Chapter Two: The Passage
The next morning Remus walked down to breakfast alone. He looked over at where James, Sirius, and Peter were sitting. They noticed him and stared back. Finally, James broke out into a grin and motioned for him to come over.
Remus stood still for a moment, contemplating. He then walked over to them and sat down next to Sirius.
"Sorry about last night," Remus muttered.
"It's all right," James said. "I figure we better make up before you go spouting off my secrets."
"I think I should be the one worried about that," Remus replied pointedly.
"Moony has a point," Sirius said with a grin. "Come on, get some breakfast, eh?"
Remus nodded and watched carefully as the food appeared on his plate. Eggs and toast this morning. Much easier to chew on for long amounts of time.
"Hey, uh, Remus," James started, "I heard that someone fell into the lake last night. You were up later than the rest of us - we didn't even hear you come in - do you know who it was?"
After swallowing his rather large sized bite of toast, Remus replied, "A Slytherin. Third year. At least that's what I heard."
Both James and Sirius grinned.
"All right, Slytherins are falling," Sirius said. "I bet they get fifty points off for being out late."
"Was it a redheaded Slytherin?" James asked. He jammed a piece of toast into his mouth.
"I don't know. Probably," Remus said.
"Does it matter?" Peter asked. "We know that it wasn't Lily that fell in. Trelawney was wrong."
"What's new?" James asked.
Remus shoved his eggs around his plate. He felt bad for lying. And what if Lily told them the truth? He bit his lip carefully, and then realized that he should probably go tell Lily what he had said. He looked at his friends. "I'll be right back."
The other three boys looked at him, confused, but Remus was up and away before they could question him.
"Didn't even finish his breakfast," Peter said, looking at the half eaten eggs.
"He should have. He's a growing pup," Sirius said, nabbing Remus' leftover toast.
*
Remus had searched out the hall, but didn't find Lily anywhere. He recognized one of her friends, a brunette girl...what was her name? Ella? Something like that.
"Hey, um, Ella?"
When the girl didn't turn, he took a deep breath and tapped her shoulder. She turned that time and gave him a flirtatious smile. "Hi."
"Hi, um, is Lily around at all? Did she come to breakfast?"
At the mention of Lily's name, Ella's (or whatever her name actually was) smile disappeared. "You must be Remus. That's right, you hang out with Sirius Black."
"Right, I do. Is Lily all right?" Remus said hurriedly, trying to get to the point.
"She's fine, I suppose, for coming in last night late and soaking wet. She was going on about how she can't ever talk to you again."
"She can't or she won't?"
"She said she can't. But as her friend I don't think I should tell you anymore."
"Wait, though, why can't she talk to me?"
"I shouldn't tell you this, but I think she's embarrassed. I don't know if it's from falling into the lake, or what," said the girl sometimes known as Ella.
"She fell into the lake?" Remus asked, his voice growing high.
"That's what I figure. I was the only one up at the time, and I know it wasn't raining."
"I heard it was a Slytherin third year who fell in," he said, averting his eyes.
"Oh...ohhh. You were there and that's why she can't talk to you."
"Something like that," Remus replied. "Tell the story about the Slytherin?"
"If it's making them look bad, sure."
"And will you tell Lily something for me?"
"Ella" looked apprehensive. "What is it?"
Remus shuffled his feet, a little embarrassed. "If she's still curious, I've got a key."
She smiled, not knowing what this meant, but sure that it meant something romantic. "Yeah, I'll do that."
From across the hall, another girl called, "Emily! Come on, it's almost time for class!"
Emily, Remus thought, that's right.
She turned to Remus. "I have to go. Lily'll be in class, but I'll be sure to give her your message first thing." She grinned again and scurried away.
Remus sighed. He wasn't exactly sure if putting his message into the hands of Emily was all that great of an idea, afraid that it might be spread around the school by the time Potions was over, but what other option did he have? He knew now that Lily wasn't talking to him. Which wasn't something he wanted.
Then a thought struck him. James.
James had confided in him, trust him, and now what was he doing? This was wrong, it was clearly wrong. So, why wasn't he stopping himself? Why didn't he just let Lily not speak to him? It would make things so much easier. But something inside of himself didn't want that. The last thing he wanted was for Lily to not speak to him.
Because you don't want to lose Lily as a friend, Remus told himself firmly. He sighed. I shouldn't be this involved. I shouldn't be doing this, he thought.
"Moony?"
He spun around and saw Sirius standing there. "Yeah?"
"You okay?"
Remus nodded quickly. "Fine."
"I'm not sure about that. You're acting really weird. And who was the cutie you were talking to?"
"Emily something," he replied absently.
"Like that," Sirius said. "Acting strangely. Come on, tell your best buddy Padfoot."
"It's nothing," Remus said as he turned and walked away.
"That! That's not normalcy!"
He didn't look back.
Sirius frowned. People always listened to him! He turned in the other direction and went back to the table, frustrated.
*
What the hell do you think you're doing? Remus yelled at himself as he went into the corridor. "Do you really think they're not going to figure something out if you keep acting like a lunatic?"
"If you keep talking to yourself, they will."
Remus jumped. He hadn't even realized he had said that aloud. He slowly turned and saw Lily standing there, looking at him shyly. "Wow, that was fast," were the first words from his mouth.
She laughed. "Emily thought what you said was terribly romantic."
"What did you think?" Remus asked, tilting his head upwards a little.
"It was nice."
"Just nice?" He sounded disappointed.
"Your metaphor was really weak," Lily said seriously. She held the serious expression for a moment and then she grinned and rolled her eyes to herself. "I thought it was terribly romantic."
Remus then grinned as well. That thought entered his mind again. James. His grin fell.
"Lily, I..."
"What is it?" she asked, already concerned from his rapid expression change.
"I like you. A lot," Remus began.
"I like you too. A lot. In fact, Remus, I'm beginning to think that maybe -"
"Don't say it, Lily. Please."
She looked surprised. "Why not?"
Before he could reply, the stampeded of students who were heading to their first class came rampaging through the doors of the Great Hall and into the corridor.
Remus latched onto Lily's wrist, as she had his the night before. "Let's go!"
"What about Potions?" she called over the commotion.
"Skip it!"
She, at first, grinned at the idea, but realistically said, "I can't. I'm a prefect!"
Remus caught sight of James and the others coming through the crowd. He gave Lily's wrist a tug. "Then let's go another way."
Her eyes grew wide and a her grin grew. She nodded and let herself be led down the hall in the opposite direction of everyone else. Once they had turned a few corners, Lily spoke up.
"Where are we going?"
"The dungeon," Remus replied with a smile.
"This isn't the way to the dungeon."
"No, I suppose not."
"Then where are we going?" she asked with her laughter-filled exasperation.
"I told you. We're going to the dungeon. Just not, well, scrupulously."
"Only you would use the word scrupulously."
"And only you would know what it meant," Remus muttered.
It seemed to just strike Lily what he said. "What do you mean we're not going scrupulously? Are we going to get in trouble for this?"
"If we get caught, most probably."
"I never pegged you for the trouble making type. I could have sworn that was more for the line of Sirius and James."
James. Right. James. Friend.
"I can be a rebel if I want to," Remus replied with a wry smile.
"I'm a prefect. I can't get in trouble," Lily said nervously. "I don't know what would happen if I got in trouble. McGonagall would be so disappointed."
"Have no fear, I'll have us out of sight in no time."
"Remus, you are not acting like you at all."
"I know," he replied breathily. It would have been exciting if he hadn't been so scared. He wasn't afraid of being caught by a teacher - he had used this passageway a before - he was afraid of being caught by James.
Finally, they reached the tall tapestry of the infamous wizard, Octavio Dilariumus.
"What are we doing here?" Lily asked. She looked up at the fabric woven wizard. He looked down at her and waved, a big smile on his face. Warily, she waved in return.
Remus grinned. He grabbed one side of the tapestry and pushed it to the side. Behind the picture was a stone wall. Lily looked less than impressed.
But Remus wasn't finished. He pulled out his wand and muttered, "Adumbrate." He tapped the wall. Starting from the floor, a small crack began to appear. It moved slowly up the wall and then made a clean point. Making into a perfect triangle, the crack moved back down to the other side of the floor. Remus then simply pushed the large stone triangle, and it moved to the side. Behind it was a path.
"Come on," he said walking into the passage.
"What the hell is this?" Lily asked.
"Secret passage," he replied. He grabbed onto her arm. "Come on!"
Looking extremely unsure, positive that this was against the rules, Lily once again let herself be led by Remus.
Once she got in past the stone triangle, the tapestry fell down over the wall. Remus turned and pushed the triangle back into place. It fit in perfectly and only seconds later, the cracks were once again sealed.
"We're going to be horribly late," Lily said, more to herself than to Remus.
"Probably," he agreed, "but we should talk. And this will give us some privacy."
"You're right. Talk." She seemed nervous again.
He shifted his eyes to her and then away. "Lily, I've known you for a while and I really think I've gotten to know you well." Remus was struggling, beating around the bush. "And I-"
"If you're willing, I would love to go out with you," Lily said so quickly her words almost melted together. She was looking down at the ground.
He blinked. This didn't happen everyday.
"What?"
She let out a tiny laugh. "I've sort of had this little...crush on you for a while now."
"Me?" He sounded disbelieved.
She looked suddenly embarrassed. "I shouldn't have told you that."
Remus was quiet for a long moment before hoarsely replying, "I didn't know."
"Why do you think I hang out with your guys so much? Too get on Sirius' good side? I mean, I'm female. I'm already there."
He didn't reply.
"You feel the same way, right?"
This was moving too fast.
"Remus?"
And James. What was he going to do about James?
Lily reached out and touched his shoulder. "Remus?"
He jumped. "Yeah?"
"You okay? You were totally out of it."
"I'm fine," he replied right away. "Just...thinking."
"About what?" she asked gently.
"You, this...James."
"James? What about him?"
"I'm breaking a promise by telling you this, but he told me something." Remus swallowed. This is bad. This wrong. Back out now.
"If it's breaking a promise -"
"He thinks he's in love with you."
Lily nodded. "I know."
Remus looked at her, surprised. "You know?"
"He's pretty obvious. And he's sweet, but...Remus, it's you that I like. Love, even. I don't know! I just - I don't want to let this go without trying. And then yesterday you were acting like you felt the same way and today with that message. I don't know what to think." Lily stopped walking and sat down on the stone floor.
Remus also stopped. He sat down next to her. "Me either. But I know that this really weird. And that when I'm around you, I feel out of control. I don't act like myself when I'm with you. I'm someone else."
She looked at the floor. "Is that good?"
Going out on a limb, he reached over and touched her face. She looked at him. He smiled.
"Good or not, being with you makes me want to be a better person. When I'm with you, I am that better person."
"That is so cliché," she replied tonelessly, looking away.
"I can't be with you though."
Her face jerked up in surprise. "You don't? After all that, you don't want to be with me?"
"I do! I just - I can't. Lily, I like you a lot, but James. I can't do this to James. He told me how he felt about you, how strongly he felt, and he didn't tell anyone else. Not even Sirius. He trusted me with that and I can't betray that trust," Remus said.
"Friends come before girlfriends," Lily agreed. "I understand. But now that it's out in the open, I don't know if I'll be able to look at you and not wonder what could have been."
They sat silent in that for a long moment.
"We're already late for Potions," Lily said standing up. Remus stood as well. She began hurrying down the passage way. He followed her at just a little slower of a pace. When he finally reached her, he grabbed onto her arm and swung her around to where she was facing him. She looked at him, surprised. She was even more surprised when he kissed her.
"Wha - what was that?" she asked, her eyes open wide, after their lips had parted.
"I told you, I don't act like myself when I'm around you," Remus replied. His breathing was off its regular, even pattern.
"I wish you would because you're freaking me out."
"I'll try," he said with a smile.
They stood there looking at each other for a minute.
"I have an idea," Lily said suddenly.
"Oh?"
She hesitated. "What if...we saw each other in secret? That way we could see if this will work, and if it doesn't, James will never know. And then it won't matter."
"What if it does work out?" Remus asked.
"My plan hasn't reached that far. I'm still at the James not finding out stage."
It's not just about James. It's about me. It's about me hurting you. Lying to you. Having you think I'm something that I'm so clearly not. I can't do that to you. I can't, I just can't. Not to you, not to your heart. What I could do. What it could do to me, the truth of how you make me feel. James is only the excuse to avoid telling you what I am. The monster that lies beneath.
He nodded. "Let's do it."
Her eyes lit up. "Really?"
"Yeah. I feel kind of strange, not telling anyone, especially James, but it's the only chance we've got without hurting anyone."
"Except ourselves," Lily said softly.
Remus touched her cheek softly. "Let's not even think about that."
She smiled and nodded. "Right. There's a whole world of opportunity just waiting for us. We need to reach out and take it while we can." She paused. "Right?"
He grinned. "Right."
"You're mocking me!" she exclaimed.
"No, just...okay, yes."
"Come on, we might as well show up for Potions," Remus said, gently pulling Lily down the passage.
"We'll get points from Gryffindor, points that haven't even been issued," she said.
"I don't think you can get negative points."
"Then let's go."
They walked down into the passage further, when they came to a small wooden door. Remus simply pushed it open and they both ducked underneath the tiny doorframe.
"We're right outside the dungeon," Lily said simply.
"I told you this was where we were going. You just have to watch for people when it's busy," Remus replied, closing the door.
"I never noticed that door before," she said absently, looking down at it.
"No one does. I found that passage only a few days before school ended last term. I don't think anyone knows about it. Not even Filch."
"Do the other boys know about it?"
"If you mean James, Sirius, and Peter, then no. As far as I know, I'm the only one who does."
"Hm."
"Hm?"
Lily smiled. "Just thinking. If we're the only one who knows about it, it could be where we go when we meet. When we're not skipping classes."
Remus smiled as well. "I think that's a great idea."
"Come on. We're late."
*
Over the next two months, Remus and Lily kept their relationship on low. No one, to their knowledge, knew or even noticed. Besides the secret keeping, only one thing made it not perfect.
"My grandmother is ill," Remus said. "I have to go and help my aunt care for her. I should probably only be gone a few days."
"Wasn't she ill only a few weeks ago?" Lily asked.
Damnit, Remus thought. "No, that was my cousin. My family has a poor immune system. Or something like that."
She didn't seem exactly pleased by hearing that. She only sighed and rested her head onto his shoulder. "Will you be back for the Halloween feast?"
Full moon was three days before Halloween so -
"Of course I will be. I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Good. I really want you there."
He looked at her questioningly. "Why?"
"Things have been going so well. This is our first special occasion together. I wanted us to be together for it."
"For what reason?" he asked suspiciously.
"No reason," she replied, averting her eyes.
"You want to tell?"
Lily rolled her shoulders back uncomfortably. "Well, Remus, things seem to be going rather well. And it's been almost two months -"
"Two months. Two months and we've got two years ahead of us. Two years where if we tell and things go sourly, we won't have anyone because we won't have Sirius and we won't have James. And knowing Peter, we won't even have him. At least I won't. You'll have your 'breakfast friends' and I'll be spending everyday alone," Remus said.
"So you feel like keeping us a secret forever?" Lily's green eyes were open wide, yielding mixed emotions.
"No! Not at all. I just-"
"You want to keep this a secret until we graduate? Remus, no. If that's what you're thinking, it's over now. I won't do that."
"I'm not saying that either. Just - just give it some time. Please. If we can't take this, we can't take anything."
"Oh...I just, I can't."
"Lily! This was your idea!" Remus said, exasperated.
"I know, I didn't know how hard it was going to be," she replied.
"If you can't hide from your friends, you can't hide from your enemies."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily asked, her brow furrowed.
"There might be a greater evil you might have to hide from someday. If you can't keep a little secret, how are you supposed to keep a big secret?" Remus asked. He pulled his fingers gently through her hair.
"Greater evil? Like," her voice dropped to a whisper, "Voldemort?"
Remus didn't react. He simply sighed and said softly, "I hope not."
"So. You're going to be here, then?"
He nodded. "Yes. Of course."
"Good."
*
On Halloween night the feast was already going on strong. Sirius was helping himself to his third plate of food and his seventh goblet of pumpkin juice.
"That's disgusting," James said. "I don't think anyone eats that much."
"It's ver gwood," Sirius replied through a mouthful of food.
"We can tell," Lily said with a smile.
Remus sat stiffly in his seat. He was still a little tired from his transformation three nights before. He was just glad that it was over with for another month.
After finishing his second plate of food, Remus stood. "I'm going to head to bed. I'm tired."
"I'm sure we're going to have a party in the common room," James said. "Don't you want to join us for that? We're going to have food from Honeydukes."
"How are you going to arrange that, or do I not want to ask?" Lily said with eyebrows raised in suspicion.
"You probably don't want to ask," Peter assured her.
"All right then," she replied pleasantly.
"I'll pass on the party," Remus said, getting back onto the subject. "I just want to get some sleep." He walked down the way past Lily. He gently brushed her back with his hand. She turned and looked at him. He glanced at her with a very discreet, at least he hoped, come-hither expression. He then continued down to the door.
Lily grabbed her pumpkin juice. She quickly downed the last of it. "I think I'm going to go too. I should be there for the party, though."
"All right," James said uncertainly. "But if you miss it, you're going to be missing Honeydukes' best sweets."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world," she said with a smile. She then jumped up from her seat and hurried down to the door, almost running into Severus Snape.
James glared at him for the simple reason of coming *near* Lily.
"Lily's acting odd, don't you suppose?" Sirius said.
"She's been that way for a while now," Peter agreed.
"Something must be bothering her," James said.
"I hate to say this, Prongs, but she might be seeing someone," Sirius said.
"We would know about it, though," he argued. "It must just be some girl thing. None of us are exactly experts on such topics."
"Maybe not you," Sirius replied with a prideful grin.
"Let me rephrase. We're not exactly experts on their minds."
"Oh. Suppose you're right."
Peter only laughed.
*
"What is this all about?" Lily asked, as she and Remus opened their passage.
"You were right in saying that this is a special occasion," he said as he pushed open the triangle. He let her in front of him. "And I think a special occasion calls for something special."
"This is sounding awful romantic," she said, eyes glowing in anticipation.
"Well, I tried," Remus replied, pushing the triangle back into place. "This is about as romantic as I can get."
"I doubt that."
They walked down the passage a small ways until they reached a curve where there were three white candles sitting on the ground. Remus walked ahead and pulled out his wand.
"Accendo," he muttered. A small blue flame appeared at the end of his wand. He carefully lit the candles. The cool, dark path suddenly had a warm, yellow glow to it.
"Cento," he said and the fire on his wand disappeared he then pointed to the candles. "Wingarduim Leviosa." The candles then floated about five feet in the air.
"And you couldn't get anymore romantic," Lily said with a smile. "What *is* this all about?"
"Sit," Remus said, "please."
She obliged. He sat next to her.
"Lily," he began, "I put a lot of thought into this. I love you. And I want you to be happy. I think that we should tell everyone. If you still want to. I just - I want you to be happy and if telling them about us makes you happy, then I'm all for it."
It took a moment for his words to sink in, but then Lily grinned. "Oh, Remus, that's wonderful." She reached over and wrapped her arms around his neck. "But," she said, pulling away, "you were right. We should take some time. What you said - about hiding from your friends. It really struck a chord for some reason."
"Listen, if you don't want to -"
"I want to. You said that to make me happy. I'm saying this to make you happy." She smiled. "So be happy!"
"You really want to?"
"Yes, I do."
Remus smiled as well. "Thank you."
"And, Remus, I love you too." Lily said.
He reached his hand out and gently pulled her face closer to his. He kissed her gently. She wrapped her arms around his neck again, and pushed her body closer to him. Their gentle kiss slowly moved faster and went deeper. A few moments later, Lily's pushing on him took its toll and they toppled over, her lying atop him.
They giggled and then continued.
After a few minutes of their passionate kissing, Lily pulled away.
"Remus, do you want to...?"
He blinked. "As in, fully? As in all the way?"
She nodded.
"Do you?"
She nodded again.
"Oh. All right, then."
Lily laughed. "Remus, only you would be so quiet when a girl told you that she wanted to have sex with you. For her first time."
"Mine as well," he replied.
She didn't reply. She sat up on her knees and began to undo the buttons on her robe. Remus quickly moved his hands up to his chest do the same on his own.
"You look nervous," she said. "Are you sure-"
He nodded. "Just, uh..."
"I get it," Lily said. She leaned down and kissed him. "We can just ease into it, okay?"
Remus smiled. "Okay," he agreed softly. He reached up and kissed her again.
*
"I'm going to go check on Moony," James said, standing. "He's been acting odd lately, too."
"He's Moony," Sirius said. "Besides, he just, er, got back a couple of days ago. We don't know what it's like for him. Except that he's tired as hell. Leave him alone."
James nodded. He sat back down. "Something's just...off."
"Something's always off," Peter said. "What's new?"
He shook his head. "It's off," he muttered.
"Get off it, Prongs," Sirius said. "Come on, here, have another serving of pudding. Look, you can have mine. If I eat anything else I'll be sick."
"Nah. I'm going to run up to Honeydukes. You guys coming with me? Our party'll be starting in about an hour."
"Ugh, I don't know if I'll be able to eat anything from Honeydukes tonight."
"I will," Peter said with a grin.
*
Lily laid down next to Remus. Her cheeks were flushed, but she had a large grin across her face. They were lying atop his robes, using hers as a blanket.
"Wow," he said. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "You're cold. Are you cold?"
"I'm fine In fact, I'm on fire. I've never been better," she replied with a smile. "I love you, Remus."
"I love you too, Lily."
She sighed happily and snuggled into his arms. "I wonder what my mother would say if I told her that I had sex before I was married. She's proud of the whole witch thing, but she often gets...prudish when it comes to subjects like these."
"My aunt doesn't care what I do," Remus said, sounding almost sad.
Lily stroked his cheek. "That doesn't matter. I care enough about you for the whole world."
He kissed her on the temple. The propiniquity of her made him want to make love to her again. "Thank you."
The next morning Remus walked down to breakfast alone. He looked over at where James, Sirius, and Peter were sitting. They noticed him and stared back. Finally, James broke out into a grin and motioned for him to come over.
Remus stood still for a moment, contemplating. He then walked over to them and sat down next to Sirius.
"Sorry about last night," Remus muttered.
"It's all right," James said. "I figure we better make up before you go spouting off my secrets."
"I think I should be the one worried about that," Remus replied pointedly.
"Moony has a point," Sirius said with a grin. "Come on, get some breakfast, eh?"
Remus nodded and watched carefully as the food appeared on his plate. Eggs and toast this morning. Much easier to chew on for long amounts of time.
"Hey, uh, Remus," James started, "I heard that someone fell into the lake last night. You were up later than the rest of us - we didn't even hear you come in - do you know who it was?"
After swallowing his rather large sized bite of toast, Remus replied, "A Slytherin. Third year. At least that's what I heard."
Both James and Sirius grinned.
"All right, Slytherins are falling," Sirius said. "I bet they get fifty points off for being out late."
"Was it a redheaded Slytherin?" James asked. He jammed a piece of toast into his mouth.
"I don't know. Probably," Remus said.
"Does it matter?" Peter asked. "We know that it wasn't Lily that fell in. Trelawney was wrong."
"What's new?" James asked.
Remus shoved his eggs around his plate. He felt bad for lying. And what if Lily told them the truth? He bit his lip carefully, and then realized that he should probably go tell Lily what he had said. He looked at his friends. "I'll be right back."
The other three boys looked at him, confused, but Remus was up and away before they could question him.
"Didn't even finish his breakfast," Peter said, looking at the half eaten eggs.
"He should have. He's a growing pup," Sirius said, nabbing Remus' leftover toast.
*
Remus had searched out the hall, but didn't find Lily anywhere. He recognized one of her friends, a brunette girl...what was her name? Ella? Something like that.
"Hey, um, Ella?"
When the girl didn't turn, he took a deep breath and tapped her shoulder. She turned that time and gave him a flirtatious smile. "Hi."
"Hi, um, is Lily around at all? Did she come to breakfast?"
At the mention of Lily's name, Ella's (or whatever her name actually was) smile disappeared. "You must be Remus. That's right, you hang out with Sirius Black."
"Right, I do. Is Lily all right?" Remus said hurriedly, trying to get to the point.
"She's fine, I suppose, for coming in last night late and soaking wet. She was going on about how she can't ever talk to you again."
"She can't or she won't?"
"She said she can't. But as her friend I don't think I should tell you anymore."
"Wait, though, why can't she talk to me?"
"I shouldn't tell you this, but I think she's embarrassed. I don't know if it's from falling into the lake, or what," said the girl sometimes known as Ella.
"She fell into the lake?" Remus asked, his voice growing high.
"That's what I figure. I was the only one up at the time, and I know it wasn't raining."
"I heard it was a Slytherin third year who fell in," he said, averting his eyes.
"Oh...ohhh. You were there and that's why she can't talk to you."
"Something like that," Remus replied. "Tell the story about the Slytherin?"
"If it's making them look bad, sure."
"And will you tell Lily something for me?"
"Ella" looked apprehensive. "What is it?"
Remus shuffled his feet, a little embarrassed. "If she's still curious, I've got a key."
She smiled, not knowing what this meant, but sure that it meant something romantic. "Yeah, I'll do that."
From across the hall, another girl called, "Emily! Come on, it's almost time for class!"
Emily, Remus thought, that's right.
She turned to Remus. "I have to go. Lily'll be in class, but I'll be sure to give her your message first thing." She grinned again and scurried away.
Remus sighed. He wasn't exactly sure if putting his message into the hands of Emily was all that great of an idea, afraid that it might be spread around the school by the time Potions was over, but what other option did he have? He knew now that Lily wasn't talking to him. Which wasn't something he wanted.
Then a thought struck him. James.
James had confided in him, trust him, and now what was he doing? This was wrong, it was clearly wrong. So, why wasn't he stopping himself? Why didn't he just let Lily not speak to him? It would make things so much easier. But something inside of himself didn't want that. The last thing he wanted was for Lily to not speak to him.
Because you don't want to lose Lily as a friend, Remus told himself firmly. He sighed. I shouldn't be this involved. I shouldn't be doing this, he thought.
"Moony?"
He spun around and saw Sirius standing there. "Yeah?"
"You okay?"
Remus nodded quickly. "Fine."
"I'm not sure about that. You're acting really weird. And who was the cutie you were talking to?"
"Emily something," he replied absently.
"Like that," Sirius said. "Acting strangely. Come on, tell your best buddy Padfoot."
"It's nothing," Remus said as he turned and walked away.
"That! That's not normalcy!"
He didn't look back.
Sirius frowned. People always listened to him! He turned in the other direction and went back to the table, frustrated.
*
What the hell do you think you're doing? Remus yelled at himself as he went into the corridor. "Do you really think they're not going to figure something out if you keep acting like a lunatic?"
"If you keep talking to yourself, they will."
Remus jumped. He hadn't even realized he had said that aloud. He slowly turned and saw Lily standing there, looking at him shyly. "Wow, that was fast," were the first words from his mouth.
She laughed. "Emily thought what you said was terribly romantic."
"What did you think?" Remus asked, tilting his head upwards a little.
"It was nice."
"Just nice?" He sounded disappointed.
"Your metaphor was really weak," Lily said seriously. She held the serious expression for a moment and then she grinned and rolled her eyes to herself. "I thought it was terribly romantic."
Remus then grinned as well. That thought entered his mind again. James. His grin fell.
"Lily, I..."
"What is it?" she asked, already concerned from his rapid expression change.
"I like you. A lot," Remus began.
"I like you too. A lot. In fact, Remus, I'm beginning to think that maybe -"
"Don't say it, Lily. Please."
She looked surprised. "Why not?"
Before he could reply, the stampeded of students who were heading to their first class came rampaging through the doors of the Great Hall and into the corridor.
Remus latched onto Lily's wrist, as she had his the night before. "Let's go!"
"What about Potions?" she called over the commotion.
"Skip it!"
She, at first, grinned at the idea, but realistically said, "I can't. I'm a prefect!"
Remus caught sight of James and the others coming through the crowd. He gave Lily's wrist a tug. "Then let's go another way."
Her eyes grew wide and a her grin grew. She nodded and let herself be led down the hall in the opposite direction of everyone else. Once they had turned a few corners, Lily spoke up.
"Where are we going?"
"The dungeon," Remus replied with a smile.
"This isn't the way to the dungeon."
"No, I suppose not."
"Then where are we going?" she asked with her laughter-filled exasperation.
"I told you. We're going to the dungeon. Just not, well, scrupulously."
"Only you would use the word scrupulously."
"And only you would know what it meant," Remus muttered.
It seemed to just strike Lily what he said. "What do you mean we're not going scrupulously? Are we going to get in trouble for this?"
"If we get caught, most probably."
"I never pegged you for the trouble making type. I could have sworn that was more for the line of Sirius and James."
James. Right. James. Friend.
"I can be a rebel if I want to," Remus replied with a wry smile.
"I'm a prefect. I can't get in trouble," Lily said nervously. "I don't know what would happen if I got in trouble. McGonagall would be so disappointed."
"Have no fear, I'll have us out of sight in no time."
"Remus, you are not acting like you at all."
"I know," he replied breathily. It would have been exciting if he hadn't been so scared. He wasn't afraid of being caught by a teacher - he had used this passageway a before - he was afraid of being caught by James.
Finally, they reached the tall tapestry of the infamous wizard, Octavio Dilariumus.
"What are we doing here?" Lily asked. She looked up at the fabric woven wizard. He looked down at her and waved, a big smile on his face. Warily, she waved in return.
Remus grinned. He grabbed one side of the tapestry and pushed it to the side. Behind the picture was a stone wall. Lily looked less than impressed.
But Remus wasn't finished. He pulled out his wand and muttered, "Adumbrate." He tapped the wall. Starting from the floor, a small crack began to appear. It moved slowly up the wall and then made a clean point. Making into a perfect triangle, the crack moved back down to the other side of the floor. Remus then simply pushed the large stone triangle, and it moved to the side. Behind it was a path.
"Come on," he said walking into the passage.
"What the hell is this?" Lily asked.
"Secret passage," he replied. He grabbed onto her arm. "Come on!"
Looking extremely unsure, positive that this was against the rules, Lily once again let herself be led by Remus.
Once she got in past the stone triangle, the tapestry fell down over the wall. Remus turned and pushed the triangle back into place. It fit in perfectly and only seconds later, the cracks were once again sealed.
"We're going to be horribly late," Lily said, more to herself than to Remus.
"Probably," he agreed, "but we should talk. And this will give us some privacy."
"You're right. Talk." She seemed nervous again.
He shifted his eyes to her and then away. "Lily, I've known you for a while and I really think I've gotten to know you well." Remus was struggling, beating around the bush. "And I-"
"If you're willing, I would love to go out with you," Lily said so quickly her words almost melted together. She was looking down at the ground.
He blinked. This didn't happen everyday.
"What?"
She let out a tiny laugh. "I've sort of had this little...crush on you for a while now."
"Me?" He sounded disbelieved.
She looked suddenly embarrassed. "I shouldn't have told you that."
Remus was quiet for a long moment before hoarsely replying, "I didn't know."
"Why do you think I hang out with your guys so much? Too get on Sirius' good side? I mean, I'm female. I'm already there."
He didn't reply.
"You feel the same way, right?"
This was moving too fast.
"Remus?"
And James. What was he going to do about James?
Lily reached out and touched his shoulder. "Remus?"
He jumped. "Yeah?"
"You okay? You were totally out of it."
"I'm fine," he replied right away. "Just...thinking."
"About what?" she asked gently.
"You, this...James."
"James? What about him?"
"I'm breaking a promise by telling you this, but he told me something." Remus swallowed. This is bad. This wrong. Back out now.
"If it's breaking a promise -"
"He thinks he's in love with you."
Lily nodded. "I know."
Remus looked at her, surprised. "You know?"
"He's pretty obvious. And he's sweet, but...Remus, it's you that I like. Love, even. I don't know! I just - I don't want to let this go without trying. And then yesterday you were acting like you felt the same way and today with that message. I don't know what to think." Lily stopped walking and sat down on the stone floor.
Remus also stopped. He sat down next to her. "Me either. But I know that this really weird. And that when I'm around you, I feel out of control. I don't act like myself when I'm with you. I'm someone else."
She looked at the floor. "Is that good?"
Going out on a limb, he reached over and touched her face. She looked at him. He smiled.
"Good or not, being with you makes me want to be a better person. When I'm with you, I am that better person."
"That is so cliché," she replied tonelessly, looking away.
"I can't be with you though."
Her face jerked up in surprise. "You don't? After all that, you don't want to be with me?"
"I do! I just - I can't. Lily, I like you a lot, but James. I can't do this to James. He told me how he felt about you, how strongly he felt, and he didn't tell anyone else. Not even Sirius. He trusted me with that and I can't betray that trust," Remus said.
"Friends come before girlfriends," Lily agreed. "I understand. But now that it's out in the open, I don't know if I'll be able to look at you and not wonder what could have been."
They sat silent in that for a long moment.
"We're already late for Potions," Lily said standing up. Remus stood as well. She began hurrying down the passage way. He followed her at just a little slower of a pace. When he finally reached her, he grabbed onto her arm and swung her around to where she was facing him. She looked at him, surprised. She was even more surprised when he kissed her.
"Wha - what was that?" she asked, her eyes open wide, after their lips had parted.
"I told you, I don't act like myself when I'm around you," Remus replied. His breathing was off its regular, even pattern.
"I wish you would because you're freaking me out."
"I'll try," he said with a smile.
They stood there looking at each other for a minute.
"I have an idea," Lily said suddenly.
"Oh?"
She hesitated. "What if...we saw each other in secret? That way we could see if this will work, and if it doesn't, James will never know. And then it won't matter."
"What if it does work out?" Remus asked.
"My plan hasn't reached that far. I'm still at the James not finding out stage."
It's not just about James. It's about me. It's about me hurting you. Lying to you. Having you think I'm something that I'm so clearly not. I can't do that to you. I can't, I just can't. Not to you, not to your heart. What I could do. What it could do to me, the truth of how you make me feel. James is only the excuse to avoid telling you what I am. The monster that lies beneath.
He nodded. "Let's do it."
Her eyes lit up. "Really?"
"Yeah. I feel kind of strange, not telling anyone, especially James, but it's the only chance we've got without hurting anyone."
"Except ourselves," Lily said softly.
Remus touched her cheek softly. "Let's not even think about that."
She smiled and nodded. "Right. There's a whole world of opportunity just waiting for us. We need to reach out and take it while we can." She paused. "Right?"
He grinned. "Right."
"You're mocking me!" she exclaimed.
"No, just...okay, yes."
"Come on, we might as well show up for Potions," Remus said, gently pulling Lily down the passage.
"We'll get points from Gryffindor, points that haven't even been issued," she said.
"I don't think you can get negative points."
"Then let's go."
They walked down into the passage further, when they came to a small wooden door. Remus simply pushed it open and they both ducked underneath the tiny doorframe.
"We're right outside the dungeon," Lily said simply.
"I told you this was where we were going. You just have to watch for people when it's busy," Remus replied, closing the door.
"I never noticed that door before," she said absently, looking down at it.
"No one does. I found that passage only a few days before school ended last term. I don't think anyone knows about it. Not even Filch."
"Do the other boys know about it?"
"If you mean James, Sirius, and Peter, then no. As far as I know, I'm the only one who does."
"Hm."
"Hm?"
Lily smiled. "Just thinking. If we're the only one who knows about it, it could be where we go when we meet. When we're not skipping classes."
Remus smiled as well. "I think that's a great idea."
"Come on. We're late."
*
Over the next two months, Remus and Lily kept their relationship on low. No one, to their knowledge, knew or even noticed. Besides the secret keeping, only one thing made it not perfect.
"My grandmother is ill," Remus said. "I have to go and help my aunt care for her. I should probably only be gone a few days."
"Wasn't she ill only a few weeks ago?" Lily asked.
Damnit, Remus thought. "No, that was my cousin. My family has a poor immune system. Or something like that."
She didn't seem exactly pleased by hearing that. She only sighed and rested her head onto his shoulder. "Will you be back for the Halloween feast?"
Full moon was three days before Halloween so -
"Of course I will be. I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Good. I really want you there."
He looked at her questioningly. "Why?"
"Things have been going so well. This is our first special occasion together. I wanted us to be together for it."
"For what reason?" he asked suspiciously.
"No reason," she replied, averting her eyes.
"You want to tell?"
Lily rolled her shoulders back uncomfortably. "Well, Remus, things seem to be going rather well. And it's been almost two months -"
"Two months. Two months and we've got two years ahead of us. Two years where if we tell and things go sourly, we won't have anyone because we won't have Sirius and we won't have James. And knowing Peter, we won't even have him. At least I won't. You'll have your 'breakfast friends' and I'll be spending everyday alone," Remus said.
"So you feel like keeping us a secret forever?" Lily's green eyes were open wide, yielding mixed emotions.
"No! Not at all. I just-"
"You want to keep this a secret until we graduate? Remus, no. If that's what you're thinking, it's over now. I won't do that."
"I'm not saying that either. Just - just give it some time. Please. If we can't take this, we can't take anything."
"Oh...I just, I can't."
"Lily! This was your idea!" Remus said, exasperated.
"I know, I didn't know how hard it was going to be," she replied.
"If you can't hide from your friends, you can't hide from your enemies."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily asked, her brow furrowed.
"There might be a greater evil you might have to hide from someday. If you can't keep a little secret, how are you supposed to keep a big secret?" Remus asked. He pulled his fingers gently through her hair.
"Greater evil? Like," her voice dropped to a whisper, "Voldemort?"
Remus didn't react. He simply sighed and said softly, "I hope not."
"So. You're going to be here, then?"
He nodded. "Yes. Of course."
"Good."
*
On Halloween night the feast was already going on strong. Sirius was helping himself to his third plate of food and his seventh goblet of pumpkin juice.
"That's disgusting," James said. "I don't think anyone eats that much."
"It's ver gwood," Sirius replied through a mouthful of food.
"We can tell," Lily said with a smile.
Remus sat stiffly in his seat. He was still a little tired from his transformation three nights before. He was just glad that it was over with for another month.
After finishing his second plate of food, Remus stood. "I'm going to head to bed. I'm tired."
"I'm sure we're going to have a party in the common room," James said. "Don't you want to join us for that? We're going to have food from Honeydukes."
"How are you going to arrange that, or do I not want to ask?" Lily said with eyebrows raised in suspicion.
"You probably don't want to ask," Peter assured her.
"All right then," she replied pleasantly.
"I'll pass on the party," Remus said, getting back onto the subject. "I just want to get some sleep." He walked down the way past Lily. He gently brushed her back with his hand. She turned and looked at him. He glanced at her with a very discreet, at least he hoped, come-hither expression. He then continued down to the door.
Lily grabbed her pumpkin juice. She quickly downed the last of it. "I think I'm going to go too. I should be there for the party, though."
"All right," James said uncertainly. "But if you miss it, you're going to be missing Honeydukes' best sweets."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world," she said with a smile. She then jumped up from her seat and hurried down to the door, almost running into Severus Snape.
James glared at him for the simple reason of coming *near* Lily.
"Lily's acting odd, don't you suppose?" Sirius said.
"She's been that way for a while now," Peter agreed.
"Something must be bothering her," James said.
"I hate to say this, Prongs, but she might be seeing someone," Sirius said.
"We would know about it, though," he argued. "It must just be some girl thing. None of us are exactly experts on such topics."
"Maybe not you," Sirius replied with a prideful grin.
"Let me rephrase. We're not exactly experts on their minds."
"Oh. Suppose you're right."
Peter only laughed.
*
"What is this all about?" Lily asked, as she and Remus opened their passage.
"You were right in saying that this is a special occasion," he said as he pushed open the triangle. He let her in front of him. "And I think a special occasion calls for something special."
"This is sounding awful romantic," she said, eyes glowing in anticipation.
"Well, I tried," Remus replied, pushing the triangle back into place. "This is about as romantic as I can get."
"I doubt that."
They walked down the passage a small ways until they reached a curve where there were three white candles sitting on the ground. Remus walked ahead and pulled out his wand.
"Accendo," he muttered. A small blue flame appeared at the end of his wand. He carefully lit the candles. The cool, dark path suddenly had a warm, yellow glow to it.
"Cento," he said and the fire on his wand disappeared he then pointed to the candles. "Wingarduim Leviosa." The candles then floated about five feet in the air.
"And you couldn't get anymore romantic," Lily said with a smile. "What *is* this all about?"
"Sit," Remus said, "please."
She obliged. He sat next to her.
"Lily," he began, "I put a lot of thought into this. I love you. And I want you to be happy. I think that we should tell everyone. If you still want to. I just - I want you to be happy and if telling them about us makes you happy, then I'm all for it."
It took a moment for his words to sink in, but then Lily grinned. "Oh, Remus, that's wonderful." She reached over and wrapped her arms around his neck. "But," she said, pulling away, "you were right. We should take some time. What you said - about hiding from your friends. It really struck a chord for some reason."
"Listen, if you don't want to -"
"I want to. You said that to make me happy. I'm saying this to make you happy." She smiled. "So be happy!"
"You really want to?"
"Yes, I do."
Remus smiled as well. "Thank you."
"And, Remus, I love you too." Lily said.
He reached his hand out and gently pulled her face closer to his. He kissed her gently. She wrapped her arms around his neck again, and pushed her body closer to him. Their gentle kiss slowly moved faster and went deeper. A few moments later, Lily's pushing on him took its toll and they toppled over, her lying atop him.
They giggled and then continued.
After a few minutes of their passionate kissing, Lily pulled away.
"Remus, do you want to...?"
He blinked. "As in, fully? As in all the way?"
She nodded.
"Do you?"
She nodded again.
"Oh. All right, then."
Lily laughed. "Remus, only you would be so quiet when a girl told you that she wanted to have sex with you. For her first time."
"Mine as well," he replied.
She didn't reply. She sat up on her knees and began to undo the buttons on her robe. Remus quickly moved his hands up to his chest do the same on his own.
"You look nervous," she said. "Are you sure-"
He nodded. "Just, uh..."
"I get it," Lily said. She leaned down and kissed him. "We can just ease into it, okay?"
Remus smiled. "Okay," he agreed softly. He reached up and kissed her again.
*
"I'm going to go check on Moony," James said, standing. "He's been acting odd lately, too."
"He's Moony," Sirius said. "Besides, he just, er, got back a couple of days ago. We don't know what it's like for him. Except that he's tired as hell. Leave him alone."
James nodded. He sat back down. "Something's just...off."
"Something's always off," Peter said. "What's new?"
He shook his head. "It's off," he muttered.
"Get off it, Prongs," Sirius said. "Come on, here, have another serving of pudding. Look, you can have mine. If I eat anything else I'll be sick."
"Nah. I'm going to run up to Honeydukes. You guys coming with me? Our party'll be starting in about an hour."
"Ugh, I don't know if I'll be able to eat anything from Honeydukes tonight."
"I will," Peter said with a grin.
*
Lily laid down next to Remus. Her cheeks were flushed, but she had a large grin across her face. They were lying atop his robes, using hers as a blanket.
"Wow," he said. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "You're cold. Are you cold?"
"I'm fine In fact, I'm on fire. I've never been better," she replied with a smile. "I love you, Remus."
"I love you too, Lily."
She sighed happily and snuggled into his arms. "I wonder what my mother would say if I told her that I had sex before I was married. She's proud of the whole witch thing, but she often gets...prudish when it comes to subjects like these."
"My aunt doesn't care what I do," Remus said, sounding almost sad.
Lily stroked his cheek. "That doesn't matter. I care enough about you for the whole world."
He kissed her on the temple. The propiniquity of her made him want to make love to her again. "Thank you."
