Mother's Thoughts

Well, it's been a week since Buffy disappeared.  Mr. Giles and Buffy's friends told me that she was in fact really telling the truth about her being the Slayer.  They explained what was really happening in Sunnydale.  And I believed them.

I really did.  I have no idea why.  It sounds so insane, yet it makes sense.  It explains everything that's been happening during the past few years.  It's all because my daughter is the Vampire Slayer.

I didn't want to believe it at first.  Why her?  Why?  She's my only daughter, goddammit!  And to know that any day she might die.  That she already did?  Just HOW is a mother supposed to handle news like that?

At least I understand why she didn't tell me before.  I think I would have gone crazy.  I'm still struggling with this as it is.  To know that she risks her life every night just so that other people can live safely.  That she saved the world god-only-knows how many times.  That she DIED.

God, I miss her.  That night I should've kept my mouth shut.  I never should've told her that she couldn't come back to our house.  I just got so mad.  I don't even know why.  I couldn't possibly be mad at her for telling me the truth.

But I did get mad.  And now I'm paying for it.  When I found that letter she left, I immediately knew I made the biggest mistake of my life.  She told me that if I go to that librarian, he would explain.  Well, he did.  He told me everything.  About the Hellmouth, about vampires, about my daughter.  About her and Angel.

I'll have to agree with him.  Rather poetic.  A slayer in love with a vampire, and he with her.  They told me about the curse, and about Buffy's birthday.  I guess that's what she meant when she said she grew up.  They also told me about Acathla.  And when I mentioned that Spike fellow...

Well, her friends and I may be able to believe that vampires exist, but they seemed very shocked when I mentioned him.  Now I know why.

I remember when I thought she didn't understand what love was.  Now I think she understands it better than I ever could.  From what I've been told, even though Spike tried to kill her on a number of occasions, she still teamed up with him to help the man she loved, even though he, too, tried to kill her.  Even killed that computer teacher.  Even if he broke her heart more than once.

No one should have to go through that.  And definitely not someone so young.  And absolutely NOT my daughter.

I hope she has it in her heart to forgive me and to come back.  I hope she knows that I love her more than anything in the world.  Please Buffy, please.  Come back.  The world needs you.

I need you.

THE END