. Calm down, Squall. You can't panic now or lose control. You have to assess your situation calmly or you won't get out of this. First, could anyone else have survived?

"Laguna…" I hissed. I don't need to check. I know he is still alive. It would be too good to be true if he had died in the crash as well. But I don't care if he's alive. He can stay in there and rot to death. He's brought nothing but suffering.

Secondly, I have to know where I am. Perhaps we are near civilization, maybe even near Galbadia. Surely there is someone who would help us even if we're wanted by them?

Reluctantly, I reached for Nida's eyes and reverently closed them. If I can somehow get out of this, I must make sure Nida has a proper burial. I don't care if it's near impossible, he deserves it.

Gingerly, I made my way through the debris. Surely there must be an emergency exit somewhere. Wait! What's that bright light up ahead? Following the trail, I noted that it was partially cleared away, as if someone had passed through. Who else survived?

In the opening, I threw my hands over my eyes to avoid the bright sunlight. When my eyes had adjusted, I took a good look at my surroundings. The land was barren, void of any type of greenery that always populated a piece of land. To my left and far right was the ocean. Have we landed on an island? But islands have some sort of shrubbery and this…this land has nothing. Only rock and sand. Not a single living thing. Not even monsters. I don't know where we are but now I wish that we had crashed on Galbadian soil.

"Are you all right?"

I turned and was forced to squint again. Vaguely, I made out a man walking towards me. If it's Laguna, I'll…

"Squall!"

…make sure he'll stay dead.

"Are you all right, Squall?" His Highness, the King of Asking-Stupid-Obvious-Questions repeated. Do I look as if I have any bones broken or wounds bleeding? Do I look like I'm half-mad? No, I think I will go mad soon. I ignored his question and turned away to head back inside. I have to know if there's someone else alive. I don't care if he's a terrorist or not. Anyone would be much better than him!

"Where are you going, Squall?" Hyne! Am I really his…no! Of course not! My real father died…long ago.

The spell had already died out and I hesitated. If I was really stranded somewhere far from civilization, I have to save my precious spells. Who knows if there are any monsters that carry Fire spells?

Trying to remember where I had left Nida, I felt my way through the rubble. He stumbled behind me and once I heard a crash and a yell from him. I had a hard time trying not to smirk. I suppose it doesn't matter since it's dark as hell in here but…

Feeling something soft and limp against my shoes, I bent down to have a closer look. Straining in the dark, I managed to make out the face. No, it's not Nida. Only one of them. I continued making my way through the room and almost by accident, I found Nida.

A lump was rising in my throat but I swallowed and reached for his forehead. It was already cold but a little warmth was left. I could just barely do this… I shuddered as I felt tendrils of magic rush through my fingers and up my arm, across my body, through my neck and finally settling into my head. The exhausting and most difficult part was next and I steadied myself against the wall. Laguna had fallen silent beside of me, no doubt wondering what I was doing. I blocked out all other thoughts and concentrated.

Hyne, this isn't easy! I never liked junctioning two GFs at one time. But I can't let it go to waste. Its Garden property and I'm Garden's Commander. Nida, I'm sorry I can't give you a proper burial. I'm sorry that you had to die this way…

This is going to give me a major headache. But the worst is still to come. I can't believe I'm alone in the middle of nowhere with him! Nobody, nobody at all would believe this. I don't believe it either.

Rinoa, you were right to be afraid for me. But I'm not going to let you be right by saying that you won't ever see me again. I'll find a way back, no matter what. I promise.

I love you, Rinoa.

"Squall, are you all right?" An arm supported me as I swayed on my feet. I struggled but he held on firmly.

"Let me go!" I snarled and wrenched away. Glaring at what I hoped was his face - curse the darkness! - I gave him a warning.

"Lay one more finger on me and I'll make sure that you'll be wishing you had it back."

I was greeted with silence and I turned away. I don't have time to deal with this. I walked into the cockpit, nearly tripping over someone's body. Feeling around for my gun, I found it and searched in vain for more ammunition.

He cleared his throat and I turned around. "What?"

He said nothing but I dimly made out his hand holding out something. Blinking one more time, I stared harder. Bullets. I nodded, not caring if he could see me or not. Silently, we began searching through the cockpit for anything useful. If he could be as quiet as this for the rest of this, I won't need to pump lead into him.

Outside the airship, we examined the things we salvaged from the airship. Again, none of us said anything as we took stock of our inventory. The result was that we had enough weapons and medical supplies to last for a week. Ten days if we were extremely careful. Longer if we don't meet any monsters. Fat hope!

I took another glance around me, desperately praying to see some form of civilization or escape. Nothing. I was stuck on a barren island with no one but a moron to accompany me.

"What was that you were doing to the SeeD in there?" His voice cut through the silence I was beginning to get used to.

Without glancing at him, I replied. "Drawing his Guardian Force."

"But he was already…"

"As long as you do it before he loses his body warmth, it's possible."

"What Guardian Force is that?"

"…Doomtrain."

"Do you have any idea where we are?"

"I don't know." I had a nagging feeling that I should know where we were but I didn't. It was almost as if I had been here before. What a feeling of déjà vu…

"Centra!"

Laguna looked at me, half-bewildered half-amazed. "What?"

"Centra. We're on one of the Centra Islands."

"The larger ones or the tiny ones?"

"The large one. If I'm not wrong, there is a Chocobo Forest to the East of our location." Of course! How could I forget? The sea on both sides of us. Absolute no flora or fauna around. I shouldn't have forgotten but it has been sometime ago. When we were in Time Compression, we came out through one of the doorways to look for the Ragnorok. Selphie insisted that the Ragnorok was somewhere on the Centra and refused to listen to sense. How she ever knew, I'll never find out. She has a six sense when it concerns the Ragnorok…and Irvine.

"Then let's get going!"


Red and gold mixing together. Sparks flying away. Light dancing across our skin, defying the dark to conquer it. The smell wasn't the most pleasant of odors but survival does not allow luxury.

I stared into the fire, watching it lick the bones of the Chimera we had killed earlier. The meat was the worst I had ever tasted but there was nothing else to eat. The trip was only supposed to be a short one and there weren't any food rations on board the airship. The three canteens that we found were filled with water and were the most precious thing we had, even more so than our medical supplies. What is the use of not having any status attacks if we don't have water?

How long have we been walking? Hours. How far are we from the crashed site? Probably less than a few miles. I don't know when we will reach the Forest but I only hope that we would reach there before our supplies run out. At least I wasn't so exhausted now that I had passed Doomtrain over to him. Bahamut is enough for anyone to handle.

I could not resist glancing at Laguna. He was staring at me. I narrowed my eyes and glared back at him. This time however, he did not back down as he usually did. Instead he continued staring at me, his glance never wavering. I glared harder, trying to burn through his eyes, trying to make him feel guilty. But he just stared and stared and stared.

For a long time, we were looking at each other like this. My eyes were aching but he was still staring at me. I will not let him see me defeated! So I stared back. Then, his lips moved. What did he say? No, I won't ask. If he wanted to tell me what he said, then he can speak louder. But he was silent again and that stare was still fixed on me.

Tired of it but unwilling to give up, I studied his face. It was a face I had seen many times when Ellone had sent my consciousness back to the past. That was a younger face and one I was indifferent to. This one was different. It was still the same face, older and more tired. But I hate it. I hate every inch of it. I hate it so much that I wish never to see it again. But I'm still staring at him because I want to show him that I don't need him at all. I want him to know that I hate everything about him, that I wish I never knew him at all.

Finally, he shook his head and closed his eyes and muttered something again. I was exhilarated that I had beaten him at his own game but then, he spoke again. This time, I wanted to know what he was saying.

"No, I don't know you at all."

I frowned. "Of course you don't know me! You made sure of that a long time ago." I snapped at him.

He shook his head again. "No, you don't understand. I meant it in a different way."

I stared at him in confusion. What was he talking about?

"I was looking at you to see who you resembled the most. Raine or me."

"I am not your son!" I yelled at him.

"Shut up and listen to me!" He ordered calmly. Before I could retort furiously, he cut in again.

"I was looking at you to see if you really looked all like Raine. You do. Almost everything about you resembles her. I see almost nothing of me in you. Even your mannerisms are like hers. You are indeed Raine's boy, the son she always wanted. She would have been so proud of you."

His voice was faltering and I prepared to speak my mind before he could interrupt. But he continued on smoothly, ignoring me.

"But she wouldn't have been proud of me and I know why. She would forgive me for not being with her when she needed me, I am sure of it. But she would not be proud of me now. I have not been able to be a father to you. I failed the person she entrusted to me when she died."

He looked at me again but I was silent. I didn't know what to say.

"You hate me. You hate every inch of my body. You hate every piece of my soul. You would have let me be killed in cold-blood and not even turn a hair. Perhaps you wouldn't kill me yourself but you would be glad to let someone else do the dirty work. You only rescued me because it was your duty."

The word awakened something in my mind and it came to the fore now.

"I hate you because you killed Nida! It's all your fault that Nida died! You are right in saying that I would let you die because I hate you! You have caused nothing but suffering to me! Now you dare claim that I am your son?! I am not your son, I never was your son and I never will be your son. I have no father because he died trying to save my mother. The man you are is nothing but a coward who can't even protect the people he claims to love! You are the one that killed my mother!"

As I poured out my anger at him, his eyes were changing from pain to wonder then to anger.

"I did not kill Raine! I loved her to the end of her days and I will continue loving her to the end of my days. I wanted to reconcile with you by being your father again but now you claim that I kill her?" He shouted.

"You killed her by leaving her! She died of a broken heart because of you!" I shouted back.

"That is not true! She did not die because of me!"

"Then what did she die of, Laguna? Tell me! Did the soldiers from Esthar came after her and ripped her apart? Was she left alone and pregnant in a house which was invaded by brutes that murdered her in cold blood?"

"No! She died because of you!" He roared.

I stopped short then. What? Raine died because of me? My own mother died because of me?

"I was told by the old lady that lives in Winhill that she died while giving birth to you. She was with her while she was in labour. Raine lost too much blood and it was impossible to get help for her. She named you before she passed away." His voice was breaking again and I couldn't speak as well.

I was silent as I thought about everything. He…he wasn't the cause of her death. She died because of me. Because she had a difficult birth. Because of me. Hyne Almighty! Why? Why did I have to kill the one that could have changed my whole life?

"Squall, I wanted to tell you for so long how much I love you. You're my son, my only child of my blood. You accept Ellone as your sister. Why won't you accept me as your father?"

I couldn't look at him. My thoughts were running through my mind, disturbing my peace. This can't be true. It couldn't be like this. It shouldn't be like this!

"I know I've failed you several times in the past but I want to make it up to you. You don't know how sorry I am that I never went back to Winhill to look for all of you. I never stop regretting it every second, every minute, every hour and every day of my life. I know there is nothing I could ever do to bring Raine back and so I want to make sure I don't do the same mistake with you. Squall, please. Forgive me."

I can't. Damn it! I can't. You…you're the cause of my suffering. I won't forgive you for this!

"Squall, you're my son and I love you."

I looked at him full in the face then. Staring coldly at him, I asked him a simple question. "How much?"

He was thrown of his balance. "What?"

"How much do you say you love me? You said that you love me and want me to forgive you. How much then? How do I know that you won't fail me again?" I demanded, steadying my voice.

His answer was quick but I had no doubts of its sincerity. "If I had to, I would die to save you and show you how much I love you."

I swallowed hard and summoned up every ounce of courage and strength that I had. Keeping a firm check on myself, I replied back. "Then drop dead, Laguna."

I reached down and grabbed my own supplies and gun. I turned to leave, never wanting to see him again. If he followed me…no, he wouldn't. He would not follow me after I told him that.

"Squall! Behind you!" A roar accompanied his cry and I spun swiftly around to face a huge Ruby Dragon. Dropping my bundle, I raised my gun to fire but the monster swiped me with a claw. Thrown to the side, I was stunned for a while but forced myself to rise to my feet. It exhaled a burst of flames at me and the fire seared through my skin, stinging me. The damage was not severe, thanks to my Fira junctions but I was angry enough to kill it with my bare hands now.

Several bullets that I fired bounced off his scaly skin and soon I was out of ammo. Desperately, I hurriedly refilled the empty barrel while leaping away from the monster's grasp. A few more bullets echoed from behind it and it screamed in pain. Evidently, his bullets have found its weak spot. Readying a Holy spell, I concentrated but the brute whipped me aside again with its tail. As I fought to stay awake, the Ruby Dragon looked to be casting a spell. Heavy rocks began falling on me and I crawled from side to side to avoid the dangerous Meteor spell. One huge boulder hit my face however and I fell back. As I lost consciousness, I noticed that I was disappearing from the battle field and Doomtrain had appeared. Then my eyes closed and the last thought that I could think of was of Rinoa.


Notes: This chapter was partly inspired by Persephone's story, Father to Son. I owe this story's inspiration to her. Thanks for you and Athene Miranda's help!

FFN's review page is still down so I guess it'll be hard for me to know how I did on this one. Still, I hope you're all enjoying this as I am.