It was a sunny, sunny day in Prozac City, where happy people cheered with glee at the new day, a new day of life in the land of miracles and happiness. Oh, there was not a cloud in the sky, and the little blue jays and robins merrily sang their merry little songs throughout the city of peace and happiness…

Person One: Oh joyous joys… (Swallows a bottle of Prozac) …Life is good! Life is happiness. Oh, how happy I am!

Person Two: Yes, today is the best day of my life!

Person One: Really? It's mine, too! (Smiles)

Person Three: Let us sing a song of happiness with the blue jays and robins, for our feathered friends are but the essence of happiness!

Robin: We are the happy, happy, happy people of the sunny, sunny- (Gets nailed with a staff) SQUAWK!

Oh where, oh where could that have come from?

Vivi: I GOT ONE! WOO-HOO!

Person Two, Three: (Sweatdrop) …

Ah, our innocent friend Vivi the Black Mage is here! He's by far the happiest one of them all, but he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, or the brightest star in the sky, in fact, our dear Vivi is in fact, a dense, innocent child. But since he is so kawaii, he doesn't need to be too smart!

Vivi: OHAYO! ^-^ (Kawaii music intro plays) I'M VIVI THE BLACK MAGE! HOW YA DOING?

Person One: Fine!

Person Two and Three are smart enough to run off, but since Person One had a dose of Prozac, he'll stay with our dear friend Vivi.

Vivi: YA KNOW… I'M REALLLLLLLLLLLLLY LOST RIGHT NOW! CAN YOU HELP ME?

Person One: (Bright smile) why, you're in the heart of happiness and joy! I'm Bob! It's nice to see you in Prozac City!

Vivi: KEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWL! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays) I want to buy some Prozac!

Bob: No need! (Smiles) We practically give the stuff away!

Vivi: HUZZAH! HUZZAH! (Jumps up and down) FIFTY BOTTLES PLEASE!

Bob: Right! (Hands over 100)

Vivi: YAY! (Hides them in his coat pocket) THANKEE-SAI!

However, there is one person who's not as happy as anyone of Prozac City! Oh no, what shall the people do?

Kuja: What the hell is this?

Person Four: Welcome to Prozac City! (Smiles)

Kuja: How pathetic… -_O… Okay. Would you happen to know where I could find a map for Naeri?

Person Four: (Gets hit with the staff) AGHHHHHHHHH!

Poor Person Four, we knew him well…

Vivi: WOOOOOOOOO! ^-^ (Kawaii music intro plays) OHAYO! I'M VIVI THE BLACK MAGE! HOW YA DOING?

Kuja: O_O;  …Fine… Do you know where I can find a-

Vivi: (Rummaging through his pocket) I HAVE PROZAC!

Out of the pocket came a few bricks, a drum, a string collection, a map to Naeri and…

Kuja: The map! Listen, Vivi, I need this map. Will you give it to me so I can be on my way?

Vivi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't… find Prozac…

Yet another day in Tracan City… The people of this city are mere shells of human beings, the will of survival being the only thing instilled in their souls. To survive, what was the purpose, when they're all to die and be forgotten? What was the purpose to wake up to the next day, if they could die any moment, any second now? These forsaken people have no purpose or will to live, but still they lead their routine lives, not in hopes for a miracle, no, for hope is forbidden here. It's too late for miracles now, only the brutal reality that pushes their souls and minds to the limit, driving them to the edge… For it's only a matter to time before the winds of time push them over. There is no happiness here, all such worthless emotions and feelings are forbidden in Tracan City.

Vivi: OH! IT WAS IN MY OTHER POCKET! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Oh, how happy we all are in Prozac City! Peace and Joy and Happiness supreme! To savor every second of life and we'll be forever together! YAY!

Kuja: EXCUSE ME!

Vivi: …Yeah?

Kuja: Can I have this map to Naeri?

Vivi: …No. Not unless I come with you. ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja: -_-; …Fine…

Vivi: HUZZAH! HUZZAH! (Jumps) THANKEE-SAI!

Kuja: … What have I gotten myself into…?

And so, this was the (very sudden) beginning of an epic journey, a great saga, a moment in history which all will remember…!

The Grand Adventures of Vivi and Kuja

Vivi: (Bursts into applause) …That… was so beautiful!

Kuja: Huh? What're you talking about?

The two heroes have set off on the journey to find the destination of Naeri, a place of great treasure. On the map, it told of specific landmarks that led to it. They currently trekked towards their first landmark, a rather gloomy forest. Unknown to our heroes, though, is that the forest was no ordinary forest. No, this was a forest of death and misery… For no traveler who made it into this forest ever made it out alive…

Kuja stared at the sign held up by two skeletons.

WELCOME TO DEATH FOREST!

Please do not set foot in this forest

Unless you are prepared to be trapped here

For all eternities to come!

Please visit the Master of the Forest to

Donate your soul today!

Vivi: Ooh… o_O …message of inevitable doom… (Swallows some Prozac)

Kuja: Well, I guess we have to go through the forest if we plan to get to Naeri and the treasures.

Vivi: I love shiny things! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja: -_-;

However, as soon as they walk in…

POOF!

Kuja: O_O;

Dracozombie: RARRRRRRRRRGH!

Vivi: …eep… o_O

Kuja: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dracozombie: COME WITH ME NEW TRAVELERS.

Vivi: Um… Why?

Dracozombie: COME WITH ME NEW TRAVELERS.

Vivi: Um… Why?

Dracozombie: COME WITH ME NEW TRAVELERS.

Vivi: COME WITH ME NEW TRAVELERS.

Dracozombie: Um… Why?

Vivi: ^-^; (Kawaii music plays)

Dracozombie: ^-^; (Evil music plays) DAMN!

Vivi: HUZZAH! HUZZAH! (Jumps)

Kuja: -_O;;

The Dracozombie promptly fell over with a cry of death, and faded to the Mists…

Kuja: …Hey… What's with all this… …mist?

The Genome quickly went into spasms and fell.

Vivi: …o_O… eep…

Vivi knelt and poked Kuja, confused as to why he had fallen asleep at a time like this. After a while, the little black mage began to ponder some more, and finally decided how thinking was probably going to get him nowhere.

Nowhere brought the sad, sad memory of his uncle Harold, who was lost to a Kansas sandstorm while trying to find the middle of nowhere. Since Harold was so smart, he decided he was going to search the center state, Kansas, but did not get past the storm.

Storms led to his brother George, because George was a sailor, and had the mouth of one too. He had sailed the seven seas, although Vivi wasn't sure if Gaia had seven seas, or if this was even Gaia, which it wasn't, and how he had known that Kansas existed, which he didn't really know at all. This feeling of non-existence brought him to think of himself, and why did he ponder so much in FF9, and why did he make a shameless video game reference? Shamelessness brought him to think of the dark corners of the human mind, who made him think of his father Bob. Bob, a psychologist for lemmings, never really studied psychology. He was a psycho, and ran with the lemmings one day only to jump off a cliff with them all.

The feeling of death led him to wonder where one went after death. Did one get to a land that housed their wildest dreams, or maybe a land where they would take toll for their misdeeds? Would one be reincarnated, or would they go nowhere?

And so Vivi started thinking about Nowhere again, until he finally figured out that he was created, and he had no family to begin with. The horrible revelation that he had no uncle Harold, brother George or father named Bob caused Vivi to weep bitterly, and soon he figured out that he really didn't care. All this carelessness led to yet another string of thoughts that made Vivi ponder the possible existence of any family, and so it ultimately led to forty-two, which is the meaning of life, and one very, very large headache.

Vivi: Hey, where'd Kuja go? ^-^; (Kawaii music plays)

A Serpion slowly rose from the Mist, hissing at the mage. 

 Serpion: Your friend is gone, small mage. He-

Vivi: THAT'S NOT MY NAME! ^-^ (Kawaii music intro plays) OHAYO! I'M VIVI THE BLACK MAGE!

Serpion: -_-… Very well, Vivi…

Vivi: That's Mr. Orunitia to you. Nyah. ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Serpion: Listen. Your friend Kuja is gone, and you shall soon be too. But tell me, why did you not fall prey to the Mist?

Vivi: 'Cause I'm made of Mist myself! Where's Kuja?

Serpion: -_O… Gone.

Vivi: You'll have to be more specific. I can't process that. ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Serpion: It does not matter, Vivi. You shall soon join him.

Vivi: I don't want to join him; I just wanna know where he is.

Serpion: (Irritated) You have no choice. Your fate is in the hands of the Master of Forest.

Vivi: (Whining) I don't wanna know about my fate's controller! I want to know where's Kuja?

Serpion: Succumb to me, mortal!

As this word, mortal, was said, Vivi underwent a frightening change. The childish, innocent soul the body once housed was tossed far into Vivi's mind, and in its place a ruthless killer. To accompany this change, the black mage's eyes narrowed and flared crimson. Two glowing blades extended from either side of the staff, and silver wings emerged from his back.

Vivi: (Badass voice) Your choice of words was not very wise, Serpion.

Serpion: You leave me no choice but to battle, Vivi.

Vivi: (same) Nay, that is the name of the disturbed child I once was. You shall know your murderer's name as Kurone, no more or less than so. Now, lead me to Kuja or die.

Serpion: You shall lose against- (Promptly explodes)

Kurone: Easy enough. Now to find that Kuja...

Vivi: (In mind) I NEED MY PROZACCCCCCCCCCCCC!

Kurone: Quiet you. My time has come!

Vivi: (IM) Time? WOO-HOO! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays) I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING!

Kurone: (Gasping for breath) Stop it, stay quiet, I… can't… hold… on…

Losing his will, Kurone quickly grabbed the Prozac, as Vivi ordered him to, and swallowed the whole bottle. The changes in Vivi were reversed, and he was restored.

Vivi: (original voice) A-ONE! A-TWO! A-ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR! (Hazy Shade of Winter begins to play) Time, time, time! See what's become of me…!

Meanwhile, Kuja, still unconscious, hung on a vine. This mutant vine was slowly headed towards a strong beam of light that revealed a hideous looking Venus flytrap…

Venus flytrap: Another lost soul… Soon, I shall be resurrected to my former glory!

…Back to Vivi…

Vivi: (Finishing up) Ba-dum-ba! Woo…^-^ (Kawaii music plays) This is so fun!

He nails another Serpion.

Vivi: Hello… What's this?

A rickety canoe lay floating in a river of greenish brown water, a skeleton holding another sign.

THIS WATER MAY FEED THE LIFE OF THE FOREST

BUT KILLS ANY WHO DARE TO DRINK IT

KILLS ANY TO DARE TO SWIM IT

KILLS ANY WHO DARE TO TOUCH IT

BEWARE OF ITS TOUCH

FOR MANY DEATHS HAVE COME FROM THE CARELESS

USE THIS TO TRAVEL THE RIVER OF LIFE AND DEATH

BEWARE THE MASTER THAT THRIVES HERE…

Vivi: Yeah, I'm confused right about now! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

However, Vivi boarded the canoe and released it, paddling through the water.

Vivi: Hmm…

The mage pulled out a book that was decorated in glowing runes. He flipped through the worn pages until he found a page full of complicated looking runes

Vivi: Lessee… Canoe…blah blah blah… Poison water… Giant serpent sub-boss, and Master of the Forest… Here I go! ^-^  (Kawaii music plays)

Giant Serpent: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRORG!

Vivi: O_O! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Vivi suddenly went into panic, waving his staff around madly. The staff hit a branch that threw a pointy twig at the Serpent.

Giant Serpent: RORRRRGGGGGGG! (Poke) KSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH!

Vivi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Giant Serpent: KSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH!

Vivi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Giant Serpent: KSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…ssssssssssssssssssh…

Vivi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH- Huh?

The inflatable Serpent was deflated and defeated at last! All by the skills of Vivi!

Vivi: o_O… (Continues to row) …That was a waste of time… DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Another skeleton holding a sign appeared.

MASTER OF THE FOREST

LAIR UP AHEAD

Will Vivi save Kuja? Will the Master of the Forest be resurrected? Will we ever find out how in the world did Vivi get a strategy guide to a fanfic? And what about Kurone?!

Kurone: (In mind) Blasted mage child…

Kuja: X_X

Master of the Forest: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Vivi: PROZACCCCCCCCCCCCCC! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

What have I done…? Did you like it, hate it, or really didn't care? Do you hear that line every time an author asks you to review? Do you want me to stop asking questions? Then review and I'll stop… All flames are used to make my Cow a flaming pasture, so don't send 'em if you don't want your precious flame trampled and electrocuted. See ya! ^-^