A/N: Um, I need to make a correction… Um, the evil moogle known as Monty should actually be Mois… And the small moogle with Mogster is Moggy…  Sorry for the mistake, I'll get it fixed up right away… ^-^

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9; I never have and never will. You're all are cruel for making me say that, now I have to kidnap Vivi from Squaresoft… Oh wait, that's kinda cool in its own way… Anyway, I do own Fiji, 'cause he's my muse, my Cow (Another muse, duh), and Kurone, our kickass Black Waltz you tend to hear from every now and then. Give 'em a round of applause, 'cause they're all stuck in this 'fic and need the encouragement… ^-^

Now, on with the fic!

We last left our heroes in the Ice Cavern! Duh… If you read the last chapter you would've known that…

Flashback

Welcome to the Ice Cavern!

Steiner: The scoundrel deserved it anyway… Excellent work, Master Vivi! But, uh, tell me… How did that Cave Imp just appear…?

Moggy: What're you going to teach me today, bro?

Mogster is dressed as a small gladiator.

Mogster: I-I'm not too sure myself, kupo…

Armodullahan: ROOOOOOOOAR!

Mogster: X_X

Choco: (Battle Cry) KWEKWEEEEEEEEH!!!!!

Brahne: Send out Black Waltz One! GO! Inhabit the Ice Cavern, confront a genome, and DIE! ^-^

Brahne: Zorn, Thorn! Go… Uh, do something sneaky and evil, yet become comic relief and annoying ass characters that people love anyway!

Brahne: Beatrix! Become yet another annoying ass character that continues to beat the heroes until I finally show how evil I am! Then, go join them and become pathetically weak! After that, I'll have enough money to have another kegger!

Garnet: There's a… Moogle in the ice…

Mois: (On fire) I'M ON FIRE!!!! (Glares at them all) You bastards!

Kurone: No moogle calls me a bastard…!

Mois: (Scared) K-kupo… Why don't you all do face the evil Black Waltz now?

Kuja: How the hell do you know about the Black Waltzes? Are you plotting our deaths or something?!

Mois: (Evil grin) Ah yes, Sealion is ready at last… He will surely grant you victory over those pathetic heroes.

BW One: Excellent…

Mois: Torment the moogles, eh? We'll see… We'll see… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

BW One: Hey-ho… Let's go.

Sealion: ROOOOOOOOOG! ^-^

The Grand Adventures of Vivi and Kuja

Zidane: Did I m-mention its c-c-c-cold?

Garnet: Unless you want Vivi setting you on fire again, I doubt you should say anything.

Kuja: (Glares at Garnet)

Zidane: (Sweatdrop) Good idea… Eh, where is he anyway?

Steiner: Master Vivi said something about going to a court hearing…

Far, far away in a courtroom…

Vivi: (Glare) What? Of course he signed the waiver! His signature's right there!

Mogster: He said it was a lifetime supply of Kupo nuts…

Vivi: I didn't lie! The Kupo nuts were his salary if he could survive the Armodullahan battle. He signed the damn waiver, your Honor!

Judge Garland: (Sweatdrop) So you're telling me that this moogle is suing you because he signed a waiver, stating the possibility of injury/death during a battle with an Armodullahan.

Vivi: Yeah.

Judge Garland: And where is the Armodullahan?

Vivi: Choco killed it! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Judge Garland: And this Choco, where does this man live?

Vivi: He's a Chocobo, your Honor.

Judge Garland: He's a what…?

Kurone: (IM) Sigh… (Sarcastic) Nice going, mage. Now Choco's going to beat the police force, we're going to end up being associated with a major felon, then we'll be in court again and we'll be locked up with that crazy authoress I keep hearing about…

KawaiiKat: (Typing in jail) He-he… You know I had to do it sometime. Self-insertion kicks ass. ^-^

Cow: Moo. (Angelic music plays)

Fiji: (To KawaiiKat) I hate you and that stupid cow… How the hell did we end up being arrested?

KawaiiKat: Um long story? ^-^;

Vivi: Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do…

Kurone: (IM) …Turn ourselves in and end the reign of a hyperactive menace to society?

Vivi: No… WE'RE GONNA FLEE FROM COURT AND BECOME MAJOR FELONS! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Judge Garland: (Sternly) Mr. Orunitia!

Kurone: (IM) DAMMIT VIVI!!!!!!!

Vivi: (Swallowing Prozac) Quiet Kurone! I have a plan!

Far, far back at the Ice Cavern…

S.S. Prozac: KWEH!

Blank: Hey, aren't we in the Black Waltz's lair?

Steiner: Yes, but I see no Black Waltz. Vivi may have led us the wrong way.

Zidane: No way! He said that he spoke to Black Waltz No. One himself!

All: (BIG sweatdrop) …

Suddenly, from the chilling darkness of the Cavern a great evil followed our party. With a malicious glint in his eyes he remained in the shadows that cloaked his body, hauntingly beautiful wings looming over him, increasing the aura of evil he seemed to have gathered around him. The winds, the winds roared furiously at the dark intruder, and the ice became that much colder… But it meant nothing to him, for he only had his purpose in mind, a simple yet so horrific task… He was created to destroy those who dare defy the queen…

And from behind, a hideous beast of great proportions stood, still as death. Gleaming tusks were camouflaged with the icicles formed simply by his exhaling; he was a true creature of the ice.

Their minds were set on their only purpose, for no one would reach the light of day after they entered the lair… And from the darkness, from the Cavern… A soft, yet dangerous voice rose from the depths of the walls, a voice filled with terrible power, a voice so full of hatred and malice…

Black Waltz No. One (BW1): I can't believe I'm dying so the Queen can have another kegger party…

Sealion: ROG! ^-^

BW1: Then again, I can't believe I missed out… Damn!

Blank: Am I the only one who can hear what everyone's saying?!

Kuja: …Anyway, I think Vivi's fine. Let's go destroy the Black Waltz or whatever…

Immediately, Steiner and Garnet fell over unconscious.

Blank: The hell?!

S.S. Prozac: Kweh?

Kuja: Stupid Fang…

Zidane: Now, this doesn't help at all… How're we going to get Rusty and the Princess out of the Cavern? The guy must weigh a ton! But I wouldn't mind carrying Garnet… ^-^

Kuja: I think we need to find Vivi after all… There's a Fire spell out there somewhere with your name on it.

A bell jingled in the distance. Slowly, it grew closer to their location, until Black Waltz No. One appeared.

BW1: Oh! (Stares at S.S. Prozac) What a cute Chocobo! ^-^ (Many bells jingle)

Kuja: Oh, for the love of-! It's a FANG! -_O

S.S. Prozac: KWEH! ^-^

Blank: Okay then… You're the Black Waltz, right?

BW1: Yeah! Which one of you is the genome known as Zidane?

Zidane: That would be me!

BW1: Great… SEALION! KILL!

Suddenly, a giant thunderbolt slammed down in front of the Sealion.

Sealion: ROG!

And out of the bright opening that led out of the cavern stood a familiar figure. After jumping forward, it was seen to don a familiar blue jacket and steeple hat…

Zidane: Hey, it's-

Kuja: A COW?!

But this was no ordinary cow… This was a best, coolest, most powerful, grandest, honored, greatest, magnificent, good enough to be copyrighted Cow™!

Cow: Moo. ^-^ (Angelic music plays)

Blank: (Sweatdrop) Why not, everything else has happened…

BW1: What the…?

And the Cow hovered to our friend the Black Waltz… And promptly beat the shit out of him.

BW1: X_X

Kuja, Blank and S.S. Prozac: …

Zidane: Damn.

And as dramatically as she came, the Cow took Black Waltz No. One and Sealion, flying out of the cavern, far, far, away in the distance! And something came flying straight back…

Vivi: WOOOOO! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays) THIS IS SO KEWL!

Kurone: (IM) I can't believe he actually got away with stealing that airship…

Vivi: (Looking at the Ice Cavern) Uh-oh… FIRE IN THE HULL! HIT THE DECK AND BRACE FOR IMPACT!

Kurone: (IM) AIYEEEEEE!

Garnet: Ugh… What happened?

Steiner: Are you all right, Princess?

Garnet: Okay, we need to do something about my name…

Kuja: We talk later. Let's just leave this place, before something else happens…

Blank: (BIG sweatdrop) Too late for that I'm afraid…

And immediately, the airship crashed into the Ice Cavern, utterly destroying it.

Zidane: Oh shit.

And as the ice came tumbling down upon our heroes (and heroine) all went black…

What a depressing cliffhanger! What will happen to our poor heroes (and heroine) now? What about the other Black Waltzes, and the moogles? Will the police ever find Vivi/Kurone and Choco? And what about Black Waltz No. One and Sealion?

KawaiiKat: Black Waltzes rock. ^-^ (Hugs BW1)

BW1: HELP ME!

Sealion: ROG! (Jumps up and down)

Cow: Moo. ^-^ (Angelic music plays)

Fiji: Why me? -_-

Argh, I know it was shorter. But I've been busy with other things! That's about all you get to hear, so NYAH. ^_~

As before, did you like it, hate it, or really didn't care? Do you hear that line every time an author asks you to review? Do you want me to stop asking questions? Then review and I'll stop… All flames are used to make my Cow a flaming pasture, so don't send 'em if you don't want your precious flame trampled and electrocuted.

Fiji: No, discourage her… This way I'll stop suffering and- ACK! X_X

Cow: Moo. ^-^ (Angelic music plays)

See ya! ^-^