C The big golden "C" hanging out front says it all

Welcome to the third edition of "Streets of Seattle." Want to participate? Visit the "Streets of Seattle" website at http://pages.prodigy.net/jennem or email jennem@usa.net or reply here (via review) with an email. Everyone is welcome, and no writing experience is necessary.

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Disclaimer: We do not own the Dark Angel universe, the characters therein, or any details as mentioned in the scripts/episode of Dark Angel. All other characters and items in this production belong to the respective writers. However, no profit is sought or will be made from this production.

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STREETS OF SEATTLE

(date withheld), 2019

To our readers: The stories appearing in today's STREETS OF SEATTLE have been cleared by the U.S. Army under the provisions of the Martial Law Declaration of 2009 and the National Emergency Declaration of 2010.

Editor in Chief: Jennem1

Managing Editor: Samcrazy

Conspiracy Girl: cg-double-o-nuffin (mousie)

Entertainment Editor: Jox5

Opinion Editor: Shnapzie

Contributing Reporter: Iluveyesonly

Contributing Reporter: Ninja650

Contributing Reporter: Preciousjax

Contributing Reporter: Rudiye

Contributing Reporter: Swordmeister

Contributing Reporter: The Rock

Contributing Reporter: Weirdarchive

Contributing Reporter: Angushardie

Contributing Reporter: Logans_Babe

Contributing Reporter: Dammachine

Contributing Reporter: Darkangelbby

Contributing Reporter: Daf9

Contributing Reporter: Lucifer6Lexi

Contributing Reporter: Dcracing

Contributing Reporter: Taco_chip

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NEWS

MAN DIES IN POWER GRID JACKING. LIGHTS GO OUT IN SECTOR THREE.

by Weirdarchive

In another sad chapter of the haves and have nots, a man was electrocuted last night in one of the more impoverished areas of Sector Three which was at one time a gleaming jewel of the dotcom era.

The as yet unidentified male was found with severe third degree burns in the arms and torso area, usually associated with death by Grid Jack, the common slang for the illegal siphoning of municipal electricity. The man's hands were near black to the bone as they held the wire that was to have been the link to his squatter camp. Sector Police have discovered various items such as a television set, a reconfigured cable box that unscrambled the adult Canadian channels, an old style VCR, about $100 worth of blank tapes, and a shoebox full of an undisclosed amount of cash. Officer Walter Estep theorizes the man was a part of a tape bootleg operation, which gave the local homeless in the area high grade pornography for a mere $5. "We've had word about this kind of nonsense going on for some time." ,the officer said on the record. "Clowns like him are usually mobile and by the time the cable company's private security comes in with their trackers, the preps are gone to another location. Looks like this loser wasn't fast on his feet." According to witnesses on the scene, there was a short yelp more like a dog than human followed shortly by a brown-out and sparks. No fires occurred in the immediate area, but there were some looting and break-ins during the five hour blackout. The corpse has been turned over to the coroner's office for proper identification while the equipment has been confiscated as possible evidence. No word on any other video bootleggers in Sector Three.

During the height of the dotcom era, Sector Three was the headquarters of many up and coming e-businesses and regional home offices of such dotcoms as Amazon, eBay, and Dani's Hard Drive. The area had experienced the brunt of the dotcom collapse and was undergoing a rebirth of economic opportunity until the Pulse. Since then, the area has been riddled with low tech crime and Level Two gang warfare. This is the first time a techno crime has been reported here. Stealing cable signals and video bootlegging (or video piracy) is punishable by twenty years in TV LAND, the colorful term used to describe the private prisons run by the cable industry. Thus far, there are about 1,000 inmates serving time in TV LAND.

Power was later restored for ten hours before the next brownout, this time from the usual power strain. Officials promise to have it restored to Sector Three by 6 PM tonight. Sector Police will be on patrol to enforce the curfew and to prevent further looting.

POWER JACKING LEADS TO NEIGHBORHOOD FEUDS

by Lucifer6Lexi

The rivalry over who gets to have a hot shower has reached a new high. While
one person sneaks downstairs to switch power cables, their roommate goes to
distract other people so they won't notice what just happened. Even
a few cat fights have broken out between female residents, much to the delight
and pleasure of the male tenants. Betting on who can keep the power the longest has become a new sport, one woman and her roommate keeping it long enough to each take hot showers and one bath, taking turns to guard the power box. That particular episode won one of the other tenants two hundred and fifty dollars.

Threats have been made over ruined dinner parties, pillows and lamps hurled out
windows and doors to disrupt neighbors. After interviewing a disgruntled tenant
in a very old building, she confessed that she and her roommates had gone so far as to steal a new power box and connecting cables from a high-rise district by
the name of Fogle Towers.

She said that those two weeks before the cops came and took it away were the
cleanest and brightest of her life. Plants have even died, and yet we are no
closer to solving our power problem. Will the terror of cold baths ever
end?

STECKLER COURT CASE BOMBING SCARE

by Lucifer6Lexi

The proceedings which would decide if our wonderful mayor of Seattle really
had connections to the mob received a bomb threat right at the end of the trial.
Since his mob connections were proven, and the newspaper cannot be harassed
for saying this now, is anyone truly surprised? Steckler had enough money to
give each of his ten girlfriends and two wives decent houses and nice cars,
while most of the world didn't have either. Bruno Anselmo, making a dramatic
entrance on the motorcycle of an unidentified woman, made his confession right
on time.

Anselmo, who had disappeared the night before the trial, was the prosecutor's whole case and Steckler would have gotten off if Anselmo had not showed up. Just as Anselmo was finishing up his statement, a bomb threat evacuated the court. Anselmo disappeared for a few minutes in the crowd, but reappeared just in time to be shot in the back. It is obvious that whoever had done this was on Steckler's pay roll, but whoever did it was too late; Steckler was heading for jail the moment Anselmo came forward with what he knew.

Another question that will probably never be answered is, who made the
bomb threat? The obvious answer is another of Steckler's goons, but if so, why
do it so late? Why not call it during Anselmo's confession? Why wait until
after he delivered the devastating evidence against Steckler? After people
were allowed back into the building, this reporter went through as much of the
building as possible. Nothing was found of interest until the parking garage,
where there lay a cattle prod, and literally puddles of blood. None of the
bailiffs or police knew that anything occurred down there except for the
occasional hazardous fight for a parking space.

Did this have anything to do with Anselmo arriving late, and on the back of a motorcycle? And who was that mysterious woman? The witness protection agency stated that Anselmo was kidnapped by a mysterious woman on a motorcycle, who was first believed to be working with the "bad guys" since they showed up at the same time she did. But when she later was the one to actually bring him in, we were forced to reevaluate what we had thought of her.

Several police officers and reporters were waiting to see what the famed Eyes Only would say about the kidnapping, but he didn't even show himself. This adds more questions, such as: Was the girl working with Eyes Only? Or is Eyes Only working with Steckler? The latter is extremely doubtful, as he is the one who first made an announcement on Anselmo and his story.

Eyes Only is forever a mystery, but this girl is a new one. She moved too fast in the kidnapping for the guards to even be sure she was a girl, and at the trial she had on glasses and a hat, making any identification almost impossible. Currently reports are being investigated of an unknown woman infiltrating Sonrisa's place, Anselmo's former employer, a few months ago. The newspaper was informed by a female employee there that a mysterious woman walked in and punched her. Security cameras show that this same person was able to walk up to Sonrisa and insult him, and then get away with it. It may be just coincidence, but it may be the same girl. But whichever side she is on, we have her to thank for bringing in Anselmo and ending another corrupt politicians reign, and the reporters of Streets of Seattle would like to thank her.

ELEVATOR SMASHED, CONCIERGE KILLED

By Darkangelbby

Police aren't letting much information out about his one. On Tuesday night, three men walked into a hotel, apparently searching for someone. The end result was a dead concierge, a smashed elevator, and a very stunned bellhop. According to the bellhop, one of the men punched through the elevator door, pressed the door open button, and yanked the bell hop out. The frightened bell hop says that the man did it, though covered in blood, as though he couldn't feel any pain.

I don't know about anyone else, but this reporter is FREAKED OUT! I would tell you to lock your doors and windows and sit with a gun, if you had one, but I'm afraid it would do no good against these strong-man-feel-no-pain adversaries. I can only wish for you safety, as well as mine, and to hope and pray that you're not on their list.

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BUSINESS

SEATTLE LANDMARK SALE FALLS THROUGH. MATSUI CORPORATION DECIDES NOT TO BUY

By AngusHardie

In a move expected by many in the business community the Matsui corporation of Japan has broken off talks aimed at purchasing and redeveloping the Seattle Space Needle. The company had hoped to convert the 605 foot structure into a combination of hotel and office space. However spokesperson Yoshiro Hashimoto noted that the expected economic recovery in the area had not occurred and that "it would not be economically prudent to conduct such a transaction at this time. The market just isn't there although we do hope to revisit this in the future"

It had been hoped that the renovation of the structure, which dates from the Worlds Fair of 1962, would signal a renaissance in the Seattle business district that has been long awaited by business leaders. Plans had involved a business park and included the completion of many of the abandoned buildings that litter the city, but it is now thought that these will be delayed for some time to come.

The pressure group Citizens for a Better Seattle immediately criticized the move. The groups founder and chairman Windthrop Jenkins III said yesterday, "The structure is a blot on our fair city and something must be done. It is clear that vandals and undesirables use the structure and that just is not on. It must be stamped out!"

As to the structure itself, nobody is quite sure what to do with it, demolition has been considered. But to demolish this towering pinnacle of 20th Century confidence? That seems to be a betrayal of all that we have inherited from our great and glorious past. When America was a great nation and when being a citizen of the United States of America meant something more than it does today. This reporter for one would not want to see that legacy become a pile of rubble. Perhaps one day the Seattle needle will become a shining pillar of hope to the people of Seattle and lead us back into greatness once more. For the moment though, let us just hope that the needle continues to stand proudly against the Seattle skyline

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CONSPIRACY

MORE ECHELON

By CG-Double-Oh-Nuffin (mousie)

Last week you were informed of the existence of the Echelon spy system. The technology is better than you can imagine though. Yes, they can monitor any transmissions, but that's not where their real power lies. Their real power lies in the ability to interpret the data that they've intercepted.

To this end they have computers and other technology that goes beyond state-of-the-art. No, friends, this is the technology of the future, used to spy on the present. "One tool used to sort through the text of messages, PATHFINDER (manufactured by the UK company, Memex), sifts through large databases of text-based documents and messages looking for keywords and phrases based on complex algorithmic criteria. Voice recognition programs convert conversations into text messages for further analysis. One highly advanced system, VOICECAST, can target an individual's voice pattern, so that every call that person makes is transcribed for future analysis." Borrowed from an article written by Patrick S. Poole.

Using this technology, Echelon is on the watch 24/7. They wouldn't want to miss an incriminating moment! There is a "code" for each country ( for example 5535 for Japanese diplomatic traffic, or 8182 for communications about distribution of encryption technology). Everything is filed carefully in heavily guarded computer files.
More next week...

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MEDICINE

DESEASE

by DAF9

Medical doctors from University of Washington Seattle reported today at the annual meeting of the American Society of Cardiologists in Los Angles on the results of a promising but radical new treatment for congestive heart failure. Dr. Sean Anderson described 10 years of research into the use of neural implants to improve the quality of life for patients previously bed-ridden by chronic pain. According to Dr. Anderson's lecture this treatment in which neural implants are used to directly suppress the pain centers of the brain does not significantly affect life expectancy but does allow patients to resume their normal activities for periods of up to 5 years.

The ASC meeting was briefly interrupted by a disturbance during Dr. Anderson's presentation. Five South African doctors rose abruptly from their chairs and ran from the room. When questioned by reporters during the morning coffee break, the South Africans refused to account for their surprising reaction to Dr. Anderson's talk. "I guess we scooped them" Dr. Anderson jokingly responded when he was asked for his reaction.

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EDITORIAL

IMPROVEMENTS TO SEATTLE: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

By Samcrazy

Take a look out of your window now and check out what the government has done to improve your area. There's not much there? Okay, look at central Seattle and see what the well-paid senator has done to improve our lives here. That's right - there's next to nothing.

We have conclusive evidence that the dollars we've paid over the past three years in taxes has NOT been used to re-build the city around us. Money, that we've worked so hard for and 'happily' put into the local government to help us back onto our feet has simply disappeared.

We here at the 'Streets' have taken this mystery and unraveled the tangled web of lies and deceit. Not an easy task, but again, we've discovered a reason to it. We did a general survey of each rep. in the sector made for allocating the funds to public projects. We asked them the question; What new projects in the area are being funded by the taxpayers money?

We asked nine people, and they came up with these answers. They are unnamed to avoid embarrassment.

1. "The local hospitals in the area are being improved, thanks to the tax payers"

2. "Umm, I think that the local primary schools are being re-stocked with much-needed supplies"

3. "New housing estates for the homeless are being put up in the outskirts with the money"

4. "Sorry, not sure. I would think the health services and smaller doctors surgeries are being sorted out"

5. "The money is being invested in new facilities for the children, we want to help the future generations"

6. "The transport in the area is going to be overhauled and sorted out. We here have had enough of the traffic of cars and the odd bus being stuck in a mile long wait"

7. "The run-down buildings are being re-build"

8. "New hospitals are being made, to support the ones in this area, I think"

9. "Housing. Yes, I am sure that the housing in the area is being build as we speak"

You can reach your own conclusions by reading these. The people in this department have no real idea of what is happening with the money. That's because this is at the bottom of the governments 'to do' list. Your money is being used to pay for the bureaucrats rich lifestyle, and again, we have the proof.

Using inside sources we rummaged around the old files in the main government spending sector and found the lists of where each months money is going to. It read that it is being routed to each individual government sector-except the public spending sector. We tracked down one area as an example, and found that the outside money source as listed on the pay rolls is indeed coming from the public spending area. There's the answer.

So we find again that the corruption has spread. Sad news, but we are sure that when this report is published, the people upstairs will get their act sorted out.

AMERICAN LANGUAGE….WHAT'S HAPPENING?

by DAF9

What's the dealio with these new spellings that have been making their way into common usage over the past 20 years? The most recent to come to this reporter's attention is the frequent misspelling of the word disease as desease. Even reputable papers like our own "Streets of Seattle" have been found to contain disease spelled as "desease". Are our proofreaders just sloppy or is this latter becoming an acceptable alternative form of the word? Where did it originate?

Careful researching of the history of "desease" has shown that the word first appeared in print shortly after the Pulse. Lexicographers believe it's origins can be traced to an article appearing in the Chicago Tribute dated August 26, 2013. In that article, reporter Clifton Matthews was bemoaning the sorry state of American medicine, particularly preventative medicine, in the months following the Pulse. In a play on words he talked about diseases such as cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy and congenital heart defects that had been well on the way to being "cured" now more commonly resulting in death and thus more appropriately referred to as deceases. Deceases was latter changed to deseases.

In next weeks edition we will look at some other words whose spellings have changed since the Pulse.

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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editor,

Regarding last weeks article about the odorous emissions down by the water. I have it on good authority that is where the Union of Unemployed Auto Workers hold their baked bean cookouts every week. 'Nuff said I trust?

Concerned citizen

Dear Editor,

I am writing in response to your article of last Monday regarding child labor. Has your reporter been in a SCHOOL lately? Drug running 101 and how to build a better EMP are the order of the day!! My son Jeffrey is far safer working in our family business (we "retrieve" abandoned vehicles) than he would be in school. Join the real world Ms. Schnapzie!

Irate Father

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Seeing the same old thing day after day?

Come to the
Steel Post Saloon

on the corner of Eighth and Pender featuring live fights by some of the fiercest women in Seattle (maybe even a few unscheduled fights, too)
Come to the
Steel Post Saloon

Where the excitement never ends.

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FEATURES

HOW TO SURVIVE THE POST PULSE DEPRESSION TIP OF THE DAY

By Shnapzie

So, you have a temperamental water heater that isn't worth the effort put in to steal it. Or you are unfortunately lacking in that particular amenity.

But it doesn't have to be obvious that you go days at a time without a shower! Just sprinkle a little cornstarch onto your hair and brush out. The cornstarch will soak up the oil and dirt accumulated there. Voila! Your hair will look like you've just washed it.

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ENTERTAINMENT

EYES ONLY'S MIDNIGHT MADNESS

By Jox5

Does Eyes only have a problem with Mark Dore, star of Midnight Madness? For three weeks in a row there have been Eyes only broadcasts interrupting the show. Is this just a coincidence or is Eyes only trying to sabotage the show?

Some think the broadcasts are put up during popular shows so that there will be more people watching. Others think it is a deliberate attempt to ruin the show.

I talked to Dore to see if there were any grudges Eyes Only might have. Dore says that he has no idea who Eyes Only is and there is no reason for him to hurt Midnight Madness.

"Eyes Only is a great guy who is protecting the people of Seattle and he is welcome to bring down the bad guys in my time slot" Dore says.

Now that Dore supports Eyes Only, will the broadcasts continue or will they just pop up on random times? We will just have to wait and see.

ANOTHER RETURN

By Karen Murray (iluveyesonly)

Not another pointless Mummy plot! At least the first three movies had enough witty dialogue to surprise us. The seventh, The Return of the Priest's Mummy, gives us none of that and less.

Set in 1945, this loud and chaotic movie has the same basic plot as the first six. Egyptian priest Im-Oh-Tep (Xaviar Vocluso) is back to bring from the dead (did we expect him to stay dead? He never does!) as well girlfriend, Anck-Su-Namun, winningly played by the exotic E. Murray Anders. An added twist, one that we haven't see six times beforehand, he's looking for survivors of the nuclear bomb attacks. He seems to think that these humans have a sort of mutated gene that will allow them to follow him and become his servants and follow him, even though he's technically dead and is able to go places mere mortals aren't. (Go figure, once again. Ol' Tep is persistent.)

Freddie Booth is making his fifth appearance as Alex, the annoyingly average man who happens to have been taught ancient Egyptian by his mother (don't we miss her!). He seems to add more to the decor than he adds to the script, though he doesn't act amazingly cute and adorable as he did in the third and fifth, which is a plus sign. Since the plot hangs around him, there is a slight hole, which is adeptly filled with the use of special effects.

Probably the best thing about this movie, it isn't the special effects horror that Star Wars: Episodes One, Two, Three, Seven, and Eight were; the special effects are fairly nice. A lot of decomposing mice running around Alex's face looked surprisingly real. The ant-face was a bit disappointing; it was lingered on a bit too long and it seemed a little too reminiscent of the sand-man, water-man, leaf-man, hair-man, and finger-man from the six original movies.

However, all in all, gross special effects win me. Maybe I'm just a freak at heart, but I thought the movie was plotless but enjoyable. I lost the trail of though in the movie early on and found it not necessary to find it again. You can forget about the unmemorable dialogue and just watch to see just how this decomposing menace looks while he walks. Its simple.
Bottom line: Special Effects are good, plot worse than originals.

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All Bug-R-Us customers are cordially invited to a cookout party! The cookout is modeled after the old tradition of crawfish (aka mud bugs) boil in the South. Instead of mud bugs, we will be serving various types of exotic bugs that you, the customers, have contributed to our large collection during our extermination visits. It promises to be a tasty and healthy, with the combination of high protein and great spices. Come and join us!

Bug-R-Us, we turn pests into feasts!

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BOOKS

Harry Potter #22: The Severed Cauldron Harry's 10-year-old twins begin their first year at Hogwarts. They throw the school into an uproar as they refuse to accept the verdict of the Sorting Cap, which places Jason in Slytherin and James in Gryffindor. Although another fine effort by JK Rowling, her trove of magical imagery is running a bit low. (Yet another shape-shifting tabloid reporter? Please.) And while her stories have been a favorite form of escapism for Seattle residents for years, those without a magic wand—or access to England's stocked groceries--would likely prefer fewer graphic descriptions of grand banquets and midnight snacks. Jennem1

Nancy Drew III The granddaughter of the original Nancy Drew, her boyfriend Fred and her best friend Tess solve crime in modern day Seattle. In this latest episode, published by the estate of Carolyn Keene, Nancy and her friends solve the Case of the Missing Clock. Thieves abscond with a clock from the Space Needle. Who did the dastardly deed? Daf9

Power Jacking for Dummies. This latest in the how-to-for-dummies series explains in great detail how to get electricity for a hot shower, a fancy meal or an adult-toy without getting killed either by electrocution or angry neighbors. The authors WEIRDARCHIVES and LUCIFER6LEXI, both reporters for Streets of Seattle, seem to really know what they're talking about. Biographical details are limited so it may be that these people have personal, hands-on experience with this topic. Daf9

In its fifth publication, I Am The Weakest Link: The Life Story of Karen Murray did smashingly well in England. In the rags to riches story, the ever-popular presidential candidate writes on her earliest memories to current day. Being a shy thirty-something, she gives no official date for anything, but it is safe to say she's thirty-seven, if you take the publications of the Harry Potter books. Iluveyesonly

"How to Take Over the World and Get Away With It" is being released this week, the second book in a trilogy by JD Arnold, the self proclaimed imperial leader of the world. The first book, "Understanding the Voice In Your Head", sold four copies, three of them by her mother. She wrote this second book from her padded cell by scratching the words into wood with a sharp stick. When asked for the inspiration for her work, she was quoted as saying "Well, it came to me one day in October or 1999....GET OUT OF MY HEAD, YOU EVIL PANCAKE!!" Our love for her work is based simply out of fear for her cannibalistic side. Preciousjax

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RESTAURANTS

C This new venue promises chicken at a reasonable price, no matter what the current market status. Sure, the high-end restaurants of Seattle always have meat, but is there at last an option for those of us on a lower budget? Maybe not. One thing we've all realized over the years of this recession: a lot of things taste like chicken. And as the management of "C" refuses to allow reporters to view the kitchen, we're a little suspicious. Still, if you're not fussy and have a great imagination, "C" offers "Creative" meat dishes that won't use up your paycheck. Average meal excluding beverage, tax, gratuity $48. 48 Center. Tues.-Sat. 12pm-1am. Jennem1

South Market Café The large black "No Guns, no drugs" sign hanging out front says it all. South Market Café promises that your meal will be interrupted no more than twice by a drive by shooting or the price of your drinks will be refunded. The menu is eclectic, depending upon what the waiters manage to steal from the higher end restaurants in the "good" parts of town. This critic recommends the rat pasta tricolore. For drinks, whatever you do – stay AWAY from the water. Anything with alcohol is relatively sterile and therefore unlikely to make you ill. Prices are negotiable, especially if you're packing heat. Hours are flexible, based on when the Sector Police are occupied elsewhere, but if you show up after 10PM on a Fri or Sat night and don't mind waiting around a few hours, chances are SMC will be able to accommodate you. Note, most of the staff are on parole so if you are a known criminal please take your business elsewhere. Daf9

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Hello!!! I have a used habit trail for sale and It's only had to gerbils in it but they both died in it. It has been cleaned out!! comes with 8 tubes and two home units. first $35 takes it home!! just email me and we can make the arrangements.

HELP WANTED: Dark Dreary Abandoned Air Strip requires youthful security personal, applicants must have a build similar to the Rock, and must have an IQ lower than 20, oh and no weirdo's GB

I'm thinking about moving to Seattle. I hate living in the streets so do any of you locals know if JamPony is hiring? do I need my own bike? I need this info ASAP because my court date comes up soon! and its time to Jam!!!!

51 year old cranky geneticist looking for rock star boy toy. Must enjoy massaging bunions and singing Beatles songs. DAF9

Single Woman looking for a male: must be able to hold an intellectual conversation and tell me about the conspiracies that are going on in the city. 330417291599[X5-612(SPOTZGIRL16)]

Single male looking for an adventurous, rebellious woman that doesn't sleep much and has a bad attitude. X5-650(NINJA650)

Single Male looking for woman who likes junk food. MUST BE FEMALE!
x5-158(DTM)(DAMMACHINE)

Single Female looking for Single Male who likes to have fun, dance, who likes to kiss [;0)], likes scary/funny/sweet/romantic movies, and music. X5-452(DARKANGELBBY)

Funny, pretty and bright female looking for nice male...must resemble ninja!!! Man must be nice, rich and have a big house... X5 420-Ninja and DTM's sista (LOGANS_BABE)