A/N: What sort of strange addiction is this? I'm getting near the end of this story, and only NOW can I not stop writing? Gosh-a-golly-whiz, I am one odd child.



I forgot Bookworm in my list of reviewers in my last chapter. Many thanks, Bookworm.



~*Friday, October 17*~

I never make lists. It's really too bad, considering that one would be perfectly necessary right now in my current state. So I think I'll make one. Face the world and be different, that's what I say. And look, it got me a date to the dance, didn't it?



Things I Really Don't Want To Think About But Probably Will Do Nothing But Obsess Over:

Mia: no longer single. Now going to CDD with Josh.

Josh: no longer Lana-tized. Now going to CDD with Mia.

Boris: distracting/unnerving me more than ever the more the dance approaches.

Cultural Diversity Dance: tomorrow. Dear Lord, I don't think I can handle that!

The Boycott: No one cares. So no more boycott.

The Show: going quickly downhill without Mia. And no, I did not say that.



Now I know why I never make lists. Nothing accentuates your faults and anxieties like just writing them down with little-to-no elaboration to pad them out and make you feel a little bit better about being so horrible.





The worst part about it is this: I have no one left to talk about these things with. When I was really little, Michael and I used to be good buddies, talking about everything that went wrong. When he grew up and really became a GUY, Mia was by my side every second of the day, so it didn't matter that Michael wasn't. Now that Mia's gone, there's no one left to step into her place as Best Friend. Sure, Shameeka and Ling Su and I are good friends, and Boris and I are getting to become friends (and hopefully more.), but Mia was just. Mia. Something no one else could ever be.



Okay, I'm beginning to sound tacky and angsty now. I'll write more when I'm in a slightly more cheerful mood.



~*LATER*~



Good mood, my big toe! Ha. I'm only in a worse mood now. I know now why I never try to work out interpersonal relationships. The more meddled you get in them, the less they seem to work out.



If only I hadn't trusted Mia so much, this fight wouldn't be such a big deal.



If only I hadn't taken Mia for granted, I would have made other close friends to help me get over this.



If only I hadn't decided that our friendship was worth saving, I wouldn't have tried to call her house.



If only I hadn't tried to call her house, I wouldn't have had to speak with her mother.



If I hadn't had to speak with her mother, I wouldn't have learned that she was spending the night with Tina Hakeem-Baba.



If only I hadn't learned that she was spending the night with Tina Hakeem- Baba, I wouldn't have this sinking feeling that Mia had moved on and replaced me, something I have a feeling that I will never be able to do.



Okay, this is beginning to sound like those if/then statement stories Mr. G made us write in math.



At least I didn't have to talk to Mr. G when I called Mia's house.



Alone and neglected tonight, I sat on my bed and watched my own show, all alone. I have never, ever done this before. When I was my show, Mia watches it with me. That's the way it's always worked.



Instead, I was left there, watching myself act like an idiot in my, and I quote, "crusade against injustice".



These "stupid moments" were funny when Mia and I could laugh over them together. Now, they seem just plain. stupid.



At the end, you could totally tell that my speech against racism and unfairness was taped about ten seconds before I sent in this week's episode. Why? Because I had no one helping me film my show to come up with clever ideas and mischievous ways to get my point across.



Thanks a lot, Mia.



I feel so mixed up. A minute ago, I was missing Mia desperately. Now I feel absolute rage at her. And all at the same time, I just want to forget her.



I guess this is how I know this fight wasn't what was supposed to happen to our friendship.





A/N: Okay, this chapter was more than a little angsty and pretty OOC. But that's okay, I guess, b/c I'll try to make up for it in Chapter 14. the 2nd to last. scary how fast I'm getting to the end of the book.



I'm getting all these ideas, great and not-so-great, about what to do after Chapter 15. I think I know my basic plan, but you'll just have to wait and find out when I actually do it.



Please write a review and I'll try to get another chapter up as soon as I can.