A/N: Thanks for reviewing! Special thanks to Cerena Montanyu… (I've never been threatened with Green Spanish Insanity Jello before ^-^) and Topaz Dahlia (I've also never been put on a fave list… Thankee-sai! ^-^)

Disclaimer: I forgot it last time; I know… -_-; (Don't worry, I put the first one in the reviews.) But it's here this time. I don't own FF9, 'cause I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it if I did. Damn you, Squaresoft! (Muttering) Why'd you have to think of it first?

Anyway, on with the fic! ^-^

We last left our heroes in the clutches of Death Forest, (a rather sad revision for Evil Forest) where a resting evil waited, a schizophrenic black mage child traveled, and a genome's fate hung in the balance!

Flashback

Kuja: …Hey… What's with all this… …mist?

The Genome quickly went into spasms and fell.

Vivi: …o_O… eep…

Vivi: Hey, where'd Kuja go? ^-^; (Kawaii music plays)

A Serpion slowly rose from the Mist, hissing at the mage. 

Serpion: Listen. Your friend Kuja is gone, and you shall soon be too.

Serpion: You leave me no choice but to battle, Vivi.

Kurone: Nay, that is the name of the disturbed child I once was. You shall know your murderer's name as Kurone, no more or less than so. Now, lead me to Kuja or die.

Meanwhile, Kuja, still unconscious, hung on a vine. This mutant vine was slowly headed towards a strong beam of light that revealed a hideous looking Venus flytrap…

Venus flytrap: Another lost soul… Soon, I shall be resurrected to my former glory!

Vivi: Lessee… Canoe…blah blah blah… Poison water… Giant serpent sub-boss, and Master of the Forest… Here I go! ^-^  (Kawaii music plays)

The Grand Adventures of Vivi and Kuja

Kuja: …Ugh… Where am I…?

Venus flytrap: I shall consume your soul! You will be the key to my resurrection, and inevitable takeover of the world!

Kuja: Ah shit… THIS IS NOT WHAT I NEED TO WAKE UP TOOOOOOOO!!!! O_O!!!

Vivi: Ba-dum… Ba-dum… (Sees Kuja) Ba…dum… HEY! IT'S KUJA! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Both Kuja and the Venus flytrap whirl towards Vivi.

Both: O_O!!! The hell?

Venus flytrap: (Recovering) Traveler of the rivers… H-how did you get past the Guardian?

Vivi: Oh… YOU MEAN THE GIANT SNAKE? ^-^ (Kawaii music plays) I POKED HIM WITH A POINTY TWIG!

Venus flytrap: DAMN! Stupid inflatable…

Kuja: You used an inflatable serpent to guard a river leading straight to your lair? -_O

Venus flytrap: -_-; Yeah… That obviously didn't scare away that disturbed child…

Vivi: THAT'S NOT MY NAME!!! OHAYO! ^-^ (Kawaii music intro plays) I'M VIVI THE BLACK MAGE! But you gotta call me Mr. Orunitia, 'cause you're the freakishly ugly plant thingy who shall inevitably perish by means of a roasting inferno during a really cool FMV! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja: (Skeptically) Roasting inferno?

Venus flytrap: (Gaping) Roasting inferno?! O-O

Vivi: (Singing) ROASTING INFERNO!!! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja: …Master of the Forest, what level are you?

Venus flytrap: …Eh? Oh, uh… Seventy-two.

Kuja: (Glare) Vivi… You're only Level One. There's no possible way you have the power to cast such powerful magic.

Vivi: (Sweatdrop) I know! ^-^; (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja: Thinking of some sort of plan that will be considered completely impossible and irrational until you act it out and make it seem brilliant?  

Vivi: Nope, I'm just stalling for time! Maybe that way, the icky plant will get you, and I can escape!

Kuja: O_O DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!

Venus flytrap: …Are you quite done?

Vivi: THERE'S ONE MORE THING I MUST SAY!

Kuja: Damned traitor…

Venus flytrap: (To Vivi) What? What is it?

Vivi: FIRE IN THE HULL! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja and Venus flytrap: o_o… Wha?

{FMV}

A flaming airship immediately plummeted into the forest, taking out the Venus flytrap and Kuja in the process.

{End FMV}

Vivi: (Confident) Roasting inferno! THANKEE-SAI GIANT FLAMING AIRSHIP!!! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja: X_X…

Venus Flytrap: …Ack…

Vivi: I NEED SOMETHING TO DOOOOOOOO! O_O!!! (Passes out)

Kurone: (IM) …Sigh… There's got to be a better way to live…

As our heroes lay unconscious on the forest floor, a death cry came from the distance. The light that allowed the Master of the Forest to live was now cut, turning the majestic Venus flytrap into stone. Luckily, he dropped poor Kuja before he got petrified… ^-^

Kuja: ITAI! X_X

Vivi: X_X

Venus Flytrap: X_X

Voice: This isn't natural! It's like the whole forest is coming after us!

Zidane, Steiner (carrying Garnet), and Blank ran into the scene.

Zidane: It looks like we're safe here.

Steiner: I hope so; we need to find Master Vivi!

Blank: (To Zidane) Is that the mage kid you were talking about? (Points to Vivi)

Vivi: (Waking really fast) THAT'S NOT MY NAME!!!!

Zidane, Garnet (now awake ^-^), Steiner, and Blank: O_O!!!!!

Vivi: OHAYO! (Kawaii music intro plays) I'M VIVI THE BLACK MAGE! KUJAAAAAA! WAKE UP!

Kuja: ARGH! At least let me die in peace, you blasted mage! Have you no mercy?!

Vivi: …

Kuja: Well?

Vivi: …No. ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja: DAMN YOUUUUUUU!!!!!! (Sighs) -_-; Why do I even bother…?

Zidane: Vivi, are you okay? I mean, you were sent flying sometime after Queen Brahne attacked the airship…

Somewhere, far, far in the distance…

Brahne: Oh dear…. I just killed off half the population… ^-^ 

Zorn: (Prancing by) We are screwed! ^-^

Thorn: ^-^ Screwed are we! (Prancing by)

Beatrix: -_-;

Baku: (Sobbing) DAMMIT!!! I just remembered… I DON'T HAVE AIRSHIP INSURANCE!!!

Garnet: (Twitch) … My mother's gone insane…

Blank: (Twitch) … I'm gonna be hung for sure…

Vivi: So THAT'S how I ended up in Prozac City! Did I just hear something? @_@

Kurone: (IM) Just take your Prozac…

Kuja: (To Steiner and Zidane) What were you running from?

Steiner: After destroying the evil monster that took Garnet, we fled for safety. This whole blasted forest is coming after us!

Kuja: The whole… forest? O_O

Blank: …Yes.

Kuja: (Sweatdrop) Vivi…?

Vivi: (Swallowing Prozac) Yeah?

Kuja: We need to haul ass.

Vivi: Alrighty! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

{FMV}

Everybody was running for their lives as the thick forest behind them rapidly turned into stone. Zidane, however, was lagging behind, and Vivi was nowhere in sight. Suddenly, a Plant Spider lunged for Zidane. Instead of Blank sacrificing himself, Vivi promptly nailed the spider with a staff, riding by on a Fang. All sweatdropped as Vivi rode the Fang ahead of them and out of the forest.

{End FMV}

Vivi: WOOOOOOOOOOOO! I GOT A FREE CHOCOBO!!!! I'M NAMING IT AFTER MY FRIEND BOB!

Zidane: Vivi, you're naming a Fang… Bob?

Vivi: OF COURSE NOT! (Proudly) It's a Chocobo, and its name is the S.S. Prozac! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Fang: KWEH!

All: …O_O…

Kuja: Sigh... Why do I get the odd feeling that Blank wasn't supposed to make it out of the forest?

Blank: He-he…^-^;

Steiner: (Tending to Garnet) So, who did get stuck?

Moguo: Who do you think, kupo?!

A moogle stumbled/flew towards them, dropping at about halfway there.

Moguo: Damn it! My pom-pom's petrified!!!

Kuja: …(Jerks)…

Zidane: Kuja?

Kuja: …He-he…

Vivi: C'mon, let it out!

Kuja: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! ^-^

Moguo: Hey! You need my help, kupo! You won't be able to go on without me! I control your fates, ku- (Gets nailed with a staff) … X_X

Other: (Look to Vivi)

Vivi: (Innocent-looking) What? ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Steiner: Okay then… We're going back to Alexandria, Princess!

Garnet: …No. No we're not.

Steiner: WHAT? O_O!!! But we must! Her Majesty must be so worried!

Far away, in Alexandria…

Beatrix: Your Majesty, aren't you worried about your daughter?

Brahne: Kind of. ^-^

Beatrix: KIND OF?! She's your daughter, and future ruler of the people of Alexandria!

Zorn: So, that means we definitely need to get her back, or else the people of Alexandria are doomed to have no future queen?

Thorn: Else are the future of Alexandria people doomed to have no queen or so, means that get her back definitely we need to…?

All: ………

Zorn: …Thorn?

Thorn: Yes?

Zorn: Never speak again.

Thorn: ^-^;

Brahne: So… Anybody want to hold a kegger?

Beatrix: ME!

All: O_O!

Beatrix: What? I like to drink! ^-^

Zorn: I am for it!

Thorn: For it am I!

Brahne: It's official! Kegger in the castle!

All: Kickass! ^-^ (Celebrating)

Back at the exit of Death Forest….

Blank: …I doubt it seriously, Princess. ^-^

Zidane: Besides, do you really think you can make it alone?

Steiner: Yes, I do!

Garnet: (Angry) Steiner!

Steiner: Princess, we can make it to Alexandria, and I can defend you by means of my knightly sword! ^-^

Kuja: Gods… That almost sounds like something Vivi would say…

Vivi: No, I would sound like… Princess, we can make it to Alexandria, and I can defend you by means of my knightly sword! ^-^

Zidane: …

Blank: …

Garnet: …

Kuja: …

S.S. Prozac: …

Moguo: …

Vivi: … (Kawaii music plays)

All: Oh! ^-^

Blank: Anyway, Steiner, we've got to bring Garnet with us! She wanted to be snatched in the first place!

Garnet: That's right!

Steiner: I refuse to believe it. The scoundrels are forcing you to say such.

Zidane: No we're not!

Steiner: Liar!

Blank: No we're not!

Steiner: Ruffian!

Zidane: No we're not!

Steiner: Fool!

Blank: No we're not!

Steiner: Monkey!

Zidane: No we're not!

Steiner: Larcenist!

Blank: No we're not!

Steiner: Scoundrel!

Zidane: No we're not!

Steiner: Then what are you?!

Zidane and Blank: …Here to annoy you!

Steiner: ARGHHHHHHH!!

Zidane and Blank: ^-^;

Garnet: (Sweatdrop)

Kuja: Sigh…

Vivi: @_@

S.S. Prozac: KWEH!

Kurone: (IM) -_-;

Steiner: X_X

Kuja: …Well, I think we just went through all our replies… What the hell were you all going to do in the first place?

Zidane: Well, we could possibly form a temporary alliance for the sake of Garnet so we travel through the Ice Cavern in hopes of getting to civilization and let me end up fighting a Black Waltz along the way that ends up opening a plot development in hopes of moving the story along, so this would show that somebody's after us and introduces some sort of a villain, which in turn allows the reader/player to experience a spectacular fight scene AND allows for a historic renaming of Garnet to Dagger, therefore making the journey through the Ice Cavern an important turning point for Garnet in the fic? ^-^

All: …

Vivi: No more book for you! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Zidane: DAMN!

The Genome reluctantly handed back the book of glowing and complicated runes over to Vivi.

Garnet: (Ignoring this) So, it's settled. We're going to the Ice Cavern, and (Turns to Vivi and Kuja) you guys are joining us?

Kuja held up the map of Naeri.

Kuja: Well, if what I see on this map is true, the direction you're going is the same direction as Naeri, as the Ice Cavern is the second landmark leading to it. Luckily for me, no one's ever gotten through Death Forest, so I should be okay…

Vivi: Actually, YOU'RE NOT! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja: WHAT?

Vivi: Ya see… No one before us has ever gotten through the forest…

All: (Nodding) Uh-huh…

Vivi: But instead, heeded the sign and went around.

Kuja: But that takes longer.

Vivi: No it doesn't. ^-^ (Kawaii music plays) Getting through the forest would take nearly all day. Going around takes five minutes.

All: …

Kuja: …You mean… THIS COULD HAVE ALL BEEN AVOIDED?!?!?!?!?!?!

Blank: Apparently so.

Kuja: (To Vivi) DAMN YOU! YOU… YOU…

Vivi: …Blasted mage child? ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja: YOU SHALL DIE! (Charges after Vivi)

Vivi: S.S. PROZAC, AWAYYYYYYY! (Jumps on the Fang)

S.S. Prozac: K-KWEH!!!! (Flees)

Steiner: Sigh…

Zidane: Well, we better go after them! ^-^

Blank: Okay! ^-^

Garnet: …

Will the group find the Ice Cavern? Will Moguo ever get his pom-pom unpetrified? Will Queen Brahne and the others survive the hangover from the party? Will Kuja catch Vivi? ^-^

Vivi: He-he! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kurone: (IM) Damn, damn, damn, damn….

Moguo: (Cursing away)

Master of the Forest: X_X

Steiner: I never thought I'd say this, but Master Vivi's gone insane…

Zidane: WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ^-^

Blank: WOO-HOO! ^-^

Brahne, Zorn Thorn and Beatrix: (Singing) Forty-four bottles of beer… Take one down, pass it around…

Garnet: (Muttering) I am so screwed…

As before, did you like it, hate it, or really didn't care? Do you hear that line every time an author asks you to review? Do you want me to stop asking questions? Then review and I'll stop… All flames are used to make my Cow a flaming pasture, so don't send 'em if you don't want your precious flame trampled and electrocuted.

Cow: Moo. ^-^

See ya! ^-^