The Most Ominous Threat: Osama bin Laden
Chapter Nine: The Ultimate Battle (Part 4)

(game unpaused)

Destined-Warrior: Now we're back. For those who just switched to CNN, here's the news update.
All main characters from Final Fantasy 7, 8, 9, and 10 are currently fighting the meanest
terrorist ever, Osama bin Laden. But now, bin Laden takes a backseat and calls the Taliban
leader, Mullah Mohammad Omar, to take his place.

Brad: And now Eiko Carol is doing something to the Mullah.

Eiko: Yeah! Now's my time to scan him!

But while Eiko attempts to do that, a strange van appears in the middle of the battle arena.
Let's see who are the passengers in the van.

Shaggy: Are you sure this is Tora Bora Mountains, Afghanistan?

Mr. T: Yea! Ya can't compromise this very accurate T-Radar, sucka!

Thelma: Then we can retrieve the Buddhist statues unscathed by the Taliban in this area!

Daphne: But we still have one problem.

Rest of the team: What?

Fred: The great terrorist, Osama bin Laden, is still lurking around here. As we all know,
he's armed and dangerous.

Scooby-Doo: Yeah! (Imitates bin Laden's face) Hee hee hee hee!

Daphne: We've got no time left! Search the area for the statues!

And the van revolves around the battle field, causing Cloud and his 36 buddies to scatter to
avoid being bumped.

Chrischi: Why in the world did this van appear?

Brad: Hey! I know! That's the Mystery Machine!

Destined-Warrior: And I'm certain that Scooby-Doo, his buddies, and someone named Mr. T is
inside it.

Brad: Will those guys spoil this fight? Let's find out.

Cid: What in the $$%^& that $%^& is doing here?

Wakka: Probably a strange machina, ya?

Irvine: No. It's a van. I wonder why it goes loco.

Freya: Never mind the van. Attack whoever the enemy is!

Ward rushes through M. M. Omar with his harpoon, but he accidentally stabbed the approaching
van. And look who's coming out of the van.

Mr. T: Hey ya sucka, whaddya destroy our vehicle?

Ward: ...

Mr. T: Ya sucka can't speak, eh? Then I'll throw ya out!

Laguna: Please, don't hurt my friend!

Mr. T: What's the reason, sucka?

Laguna: You see, me and my friends are fighting Osama bin Laden, the great terrorist. And
for a while he backed out and called Mullah Mohammad Omar to take his place. So, would you
help us?

Mr. T: Ah woul' sure help ya fo' one condition.

Laguna: What?

Mr. T: Would ya repair da damaged van fo' me an' Scooby-Doo's gang?

Laguna: Cid, come here! Repair the van!

Cid: Why do I have to repair that %^&*(* van?

Laguna: So that the stranger over there'll join us in fighting.

Cid: ...I'm an engineer for chrissakes so I'll do this.

Cid approaches the van and fixes it. Meanwhile, Scooby-Doo and his gang went out for some
fresh air.

M. M. Omar: Hey you meddlesome guys! I'll spoil your broth! Mwahahahahaha!!!!

A battle commences. The FF team takes a backseat here. Most of the time, but not all the time.

M. M. Omar attacks using his Kalashnikov rifle, causing Mr. T and Scooby-Doo's gang to suffer
5001 damage. Luckily, nobody of them died.

Cid: You $%&^&%$ Taliban mother%^^&er!!!! Taste my spear! Hyper Jump!

Cid performs Hyper Jump and deals 8901 damage to M. M. Omar.

M. M. Omar: Is that all you can do? Here's my way of "thanking" you! Death!

And the Grim Reaper brings doom to the foul-mouthed engineer.

Cloud: Cid! Don't die on me!

Daphne: Don't worry! I'll prepare a Phoenix Down on him!

Daphne uses a Phoenix Down on Cid. Cid is revived with 532 HP left.

Shaggy: Daphne, I'll deal with that Muller... or something like that. (Faces M. M. Omar)
Now, taste my strength! Hyper Cowering in Fear!

Shaggy shouts as if he's being mauled by a monster. With that, M. M. Omar takes 5 hits and
5383 damage (total).

Thelma: Now it's my turn! Time Bomb!

Thelma stealthily plants a time bomb on M. M. Omar. The bomb has 30 seconds to explosion.

Thelma: Now, watch out for the enemy's actions! Don't let him throw the bomb at us!

Scooby-Doo and others: Understood!

(25 seconds left.)

Fred: Aha! Now I have an idea! Solid Snake [Metal Gear Solid] gave his M9 gun to me as a
gift. I'll put this to good use!

Fred brings out his M9 and aims at M. M. Omar, but watch what happens.

Fred: Oh no! I'm not a good marksman! Plus, this gun's a bit heavy!

(15 seconds left.)

M. M. Omar: Ha ha ha! A stupid one like you can't wield a gun properly! Now I'll pop some
caps in your head!

Scooby-Doo: Fred! No!

(Slow motion)

While M. M. Omar aims his Kalashnikov rifle at Fred, Scooby-Doo runs to Fred and attempts
to get the M9 so that he (Scooby-Doo) can have a chance for a head shot. But, Fred still
wants to fire, so he refuses. The two wrestle over the gun, and in this commotion, Scooby-Doo
accidentaly pulls the trigger of the M9. And the bullet hits the hook that holds the time bomb
in place. And then, the time bomb falls to the ground.

(End of slow motion)

M. M. Omar: Ha ha ha! You Americans really are idiots! Now, say your prayers... ahem, say
bye-bye to Earth and say hello to hell! (Throws time bomb at Scooby-Doo and co.)

(7 seconds left.)

Shaggy: No! The bomb!

Daphne: It's coming at us!

Scooby-Doo: (cries)

(4 seconds left.)

3...

Mr. T: Arrgh!

2...

Zidane: Can't you guys do anything?

1...

Suddenly, Tidus performs the Jecht Shot at the bomb. (NB: The Jecht Shot begins with a high
jump, then a 180-degree upward vertical kick at the ball, or bomb.) The bomb flies away to
a faraway mountain, and explodes.

Aeris: Whew! A close call!

Lulu: We thought we would be pot roast for sure.

Wakka: And it's all thanks to the star player, ya?

Shaggy: Thank you, you Rivaldo impersonator!

Tidus: Who the heck's Rivaldo?

Daphne: Hey! We've got to beat the Mullah first!

M. M. Omar: So, your plan to explode me is foiled! Now I'll deliver another package for you!
(Raises right hand)

Chrischi: What kind of mark is this one in the Mullah's right hand?

Brad: Hey! That's the Soul Eater Rune [Tir McDohl's rune in Suikoden 1]!

Chrischi: Oh my God! How did he acquire that rune?

Destined-Warrior: According to a Northern Alliance spy, someone named Lady Windy, who fled
Gregminster and is now working under the Taliban, gave the rune to the Mullah by merely
copying the one from McDohl.

Brad: And look what he's doing to Scooby-Doo and co.! He's using the Deadly Fingertips on
them!

Chrischi: Will this be the end of the team that always solves mysteries for years?

Destined-Warrior: But look! Mr. T's really getting angry!

Brad: Overdrive time, baby!

Mr. T: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! How dare ya did this ta mah friends! Now pay da ultimate price, sucka!

Mr. T, in a sudden burst of emotion, is now on Overdrive.

Vivi II: Wow, what happened to Papa is happening again to that person. History repeats itself.

Mr. T now performs his ultimate Overdrive move, Hypa Sucka Throw.

Mr. T: Adios, Muller blah blah fool!

And Mr. T throws M. M. Omar to kingdom come. Now guess where he lands.

Yeah, that's right! From present-day Afghanistan to 1920's Japan!

And M. M. Omar lands into a temple in the Imperial Capital (i. e., Tokyo) unconscious. For
some strange reason, he still stands. He is noticed by the temple keeper.

Temple Keeper: Ahh! A demon! Gotta call Team Hana!

And in a matter of seconds, Team Hana, with their Kobu, lands in the temple. Sakura, Sumire,
Iris, Kanna, Maria, Kohran, and Ichiro.

Sumire: Oh great! Another demon! Now I'll miss the Philippine president's arrival at the
Kanzaki residence!

Iris: Don't worry. As long as we kick the demon's butt, we'll be back in no time. Right,
Jean Paul?

Kohran: This demon looks like a human. It's chicken feed for us.

Kanna: Yeah! Let's get it on!

And Team Hana blasts M. M. Omar away to ashes with their spiritual powers while leaving the
temple unscathed.

Sakura: Whew! That was the easiest mission in our career!

Maria: He's no match after all.

Ichiro: We've got to report back to the base. Let's go!

And the team left the temple.

Now back to Afghanistan.

Brad: Now that Mullah Mohammad Omar's out of the picture, the FF team has bin Laden in their
own hands.

Chrischi: And listen to what Mr. T says.

Mr. T: So that sucka's Mullah Mohammad Omar, eh? Well that means Osama bin Laden's also here!
(takes a deep breath) Osama....... Hey, ya bearded sucka! Where are ya!

The ground shakes.

Chrischi: Hey! Bin Laden's back! And look who's bringing him!

Brad: It's Fenrir!

Destined-Warrior: It seems that bin Laden secretly visited Madain Sari and put Fenrir in his
sapphire pendant.

bin Laden: Another American to beat me? Well, I'll send you to nowhere! Terrestrial Rage!

Fenrir punches Mr. T to kingdom come.

Mr. T: Ya can't throw me ta outta space, you suckaaaaaaaahhhhh........

Eiko: No! You stole my eidolon!

bin Laden: Hahahaha! I master everything just to establish a pan-Islamic empire!

Brad: Now it's all out war!

Chrischi: Will bin Laden taste his fate for good?

Destined-Warrior: The answer will be determined after these messages!

(game paused)
(end of chapter)