The Most Ominous Treat: Osama bin Laden
Chapter Seven: The Ultimate Battle (Part 2)
Now back to REAL regular programming.
Tidus: Uh, Rikku... (blushes)
Rikku: Yes, Tidus?
Tidus: (still blushes) Uh... I would like to ask you to... PLEASE PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES!
YOU'RE TOPLESS!
Rikku: Oops... sorry. Val Venis did this. (Puts back upper clothing)
Yuna: Hey, we must concentrate on the fighters first. If you don't, I'll do it.
Yuna tries to summon Anima, but someone else comes out.
Yuna: What in the world are you doing?
????: If you don't know who I am, then I'll tell you.
Then The Rock's theme plays.
The Rock: This is The Rock, The People's Champ. And who are you?
Yuna: I'm... Yuna. I'm a summoner. I didn't mean to...
The Rock: (Raises his right hand to stop Yuna from talking) Well, I know what you did.
You tried to summon Anima, but The Rock took her place. You see, she was sent to Basilan,
Philippines as a last resort to eliminate the Abu Sayyaf terrorist group. Now, Square had
nothing to do but to hire The People's Champ.
Yuna: Okay... Now, would you want to kill those fighters accompanying bin Laden first?
The Rock: Sorry, summoner, but The Rock must deal with another meddling person.
Yuna: Who?
The Rock: Val Venis. The one who made your friend, Rikku, strip.
Yuna: Just do it immediately!
The Rock: As you wish.
The Rock spots Val besides Rikku, and gets into a duel with him.
Val Venis: What the? Rock, why are you here?
The Rock: The Rock has been sent by someone named Hironobu Sakaguchi to kick your candy ass
for doing an indecent thing to an FF character! Now, have at you!
A mini-battle between The Rock and Val begins. Squall and Rinoa left the battle area to
watch the bout.
Meanwhile, the remaining Al-Qaeda fighters are puzzled over Rikku's issue.
Al-Qaeda Fighter A: Now, some REAL action!
Al-Qaeda Fighter B: Hey! Master Osama'll punish us if we don't follow his orders!
Al-Qaeda Fighter A: Shut up!
bin Laden: Hey you two! What are you debating about?
Al-Qaeda Fighter A and B: ...
bin Laden: Are you two spies of Israel? Then taste this!
Bin Laden casts Ultima on both fighters. The fighters take 7500 damage each and die.
Steiner: Yes! Those scoundrels get a dose of their own medicine at bin Laden's hands. Now 44
fighters are left. Because of that, let us perform an all-out attack at the remaining
ones.
Irvine: Sounds good, but where's Squall and Rinoa?
Steiner: They disappeared! Auron, search for them!
Auron leaves the battle area to find the two.
On the other hand, The Rock and Val pummel each other. Squall and Rinoa get excited when
the Scorpion King Rock Bottoms a defenseless Big Valbowski. But then, something pointy
touches Squall's nape.
Squall: ...
Auron: Won't you go back to serious business?
Rinoa: Auron, stop!
Auron: I'll mince you if you make a wrong move.
The Rock: Hey, you drunken sword player! Don't harm two of the millions...
All FanFiction.Net Authors: AND MILLIONS!
The Rock: ...of Rock's fans. So get the hell outta here! The Rock'll just take them back to
your area.
Auron: ... (Leaves)
The Rock: Now, Squall, Rinoa, watch the People's Elbow!
The Rock then performs the People's Elbow. With his agility and power set to the maximum,
Val receives 23748 damage and faints.
Val Venis: Sorry... I must... be... decent... from now... on...
A portal appears and sucks Val away from Afghanistan for sure.
Meanwhile, there are some US marines and Northern Alliance fighters watching the fight from
afar using advanced equipment.
Marine: Didn't you see that? Those people really mean business.
N. A. Fighter: I agree. They really are great assets in Bush's campaign against terrorism.
Marine: But why in the world did those people appear in the first place?
N. A. Fighter: I dunno.
Marine: So let's keep it a secret from our commander.
N. A. Fighter: Sure.
Back at the battle area...
Aeris: What took them so long?
Barret: Dey mus' be watchin' a wrasslin' fight o'er dere.
While the rest of the group watches and waits, bin Laden reveals the remaining Al-Qaeda
fighters as mere spies.
bin Laden: So you are all American spies! I'm getting enough of them! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!
bin Laden performs Ultra Charge and acquires Kefka's moves. He then casts Fallen One on
the fighters, causing their individual HP's to be 1.
bin Laden: Now taste the TRUE jihad! Flare Star!
The fighters all suffer 9999 damage and die.
Meanwhile, Squall, Rinoa, and Auron come back to the battle area.
Laguna: What took you guys so long?
Squall: ...whatever.
Rinoa: Eh, we watched The Rock in action.
Amarant: Wait! Are you mentioning the People's Champ and the Scorpion King?
Kimahri: Wrestling, fun.
Cloud: Hey look! Bin Laden's the only enemy left!
Cait Sith: But why?
Cloud: I watched him kill the Al-Qaeda fighters due to disloyalty.
Eiko: Yehey! Now that bearded freak is ours to fight! Right, pretty boy?
Zidane: Uh, yeah.
Garnet: Eiko, why don't you quit flirting over my husband! He's mine, all mine!
And with that, the fuel that flared the Garnet-Eiko and Tifa-Aeris disputes gets even
bigger.
Aeris: Now that reminds me of my liking for Cloud! He promised me that we'll marry after
defeating bin Laden!
Tifa: What the?! You and Cloud'll marry? I won't allow that!
Aeris: Shut up, you Pamela Anderson Lee wannabe!
Tifa: I'll just reduce you to a mere flower girl and not a bride! And I'll be the bride!
Aeris: No!
Tifa: Yes!
Aeris: No!
Just then three people appear from the sky, riding inside a big bubble.
Unknown Person A: Ha! Now the good ol' times roll!
Unknown Person B: See the four women fight out for the hearts of two young men.
Unknown Person C: Shut up! You see, bin Laden's the main villain in this story!
Moonlight Bomber (that's me): In case you don't know, those three are Brad, Chrischi, and
Destined-Warrior, the authors of RPG Wrestling, Final Fantasy Federation, and The Battle of
the Blond Heroes, respectively. They will have a special appearance here in yours truly's
work.
Brad, Chrischi, Destined-Warrior: Thanks. You really have a stroke of creativity here.
Moonlight Bomber: Ah, don't mention it.
Moonlight Bomber suddenly appears in front of Garnet, Eiko, Tifa, and Aeris.
Moonlight Bomber: Hey! Won't you pretty girls stop fighting? You see, your main enemy's
Osama bin Laden. So stop it! I'm dead serious!
Aeris: ...Okay. But promise me that Cloud and I will marry.
Moonlight Bomber: Why?
Aeris: YOU'LL pay the reception expenses.
Moonlight Bomber: Oh no!
Eiko: Now I REALLY accept that it's Zidane and Garnet after all.
Moonlight Bomber: Good girl. As a bonus, I'll make you the flower girl in Cloud and Aeris's
wedding.
Eiko: Yehey!
Tifa: But what about me? What'll be my role in that stupid wedding?
Moonlight Bomber: Tifa, you'll be the...
bin Laden: HEY YOU WORST ENEMIES OF MINE! Stop chitchatting with the damn creator and fight
me!
Moonlight Bomber: Oops. Gotta go. Bin Laden'll blast me if I stay for too long.
Tifa: But what about the...
Moonlight Bomber disapperars.
Destined-Warrior: Yes! Now the real battle begins!
Chrischi: We'll be the special commentators in this bout.
Brad: And we're now gathering lots of spectators in this 10-kilometer arena! And it's live!
Right on CNN!
Destined-Warrior: So stay tuned! We'll have a 30-minute commercial break after this.
And remember, no switching!
(end of chapter)
Chapter Seven: The Ultimate Battle (Part 2)
Now back to REAL regular programming.
Tidus: Uh, Rikku... (blushes)
Rikku: Yes, Tidus?
Tidus: (still blushes) Uh... I would like to ask you to... PLEASE PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES!
YOU'RE TOPLESS!
Rikku: Oops... sorry. Val Venis did this. (Puts back upper clothing)
Yuna: Hey, we must concentrate on the fighters first. If you don't, I'll do it.
Yuna tries to summon Anima, but someone else comes out.
Yuna: What in the world are you doing?
????: If you don't know who I am, then I'll tell you.
Then The Rock's theme plays.
The Rock: This is The Rock, The People's Champ. And who are you?
Yuna: I'm... Yuna. I'm a summoner. I didn't mean to...
The Rock: (Raises his right hand to stop Yuna from talking) Well, I know what you did.
You tried to summon Anima, but The Rock took her place. You see, she was sent to Basilan,
Philippines as a last resort to eliminate the Abu Sayyaf terrorist group. Now, Square had
nothing to do but to hire The People's Champ.
Yuna: Okay... Now, would you want to kill those fighters accompanying bin Laden first?
The Rock: Sorry, summoner, but The Rock must deal with another meddling person.
Yuna: Who?
The Rock: Val Venis. The one who made your friend, Rikku, strip.
Yuna: Just do it immediately!
The Rock: As you wish.
The Rock spots Val besides Rikku, and gets into a duel with him.
Val Venis: What the? Rock, why are you here?
The Rock: The Rock has been sent by someone named Hironobu Sakaguchi to kick your candy ass
for doing an indecent thing to an FF character! Now, have at you!
A mini-battle between The Rock and Val begins. Squall and Rinoa left the battle area to
watch the bout.
Meanwhile, the remaining Al-Qaeda fighters are puzzled over Rikku's issue.
Al-Qaeda Fighter A: Now, some REAL action!
Al-Qaeda Fighter B: Hey! Master Osama'll punish us if we don't follow his orders!
Al-Qaeda Fighter A: Shut up!
bin Laden: Hey you two! What are you debating about?
Al-Qaeda Fighter A and B: ...
bin Laden: Are you two spies of Israel? Then taste this!
Bin Laden casts Ultima on both fighters. The fighters take 7500 damage each and die.
Steiner: Yes! Those scoundrels get a dose of their own medicine at bin Laden's hands. Now 44
fighters are left. Because of that, let us perform an all-out attack at the remaining
ones.
Irvine: Sounds good, but where's Squall and Rinoa?
Steiner: They disappeared! Auron, search for them!
Auron leaves the battle area to find the two.
On the other hand, The Rock and Val pummel each other. Squall and Rinoa get excited when
the Scorpion King Rock Bottoms a defenseless Big Valbowski. But then, something pointy
touches Squall's nape.
Squall: ...
Auron: Won't you go back to serious business?
Rinoa: Auron, stop!
Auron: I'll mince you if you make a wrong move.
The Rock: Hey, you drunken sword player! Don't harm two of the millions...
All FanFiction.Net Authors: AND MILLIONS!
The Rock: ...of Rock's fans. So get the hell outta here! The Rock'll just take them back to
your area.
Auron: ... (Leaves)
The Rock: Now, Squall, Rinoa, watch the People's Elbow!
The Rock then performs the People's Elbow. With his agility and power set to the maximum,
Val receives 23748 damage and faints.
Val Venis: Sorry... I must... be... decent... from now... on...
A portal appears and sucks Val away from Afghanistan for sure.
Meanwhile, there are some US marines and Northern Alliance fighters watching the fight from
afar using advanced equipment.
Marine: Didn't you see that? Those people really mean business.
N. A. Fighter: I agree. They really are great assets in Bush's campaign against terrorism.
Marine: But why in the world did those people appear in the first place?
N. A. Fighter: I dunno.
Marine: So let's keep it a secret from our commander.
N. A. Fighter: Sure.
Back at the battle area...
Aeris: What took them so long?
Barret: Dey mus' be watchin' a wrasslin' fight o'er dere.
While the rest of the group watches and waits, bin Laden reveals the remaining Al-Qaeda
fighters as mere spies.
bin Laden: So you are all American spies! I'm getting enough of them! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!
bin Laden performs Ultra Charge and acquires Kefka's moves. He then casts Fallen One on
the fighters, causing their individual HP's to be 1.
bin Laden: Now taste the TRUE jihad! Flare Star!
The fighters all suffer 9999 damage and die.
Meanwhile, Squall, Rinoa, and Auron come back to the battle area.
Laguna: What took you guys so long?
Squall: ...whatever.
Rinoa: Eh, we watched The Rock in action.
Amarant: Wait! Are you mentioning the People's Champ and the Scorpion King?
Kimahri: Wrestling, fun.
Cloud: Hey look! Bin Laden's the only enemy left!
Cait Sith: But why?
Cloud: I watched him kill the Al-Qaeda fighters due to disloyalty.
Eiko: Yehey! Now that bearded freak is ours to fight! Right, pretty boy?
Zidane: Uh, yeah.
Garnet: Eiko, why don't you quit flirting over my husband! He's mine, all mine!
And with that, the fuel that flared the Garnet-Eiko and Tifa-Aeris disputes gets even
bigger.
Aeris: Now that reminds me of my liking for Cloud! He promised me that we'll marry after
defeating bin Laden!
Tifa: What the?! You and Cloud'll marry? I won't allow that!
Aeris: Shut up, you Pamela Anderson Lee wannabe!
Tifa: I'll just reduce you to a mere flower girl and not a bride! And I'll be the bride!
Aeris: No!
Tifa: Yes!
Aeris: No!
Just then three people appear from the sky, riding inside a big bubble.
Unknown Person A: Ha! Now the good ol' times roll!
Unknown Person B: See the four women fight out for the hearts of two young men.
Unknown Person C: Shut up! You see, bin Laden's the main villain in this story!
Moonlight Bomber (that's me): In case you don't know, those three are Brad, Chrischi, and
Destined-Warrior, the authors of RPG Wrestling, Final Fantasy Federation, and The Battle of
the Blond Heroes, respectively. They will have a special appearance here in yours truly's
work.
Brad, Chrischi, Destined-Warrior: Thanks. You really have a stroke of creativity here.
Moonlight Bomber: Ah, don't mention it.
Moonlight Bomber suddenly appears in front of Garnet, Eiko, Tifa, and Aeris.
Moonlight Bomber: Hey! Won't you pretty girls stop fighting? You see, your main enemy's
Osama bin Laden. So stop it! I'm dead serious!
Aeris: ...Okay. But promise me that Cloud and I will marry.
Moonlight Bomber: Why?
Aeris: YOU'LL pay the reception expenses.
Moonlight Bomber: Oh no!
Eiko: Now I REALLY accept that it's Zidane and Garnet after all.
Moonlight Bomber: Good girl. As a bonus, I'll make you the flower girl in Cloud and Aeris's
wedding.
Eiko: Yehey!
Tifa: But what about me? What'll be my role in that stupid wedding?
Moonlight Bomber: Tifa, you'll be the...
bin Laden: HEY YOU WORST ENEMIES OF MINE! Stop chitchatting with the damn creator and fight
me!
Moonlight Bomber: Oops. Gotta go. Bin Laden'll blast me if I stay for too long.
Tifa: But what about the...
Moonlight Bomber disapperars.
Destined-Warrior: Yes! Now the real battle begins!
Chrischi: We'll be the special commentators in this bout.
Brad: And we're now gathering lots of spectators in this 10-kilometer arena! And it's live!
Right on CNN!
Destined-Warrior: So stay tuned! We'll have a 30-minute commercial break after this.
And remember, no switching!
(end of chapter)
