Life After High School. Is It Scary? You Bet.

By Risty Maskell and Silver15

Disclaimer: Not ours. Unfortunately.

Summary: I can't tell you. I'm brain dead.

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(Benny's POV)

I watched Damon carefully those few weeks following the birth of little Kane. He was very quiet, even more so than usual, and he looked pale and tired. I knew he hadn't been sleeping well. I had a feeling that he was upset about Emma, but since he wouldn't talk, I had no way of knowing for certain. He wouldn't even talk to Billee. He had just shut down completely. I think Jamie noticed that something was wrong, although she didn't say anything. But you just can't hide things from Jaime. She always knows when something is wrong.

Come Christmas Eve, we watched a movie, then Jaime and Emma out the little ones to bed. Damon didn't really have much enthusiasm for Christmas, ever since father died and his mother went mad, he and his brother never celebrated it. And since his brother's death, there was even less reason for him to be cheerful. Nevertheless, all through Christmas Eve, he put on a brave face, even when Colan and Wendy asked him to sing them carols. In fact, he was a bit too cheerful and I began to get suspicious.

While Jaime and Emma were out of the room, Damon got up and went out to the kitchen. I waited for five minutes and then went after him. As I had guessed, he wasn't in the kitchen. He was in our room, gathering his belongings together. I stood in the doorway for a moment, trying to choose my words carefully.

"You can't go Damon," I said finally. "It's snowing too hard out there. You'll freeze"

"I don't care," he whispered, refusing to look at me. "Benny, I can't stay here. I just can't"

"This is about Emma isn't it?" I asked. Damon didn't reply. "Do you love her, Damon?" I asked again, taking a step closer. "Or is this just a case of 'you can't have her so you desperately want her'?"

"I love her," he said quietly. "I knew she liked me once, but I wouldn't get involved because she was too young and I was scared of hurting her. I guess now it's the other way round. But…I don't think I could have done anything different. Could I Benny?"

"No, I don't think you could have" I told him honestly. "Look, I know this is hard for you, but think about the others. They are all going to be upset and worried if you just disappear on them like this. Tomorrow is going to be stressful enough as it is, with all Elrond's kids coming down to be with their dad. You can bet there will be plenty of arguments and stuff. Besides, I know Christmas hasn't been too good for you in the past, but won't it be nice to celebrate with people who really care about us? Instead of just the pair of us sitting in some tavern somewhere, all alone?"

"Yeah, I guess" Damon agreed hesitantly. "Maybe I could just stay for Christmas…"

"You do that," I told him. "And in the New Year, if you still want to leave, then I'll come with you. We could go back to Silverwood and ask Bernard for our old jobs back. Or we could go back to Lucas for a while. He'll give us work"

"You don't have to do that Benny," he said softly, shaking his head. "I'm the one who can't handle it around here, not you"

"I'll have none of that talk," I told him firmly. "You've always been there for me when things have gone bad and I'm not going to turn my back on you now"

"Thanks Benny"

"It's okay" I gave him a smile. "Us outcasts have to stick together. I have to go back, or they'll wonder where we've gone. I'll tell them that you had a headache and went to bed early, okay?"

"Fine" He must have seen my look because he quickly added "Don't worry, I won't sneak off"

"I'll kill you if you do" I called back over my shoulder. Then I left our quarters and hurried back to the warm living room where Frodo was handing around wine and mince pies. Boromir was sitting with Kane on his knee, making funny faces. There were presents stacked under the tree. It was a very cosy scene. And outside, the snow continued to fall.

(Emma's POV)

When Benny came back, Damon wasn't with him. As he sat down heavily beside me, I leant over and asked him what had happened.

"Nothing" he said with a shrug. "Damon had a headache. He went to bed early. Thanks Frodo" he added as Frodo handed his a glass of wine. To him the subject was closed, but I knew that there was more to it.

"I'm going outside for a few minutes," I told Boromir quietly. "I need to be on my own. You can deal with Kane can't you?"

"No problem. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine" I told him. "Just a bit of fresh air and some time alone, that's all I need"

I picked up my riding cloak from the back of the sofa and slipped out. Everyone was watching some comedy thing on TV and no one saw me go. I threw my cloak around my shoulders, opened the kitchen door and stepped out into the snow-covered garden. It looked completely amazing.

"Beautiful isn't it?" a voice interrupted my thoughts. I turned to see Damon leaning again the wall. "Just like you"

"Damon…"

"I know" he held up his hands in defence. "I'm sorry" He paused for a moment, and then looked straight at me. "Can I tell you something?" he asked me. "Without you getting mad and slapping me or something?"

"Go on"

"When Kane was first born, Boromir gave him to me to hold" Damon said sadly. "I looked down at him and I thought, 'this could have been my son' and I regretted not fighting for you while I had the chance"

"Damon…" Try as I might, I couldn't think of anything else to say. "Are you saying…?"

"I love you," he confessed. "I love you with all my heart. I've never had feelings this strong before and I don't know how to handle them. Part of me wants to take you indoors and show you what real damn pleasure is, but I…I don't want to be the one responsible for breaking up you and Boromir. Kane needs his father and I can't do that to either of them"

"I…I had no idea" I said softly, shaking my head and taking a step towards him. "I thought your feelings for me vanished long ago"

"Vanished, no" Damon gave a bitter laugh as I continued to walk towards him. "I kept them hidden in the hope that they might disappear, but they never did"

"Never did? Damon, how long?"

"Five years" he said embarrassed. "When you had that crush on me when you were fourteen. But you were too young and I couldn't risk it. Now I wish I had"

I'm not sure how it happened, or who made the first move. All I know is that one minute I was standing in front of him, the next I was in his arms and we were kissing. Hard. And as terrible as it sounds, although we both knew that it was wrong, neither of us did anything to stop it.

It wasn't until we both sensed someone watching us that we stopped. With our arms still around each other, we turned to face the now open kitchen door. Jaime stood there, her arms folded and a scowl on her face…