Welcome to the
fourth edition of "Streets of Seattle." Want to participate? Reply via review,
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Disclaimer:
We do not own the Dark Angel universe, the characters therein, or any details
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is sought or will be made from this production.
**********************************
STREETS OF SEATTLE
(date withheld), 2019
To our readers: The stories
appearing in today's STREETS OF SEATTLE have been cleared by the U.S. Army
under the provisions of the Martial Law Declaration of 2009 and the National
Emergency Declaration of 2010.
Editor in chief: Jennem1
Managing editor: Samcrazy
Opinions Editor: Shnapzie
Entertainment Editor: Jox5
Chief Reporter: Daf9
Featured Reporter: Weirdarchive
Contributing Reporter: Ninja650
Contributing Reporter: Angushardie
Contributing Reporter: Iluveyesonly
Contributing Reporter: Darkangelbby
Contributing Reporter: Sportzgirl16
Contributing Reporter: Rudiye
Contributing Reporter: Dammachine
Contributing Reporter: The Jerk
Official Mail Girl: Logans_babe
*************************************************
LOCAL NEWS
STOLEN ROCKWELL RECOVERED BY
AMERICAN HISTORICAL RECOVERY SOCIETY
By Weirdarchive
In a press conference at
the Northwest Regional Headquarters of the American Historical Recovery
Society, a stolen Norman Rockwell was unveiled safe and sound by member of the
Executive Board Logan Cale. This priceless treasure was stolen from the
National Museum in one of the many recent break-ins of America's art galleries
and cultural treasure houses. The culprits, leading up to a local crime lord
known only as Mister Duvalier, have been either arrested or have left the
country. Officials have vowed to hunt down the remaining suspects 'to the ends
of the earth', according to an unnamed Executive Board member.
This is another victory
for the fledging group dedicated to the recovery and restoration of American
art and cultural treasures lost either in the chaos of the Dark Months or sold
to fund the government. The Society was a small organization established at the
Turn to help organize resources and personnel in the recovery of stolen and
lost artwork. After the Pulse and the furor over the selling of the Statue of
Liberty to the Sultan of Brunei, the Society's role expanded to preserving and
coordinating efforts to keep the remaining American cultural icons, landmarks,
and art treasures within American shores by any legal means necessary. Some of
their most recent triumphs have been the rescue of The Washington Monument, the
co-funding to preserve Mount Rushmore and the Crazy Horse Memorial by the
United Native American Tribes, the relocation of the entire Rock and Roll Hall
of Fame and Museum from its precarious location of Cleveland to its temporary
(and safer) headquarters of London, and its most famous effort to date the
spiriting away of the Enola Gay (the airplane that dropped the Hiroshima Bomb
in 1945) to an undisclosed location from the Anti-Nuke Riots of 2009-2012.
The Society is funded by
some of the most notable North American celebrities, millionaires, and
industrialists. Among some of the companies giving money and assistance are
Cale Industries, Microsoft International, McDonald's, Sony Pictures, Cyperdyne,
and the American Alternative Energies Corporation. Its budget has allowed it to
fund exhibits of American culture and keep them from the auction block and the
Black Market. Of course, controversy has dogged the Society from its begrudging
approval of the moving of the Baseball Hall of Fame from Cooperstown to its
international branch in Kyoto to its negotiating with the rogue Republic of
Alaska to recover the remaining Pollack Exhibit which was touring North America
prior to the Pulse. So far, the Federal government has not condemned the
Society mostly due to its good work and publicity.
The Society's long term
goals are to reclaim all stolen American artwork, landmarks, and exhibits from
private collections and national museums presently housed in such countries as
Korea, Brunei and the Hong Kong Independent Trade Zone as well as the
restoration of such treasures as the Statue of Liberty back to American shores.
To this end, the United Nations (presently headquartered in its de facto
offices of Toronto) has offered its assistance to the Society to that end.
Other nations and blocs such as the European Union and the Asian Co-Prosperity
Sphere have also given their support in recovering American art stolen or lost
in the chaos of the Pulse.
FLYING DEAD PEOPLE: Signs of Defenestration
by Ninja650
Are you familiar with
the term defenestration? Well, this week, some people have been introduced to
this term as they have seen a person defenestrated from the building at 435
Bledsoe. None of these people wanted to come forward for fear of them being
next. But this situation goes farther than just a single act of cruelty. It's
much deeper than that.
Although none of the
witnesses wanted themselves revealed, we did get a chance to get some answers
out of them. One woman, who was on her usual late-night jog around the block,
turned down Bledsoe just in time to see a man tossed from the window. Her statement includes the fact that the man was
screaming in terror the whole way down. Another, from the building across the
way, said he saw the flying man through the window of his apartment. His window
was shut so he did not hear the screaming, but saw the man flailing his arms.
The strange part about this is that we hear from the autopsy room that the man
was killed by a single gunshot wound to the head. Last I heard, dead men don't
scream in terror or flail their arms.
The following day, the
supposed killer was apprehended at the Seattle Metro Airport while trying to
flee the country to Singapore. The weapon used to kill the defenestrated man
was found in the bag of the suspect as it went through the metal detector. Can
you smell some sort of cover-up? After the Metro Airport security found the gun
in his bag, the apprehended suspect replied, "Man, that ain't mine."
Perhaps he was telling the truth. Either someone is trying to frame him for a
murder, or he is just that stupid to try to get on a plane with a gun in his
bag.
The suspect denies all
charges against him and will be tried later on the following week. All signs
point to him at the moment, so unless the witnesses come forward and testify
about the incident, explaining that the man died before receiving the shot, a
man may be wrongfully punished for a crime he did not commit. However, this
leaves more questions to ponder: Why shoot a dead man in the head? And if this
guy didn't do it, why was he trying to leave the country? Maybe these questions
and more will be answered once the trial gets under way.
RAPHAEL BANKS DRESS STOLEN...AND
STRANGER PAYS FOR IT
by Darkangelbby
Two days ago... a $6000
Raphael Banks Dress... a true one-of-a-kind... was stolen without a trace of
evidence. The saleswoman says: "I was holding it for a woman who was about
20, 21? Anyways she asked if I could hold it for her and I said yes. She said
that she would pick it up later and that was fine with me. Poor dear... she
looked as though she was in love with that dress..."
Meanwhile... the cops
are as dumbfounded as the saleswoman. the thief broke in with out a noise and
leave with out being seen or heard by the guard or the saleswoman. It seemed as
though the dress just VANISHED with out a trace. The store was in a world of
hurt... that was a $6000 dress! The thief seemed only to be there to get that,
because none of the other dresses were stolen, vandalized, or ruined. But that
wasn't the biggest shock....
A wealthy citizen (with
deep pockets and a good heart) paid the store the $6000 that they would have
lost if the dress wasn't recovered. Although the citizen did it anonymously,
he/she got a discount from that store... of $10 off the next purchase...
*************************************************
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
TAKING LIBERTIES WITH MS. LIBERTY
by Angushardie
The City of New York and
Mohammed Abdul Al Bin, the Sultan of Brunei, yesterday concluded talks
concerning the sale of the Statue of Liberty. The statue, a symbol of America
to thousands of immigrants throughout the 19th and 20th Centuries was sold for
an estimated 250, 000 Euros (1.3 trillion dollars).
It is said that the
Sultan intends it as a gift for his youngest daughter Yasmin's 13th Birthday. A
spokeswoman for the Embassy of the sultanate of Brunei spoke of the Princess
Yasmin's great interest in Americana and all things American. "Yes she has
a great collection, statuary is a particular favorite. She almost has a
complete collection of presidents now, acquired by her doting father from the
city of Washington. All of the great presidents are there, Lincoln, Jefferson,
Washington, even some of the not so great presidents like Clinton and Bush. She
also has some kind of large monument and a bit of some pool that she had dug
out of the ground in Washington DC, I'm not quite sure what it is or was but
there it is back home standing there in the desert."
The princess is thought
to have expressed an interest in the statue after watching the movie Titanic,
where the surviving passengers reaching New York and pass under the shadow of
the great statue. However some have suggested that it is simply an attempt to
counter the recent purchase of the Mount Rushmore monument by her cousin and
rival Jemima, daughter of the Sultan of Dubai. The two young women have been
locked in rivalry for some years now. It is thought that the princess Jemima
will be unable to beat this purchase and that she may have to admit defeat.
The city of new York and
the NYSeaPort Military District announced the deal late Friday evening amid
some controversy. However it is felt by most that a good price was made and
that both sides are very happy with the deal and both mentioned that the statue
would be removed quickly to avoid time for protests. At the time of writing
most of the upper portion of the statue has been removed and only the lower
parts of the legs and feet remain.
There have been some
protests but for many New Yorkers the removal was both unexpected and
unwelcome.
"Its like a loss of
hope, y'know" said one.
"The great lady's
gone, we're all gonna die!" said another New Yorker who seemed rather the
worse for drink at the time.
Perhaps the most telling
impression of our modern age is the response of Johan Marks of Trenton who when
asked his opinion merely replied
"What? Who? Don't
make no difference to me man. "
Perhaps it may be better
to see the statue in the hands of a caring collector than in the control of
people who neither know nor care about her. And perhaps one day the American
People might be able to buy her back and restore her to the entrance to New
York harbor where the light from that great torch may once more guide ships
safely into port.
POPE DIES WHILE DELIVERING MASS
by Daf9
Vatican City, June 12,2020
In a move that stunned
officials and spectators alike, the highly controversial Pope Gregory XVII was assassinated
today while delivering his weekly sermon at St. Peter's Cathedral. The assassin
came out of nowhere; moving incredibly quickly and hurtling barriers and
checkpoints designed to protect the Pope as if they weren't there. While the
Pope's bodyguards had barely managed to draw their weapons, a figure clothed in
a black leather jumpsuit leapt almost 20 feet onto the platform where the Pope
stood, grabbed the man, broke his neck and disappeared quickly back into the
crowd.
Although several
spectators suffered minor gunshot wounds none were seriously injured. The
assassin made a clean get-away leaving security officials completely baffled.
One of the bodyguards on the scene said in a chocked voice and with tears in
his eyes "It happened so quickly....we tried but....". When asked for
his reaction, the American Ambassador to the Vatican said "While the
American government and the Vatican have been at odds over several issues
lately, we are of course grieved to see the life of this courageous man end in
such a cowardly manner". Funeral arrangements are underway and will be
announced latter this week. Foreign policy analysts are unsure how this will
affect American/Vatican negotiations since a successor to Pope Gregory has yet
to be chosen.
*************************************************
MEDICINE
A CURE FOR SPINAL INJURY
by Daf9
At the quadrennial
meeting of the International Society of Neurology and Neurosurgery, being held
this week at the Washington State Convention and Trade Center, Dr. Sean McMillan
of the Dept. of Neurology, University of Glasgow, Scotland reported on ground
breaking research that offers new hope for individuals paralyzed due to
traumatic spinal injury. The work of Dr. McMillan and his team represents the
culmination of over thirty years of research into the use of embryonic stem
cells to induce nerve regeneration in human beings.
For most of that time
researchers have been frustrated by three problems. The first is the difficulty
in isolating these cells in large numbers as they can only be obtained from
aborted fetuses or umbilical cord blood. The identification of the correct mix
of growth factors to sustain the cells in culture so as to optimize their
ability to travel through the bloodstream to the site of the injury has also
proved more problematic than originally anticipated. A third problem was in
insuring that the stem cells do not raise an immune response in the recipient.
The final hurtle to be overcome was to modify the cells to enable them to both
repair the injury by regenerating the nerve and to dissolve the scar tissue
that would otherwise leave the patient in constant pain once feeling returned
to the affected area. All three of these problems have now been solved and Dr.
McMillan predicts that his technique will be generally available to patients
within two years.
*************************************************
EDITORIAL
LIVE TO SEE 60
by Shnapzie
At the turn of the
century, the life expectancy was around 72, and it wasn't uncommon to live to
be 90 or older. Statistically, each
year as technology and medicine improve, life expectancy is also supposed to
rise. So today's citizens should live to be, oh...seventy five? Eighty, even?
Well, last time I
looked, I didn't see very many old people. And I suppose that's understandable,
since the life expectancy of today is 60! How, in an age of the greatest
medical miracles ever witnessed (there's even talk on the street of
"genetically enhanced humans" running around, whatever that means)
can people be expected to live over a decade less than twenty years earlier?
Actually, it's not as
odd as it looks. Those common parts of everyday life all contribute to less
time here on Earth. Observe:
*Gangs. They're
everywhere. Prudent people avoid them. But from the Mafia to the more
visible--but no less dangerous --street gangs, they leave a string of violence
in their wake, and are responsible for the death of many, many, people.
Drive-by shootings, belonging to a rival gang, making a bargain--and then not
living up to one's end of it....all of these are frequent causes of death.
*Poverty. Well, duh. Of
course poverty is in the list. But for less obvious reasons than just not being
able to afford food. Not being able to afford a house puts one in constant
exposure to the elements. Squat, and one becomes a favorite target of the
Sector Police. And often, there's not enough money to spend on personal
hygiene.
*Collapse of government
aid. We all bemoaned Medicare and Medicaid, complained about all of our tax
dollars we had to waste on it. But because of the collapse of these essential
programs, many people have died, and will continue to die. Elderly people who
couldn't work couldn't afford food and rent without their monthly check. (Have
you noticed that today, the majority of old people live in the high-rise
district? Most of the poor elderly folks have passed away.) And the millions
who caught one of those new viruses certainly can't hold a job--thus, no money
to pay for expensive treatments.
*Cost of new procedures.
Sure, all these new procedures are available. But one has to have lots and lots
of money to pay for them! And insurance is more expensive and pays for less.
(Not to mention that many clinics and hospitals demand cash up front.)
These are just a few of
the many things that contribute to the lower life-expectancy. Sad, isn't it?
But the good thing about knowing this is that when one knows, one can
self-improve [Ed. interpretation: Get a job, yeh wankers!] Or, one can always
blame the government, the international economics situation, Alaska seceding,
or TV execs canceling a favorite program (that last one is the leading cause of
suicide today.)
*************************************************
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Dear Editor,
I read your last edition
and I'm responding to one of your articles. You know, the one about the smashed
elevator? How stupid do you people think we are? Do you really expect us to
believe that someone actually punched through an elevator door? That's not
humanly possible. Especially the part about him not feeling any pain after
doing that? Come on, now. I think you guys somehow got your facts mixed up
cause I, for one, don't believe a word of that article. I know the elevator was
actually smashed, I seen it myself. But it had to have been done with some kind
of weapon or something and not by someone punching it.
I read your paper all
the time, but if you guys are going to start making things up just so you can
get a story, then you're going to have one less reader.
Skeptical reader.
Dear Editor,
I was real ticked off
when I read the article about the Steckler court case bombing scare in last
week's edition. Your reporter, one Ms. or Mr. Lucifer6Lexi, didn't say nothing
about what a hero Bruno Anselmo was. As a former girlfriend of Bruno's and friend
of his wife I can tell you that while he wasn't exactly faithful to me or his
wife, he was a fun guy and a great father to his little girl. His friends are
gonna miss him.
Irate reader.
*************************************************
ADVERTISEMENT
Angelo Biondello
Independent Building
Designer
(555) BELIEVE
Never Give Up
*************************************************
ENTERTAINMENT
THE NILLSONS CANCEL CONCERT
By Jox5
Last Friday night the
world famous jazz band The Nilsson's were going to have a special concert at
the Space Needle.
It never happened. Why?
Some little rich boy wanted them to play at his wedding. So instead of having a
concert were to proceeds were going to restore the Space Needle, Mike Nilsson
and his family were at a mansion selling out.
City Jazz fan will have
to wait and see if the sector police will open the city so they can go to the
Portland concert on Tuesday.
This incident only
proves what this reporter has long believed. Everybody has a price.
MOVIES
By Weirdarchive
Some notable movies to
watch for on Cineplex, Canada.:
MY EYES GO GRAY 7:
HEARTBEATS BLEED INTO STONE, 2012,
starring Asia Argento, Chow Yun-Fat, and Ashley Judd. Written and directed by
Dario and Asia Argento. Unrated.The
most successful Asian horror series to date gets the Giallo treatment as
Italy's master terror director and his equally provocative daughter (who
directed her own shocking trilogy BLEED, BREED, BREATHE) give an a skewed look
of Chinese life in Rome with a paranormal twist and some well received closure
of some unanswered questions from Dario's 'Three Mothers' Trilogy (SUSPIRIA,
INFERNO, MORTIS ROMA). An American journalist named Persephone (Judd) is
haunted by visions of a murdered Chinese dissent (Yun-Fat) who was assassinated
in Rome during his speech tour. As the visions increase in intensity and
insanity, Persephone is drawn to the world of Chinese politics, Greek legends,
and Argento's own mythos of The Three Mothers, paying special attention to
Mater Lacrimarum (cameoed by Jennifer Connelly and Kristen Dunst). Fans of the
GRAY series and the Argentos have been split over the hidden meanings and
political symbolism of the film, owing to their support for artistic freedom in
then Communist China. This was Dario Argento's final film before his death in
2015. Contains violence and sensuality. Parents strongly cautioned.
LOVE TEARS, 2007, starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Christina Ricci. Written
and directed by Anne Heche. Rated R.One
of the most moving films from the Lesbian Film Era (the time between 2007 and
2011 where Hollywood and later Asian Cinema dealt with lesbian themes in a
frank and honest manner). Nicole (Parker) and her sister Delia (Ricci) must
deal with their falling out after Nicole's turbulent love affair with Delia's
best friend (Oscar nominated performer Charisma Carpenter) turns sour with her
acceptance of Christ. While this movie is noted for Parker's one and only time
she did full frontal nudity and torrid love scenes with Carpenter (who also has
a steamy scene with Ricci) which had to be edited for content to get a 'R'
rating (the original version is presently unavailable due to stipulations of
her estate, requesting the full version not be released until the death of her
husband Matthew Broderick.), it is true to the prejudices of various Christian
sects against the gay community and the fallacy of sexual conversion. Heche
draws from her own experience with her relationships with Ellen DeGeneres,
Steve Martin, and her father. Nominated for five Oscars and received the Independent
Spirit Award for Best Movie. Contains sexual themes. Parents strongly
cautioned.
BOING!, 2018, Voiceovers from Kate Winslet, Tom Green, and Li Ling
Soo. Directed by Li Ling Soo. Rated GThe heartfelt anime tale of a toy's
search for his master, now grown-up and living in Beijing, is wonderfully
captured in the latest generation of computer animation. Winslet gives the
voice of the Toy Fairy Queen who helps the toy (voiced by Soo) find his owner
(voiced by Green) who runs a shipping company and feels life is passing him by
and is isolated from his son (voiced by Philip Green-Barrymore, the son of Tom
Green and then wife Drew Barrymore). This is Green's most mature performance to
date, owing to his near fatal accident caused by one of his comedy acts.
Winslet received a Golden Globe nomination for Best Actress. Contains some
comedic violence. All ages.
BOOKS
Idiots' Guide to the
Human Genome. This long, boring,
complicated tome is written by Streets of Seattle reporter DAF9 who is old
enough to know better. Chock full of scientific language that no sane lay
person can understand, spelling errors that any 10 year old could correct, run
on sentences with no discernible subject or verb and irrational arguments that
even her editor couldn't follow, this book has ABSOLUTELY NO redeeming
features. Except perhaps as fire starter. Daf9
The Definitive Guide to
the End of the Millennium, Part I The hottest craze among teens is flashing
back to the good old days of the 1980s and 1990s. Fueled by black market copies
of "Tiger Beat" and "Sassy," and fuzzy videos of "Top
Gun" and "Revenge of the Nerds," today's kids roam the streets
in search of Dippity-Do, belly-button rings, and Sting CDs. This series tells
you what to say, what to do, and what to wear for the ultimate GenX experience.
Wonder where slang like "dealio" or "lickety chick"
originated? Want to know all the words to the theme songs of Diff'rent Strokes
and The Love Boat? Now you can style your hair like Blair from "The Facts
of Life," or dress like any of the many incarnations of Madonna. The
Millennium guide offers all that, and so much more. Jennem1
*************************************************
ADVERTISEMENT
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Republic of Alaska or disputed zones of Texas and Florida.
*************************************************
FEATURES
HOW TO SURVIVE THE POST-PULSE
DEPRESSION TIP OF THE DAY
by Shnapzie
The best items to burn
in your trash can:
*Worn out pieces of
cardboard (your own piece, or steal one from your neighbor's shanty)
*The wrappings on
packages couriers deliver
*Fake womens' hair (you
know which section you get this at)
*The residue from
alcoholic beverages
*Old newspapers (Of
course, you would never think of burning this one, right??)
*Wood packing crates
(many old warehouses and abandoned air fields have these just lyin' around.
It's not like they need any of them)
DUMPSTER DIVING...Employment Opportunity or Hobby for the Ages?
by Daf9
While bicycling into
work the other night this reporter spotted an expensive evening gown hanging
outside a back-alley dumpster. Detouring to take a look, I became aware that a
young female teenager was frantically sorting through the dumpster's contents.
I briefly considered taking the dress while the woman was otherwise occupied
but as it appeared to be about a size 3 and therefore much too small to be of
any use to me, I didn't bother to stop. But it started me to thinking about why
an obviously wealthy socialite would be digging through trash and that started
me to thinking about dumpster diving in general. We all know that in this
post-Pulse era of scarce resources dumpster diving is a common, and sometimes
quite profitable, self-employment opportunity. But how many of our readers are
aware that this activity has been around as a hobby for many, many years. The
sight of that young wealthy woman suggests that there may currently be a
resurgence of this craze among the offspring of Seattle's well-to-do. While I
have no doubt that the majority of the citizenry are well aware of safe
dumpster diving practices, for the benefit of our less-informed readers who
choose to "indulge", the following guidelines are provided as a
public service.
#1. Make sure the lid of
the dumpster is secure in the open position before entering.
#2. Watch out for sharp
trash such as broken window glass or needles.
#3. Leave any bodies or
body parts alone. Despite rampant police corruption, your fingerprints or DNA
on a dead body will still buy you a whole dumpster full of trouble with the
local authorities from which even your daddy's money may not be able to extract
you.
#4. Carry a nice long
stick for poking into back corners and a gun for any rats you may have to fight
for your treasure.
#5. If anyone in
authority asks you what you are doing, run like heck!
#6. Wear old clothes. I
can only imagine how that young woman I saw the other night was going to feel
having to climb back into her expensive evening gown after her time in the
dumpster.
#7. Be careful of what
you take. If you are caught with identification that doesn't belong to you, be
prepared to spend several days explaining yourself to the Sector Police. Not to
mention the large fine. And whatever you do, leave any evidence pointing to
police corruption STRICTLY alone. You don't want to know what will happen if
you are caught with any of that.
These rules were revised
from Jack Hoff's Dumpster Diving for Fun and Profit, published in 1995. This
book is now out-of-print but rummaging through the large dumpster out back of
the Bill & Melinda Gates branch of the public library I managed to find a
copy.
*************************************************
SPORTS
WHEELCHAIR BASKETBALL
By Sportzgirl16
There is a new sports
league - Wheelchair Basketball.
Today as I was walking
down the street I noticed a group of men playing basketball in their wheelchairs.
I thought this was a rather peculiar sight. I stand around and watch for a few
minutes and become absorbed into the game. After the game I talked to one of
the men. He said, "Yeah this is a new thing, but it's getting popular
fast. We've got quite a few teams going right now and there are always new
people that want to join. Hell we even have a few people that went and got
wheelchairs so they could play with us."
Every year there are new
versions of the pre-pulse sports appearing. This is one of the few ways people
have found to amuse themselves. The great thing about this is, it's not just
for the handicapped, it's for everyone.
If you are interested in
being a part of this new sport, call Julie here at the Streets of Seattle.
*************************************************
NEIGHBORHOOD
EVENTS
LIVE! at the South
Market gun shop & comedy club. The
Royal Canadian Air Farce performs their hilarious spoof on Seattle's own Eyes
Only. Called "Exclusively Noses", this skit must be seen to be believed.
Catch it this week only. Performances at 8 & 11PM.
Next Wednesday between 2
PM and whenever. Bicycle stunts performed by professional bicycle couriers.
Sponsored by Joe's bicycle repair shop, Jam Pony challenges all comers.
Entrance fee $25 or equivalent in bicycle parts. Must sign waiver absolving
sponsors of any responsibility for damages but participants will be offered 10%
discount on future repairs by Joe's. Tickets to watch event are free but all
spectators required to provide a drink for one of the contestants. See you
there.
CLOTHING EXCHANGE Thursday, 8PM - Midnight St. Isadore's
Church of the Needy Wanderer. Bring any gently worn clothing that you no
longer wear, and trade it for more appropriate items. Casual clothing,
outerwear, children's clothing, formalwear, find what you need and get rid of
what you don't. There is no cash donation or charge for this event. Note:
For legal reasons, we will not accept blood-stained clothing, nor any garments
with knife or bullet holes (even if the blood has been removed). Additionally,
participants must remain fully dressed at all times, and may not trade clothing
that is actually on their bodies at the time.
ANNIVERSARIES
Actors Jessica Alba and
Michael Weatherly celebrate their 19th anniversary this week in Seattle
Washington. Mr. and Mrs. Weatherly and their 5 children came to Seattle for the
celebration because this was as close as they could get to Vancouver Canada
where the couple met 20 years ago while filming a highly popular dramatic
series called Dark Angel. "Many people said it wouldn't last, especially
after a memorable film opening at which Mike wore a really funny costume"
said Ms. Alba smiling fondly at her husband. "But don't tell our children
about that." Daf9
DEATHS
A sad moment took place
when 39 year old Britney Spears was found dead in her Seattle apartment on June
14, 2020. Spears had been strangled to death by an unknown assailant.
Investigations are still taking place to try to discover who the killer is. The
only evidence the police have is a letter left by the attacker that read,
"I should have done this 20 years ago." Police think it may have been
the acts of a stalker or jealous person who followed Spears' career.
Miss Spears came onto
the music scene in 1997 with her first single "Hit Me Baby One More
Time" and her next single "You Drive Me Crazy." She became known
for her talented vocals and rhythmic dancing on stage. She was looked up to by
many young girls of that age at that time and became their role model.
Spears decided a few years
before her death to try to rekindle her singing career in dedication to her
mother who had passed away by a heart attack. She was on tour promoting her
upcoming album with the hit single "I'm Stronger (2020 Remix)." It is
on this tour where she found herself in Seattle where she would do her last
show. One thing is for sure, the energetic girl from Kentwood, Louisiana will
surely be missed. Ninja650
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CLASSIFIEDS
For sale. One slightly used
Ugly blue Aztek van thing. Will trade for something of interest. Like a
"real" car of equal or lesser value. You can contact me at
mymotherdressesmefunny.com
Man for hire. Will
perform odd jobs. Skills include computer hacking, cooking, dressing up real
nice for pictures, steering and braking with one hand while shooting a hand gun
with the other. 555-5555
HELP WANTED: Independent
self-employed young woman looking for man to do odd jobs. Desired skills
include computer hacking, whipping up culinary miracles, high degree of
accuracy with a pistol even while driving. Should also be wealthy and enjoy
writing poetry.
WANTED: Ground floor
apartment for old lady tired of getting off on the wrong floor of her high
rise. Contact Mrs. Morano, Fogle Towers.
For sale. One small
screen TV. Runs off power generated by stationary exercise bike. $200 or will
trade for teeth. Contact me at www.mayIhaveyerteeth.com
For sale. One pair of
blue jeans, white shirt, purpley blue tie, denim jacket and sunglasses. Worn
only once in public. $.25 Contact DTM at www.mayIhaveyerteeth.com
