A/N: Thank you all who reviewed so far! I'm sure I can find Grand Adventure character plushies for you all! ^-^

Disclaimer: I don't own FF9. (Fights hard not to kill disclaimer.)

Now, on with the 'fic!

We last left our heroes down a pit! Oh, how charming!

Flashback

Godly Voice: Though you have done great evils in Final Fantasy Nine, I have seen you have suffered the wrath of that mage child for the past while… You have proven yourself, and I pity you, so you now have the opportunity to live in happiness in my realm…

Kuja: ALL RIGHT! ^-^ (Charges for the light)

Vivi, Kuja, and S.S. Prozac remained unmoving in the snow…

Vivi: Kuja's going to another realm… For the sake of the plot, I cannot let this happen! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kurone: (Eyes glowing red) Ask not for whom the bell tolls… For it tolls for you!

Choco: (Bestows the gift of the Gold Chocobo upon S.S. Prozac and flies off laughing)

Blank: AIYEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Thump) …pain… Hey, there's a pathway down here!

Garnet: You know… I need a new name. Zidane, what is this exactly? (Holds up dagger)

Garnet: The name's Dagger! (Bashes Zidane and jumps down the hole)

The Grand Adventures of Vivi and Kuja

Blank: All right, this is getting kinda creepy… Is everyone still here?

Dagger: I'm still here…

Steiner: As am I…

Kuja: By some strange coincidence, this is the hidden pathway that will put me one step closer to the treasures of Naeri. Before we get ourselves into a misadventure that can be avoided, is there another way out of this?

Vivi: Well, there's a fork up ahead! One way is extremely safe with atmospheric music, wall-to-wall carpeting, mood lighting, all-you-can-eat-buffets and aromatherapy candles. The other tunnel leads to hellish minions of darkness that slowly and painfully devour your souls as you stupidly fall into their traps by means of your limited mortal intellect!

All: O_O;

Dagger: So which pathway leads to the aromatherapy candles and such?

Vivi: I have no idea! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kurone: (In mind) I do. And it would be wise to take the safe path as quickly as possible. There's something evil near…

Vivi: (Out loud) Of course something evil is near, Kurone! It just took Zidane!

Blank: WHAT?!

Steiner: That has to be the best news I've heard all day! ^-^

Dagger: (Glare)

Steiner: What?

The Genome had vanished into thin air! It also seemed to be getting darker as the party approached a fork in the pathway. What evils lie in wait; ready to kill our unsuspecting heroes?

Kuja: Better yet, where the hell are we?

WELCOME TO THE PATHWAY TO TRENO

FEAR THIS PATHWAY
AND THE BEINGS WITHIN

BEWARE OF THE TRUE INHABITANTS
OF TRENO

ALL WARNING SIGNS SUPPLIED BY

THE SOUL DONATION FUNDRAISER

HELP A BEING OF EVIL AND
DONATE YOUR SOUL TODAY!

Blank: There is a good side to all this. Now we know where the signs come from.

Kuja: (Kicks over the sign) Shut up before I kill you. -_-;

Vivi: Hmm… Wonder if Zidane went somewhere with shiny things?

The mage hopped on S.S. Prozac and rode off to the left tunnel. As they traveled by, the Fang uncovered a pathway of skulls, though both Vivi and S.S. Prozac remained oblivious!

Dagger: We've got to rescue Zidane from certain death. Of all the people to stupidly fall into traps, Zidane has got be the most at risk here.

Kuja and Steiner: Do we have to?

Blank: Uh-huh. Because Vivi and S.S. Prozac gone too.

Steiner: MASTER VIVI!!!

Dagger: Sorry Kuja. The majority of us want to rescue Zidane, Vivi… And S.S. Prozac.

Kuja: C'mon, three idiots' lives to a safe passageway towards eternal wealth? Think of the greater good here! I'm sure Zidane, Vivi, the Fang would all be happy if we found the treasure. Then they can be at rest and know that they helped us along the way!

Blank: Think of it this way. If Vivi dies, the S.S. Prozac becomes depressed and dies too. Both their deaths will piss off Choco. Would you want a psycho Chocobo with Seiken attacks at his disposal after your blood?

Kuja paused to remember what happened to Fat Chocobo. He muttered a curse and trudged into the left tunnel. Everyone followed his lead.

Meanwhile, where Zidane, Vivi, and the S.S. Prozac were…

Zidane: Gah, where am I?

Evil Person: Silence, mortal! (Bashes Zidane)

Zidane: People keep doing that to me… X_X

Vivi: (Riding the S.S. Prozac) Nothing shiny here…

S.S. Prozac: Kweh…

Kurone: (IM) Vivi, focus on getting Zidane back… I have a feeling he's in trouble.

Vivi: This is boring… I'M GONNA HUM SOMETHING TO PASS THE TIME! (Hums the "Kawaii Music Intro and Theme Song")

Kurone: (IM) DAMMIT! You just gave us away!

Vivi: (Humming) Sing with me, S.S. Prozac! ^-^ (Kawaii song is heard in the background)

S.S. Prozac: (Hums along) ^-^

Evil Person Two: What the hell? (Stares at Vivi) Intruder! Capture him!

The cheerful music abruptly stopped… And hordes of bats rushed for the mage and Fang!

S.S. Prozac: (Stops humming) Kweh?

Vivi: (Stops as well) I don't know what it is, they're too dark colored for me to see! (Casts a Fire Spell)

Bats: SKREEEE! (Flees)

Evil Person Two: (Hisses) The light! The light! He is a light bringer! Attack him! Attack!!!

Kurone: (IM) RUN VIVI!!!

Vivi: CHASE SCENE! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

S.S. Prozac raced forward and through the escaping cloud of bats, and gained on the Evil Person with Zidane.

Evil Person: Eh? (Turns to Vivi)

Vivi: WOOOOOO! (Nails Evil Person with staff) I GOT ONE!

Evil Person: X_X

Zidane: X_X

Evil Person Three: You shall not escape! SLEEP!

S.S. Prozac skidded to a stop, and both of our heroes fell over asleep! And back where our unsuspecting party is…

Dagger: Where could they have gone?

Steiner: That Zidane causing all this trouble… Master Vivi has such a kind heart, never leaving one behind!

Kuja: Yeah, but following one's heart can lead to extremely stupid misadventures that are better off not experienced… Hint, hint, wink, wink.

Dagger: -_-; (Bashes Kuja)

Blank: Hey, there's someone up ahead!

Evil Person Four: Oh no! I'm so alone! (Sobs)

Kuja: What the hell's wrong with you?

Evil Person Four: Evil Person One, Two and Three left me behind to capture some mage kid, a Fang, and a guy with a tail!

Kuja: (Flatly) How totally unsuspected. Why exactly do you capture people?

Evil Person Four smiled cheerily at them, revealing a pair of fangs.

All: O_O;

Evil Person Four: 'Cause we're vampires, and um… That's kinda how we get food to eat! ^-^

Blank: So, when do you… Eat?

Evil Person Four: I'm missing the feast right now!

Dagger: (Bashes Evil Person Four)

Evil Person Four: X_X

Steiner: We must make haste! Master Vivi's life is at stake!

Blank: Don't forget Zidane!

Dagger: And the S.S. Prozac!

Kuja: (Bashes head against wall) If it wasn't for Choco… I'd be at that all-you-can-eat-buffet! People; let's just get the three of them out of here so we can continue this quest!

Blank: Aye-aye! ^-^

And with nothing else to say, the party continues!

Evil Person Three: Stay in there! (Points towards cell)

Vivi and S.S. Prozac: … (Obeys)

Zidane: Hey Vivi! S.S. Prozac! ^-^

Vivi: (Waking up) …Wha? HI ZIDANE!!! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

S.S. Prozac: Kweh… Kweh!

Zidane: At least there's somebody here. You seen Dagger anywhere?

Vivi: She's part of the second party that's foolishly risking their lives for us!

Zidane: She loves me. That's why she's risking her life! We were destined to be together! ^-^

Vivi: And they say I'm insane… -_-;

Kurone: (IM) Even Vivi has his limits…

Zidane: And I'm making a fashion statement! Take a look! (Points to his neck)

There were two slits where Zidane pointed, and they looked remarkably like puncture marks.

Vivi: Ooh! Very nice! You're going for the "Soon-to-be Vampire" look? ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Zidane: I already got fangs, and I've been craving for blood ever since! Weird, huh?

Kurone: (IM) Help…

S.S. Prozac: (Sweatdrops) Kweh!

Vivi: Hee! I wanna be a vampire too!

Zidane: (Imagines a vampiric Vivi attacking civilians) I… Don't think that should ever be attempted. I believe that's what people call a Sign of the Coming Apocalypse.

Vivi: People say I'm a Sign of the Apocalypse, so I suppose it wouldn't do me any good to be two of 'em! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

There was a long silence.

Zidane: I'm kinda hungry… Anyone up for a blood donation? ^-^

Kurone: (IM) If he makes one move I'm taking over the body, Vivi.

Vivi: (Swallows some Prozac, oblivious to Zidane) Whatever you say, Kurone!

And once again, we return to the main party!

Kuja: Well… (Looks through cell windows) Here's the cell! Anyone got a clue how to open it?

Blank: (Pulls out a lock pick) Yeah! ^-^ (Easily picks the lock)

The first thing they saw when they entered was S.S. Prozac standing protectively in front of Vivi. He was keeping a rather pissed off Zidane at bay.

S.S. Prozac: Kweh! KWEKWEHH! (Hiss)

Vivi: X_X

Kurone: (IM) How do I take over the damn body again?!

Zidane: (Baring fangs) C'mon, like he's gonna feel anything! I didn't knock him out for laughs!

Kuja: Zidane! What the hell are you doing?!

Zidane turned to the group and grinned evilly before dashing towards them at full speed.

Steiner: (Slams door) That's just wrong.

Dagger: We came too late! Zidane's a vampire!

Kuja: Thanks for stating the obvious, Dagger. I know not what we would do without you.

Dagger: (Bashes Kuja)

Kuja: ITAI! (Holds head) Dammit, that hurts!

There were repeated thumps on the inside of the cell, and the door began to buckle…

Blank: Uh-oh. O_O;

…And was knocked down easily with Zidane's new strength.

Zidane: (Eyes glowing red) Join me… (Leaps for Dagger)

Dagger: Steiner, defend the Princess. (Runs like hell)

Steiner: Now wait a minute! (Runs after her)

Blank: Go for Kuja! (Flees)

All of them fled now, but Kuja tripped. ^-^

Kuja: …Did I mention that vampires are the coolest?

Zidane ignored him and charged, only to get nailed with a staff.

Zidane: (Stumbles around dizzily) X_X

Vivi: GOT ANOTHER ONE!  ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kuja: Good shot. (Runs away)

Evil Person One: Our prisoners have escaped!

Immediately, an army of vampires went to attack Vivi and S.S. Prozac.

Vivi: You said you had some new moves, S.S. Prozac?

S.S. Prozac: (Grins)

Vivi: You can DO it! (Steps back)

S.S. Prozac: (Performs Choco Summon)

And because Choco was such good friends with S.S. Prozac and Vivi, he did a full summon! Vivi put Zidane on the Fang, hopped on S.S. Prozac, and they all traveled away from the ensuing chaos.

Kurone: (IM) This can't be healthy…

Zidane: Ugh… Hey, I'm not a vampire anymore!

Kurone: (IM) All those Seiken attacks must have destroyed the curse Zidane had upon him in some odd way.

Vivi: Does it really matter in the end? ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kurone: (IM) Apparently not if it moves the story along. Just smile and nod, I suppose…

Zidane: Works for me! ^-^

S.S. Prozac: KWEH! ^-^

Finally, the party was back together!

Kuja: (Looking at Vivi and S.S. Prozac) Let us rejoice.

Steiner: (Looking at Zidane) Yay.

Dagger: (Bashes Kuja, Steiner, and Zidane)

All Three: GAH!

Blank: Hey look! It's Choco!

Choco grinned at them and pointed (with a wing) back the way with the vampire army.

Choco: Kweh kwe-kweh kweh kweeeeh!

Vivi: Choco says that he blasted the vampire army into oblivion, and left a hole for us to go through and continue our extremely messed up and weird-ass journey! HUZZAH! HUZZAH!

Kuja: Enough with the feel-good moments! Can we please just get going before gargoyles or whatever pop out at us?!

Dagger: Paranoid, aren't we?

Kuja: How can you not be paranoid when this blasted mage child and his pet Fang are in the party?

Vivi: Quiet Kuja. We have to be optimistic or else we'll face certain death all depressed like! WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO NAERI! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

All except Kuja: YEAH! ^-^

Kuja: Remind me to kill you all…

What awaits our heroes (and heroine) as they exit the pathway? How long will it take before Dagger kills Zidane? Would a vampire Vivi ever be attempted?

Blank: Hey look! We just reached Dali!

Dagger: How did we reach Dali if we traveled the Pathway to Treno?

Vivi: …Semi-success! ^-^ (Kawaii music plays)

Kurone: (IM) Never a dull moment in this party.

Zidane: I kinda liked being a vampire…

Kuja: If you value your life, never, ever say that again.

Steiner: I'm supposed to get the Princess back to Alexandria Dammit…

Time for the routine ending! Did you like it, hate it, or really didn't care? Do you hear that line every time an author asks you to review? Do you want me to stop asking questions? Then review and I'll stop… All flames are used to make my Cow a flaming pasture, so don't send 'em if you don't want your precious flame trampled and electrocuted.

Cow: Moo. ^-^

See ya! ^-^