TITLE: Learn to Sing Euphorically
AUTHOR: Lioness
RATING: PG-13
LEGAL STUFF: Harry Potter character belong not to be, but to the lovely J.K. Rowling. Title taken from the Beth Orton song "She Cries Your Name," which fits the fic rather well.
NOTE: Thanks to my beta reader and bestest friend in the whole wide world: Switchblade Malfoy (you can read her stuff too. She rocks. I'm only slightly biased).
SUMMARY: Before there was James, and long before she had the child who would forever change the wizarding world, Lily Evans had a love greater than them all: Remus Lupin.
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Chapter One: The Prediction



Remus Lupin walked into the Great Hall. He was suddenly overcome with wonder and awe. The way the candles hung from nothing and casted their eerie shadows against the walls and the way the ceiling appeared to be open, but the raging storm was only seen, and not felt. Every time he walked in, he found himself gazing around in that state of awe.

After a long summer of living with his Great Aunt who clearly didn't care for his company despite the smile plastered to her face every time he entered the room, Hogwarts seemed...magical.

No pun intended.

He was a sixth year, now. His friends saw this as being only two years away from freedom. He saw this as being only two years from...something. He couldn't really put his finger on it, but he knew once he graduated something was going to happen. Something to change his life completely.

He was part way right.

"Oi! Moony, sit down already!" James Potter called from the Gryffindor table. He pointed to the seat across from his own.

Remus hurried over and dropped into the empty seat. He didn't have to hurry, really, for no matter how many students were sitting at the table it seemed that there were always enough seats.

"Check out the first years," Sirius Black said from his spot next to James. "They look scared."

"Probably scared of you," James said with a grin. Sirius shoved him.

Peter Pettigrew, who was sitting on the other side of James, smiled softly at this. Remus always liked Peter, but it was James who kept Peter protected from the other students' ridicule. It really wasn't Peter's fault that he was short or so...round.

The four had met up on the train and claimed a compartment and had been, for the most part, left alone. Now in the Great Hall, things were more hectic as students were running around for places to sit, trying to sit with their friends.

A girl walked over and plopped down next to Remus. "Hey, guys," she said breathlessly. Her long red hair was messy from the wind and soaked from the rain.

"Hey, Lily," they chorused in return.

"Helping Hagrid with the first years?" James asked.

She nodded. "They don't makes girls prefects for nothing. This bunch is very...jumpy. Of course it didn't help that two of the boats were knocked over by the squid."

"Everyone all right?" Remus asked.

Lily nodded again. "Just cold and wet."

Sirius sniggered.

"What?"

There was a silence, except for the sound of Sirius' muffled laughter, and she asked again.

"What?"

"Sirius seems to have reverted to the mindset of a twelve year old and found you saying 'wet' to be quite amusing," James replied, digging his elbow into Sirius' ribs.

Lily then laughed. "That's funny, but I don't think any reverting was involved on the count of Sirius."

It took him a moment, but Sirius then shouted, "Hey!"

At the exact same moment Dumbledore had stood and the rest of the room had quieted. A ripple of laughter crossed them room and the Headmaster smiled.

"Thank you for the greeting, Mister Black. Now, we're going have the sorting ceremony..."

"Very smooth, Padfoot," James muttered.

An hour later, the feast was on its last leg and some people began to get up to leave. The four boys and Lily were some of the last to leave, so when the reached the large portrait hole that led to the Gryffindor common room, they weren't surprised to see the hall empty.

"Rambletwist," Lily said to the fat lady and the portrait swung open. They all entered the common room, which, unlike the hall, was extraordinarily active.

Remus looked at the people who were everywhere. He inhaled sharply. "I'm going to bed."

"It's our first night at Hogwarts since the holiday!" Peter said. "Don't you want to stay out here with us?"

"Yeah, but uh -"

"That time of the month?" Sirius asked, straight faced.

James and Peter burst out laughing, as did Lily, who found it amusing, though she didn't understand the extent of the joke.

Remus smiled. "Last week," he replied.

Even Sirius snickered that time. "Fine then, monthly cycle boy, you go to bed while the rest of us party."

"I wouldn't party too much," Lily advised after a moment. "Classes. Tomorrow."

"Damn."

Remus shook his head and stalked off toward the dorm he shared with his friends and another boy named Parrish Patil.

He walked into the empty dorm room. He peered around and spotted his ratty trunk at the foot of one of the beds. He walked over calmly and sat down on the plush blankets. He ran his hands over the fabric, getting the feel of it once again.

His own linens at home weren't nearly as nice. He smoothed out the red blanket, and tried to put the thin, grey linens he had slept on throughout the summer out of his mind.

Without even getting out of his robes, he laid down on the bed and stretched out on the comforter. It wasn't long before he had fallen asleep.

*

"Remus...Remus...Remus. Wake up," came a loud sleepy monotone. Sirius brought down a fist onto Remus' arm with every syllable.

After a long moment, he finally rolled over and grabbed Sirius' fist just as it almost hit him in the face. "What?"

"It's morning," he replied, pulled his hand away. "Didn't want you to be late."

Remus sat up and looked around. "Where's everyone else?"

"Already down in the hall. James said to let you sleep, but I wasn't going to let you sleep until noon. I'm going on down, I say you shower because, man, you stink."

"Thanks," Remus said dryly. He rolled off the bed and grabbed for his clothes.

Sirius trotted out the door, and Remus slowly followed.

Ten minutes later, he was walking down into the Great Hall. He spotted James, Peter, and Sirius sitting near the middle of the Gryffindor table. He began walking down that way when he was stopped.

"Remus?"

He turned and looked and saw Lily standing there. "Oh, hey."

"Are you okay? You seemed pretty distant last night, and, well, you slept a lot," she said, giving a small smile on the second part, as if she thought it was silly.

Remus blinked. "I - I'm fine," he stammered, surprised.

"Oh, okay," she said. "Just, uh, making sure."

"Thanks," he said absently as he walked over to where his friends were sitting. He looked down at his plate as the food appeared. He grabbed for his spoon.

"What'd Lily want?" James asked.

Remus took a big bite of his oatmeal, but everyone knows that one can't chew on oatmeal for very long, no matter the size of the bite. But he wasn't exactly sure why he didn't want to answer the question about Lily. He knew that James liked her, and had since the first day of school in their first year, but she had treated all of them as friends, and nothing more.

"Nothing," he replied as he swallowed.

James grunted.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't mind Prongs, he's just jealous that Lily talked to you over him. I don't know why he's been pining over her for six years and is too much of a wuss to do anything about it."

"I'm not a wuss!" James protested. "I just..."

"You're taking things slowly?" Sirius guessed.

"Exactly."

"So, if you've been going on about her for six years, and say that you start a relationship today. So, normal people date for about six months or so before moving onto the next big step - sex, of course. So, I give you about three years for that. Another five years for discussing marriage. Then you get another four years before you finally get up the nerve to ask her to marry you. Then you're engaged for, say, another five years. How old would that make you when you got married?"

"Thirty-three," Remus replied, looking down at his empty bowl. He had been continually eating as this conversation had gone on. "And a half."

"Where did you get a half from?" Peter asked curiously.

"I doubted that James would do everything exactly on the year. It was a probability quotient."

"Oh."

"I'm not going to be thirty-three when I get married," James muttered.

"Add a year onto all of that?" Sirius asked, beginning to grin.

"Shut up."

"C'mon, Moony, join in on the fun," Sirius said, flashing his werewolf friend a grin. "It's definitely the torture Prongs day."

"No thanks," Remus replied. "I find it better to keep my opinions of the opposite sex to myself. Even those of Prongs' love life."

"That's not fun," Sirius said with a pout.

Thank you, James mouthed to Remus.

Remus smiled, but the truth of the matter was he knew having a realtionship with a girl was virtually impossible and that slowly led to keeping his mouth closed on all matters dealing with females. He didn't even bother.

"Come on, guys," Peter said standing up, a piece of toast still in his hand, "we should probably get to class. Divination starts in a few minutes and I hate climbing up all those stairs."

"Hate divination," Remus muttered standing up.

"It's not like Trelawney is going to figure out your secret, Moony," James said. "She's been here for a billion years and she's never made a real prediction. I doubt out of all the horrible things that could happen to you, she would, out of the air choose that you're a were - Moony. I mean, you could somehow end...doing something a lot worse."

Remus nodded. "Good point. Let's go."

They were walking out of the hall when Lily ran up beside them. "All my friends have Muggle Studies first. They were smart and quit divination after their fourth year."

"Are you saying we're not your friends?" Sirius asked, looking insulted.

"Wish I had done that," Remus said at the same time.

"How did you know we had divination?" James asked.

"I meant all of my...breakfast friends. You guys are my...divination friends. And I knew that because, well, I snuck a peek at your schedules," she admitted with a sheepish smile. "I wish I had quit too, but I don't need to take Muggle Studies, I've already learned enough. But I think I'm really beginning to get the hang of crystal gazing."

"Make up stuff?" James asked. "And you looked at our schedules?"

She grinned. "Not exactly. The best thing to do is just let your mind wander and think of the first thing that comes to your mind. If you concentrate on that long enough the fog sort of begins to make a picture." She chose to ignore the second part of James' comment.

"Like a real picture?" Peter asked.

"No, not really. More like...an imaginary picture."

"In other words you have no idea what you're doing," Sirius said.

"If you want to put it that way. Ugh, I hate all these stairs," Lily commented as they reached the north tower.

"Me too," Peter said with a smile.

They trooped up the stairs and reached the top of the tower just as the class was beginning. They all slumped down in the nearest chairs, breathless from having ran up the stairs.

"The fates told me you would be late," came the low, frothy voice of Professor Trelawney.

Sirius let out a loud yawn. James tried to kick him underneath the table, but missed and ended up kicking Lily in the shin.

"Ow!" she cried out.

"Aieee!" James said, sounding just as shocked. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," she replied. "Just, uh, class. Back to you, Professor."

Trelawney's wide eyes looked slightly annoyed. Haughtily, she said, "I knew this class was going to begin late."

Sirius snorted, and this time James only glared at him.

"Remus Lupin," Trelawney said suddenly.

Remus' head shot up. "Yes?"

"What do you see in the orb?"

Looking slightly relieved, he turned the crystal ball. He decided to use Lily's method of things, but unfortunately, the only thing coming to mind was how he was going to be exposed and then kicked out of Hogwarts. So, he went with the old standby. Making stuff up.

"Uh, I...see, um...a person," he said, staring hard into the orb, praying that he would see something. Anything at this point would do.

"Where are they?" Trewlaney prompted.

"...by the lake?"

"What do they look like?"

Shit, Remus thought to himself. He swallowed. "Er, uh, they're uh, they have red hair."

Everyone in the class looked over at Lily, who smiled weakly at them.

"What are they doing by the lake?" Trelawney asked, her eyes wide, waiting for something terrible to happen.

"Falling in," Remus said automatically. He blinked at the crystal, and for a moment, he could have sworn he saw a flash of red. He shook his head. "They, they can't swim."

"Do they drown?" Trelawney asked, her eyes growing, if possible, even wider.

"No, uh, someone is saving them..." Remus said, amazed at the words coming out of his mouth. He stared hard at the crystal ball, and suddenly water splashed up against the inside of the orb. Surprised, Remus jumped back, making his chair topple over. He hit the ground in a heap.

"Whoa! Buddy, you all right?" Sirius asked, getting out of his chair to help Remus up.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just...there was water," he replied, a little dazed.

"Water?"

"Yeah, uh, never mind. That was just weird."

"Do you want to go see Madam Pomfrey?" Lily asked.

"No, I'm okay. Really."

"If you're sure," James said, looking concerned.

"I'm *fine*," Remus insisted as he picked up his chair. He set it upright and promptly sat down. He glanced at the rather dry crystal ball with a little mist floating around inside of it.

"Ooh, the fates told me of this, but I was trying to deny it!" Trelawney said excitedly.

"What?" Parrish Patil asked, his brow furrowed.

"That one would fall into the lake and be drowned." She looked at Lily with pity. "I'm sorry, my dear."

Lily looked at the Professor, appearing to be slightly disgusted.

"Wait a second," said a tall girl with long folds of blonde hair, "he said that the person was saved - and he never even said it was Lily."

"Red hair, and then he saw the water in the orb. The water meant that the girl and her rescuer were going to be killed," Trelawney said, seriously and sincere. She continued to go on with this for the rest of the class. Even when they had moved onto other things, she would suddenly start going into the meanings waters in the orb.

Finally, the class let out and they were free to go. Once they reached the bottom of the tower, Lily exploded.

"That was the biggest piece of shit I've ever heard in my life!"

All four boys stopped and stared at her.

She swirled around and looked at them. "What?"

"We, uh, just never heard you talk like that," Sirius said. "Glad to know you're a real person just like the rest of us."

She smirked. "I'm just as real as the next person. Say, Remus, why'd you have to pick on me, huh?"

"I didn't mean to. Just after the whole thing with James kicking you -"

"Which was an accident," James put in.

"Right, accident. It was just the first thing that came to my mind," Remus explained. "Just using your technique," he added, since it was partially the truth.

She sighed, but smiled. "I figure that's all right, then. But if I go near that lake, you're coming with me."

"You believe my fake prediction?"

"Well, if I fall in, you'll be the nearest person so you'll jump in after me. Then you'll drown just like me," Lily said brightly. "And then we'll be even because now every time I walk into that damned room, Trelawney is going to give me the big teary-eyed look for the rest of the year."

"Fair enough," Remus said with a smile.

"I'm glad we think so. So, what do you guys have next?"

"Uh, we're meeting up with the other half of the Gryffindors and the Hufflepuffs for Charms," Peter said.

They through the castle and down the halls and just before they entered the Professor Flitwick's Remus grabbed onto James' arm and pulled him back from the crowd.

"What the-" James started, but was quickly shushed by the look on Remus' face.

Remus dragged James, who was at least half a size bigger, down the hall and into an empty boys toilet.

"What is this?" James asked, sounding surprised and curious.

"I didn't make up the prediction," Remus said hurriedly. "I was making it up at first, but then I saw something red. And then...the water."

"What? Water? What are you talking about? You're not making any sense."

Remus took a deep breath and started again. "The prediction. I didn't make it up."

"You actually saw something in the crystal ball?"

"Yes."

"You're the first. Ever."

"Shut up, James. I'm telling you, because you're the most levelheaded. I thought Sirius would be the one to make fun of me about it," Remus said, sounding slightly angry.

"Okay, man, I'll listen," James said, trying to keep from smiling.

Remus ignored the smile and continued. "I saw something red. Red hair, maybe, I don't know. It was just red. And then I saw water, like real water, not just a vision of it. It splashed up against the inside of the ball."

"So you're saying that Lily is going to drown and whoever tries to save her is going to die?" James questioned slowly.

"I don't know. I don't know if it was Lily. But if someone falls into that lake, someone is going to save them. If they both drown or not, I...just, I don't know."

"Okay, we just keep every redhead in the school away from the lake for...the rest of their lives? How long do you think it should be until we're in the safe zone?"

"You're not taking this seriously," Remus said, walking toward the door.

"I am!" James exclaimed. "If Lily's in danger, you know I'll want to keep her as safe as I possibly can."

"Yeah, yeah, I know that."

"So. What do we do?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know. We don't even know that it *is* Lily."

"But it's someone, right?"

"Yeah."

"If it's a Slytherin, do we have to save them?" James asked, a teasing glint to his eyes.

"Just for you, no. C'mon, I bet class has started already," Remus said, opening the door.

"We're making a habit of being late," James said as he walked out in the hall. He turned around and faced his friend. "Remus, you...I mean, Lily's going to be okay, right?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know."

James sighed heavily. "You guys know I like Lily, and every year we end up spending more and more time with her. I think - I think I might be in love with her."

Remus' face stayed still.

"You won't tell anyone, will you? Because she can't know. Sirius is right. I'm not making a move, but it's because I'm so scared it will be the wrong one."

"I won't tell."

"Thanks, man. I knew I could trust you with this," James said. He gave Remus a slight smack on the shoulder and then trotted down the hall into class. Remus reluctantly followed.

*

Lily flopped down on one of the chairs in the common room. "Oh, I am so glad to be in here and not out there in another bloody class!"

"I thought all prefects were a bunch of know-it-alls who love school," Sirius said smartly, sitting down in the chair across from her's.

"Well, you thought wrong," she replied. "I mean, I like school, and I get good grades, but this day just seemed to last forever."

"First day always does," James said. He folded his arms across the back of her chair and rest his chin on top of his arms. He looked down at her with a smile. "Tomorrow should be shorter."

"Tomorrow? Potions with the Slytherins. I don't think that exactly qualifies as short."

"Potions," Peter said in a horrified squeak. Lily tossed him a reassuring smile, and he gave her a slow reluctant smile in return.

Remus had grabbed a chair from a nearby table and sat it down next to Lily's chair. He sat down. "I wouldn't let the Slytherins bother you this year. They're a bunch of prats, anyway."

"Especially that Snape," James growled.

"*Especially* Snape. You shouldn't let him get to you," Remus said gently.

"So he can just say rude things to me and think that they're getting to me? I think you would have thought better than that."

"If you react, he knows they're getting to you!"

"Bugger off, Moony," James said, stalking away.

Peter jumped up and followed after James.

Sirius glared at Remus for a minute and then followed Peter.

Remus sighed and rubbed his eyes. He often felt like the outsider between James and Sirius. And Peter never really seemed to be part of their group. But the last thing he wanted was division. Especially over something so minor.

"You okay?"

Remus jumped. He had almost forgotten that Lily was still there. "Oh, yeah. It's...odd. James never acts like that, defensive. At least not over something so menial."

"You *were* being rather contradicting of him."

"I suppose."

"I think James sees himself as the leader of your group and no one questions the leader," Lily said softly, but clearly meaning what she said.

"But he's not like that at all," Remus defended. "I couldn't see him thinking of himself - and us- in that way. He's more just a little...high strung lately."

"Why?" she asked with genuine curiosity.

Remus thought for a moment and then said, "There are just a lot of things on his mind. I probably should have just kept quiet in the first place."

"I think you're wrong," Lily said, her brow furrowed seriously. "About James."

"Oh?"

"He does see himself as the leader. You don't see it, though, because you see yourself as a follower."

"I'm not a follower," Remus snapped.

Lily stared at him, undaunted. Then her gaze softened. "Let's go walk."

"Walk?"

"Yeah. That thing where we leave the house and go somewhere else by the means of moving our legs."

Feeling suddenly lighter, Remus laughed. He nodded. "Let's walk."

They both stood and wandered outside. The day was at that point where it was light enough to see, but dark enough to want a light. That thought in mind, Lily pulled out her wand.

"Lumos," she muttered.

They walked quietly for a while, when Remus spoke up.

"Why do you see James like that?"

Lily shrugged. "He just comes across that way. Not like giving orders, leader. Just the guy in charge. And it's so obvious that Sirius is the second and Peter is the...pity case."

Remus laughed, but loyally said, "Peter's not a pity case."

She looked over at Remus with raised eyebrows and he relented.

"All right, Peter's the pity case. What does that make me? Secretary?"

She smiled. "No...you're a mystery, Remus Lupin. The quiet one." She looked at him, her green eyes shining in the small light of her wand. "I can't figure you out."

Remus smiled to himself, looking away from the light and into the impending darkness. "Well," he said after a long minute, "I have to admit I feel the same way about you."

Lily looked at him, surprised. "Do you?"

They walked further out into the Hogwarts ground.

"I suppose."

"You suppose?" she repeated, her voice somewhere between laughter and exasperation. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing," he said. To that she smacked him with her wand. While she wasn't shocked enough that she had done that, to make matters worse she hadn't kept a tight grasp on it and the handle end flung from her hand and her wand was tossed a few feet ahead of them. She gasped and ran over to the small light in the grass. She knelt down beside it, picked it up gently, and began to inspect.

"Is it all right?" Remus asked, coming up behind her.

"I think it's all right," she replied, still hunched over her wand, rolling it around in her hands. "Luckily, you're not buff."

"Thank you," he replied sounding slightly irritated.

"I'm kidding," Lily said absently. She was still looking worriedly at her wand.

Remus pulled out his own wand. "Lumos," he said quickly. He pointed the light down at Lily's wand. "It's fine."

"If you say so," she said, standing up straight, more quickly than she should have. The blood rushed from her head, causing a fast dizzy spell. "Oh," she said slowly, moving her hand to her head. For a moment she lost her footing and made a few small steps to the side.

"You all right?" Remus asked, thoughtlessly reaching a hand out to her arm.

"Yeah, just...got up too fast," she replied, her voice still a little faint. She stepped out away from him, and slipped in mud, loosing her balance completely and falling backwards into the lake, her red hair flailing behind her.

The first thing Remus thought was how close they were to the lake. He could have sworn that they hadn't been walking that long. It hit him then what had just happened. Without another pointless thought, he jumped in after her.

Remus, his illuminated wand in front of him, swam down to where she was. He couldn't actually see her, but saw the struggling light of her wand. He was growing tired quickly, but the thought of Lily sinking to the bottom of the lake kept him going.

He finally caught up with her, grabbing onto her wrist. He pulled her up to where he could easily wrap his arm around her and help pull her up.

He suddenly wished he had taken a deeper breath as they swam to the surface. His lungs were burning and all he wanted to do was inhale.

After what seemed like hours, which was only a minute or two, they reached the surface and both gave a loud, inhaling gasp. Remus led the swimming over to the muddy shore.

They sat, silent, on the shore for a long time. Lily was self consciously ringing out her hair while Remus fiddled with his wand.

"Is that what you saw?" she asked hoarsely.

"No," he replied. "When I saw it I was watching from far away. And it was daylight. And I wasn't there."

"But you did see this. Or at least something like it."

"I guess. I mean, it happened. Fell in the lake. But not like Trelawney said. We're both still alive."

She nodded slowly. And then sounding like a little girl she said, "I want to go back inside."

"Me too," he replied quietly. He stood and then helped her up.

As they entered the common room and were about to part to the their seperate ways, Lily grabbed onto Remus' wrist tightly. He looked at her, curious, but his face was still.

"Thanks for saving me," she said. "Even if this wasn't your prediction, one thing was right. I can't swim. If I had been out there by myself I would have drowned."

"If you had been out there by yourself you wouldn't have fallen in the first place. I had to save you," he replied. With his free hand, he self consiously ran his fingers through his wet, matted hair.

"You're still a mystery, Remus, but speaking honestly, I would really like to unlock a little...of you."

He coughed, clearly shocked. Lily dropped his wrist and quickly crossed her arms over his chest.

"Sorry," she muttered and began to hurry away from him.

"I - I - It's okay!" Remus stumbled over his words, not sure what to say. But it was too soon that Lily was out of sight. He sighed.

"Shit," he said aloud to the empty common room. He turned and walked up to his own room.