October's Secrets of Regret

A/N: I'm running out of ideas! ARGH!

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon.

I don't exactly like Cerulean anymore, actually, it's Silvia I don't like. I felt more ignored in my life than ever before, we can't talk to each other anymore, we can't be friends anymore. We visited Cerulean this month, I have to say, it was not exciting. I came back hoping to see someone who would be happy to see me, but instead, I got two crappy lip- glosses worth fifty cents each. We went to the mall with one of her friends, her dad thought we were going to the movies but instead went shopping for stuff. I didn't have any money, she didn't tell me were going anywhere, how was I supposed to know to bring MONEY?!!!!!!! I only had fifteen cents, and who the heck can buy something with fifteen cents?! A conversation with Ash over the internet was better than this, there was never an awkward moment with him, even in person. There was always something to laugh at.

The school dance was at the end of the month, I finally had my ID. I came thirty minutes early and saw an eighth grader I knew, I didn't like him much, he always wanted to know my name (not cause he liked me or anything) but I would never tell him. He had three other friends with him when he saw me, and he asked for my name again, his stupid friend started making fun of us asking if I'd dance with him. I pushed him and walked away from him and frowned at his friend. As soon as I walked away, his stupid friend grabbed my hand but I tugged away, he was getting me very mad. Why would I want to dance with anyone, the only reason I went was because my friend wanted me to.

Later on in the dance when it started, I saw my friend dancing with that moron that kept bugging me, I started making fun of them but that idiot kept shaking his head, saying he didn't like her that way. While she danced, I hung out with other friends. At the end, my friend tried to convince me to dance with this person I didn't even know but her refused and so did I.

I've been talking to Ash over the internet, sending him e-mails more than anyone else and chatting more than anyone else. I was beginning to like him a lot more than I intended to. I've always neglected it, now I regret it. How could I have been so stupid, I should never have left, but if I didn't, I wouldn't have found out. It seems I tried to hide the truth from myself and make it so it is not true, but it is and it keeps coming back. The last time I talked to him, it made me surprised that he actually wanted me to be in Alvarado, it surprised me that he would not forget me. He seemed the least of all people to give me attention after how I've bullied him last year, I've always thought he was mischievous, he is. I've always thought he wouldn't care where I was, he doesn't. I thought he only cared about himself, but he cares more than I do. He has a heart of kindness, but me, I have a heart of neglect and judgement. He always seemed like the mean cruel one, the stupid jerk who was heartless. I was wrong, it was me.

I never actually hated him, I knew that…I just liked to torment him, I've always had a need to bully someone, everyone, everything, except me. He never hated me, the way he is, how could he? I had once tried to commit suicide, but I was afraid it would hurt too much. He deserves an apology I've been thinking lately, but I could never say it, never in all my life have I felt so ashamed. He's now one of my few true friends, one of the few I consider a best.

A/N: It's boring, I know. I'm going to start changing the person's true life ok? Make it seem less depressing and gloomy.