By: M.E. (Magnificent Entity)
Even though I knew it was coming, I wasn't ready. Wasn't ready for it to happen, for it to step out of my nightmares and into reality. Maybe no-one is ever ready.
For some reason, that thought isn't very comforting right now. But then, I don't think I'll ever be comforted again. Not now. Not after this.
I feel that I've lost all faith.
Our life worked out better than I thought it would. At first, we spent the majority of our time the same way that we did before we were ever got married, when we were still kids in high school. That is to say, we did a lot of fighting. She would nag and I would reply with a snide remark, and before long we were flying at each other with fists, frying pans, anything we could reach.
I once read a short manga in which a young couple gets along really well because they fight all the time and let out steam. I think it was like that between me and Keiko.
The fighting was a part of my life- she realized that, understood that I couldn't give it up. That I needed to have it. And she gave it to me.
Keiko was like that.
I'm still mad at her for leaving me. I know, it makes no sense, since it's not her fault. In fact, if it's anyone's fault, it's mine.
But right now I'm not in the mood to admit that, so I'm mad at her.
I just wish that she could be standing in front of my right now, so that I could apologize to her for my unnecessary anger.
That can't happen now.
Somehow, since the moment that I first saw her, standing alone on the yard in third grade, I knew that my fate was intertwined with hers. That she would someday be my life, and I hers.
She was just so darn cute that first day. Her family had just moved into the neighborhood, taking over the ramen shop that had been left to them by a favorite aunt. She hadn't even been around long enough to hear all the stories about me, to be warned away.
I'd never had a friend before that. I didn't know how to make friends, but, since I wanted nothing more than to be her friend for some strange reason, I did what I knew best.
I flipped up her skirt.
Keiko fell to the asphalt, bawling her eyes out, but not before catching me in the eye with her fist. I'd never known a girl like that before, one that could nearly incapacitate me with one blow, and at the same time burst into tears and fully assume the role of the victim.
My little eight-year-old heart beat fast in my chest. I was in love.
When she left, I wanted to call up someone, get some friendly advice, have someone tell me that it would all be okay and I'd eventually recover.
Unfortunately, that was impossible. Kurama cut off all ties with us a while ago, after explaining that Shuuichi, a victim of AIDS, was dying and he wanted to be alone with his step brother during the time he had had left. I think he might have wanted to go back to pretending to be a normal human again, even if it was only for three or four months.
Hiei disappeared to the Makai ages ago, and we haven't heard from him since. He was somehow the outsider all of the time. Maybe it was because he didn't have the benefit of a human upbringing. We'll never know now.
The big lunk, Kuwabara, probably wouldn't even recognize me anymore. He's over seventy and now spends his days in his eldest daughter's home, dandling grandchildren on his knee and capturing their attention with fascinating tales of his glory days as a tantei. His children and other adults laugh at them behind their hands, entertained by how "Dad can't tell fiction from fact anymore." I don't have the heart to visit him- if I did, then I'd have to tell those kids the way that all those battles really happened- not the versions where he's always the hero. Just the facts, ma'am.
As for Botan and the rest of the Reikai... well, they haven't been a part of my life for more than fifty years now. At least. I loose track of time easily these days, they all seem to flow together in my memory.
In short, there was no-one to talk to, no-one to go out and get drunk with. Alcohol isn't nearly as much fun when there isn't anyone to share it with. If anyone asks you, you can tell them that that's a universal truth. Tantei's honor.
I'm not angry at her anymore. All my anger has been spent, used up in a fury of hateful accusations. Now I just feel lonely, empty inside. I'm missing something that somehow became very much a part of me, and now I feel hollow.
My cries for help echo in the cavern of my heart and soul.
I loved her. I never really said it before, but now I can, for some strange reason. I still love her, and I know that I will continue to love her for the rest of my life, however long it may be.
Right now, I'm hoping it will end any minute, and mercifully put me out of my misery.
Something tells me it won't, if for no other reason than to spite me. When it comes to me, the Fates like to play silly mind games. I continue to be unamused by their antics.
Damn. You'd think that, as the years have passed, drivers would get better, be more cautious. That a little old lady, crossing the street to go to the supermarket, would be completely safe, and not have to worry about being splattered across some kid's bumper.
Keiko...
It was strange, as she grew older, I did too, until I got to be around twenty five, and then, time just sort of... stopped for me. It didn't, of course, for her.
We were never able to have kids, not my fault, though at first we thought it was, because of the Toushin genes Raizen had so kindly left me with. Keiko proved to be the unfertile one, which was unfortunate, since she would have made a great mother. If we'd had any offspring, I'd have someone to talk to now.
It ended up being that we had to move every few years, since people started to notice that I wasn't aging any, that when Keiko was sixty, I still looked twenty five. Our life would have been hell if I'd had to work, but the Reikai actually has this amazing retirement plan, and we were able to live off of what I got from that.
Sometimes I was passed off as her son, other times as a nephew, son of a friend, son-in-law, sometimes even a grandson. We were able to stay together, even though it sometimes got hard to fend off all the young women who came by to try and "civilize that poor boy." Not that it was their fault. How could they know that my life was dedicated to the elderly lady they cooed over?
And now she's gone. Gone forever? Maybe. I don't know anymore, what with resurrection being something very real, to say nothing of reincarnation.
The funeral is on Friday, tomorrow. There will be some of her friends and family, none of mine. According to the majority of the human world, I don't exist anymore, maybe they just figure I got killed in a gang shootout when I was eighteen. Or twenty five. It doesn't really matter.
The one person who did matter isn't here anymore.
And I still miss her.
owari
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MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Disclaimers for all! o
Author's Notes: The manga that Yusuke casually referred to in this fic actually exists, being one of Rumiko Takahashi's Rumic World stories- I think it's called "Wedded Bliss."
