The Most Ominous Threat: Osama bin Laden
Chapter Six: The Ultimate Battle (Part 1)

(The reason why this chapter took too long to update is that because I WANT MORE REVIEWS!!!
Your help will be my pleasure. Thanks. --Author)

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....
I don't know you yet,
But I am sure
That you are all allies of those two pathetic countries,
America and Israel.
Trying to challenge the great power of jihad...
I sense in you a power I could feel...
But no matter...
In the name of Allah...
I WILL STILL VANQUISH YOU ALL!

***

Those are the words of the big boss of Islamic fundamentalism, Osama bin Laden.

The group still trembles and sweats under the hot Afghan sun.

Vincent: ............Here it goes, everyone. Now get ready to face an evil one...

Cloud: More merciless than Sephiroth.

Squall: More ambitious than Seifer and Edea.

Zidane: Weirder and bolder than Kuja.

Tidus: And practically more grotesque than Sin.

Tifa and Aeris: No knowledge of love and peace...

Rinoa: No respect for everyone else...

Garnet: No real lease in life...

Yuna: No real faith in the Almighty God.

The rest of the team: SO WE'LL TOTALLY ELIMINATE YOU AND YOUR EVIL SCHEMES!

Steiner: COMMENCE!

The rest of the team: ATTACK!

And the real battle begins.

(Note: I'm making the fight with Osama a truly FF-based battle. That is, you'll see the
stats and rants of friend and foe alike. Also, be prepared for surprises as the battle drags
on. You'll love them, you know. --Author)

bin Laden: Hehehe. You won't basically play with me yet. You'll play first with a hundred
of my best warriors. (Calls 100 Taliban and Al-Qaeda fighters) So enjoy your play with none
other than... DEATH! Hahahahaha....

Vivi III: (shrivels in fear) They're too many...

Auron: But they're just ordinary schmucks.

Barret: One big shot at 'em and there asses're kicked.

Laguna: Let's get it on!

Garnet: Wait a second! I have to scan those enemies first.

Red XIII: But it will take too long for you to do that.

Dagger: So...... (thinks for too long)

Cid: Dammit, you ^%$* slow princess! Just use my spare All materia and it's done. (Searches
his pocket, but the materia's gone) Hey, Yuffie, get my !@#$%^*()*^%$#@^&&^%$@## materia
back, you #$$%^&*((&^%$##$%&((!!!!!

Yuffie: ....Uh, like, I dropped it.

Cid: Why you $%^&*(()(*^%^$##!!!!!

Freya: I'll go fetch the materia. (Leaves battle area)

Tidus: Get it fast. Those guys are ready to open fire at us.

All of the fighters point their Kalashnikov rifles to one unlucky person, Selphie.

Fighters: ALLAHU AKBAR! (God is great!)

They fire their guns at once, and Selphie takes 9999 damage. She dies.

Squall: Oh no! Selphie's killed instantly!

Eiko: Don't worry boy, I'll do something.

Eiko attempts to cast Full-life on Selphie, but gets fired first by the fighters. She also
takes 9999 damage and dies.

Zidane: No, Eiko, not you! Steiner, use a Phoenix Down on her.

Steiner: Affirmative.

The fighters open fire on Steiner. Steiner takes no damage thanks to his armor. Steiner uses
Phoenix Down on Selphie. Selphie is revived with 235 HP left.

Steiner: I used it on the wrong person! Apologies, Zidane.

Selphie: Quisty, use your Shockwave Pulsar while I deal with the little girl.

Quistis: Yes.

Quistis casts Shockwave Pulsar. All of the enemies deal no damage at all.

Quistis: What?!... That was my most powerful technique.

bin Laden: We're immune to your flimsy blue magic!

Meanwhile, Selphie revives Eiko with 155 HP left, then casts Full-cure on the whole team.
The whole team is now fully cured.

Freya arrives with the materia.

Freya: Here... I got it. Garnet, catch!

Garnet catches the All materia and equips it. She then uses Scan simultaneously on all
enemies. Here are the results.

OSAMA BIN LADEN
HP: 10,000,000/10,000,000
MP: 10,000,000/10,000,000
Description: The world's most-hated terrorist. Responsible for the September 11 attack
of the World Trade Center and other similar attacks. Gathers powers from all of FF's final
bosses.
Type: Flying Monster
Facts: No effect against all elements.
Items in possession: Nothing.

AL-QAEDA FIGHTER (x50)
HP: 2,000/2,000 (each)
MP: 9,999/9,999 (each)
Description: A member of Al-Qaeda, or The Base. Always ready to die because of jihad.
Type: Human
Facts: Weak against Poison.
Items in possession: 5 Grenades per individual.

TALIBAN FIGHTER (x50)
HP: 2,500/2,500 (each)
MP: 9,999/9,999 (each)
Description: A militant Islamic student who got influenced by the jihad against America
and its allies.
Type: Human
Facts: Weak against Poison.
Items in possession: One Elixir per individual.

Garnet: What...? bin Laden's more powerful than I thought.

Squall: If I remember right, bin Laden has the power equal to 10 Omega Weapons...

Zidane: This diaper-head's too much for me!

Tidus: Gosh, he's more powerful than Sin.

Cloud: But don't worry guys, we have lots of buddies with us. For me, that bin Laden guy's
belly-up.

Lulu: Attention! Focus first on the fighters!

Tifa: Why?

Lulu: Remember when Tidus and some of us fought Seymour and Wendigo? We squashed the Guado
Guardians before those baddies. That gave us a sure win. Do the same thing. Kill the
fighters first.

Zell: Right!

Zell casts Aura on himself, putting him in Limit Break status. He combos a Taliban fighter,
then performs My Final Heaven on all of the Taliban fighters. 49 of them suffer 7592 damage
and die, while the remaining one suffered 15375 damage (total) and dies too.

Zell: Yeah! Piece of cake!

bin Laden: Arrrgh! How can you kill my precious Taliban soldiers? In revenge, I'll do
something humiliating to you!

bin Laden performs Ultra Charge, a move which lets him acquire the moves of one of FF's final
bosses. In this case, he acquires Ultimecia's powers.

bin Laden: Now taste my hatred! Hell's Judgement!

The following have been hit by Hell's Judgement and now have 1 HP left:
Zell
Tifa
Lulu
Cloud
Rikku
Amarant

Zell: How dare you! You used that b****'s powers!

Tifa: Ahh... Cloud... save me...

Lulu: If I can unleash my fury...

Cloud: Aeris... help us...

Rikku: If I can snatch those greandes...

Amarant: .............DIE IN LANI'S NAME!

Zell, Cloud, and Amarant team up to perform Merciless Pummel 'n' Slash. bin Laden has been
hit 24 times with 54396 damage. However, six Al-Qaeda fighters use their X-Potions to heal
bin Laden with a total of 60000 HP. bin Laden is now fully cured.

Lulu: I told you to finish off those fighters first! You really have a short attention span,
Zell. This is how you REALLY do it.

Lulu casts Quadruplecast on herself, then casts Ultima four times on four Al-Qaeda fighters.
The four enemies suffer 8356 damage and die.

Rikku: (whipers to Tifa) Hey, let's steal their grenades and toss them back at them.

Tifa: (whispers) Wow! What a great idea! But... we both have 1 HP left. We must watch out.

Yuffie: Hey! Join me! I know how to steal!

Zidane: Me too! I'm a thief!

Rikku: OK!

Rikku brings out a poster of... Val Venis?!? And by unexpected chance the poster comes to
life. (V.V.'s theme plays.)

Val Venis: Hello, ladies! You need my help?

Rikku: Uh, please get me to Overdrive status.

Val Venis: Sure.

Val then performs a sexual dance that makes Rikku go crazy. Afterwards, Rikku removes her
upper clothing. After five minutes, Val finishes his dance, and Rikku is now on
Overdrive.

The screen picks some static, then a man in blue, accompanied by The Rock, appears.

The Rock: Let me, the People's Champ, give you a word of advice from the creator, Hironobu
Sakaguchi.

H. Sakaguchi: My FF characters don't strip their clothes, especially in battles. I'll punish
the one who made Rikku strip. And he's none other than... Val Venis! Rock, go after him!

The Rock: Yes, sir! And remember, bin Laden, you'll ultimately smelelelelelelelelelelelll
what the Rock... (raises his People's Eyebrow)... is cooking. (leaves)

Now back to regular programming.

No, not regular programming... cause we're running out of time! See ya in the next phase
of the ultimate fight against bin Laden!

(end of chapter)