Chapter 7 : Roots and Nodes
He sat back up against the thick sturdy trunk watching the smoke curl up and fade into the sky. He was addicted to the damn things, well wasn't that just a kick in the face?
That he smoked to remind himself of that man and keep himself focused, and not to satisfy a need for nicotine was one of the smaller fables he had told himself over the years. He had not lied when he said that smoking made him stronger, for the smell of burnt tobacco never let him forget the man of his heart. And that obsession-- in a way-- did make him stronger, it committed every second of his life to fulfilling his wish.
Now though, he had been trying to quit. Because that wish had not been granted and the smoke from the cigarette seemed to throw that painfully back in his face.
Well damn...
His restored eye twitched uncomfortably, still adjusting to the light and perhaps to him. It sometimes watered slightly, sometimes itched a little in the socket. Though it made sense that this eye should cry alone. Maybe in some way it was crying for its owner. Maybe in addition to half of his sight, half of his soul had also been restored and that eye with its tears was the young innocent Subaru crying over the cruelty of life.
Or perhaps it was just badly infected and he'd be dead within the week.
He honestly didn't know nor he didn't have the energy to worry about anything like that.
Being the Sakurazukamori was not what he had expected it to be.
The Tree was like a dull candle in the back of his mind. Its warm light vaguely illuminating senses and skills he didn't even know he had. She was not a forceful presence at all. He had expected to feel and overwhelming chill of dark power when he opened the canister that contained the Fuuma's gift. Instead he had felt an eerie warmth like a match had been struck inside him ... a quick hot fleeting sizzle that was cut back to a more stable glow.
At first he didn't know what to make of this, except that perhaps something had gone wrong. He wondered if eyeballs could short circuit...
The Tree was fond of prodding at memories in his mind he'd rather of forgotten, but not the ones he expected her to strike at. For the year of the bet his dreams had been haunted with slivers of memories of that dark mark on his childhood. Then after Hokuto died those dreams had been chased away by more graphic and painful memories. The Tree seemed to be extremely curious about the former and entirely unconcerned with the latter. He thought this was odd, for if she wanted to use his own memories to drive him under her control those of Hokuto's death were much more intimidating.
Subaru had to admit he was a tad disappointed that the Sakura was not half as maniacal as he had grown fond of thinking of her.
But that was neither here nor there. Whether or not she wanted to cackle evilly in the distance or drive him off the brink of his sanity, she still had to be feed. And he was the one chosen to do just that.
Long had he harbored fantasies about destroying this tree, but for much different reasons than he started out with. In retrospect he realized that falling in love with Seishirou had been a wonderful diversionary tactic. Every time he saw her he thought of that man instead of her. Where as once his focus would have been facing her and getting through the Sakurazukamori to do so, after their bet the complete opposite had become true. The whole mess known as his life had started with him and this tree, and somewhere down the line it had become about the Sakurazukamori. Seishirou really was an excellent guardian, he had gotten Subaru's eyes off the prize.
Doubtful that was his intention though.
Nevertheless...
The Tree made a dull thunking sound when the back of his head banged up against it. "Ow..." he grumbled, rubbing the sore spot a bit for the dramatics of it. The Tree rustled uneasily and he looked up with a faked disinterested edge. "Hungry?"
He did not know why, lord knows she didn't even try to force him, but he felt he couldn't let her go hungry. It was no particular allegiance to her or her former guardian, it was ... a sense of pity in him. He cared for her, not because she gave him power. Not because he was her servant...
Of course her hold could always be like the hold of nicotine, unnoticeable until you try to go against it.
After Seishirou died there was only one intimate connection left. He supposed he could have counted Kamui among them and made it two connections, but Kamui was of a different world to Subaru. The present was a hot hallucinogenic blur, only the past seemed clear in his mind. The apocalypse, the seven seals of human civilization, the seven angels, a logical fantasy, but in his heart he could not grasp the truth in the reality of it. It all seemed too strange, too ethereal. Subaru had never quite accepted the end of the world. He could accept the concept as he could accept 2+24, but his heart didn't understand it. He thought he would when he saw first kekkai fall ... but even then it was just a building. Could the destruction of Tokyo really wipe out humanity all over the world?
In the same way Kamui was like a whimsical spritely creature to him. Subaru had never been able to completely remove him from the legend. He had never been able to accept him as something tangible and real. Kamui seemed to him like a character in this collective fantasy, not a person of flesh and blood. A beautiful mythical creature his imagination was fond of playing with.
Consciously Subaru knew this was extremely unfair to Kamui, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't quite accept the reality of him. Maybe it would have been different if he hadn't been schooled about the Promised Day. Maybe if he hadn't known Kamui first through prophecy...
It was obvious that Kamui loved him, but it was something that never occurred to Subaru until Kamui said so. And even then his heart doubted the words. Afterall, no one suspects their imaginary friend to express emotions independent of the fantasy. No one thinks a legend might exert free will and defy what is scripted.
Then he thought, Kamui's role is clearly one of suffering ... maybe the play hadn't ventured far from the script at all. Vacantly he wondered what he would have told himself had Kamui's confession happened before he became the Sakurazukamori.
"Subaru?"
With a jolt he realized that Kamui had been speaking to him and that he had not heard a single word. "I'm sorry?"
Kamui seemed amused that Subaru's gruffness and crude apathy was just a front and that when caught off guard he reverted to his natural politeness. "I asked where I should meet you."
"Oh ... Ueno?"
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
It wasn't, but there were only two places he knew for certain were still standing: his apartment and Ueno. When he went to Tokyo he paid very little attention to anything else and there was little hope that the places he had known well in his childhood were still standing.
It would be unwise to expect Kamui to find his apartment in the mess that was the Ginza distinct.
"Yeah, I wouldn't worry."
"And how could I reach you should--"
"Godzilla moved back into town?"
"Or other emergencies," Kamui smiled. He was far too cheerful, Subaru thought, certainly he was up to something. But since that something didn't appear to have anything to do with him, his suspicions quickly lost their interest.
Aside from pestering his beeper number out of him, Kamui seemed to have little plan of involving Subaru in what ever his plot may be.
Well ... this was too typical Souh thought. Mountains of paperwork at the office, at least a dozen official duties to be attended to, yet here they were, doing in person what they could have easily sent a car and driver to do. "Kaicho..."
The man he was referring to was unfazed by any of his worries and stood fanning himself in the unseasonable heat that had captured Tokyo. When addressed he smiled at his companions and opted to ignore the obvious.
The third among them was searching the crowd with concerned urgency that was quite adorable in a man his age. "I don't think they're here."
"Nonsense, Sumeragi-san called me personally. They'll be here."
"Neh are you sure this isn't too much?" Akira wondered out loud.
Nokoru blinked and paused briefly in his fanning to consider it. "Not at all," he concluded. "I would have liked to prepare a welcome much more fitting of the world's savior had we been given more than a day's notice of their arrival."
"I think what he means Kaicho," Souh began. "Is that your plans for the weekend might be a little overwhelming since it is his first time back."
"Well ... it's not like we're throwing him a parade..."
"I'm sure he has a lot of business to settle this weekend."
"Sumeragi-san said--"
"Let me rephrase that, I'm sure you have a lot of business to settle this weekend."
Nokoru frowned and fanned himself a little heavier. "Oh that ... that can wait."
"You promised--"
"I promised I'd do it all today before Sumeragi-san called with the news. We can't very well ignore his request after all Shirou-san has done, it would be rude."
Akira had learned a long time ago top stay out of these arguments. Still he knew if he let them go long enough eventually he'd have to say something. Something innocent and distracting that would keep the two from getting upset and frustrated beyond repair. Therefore he was extremely grateful to whatever god so fit to part the crowds of people in the train station and reveal their guests. "There they are!"
Kamui looked surprised enough by their presence to confirm what everyone had suspected in some way, that he was not aware of Subaru's call.
Kamui had been slighted.
And he was trying damn hard not to show that. Not to be rude to the trio that was so graciously showering him with attention. After all ... it was really their fault now was it?
It wasn't their fault that Subaru thought he needed to be baby-sat.
Despite his best intentions, the drumming of his fingers against the wooden rest of his chair and the way his head pressed with frustration into his other arm was giving him away.
Drat...
It was at that time that a confident woman in her early twenties entered the office. Her hair was longer... her face matured and less child like ... her eyes were just as bright but were it not for the strange wolf like creature that nearly assaulted him in his seat he would not have recognized her.
"Yuzuriha?!?!" he gasped as he ducked out of Inuki's enthusiastic greeting.
She smiled in return, bowing politely to him as if there was nothing particularly strange about him being there. That quality about her had always set him at ease. No matter how extreme their lives as Dragons of Heaven got Yuzuriha never seemed trapped by the reality. The epic tales of their lives never seemed to disturb her that much, and Kamui was hard pressed to be depressed about what Yuzuriha made seem so natural.
"Welcome back to Tokyo Shirou-kun."
He had not really intended on actually tracking down Yuzuriha. Apparently Subaru had also told Nokoru of the lie Kamui had planted to cover his tracks.
Not that he minded ... it was good to see her again.
"What are you doing here? How are all the others? How have you been? ..." there were just too many questions to be asked at once.
She giggled like the girl she had once been and beamed at him, "I'm a graduate student here Kamui, Imonoyama-san asked me to come down to see you."
"Graduate student? What are you studying?"
"Environmental Science," she laughed at the punchline to their own private joke. "Grant funded research program. The ideal is to not only rebuild Tokyo, but to make it a modern marvel. Cleaner, less wasteful and of course more technologically advanced.
"You should see it Kamui, people have taken the tragedy as a purge of old foundations and a chance to start over and build a superior city. In time they'll be no city like Tokyo in the world."
"And how long will that take?"
"Well the reconstruction is a slow process, but I think thing are progress from our side quite nicely."
All of this was a bit overwhelming for Kamui. This was Yuzuriha without a doubt ... but she was ... smart. And while he had never really thought Yuzuriha was stupid, he certainly didn't consider her to be an intellectual like the young woman standing with him now.
It actually was beginning to make him feel self-conscious. He had practically been frozen in time for all these years. The world had progressed at a dizzying pace... all the people he knew-- which admittedly weren't many in number-- had grown and developed to the point where they were unrecognizable.
Save for one... but he wasn't entirely sure if he should be thankful that Subaru had not changed over the years.
He found Yuzuriha's company especially comforting despite the touch of insecurity, and gracious accepted her invitation for lunch. Or as he explained it her ... it would have to be lunch on another day since he did have something specific that had brought him back to Tokyo.
The gates to the Magami estate were huge. Hell, the Magami estate was huge, easily the largest compound in sight, unmarked but none the less intimidating. Had it not been for Daichi's curiously detailed directions he might never have known that this massive traditional style giant was the home to the entire Magami clan.
"From the look of the outside you'd think they were expecting an invasion. Massive concrete walls roofed with red shingles to hide the barbed wire. Big impersonal camera, keeping watch over the gates ... can't miss it."
Kamui looked up again at the building in front of him, which looked more like a military fort than a home.
Maybe it was comfier on the inside?
He had little choice but to ring the bell-- as knocking on the heavy iron gates would probably only yield him swollen hands. Or what he thought was a bell but turned out to be a loud obnoxious buzzing sound when he pressed the button.
"Yes?" a cold feminine voice asked of him. It was not an angry tone, but it was not a very friendly one either.
"Ummmm ... Hi," Kamui chirped nervously, feeling the camera zooming into focus on him. "How are you?"
All the way through the ten long seconds of silence Kamui wanted to kick himself. He had waited all his life for this moment and that was the most intelligent thing he had to say? But then, he didn't know who to ask for and explaining his life story in the middle of the street to a cold camera lens wasn't very appealing.
The camera frowned at him, "who are you?"
"Uh ... my name's Kamui Shirou..."
Another awkward pause elapsed during which Kamui thought maybe he should have said 'Tohru Magami's son' instead. He smiled with nervous foolishness and waved at the camera.
"I see ... close the gate behind you please."
Another cold jarring buzz as Kamui blinked dumbly. He reached out and found the gate unlocked.
The inside wasn't much better than the outside. Everything was very strictly traditional, nothing festive or warm about the pale plaster walls and wooden paper doors. Even the people in their bright kimonos seemed too reserved and empty.
In his western style clothing, blue jeans and a T shirt, he felt very out of place. The people stared at him as he wandered towards the building in front of him. He had no idea where he was supposed to go...
"Shirou-kun?"
A middle aged woman appeared by his side. Her presence seemed to set the people roaming about at ease and Kamui quickly faded from their awareness. He glanced at her curiously, noting that she looked much older than she probably was ... her skin bearing premature wrinkles and her hair weary and fading in its color.
She bowed to him, greeting him like he was a honored but familiar guest ... perhaps an old friend. "I am Mimiru Magami, the current matron."
"Oh... Oh!" Kamui squeaked, quickly returning her courtesies before he could be seen as rude. "It's a pleasure to meet you."
She smiled softly at him, a maternal smile that made Kamui feel warm inside, and guided him by the arm towards a different building.
"You'll have to excuse my rudeness," Kamui sputtered. "This is the first time I've been here and I'm a bit overwhelmed by everything."
"Oh it's no trouble," she laughed softly. "You must forgive us, although our seer did foresee your return, we were not expecting you today."
"Well ... I wouldn't expect you to have anything prepared--"
"That is not the point, it's very embarrassing for the Magami family to be caught offguard by something, even if it's trivial, it is ... how do you say? Bad for business. We must know about things before they happen in order to prevent them."
"I see ... well I wouldn't want to take up too much of your time but--"
"You came here wanting to know things."
He nodded dumbly, Mimiru Magami was both very soothing and very unnerving. It was not that she resembled his mother or aunt, there were many key features of difference in her face and figure. But she resembled them in manner, which made up for it.
"It is unfortunate that I must tell you this," she began. "But you are the last of your particular branch of the Magami family. There is no one that survives of direct relation."
He paled, trying not to look too upset or disappointed as he felt that would some how be rude. "Oh..."
But he could not have lied and said he expected otherwise.
"You are of some relation to everyone here. But distantly unfortunately, your family was among the highest of the Magami clan at the time of your birth, they tend to be kagenie who protect the most important and most threatened of clients."
"And they don't live very long..." he finished.
"No ... unfortunately."
"Why... why haven't I ever been here before? I never even knew this place existed."
She walked up onto the verandah of another building and slid open the elegant paper screen door, beckoning him inside with a wave of her hand. The scent of fresh tea being prepared taunted his senses. He kicked of his shoes quickly, eager to hear her answer.
Once the tea had been poured and they both sat comfortably in the mat room she considered his question. Gazing into the steaming pool of liquid in her cup as if she were scrying for the proper answer.
Finally she looked up, "I cannot answer on the motives of the dead, but I believe it was a matter of necessity that you not know of this place."
"Necessity?"
She swallowed another sip of her tea and nodded, "your mother was to be the head of the Magami family, it was with your line at the time. Had you been raised here as a Magami you would have been her heir. It was felt that would be a conflict of interest for both parties."
"Meaning?"
"Both Magami and Kamui are responsibilities that devour a person's life. Both roles demand that they be the only life for the one that lives them, both of them swear your death to a specific inescapable moment in the future. Simply put, both positions set a person's fate in stone. It would be impossible to be both Magami and Kamui."
He looked down at his cup, "then..."
"If you were to be the Kamui, you could never be educated in your heritage as a Magami, which means you could not live here."
"I see..."
"Even now I feel that would be an unwise choice."
Kamui snapped out of the disappointment he had been falling into. He had not consciously been considering living here, although Mimiru seemed to know that he hoped to find family and perhaps the rest was sensible. "Excuse me?"
"You must understand, it is a great shame for a Magami to survive death even when the one they are assigned to protect lives on. Our responsibility is to die, that is our purpose in life. I know that you were not raised with these beliefs and therefore cannot be blamed for your dissonance from our code of honor, but long since before you were born it was known that the Kamui would be Magami, so much of the family consider you just as responsible for this code than if you were raised under this roof.
"You are not a Magami as long as you remain ignorant of your heritage. If you wish to become on, it will not be a pleasant road ... nor a welcoming one."
"I killed him," Kamui replied. "The one I was supposed to protect with my life ... I killed him. I can't imagine that's any better..."
"Officially you were to protect humanity, which lives on despite your failure to complete the task in the traditional Magami manner."
"So what you're saying is you don't want me..."
"Not at all," she smiled. But there was no mirth in her smile, only a very simple reserved affection. "The fact that a Magami had a kagenie is an unprecedented affair. It is true you might be an outcast here, but in light of other factors your case is more significant."
"Fuuma wasn't..."
"In spirit he can be consider so."
Kamui supposed she was right about that. "It's still a shame, isn't it? That I'm alive?"
"To some," she shrugged. "Being born to die has away of making one bitter. There are those in the family that feel both you and your mother are a disgrace. Although many accept that the Kamui should be allowed standards of greater designs ... there are few progressives among our clan Kamui. Newer generations are only a little less traditional than the old, not enough to welcome you with open arms. Now that you have returned there will always be a social stigmata, unspoken, among our family, but our resources are open to you."
"But not as part of the family?"
"It would be better if you remained removed from us. It is not a happy life even with perfect honor. Although if you insist that this is what you want I will make arrangements for you here."
He could not help noticing that she seemed troubled by something. Guilt, he thought immediately, but what did she have to feel guilty about? Perhaps something buried deep in the past?
"If I stay here ... doesn't my existence challenge your authority?"
He had struck at the correct point, her normal calm and reserve shattered with surprise and those tiny hints of guilt began to swell until they were obvious. "Perceptive of you Shirou-kun. I must admit to you, least you misunderstand, that my frankness in warning you isn't to drive away the threat you possess to my position but to compensate a desire for exactly the opposite."
"It's not a happy life is it?"
"Magami clan head? No ... it's not at all. The chains on your life grow stronger the higher up the clan hierarchy you go. My life is not my own. I must confess that there is a part of me that wants very much to trick you into taking over. Please forgive this horrible flaw in my character."
He smiled, how could he possibly condemn anyone for standing up against the wishes that he had succumbed to so easily in his own fate? The desire to have your responsibilities given to another, he understood it. A small part of him wondered if granting her wish could be an adequate penance for his own mistake.
"I could ... if it's that bad. I mean, I don't have much of a life to give up anyway. I'd be glade to--"
Her chuckled cut him off. "That's very sweet of you Kamui-san. However I'm afraid I have no right to infringe, you still have promises to fulfill. Future sacrifices to make for duty."
Blaring red lights went off in Kamui's head. Nonononono no, the Promised Day was over and done with "What?"
"Our seer thinks highly of you Kamui, the hardest things to sacrifice are the small not so important things.
Kamui was waiting calmly for Subaru in Ueno Park right next to an impressive sakura tree. He was not sure if this was The Sakura as he had no way of knowing where that was in the park exactly, but it was a sakura. A pretty one too, perhaps blooming just a little early.
He didn't worry that Subaru would have to look for him in the park. He knew very well that Subaru could locate him with ease just by sending a shikigami to hunt him down. And this place felt nice, comforting although he wasn't sure why.
Or it did until a young face swung harshly into his field of vision. He jumped up with a yelp, causing the child to snicker at him. Hanging upside down, dark hair stagtites cut short and clinging to his head, deep gold eyes gazing at Kamui with affection and amusement, as if he were the child. "Hey Mister!"
"Ahhh..." Kamui swallowed his high-strung nerves. "Hi there. What are you doing?"
Hanging from a thick branch of the tree he shrugged cleverly, "just hanging out ... you?"
"Waiting for someone ... be careful, don't get hurt."
The child laughed, "this tree can't hurt me."
Well ... he hadn't meant that. "You could fall and break your neck."
With one graceful fluid motion the child swung back up to sit on the branch. He looked even more pleased with Kamui than he had before. "Nuh-uh," he shook his head. "I'm safe where I am."
"So sure are you?"
"Of course," he touched the bark of the tree gently. "She won't let anything happen to me."
Kamui blinked and looked at the tree again. "The Sakura?"
Figures...
"No," the child laughed. "I told you, this is just a tree. I meant mommy."
Okay ... children today made no sense to him. The Japanese language couldn't have changed that much in the years...
"They say if you steal a blossoming branch from the Sakura tree you'll have good luck" the boy remarked conversationally.
He turned, meeting a pair of crisp gold eyes that were far too close for his comfort, stepped back clumsily and tried not to eep under the child's steady gaze.
"Is that so?"
"Aa," he nodded.
"I've never heard that before ... and I've heard a lot of strange stories about Sakura trees."
"Well, maybe you should try to steal a branch then, and test it out for yourself. It's very hard to steal something from the Sakura though."
It was a simple enough idea Kamui figured. He reached up, fingers caressed the edge of a soft pink blossom. They were so fragile ... so pretty. His hand moved upon the branch, feeling the density of the wood beneath his fingers with gentle squeezes. He could break the branch quite easily. He could do it fast, so fast the Tree wouldn't even know what happened. All it would take was a flick of his wrist right now.
He gasped as the branch wrapped tightly around his wrist and yanked him forward into the arms of more branches. When he had his footing again he push himself back, trying to work his way out of the inner shelter of the Tree. He was playing tug of war with the Sakura, and with each branch that snapped another wound its way around tightly.
"It's very hard to steal something from the Sakura..."
"Oh shit... ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit." Kamui cursed as the ground slipped under his feet and the branches bound him tightly. The massive trunk was looming ever closer and the ground was so choked with roots he could find nothing to brace himself against her pull.
"Release him,"
Subaru had come, and Kamui betrayed himself with an audible sigh of relief even though the Sumeragi's voice reflected not even a trace of irritation at their game. Just a quiet casual request as if he were asking the Tree to pass the salt or something equally unimportant.
The Tree growled and Kamui felt the branches tighten around his arms possessively.
Subaru shrugged, his eyes closed apathetically and feathers of his black hair mixing in the soft breeze. "Fine then, don't release him. But I'm not going to kill him for you now, and you can't do it yourself. So you can hold onto him until he starves, dehydrates, or dies of exposure--"
The Tree pushed Kamui away so quickly he stumbled back and tripped over one of her large roots, landing in Subaru's arms. It was if the whole Tree had violently rejected him with a harsh hiss.
"Thank you."
Kamui looked up, too confused to ask anything other than, "what was that about?"
Subaru kicked up a patch of roots with his foot, pointing out the ends of them as he helped Kamui to his feet again. "Dull as baseball bats."
"She can't kill me?"
"Not in a way that will do her any good. If she really wanted to she could probably find some way to feed off of you, but you'd die before she had bleed you out so it's not very practical for her. The blood needs to be as fresh as possible, if you waste away slowly before she's feed it's like eating a rotten apple."
That Subaru had this knowledge was a most disturbing thought. He knew that the Sumeragi was connected to the Sakura as to be responsive to her needs, but this was ridiculous. "Oh ... Well ... you could feed me to her now."
The Tree brightened, its branches rustling affirmatively, blossoms perking up.
Subaru looked amused, "you didn't seem to be too keen on being eaten a little while ago."
Kamui bit his lip, "well that was different, but she's obviously hungry so--"
With a chuckle Subaru's fingers pressed onto Kamui's lips, stopping them from speaking. "How considerate of you. But who says I'm going to feed you to her in the first place?"
Kamui blinked, "why wouldn't you? You're the Sakurazukamori.."
"Then she'll want a kamui all the time, and where the hell am I going to find that? You don't just drop out of the sky."
"Well then ... what will you do with me?"
Subaru shrugged and helped Kamui back onto his feet, "I haven't really thought about it, probably bury you ... unless you'd like to be cremated?"
God this conversation was morbid. What the hell was wrong with them?
"It doesn't really matter to me."
"I suppose it wouldn't."
"Will you--" Kamui hesitated. But how can one have such a bizarre conversation and not try to set it right? Not try to ground it in some sibilance of morality? "Will you be sad when I'm gone Subaru?"
The look in Subaru's eyes told Kamui that the onmyouji wasn't really sure why he was asking such a thing. "I haven't really thought about that either," he admitted in a voice that sounded lost and almost too distance.
"Well think about it now."
Subaru did not, instead he turned and stared at Kamui. His eyes searching every detail of the boy for some clue ... some hint. To what Kamui had no idea.
His stare was making Kamui self-conscious though, "What?"
"You make foolish decisions Kamui."
"Maybe," Kamui admitted.
"It's impressive ... the amount of time and energy you put into trying to get what you want without actually admitting what it is you really want. One would think that you would have learned from past mistakes."
That was offensive. He could feel an almost physical burn at the comment. "You think you know me better than I do? Well you don't have a best track record when it comes to judge of character Subaru."
Subaru looked down at him sternly and changed the subject, "what are you doing here?"
"Oh well... I was talking with this..." Panicked he turned back to the tree to find the child nowhere in sight. "...boy... I swear to God he was there..."
Subaru didn't seem at all surprised by this. "Probably one of her illusions. She doesn't do that often, but as you said she's hungry."
"Didn't you come here to feed her?" Kamui wondered out loud.
"I will...", the Sumeragi shrugged and walked away, leaving Kamui to trail silently all the way to his apartment.
"So how'd it go?" Yuzuriha asked as he sat down across from her.
"Not so well ... but I don't really know what I was expecting Perhaps things are much better than I could ever hope for under the circumstances. I'm not of close relation to any of them anymore, but if I need anything from them in the future their resources are open to me. Despite my duty as Kamui being obsolete, despite my unwitting disobedience of all their beliefs and practices. It was extremely generous of them to show me any kindness at all."
"But you're still disappointed."
"Right." He poked the eel roll with his chopsticks before snatching it off the plate. "I'll get over it."
"...So how's Subaru-san?"
Kamui sighed and suppressed the temptation to bang his head up against the table. "Oh about the same as he always is, tall, dark, and irritating."
Yuzuriha laughed and leaned her head upon her arm carelessly. "I see, so no progress at all in melting his heart?"
"Oh I dunno ... it's hard to tell. Sometimes I think he might be warming up to me, but then just last night it was back to the old 'I don't give a shit about anything'. I mean ... it's not like I'm trying to seduce him or anything, I'd just like to know why he hates my guts so much."
A bit of her salad cracked freshly under her chopsticks. "You think he hates you?"
"No... not honestly no. I don't know what to think, I never did. Sometimes... sometimes I wonder what he wants from me."
She was smiling ... brightly ... friendly ... most curiously amused by his sincere confusion. "You too are just adorable together."
Kamui frowned, he failed to see how anything in association with the Sakurazukamori could be described as adorable.
"You're exactly alike, always have been, and if the two of you ever figure out how to communicate with each other you'll be set for life."
"Well interpret please..."
"I think Subaru-san is just embarrassed."
Okay now that didn't make any sense at all. "Embarrassed," he laughed. "What could he possibly--"
"Well maybe embarrassed isn't the best word," Yuzuriha hummed, her chopsticks tap her lower lip softly. "Shy ... or ... It's like self-conscious ... I think Subaru-san is a very self-conscious person. Maybe he's not honest with you about a lot of things because he worries about what you would think of him."
"That doesn't exactly fit with the role he's trying to play."
"Well..." she was casually side stepping the fact that Subaru killed people. Innocent people no less. She always avoided it, Kamui kind of wished he could as well. "Maybe he doesn't know how he's supposed to be right now. I don't think Subaru is very good at processing things, you know like thoughts, emotions, instincts. It's not that he's stupid ... I just think he has trouble coordinating it all together."
"Subaru, that's--"
Subaru looked up from the body, his eyes were like cold glass and revealed nothing of the man's thoughts nor of his mental state. He did not seem at all surprised to see Kamui there, nor the least bit angry that Kamui had intruded on this moment. The Sumeragi merely accepted his presence and turned back to where the Sakura's feeding held him at fascination.
Among the corpses he had seen in his life, this was by far the most pleasant. He had witnessed a number of decapitations, and his own mother had been burned to death in place of the planet. It was hard to surpass standards like that of course, but that did not mean the Sakurazukamori's kill did not present its own unique repulsion.
Though the body was relativity intact-- barring the large hole where the heart should be-- the smell was overpowering. It was as if the corpse was defensively warding them away. Though it didn't seem to bother either the Tree or Subaru, Kamui raised his hand to his face with a sharp gag and stumbled and few steps backwards.
In fresher air, he tired to say it again. "Subaru that's a child ... you killed ... a child."
He thought the horror should be obvious, but his companion seemed most uninterested in this fact. "Yes," he replied evenly.
But Subaru jumped at the sound of Kamui's laughter, and it was a rewarding sight really because if the Sumeragi found his display of mirth disturbing then obviously he wasn't that crazy. "You really had me fooled Subaru, really ... every since that first night you had me feeling horrible that I had you pegged as a bad guy. True you are the Sakurazukamori but is that any reason to assume the worst? Maybe you don't feed her often, maybe you fight her, maybe you only killed bad people. You had me fooled yet again Subaru, I was beginning to think you were a noble creature, much better than I at least.
"But you kill children, children Subaru. Then you think you have the right to be hurt because I act like you're a monster? You are a monster Subaru."
The Sakurazukamori endured all of Kamui's venomous rage without so much as a flinch. And when the other had exhausted the words with which to curse him, he looked up from the corpse of the small child he had murdered. "Would it be better if I killed the bad people Kamui?"
"No, but it would be tolerable."
"To you maybe, but that requires me to convince myself of a bit of stupidity I'd rather not. There are no 'bad' people Kamui, and even if there were ... who am I to judge? I'm a really the person you want culling the bad from the good?"
"Well I'm pretty sure a defenseless child isn't under the menace to society category Subaru."
He shrugged, "maybe. What I meant is that I would not be able to handle this existence if I picked victims based on morals. Although it may have made you feel better, the sheer guilt of consciously selecting target by judging the worth of each person is not something I could live with."
"Child killing on the other hand," Kamui snapped back.
"She was the easiest kill in the area, she was physically weak, easy to draw out of the crowd and too slow to realize. It's all very logical really. If you thought I was a noble figure Kamui, you couldn't have been more wrong, but which do you think is less contemptible: deciding that you have the right to judge who deserves to die or taking what's most convenient without discrimination?"
"She wasn't most convenient, you could have taken me."
"We have a pact, and the time's not up yet."
"You damn well could have--"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I've told you why not before. I promised to kill you, but you promised to stay with me for six months before I do, I'm not letting you out our agreement."
"You're a child-murdering bastard."
"What would you like me to do Kamui, she's already dead ... even if I were to agree with you, she's still dead."
Kamui looked back at the body, a cold shutter running through him, "I can't help hoping that maybe something I could say would make you stop this."
"If I don't feed her she will die."
"Good," then with much more confidence and fever he emphasized his point with a stomp of his foot. "Good! That would be the best thing to happen in a long time."
"No Kamui, although I know you don't understand it ... it would be very bad if she died. You are still a child in the way you think."
He knew he should be offended by that comment, but he was willing to give Subaru the benefit of the doubt and assume there was something about this tree he did not know that Subaru did. Kamui looked up hopelessly at the large Sakura, knowing that it held Subaru in it's clutches and that he was not the one who could free the Sumeragi. No matter how much he might want to, he had neither the right nor the power to.
And it was in this quiet reflection that he noticed for the first time the soft black marks across the trunk of the Tree. Subtle black scars on her body ... burn marks he realized. He looked back to the Sakurazukamori, who stood with unchanged focus on the Tree himself, observing a small weariness in the way he held himself. Nothing more than a flicker of fatigue in his eyes, very fleeting. And abruptly he realized what Subaru had been getting at, "you're trying to purge it?"
"...Something like that," Subaru admitted slowly.
"Can that even be done?" Kamui looked back and forth between the Tree and the man as Subaru bent down and rubbed some soil between his fingers. "I mean, isn't it too powerful?"
"Normal trees make their own food right?"
Kamui nodded.
"Normal trees are rooted in the earth and draw life from the source directly. They live for thousands of years this way without a problem. But this tree needs to be feed as if it were an animal, it draws its life from the blood and spirits of others. In it's heart Kamui, this is still a normal tree..."
"What went wrong with it?"
"I haven't a clue," Subaru shrugged. "But souls of the Sakura aren't without hope. Their suffering fuels the dark magic."
"So maybe if the souls are exorcised the tree will return to normal?"
"Maybe ... it's a little more complicated than that. After hundreds of years the oldest souls have become a mass of power, completely unconscious. They strike to preserve their existence and by doing so they protect their prison."
"Why doesn't it work ... what's wrong?"
Subaru laughed and stood up again. "You expect me to undo centuries with one well placed spell? I think all things considered I'm making pretty good time here."
"But you'll continue to feed it until then..."
"If she suffers, they suffer. If she dies they're all lost. There are hundreds of spirits there Kamui. Hundreds of loved ones, hundreds of souls that will never be able to pass on and find peace if they remain locked in her. It is my duty to help them, Obaasan understood that ... But I know you don't understand it, just trust me."
Kamui's tongue snapped with an irritated sigh, "as if I have a choice."
"No ... I'm asking you to trust me. What you see now seems horrifying I know, but it's a small sacrifice to be made if one day the masses of souls here are free from their torment."
