Comment: This one is a tiny little bit more... shall I say "philosophical", especially towards the end, since I felt I had to explain what's behind the different character's attitudes and decisions. Bear with me, Spike will be back in action soon!:) Thanks to all my reviewers, this is working thanks to you!

Orin, noticed what I did with the song?


Chapter 5


A cold shadow set loose. That's what Spike looked like as he ran across the street in front of Giles' house, his black duster pulled over his head to provide shelter from sunlight. He didn't even notice Willow, since she was approaching from the opposite direction. She saw the sun sparkle on the metallic clasps on his boots, the reflection made her close her eyes for a second. When he was gone, she looked up into the clear blue sky. What a beautiful day, Willow thought.

Buffy glared at her when she opened the door.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Didn't Giles tell you? I was here all the time, I-"

"Yeah, he told me, playing babysitter for poor little Spike, holding his hand in case he had a bad dream! And then you just disappear! We were supposed to meet early in the morning, remember? It's past eleven now!"

Willow didn't have much practice shouting at people, and she was too tired to argue anyway, too tired to feel personally insulted. She was so tired... She crossed the room and sat down on the couch.

"I'm sorry", she said, to no one in particular. Then she turned to Giles and Xander, who were leaning against the kitchen counter. "So, what happened?"

"Well, Spike seems to-"

But Xander interrupted Giles. He was obviously not in his best mood either. "Spike wants us to blow the Initiative to pieces, like, NOW, and when we said no way, he gave us a detailed description of exactly how he would tear us to tiny little pieces whenever he gets a chance. Then he left, not without promising a big BOOM for Sunnydale's enjoyment very soon. That's what happened. Trust your friend Spike to brighten up any day."

"But did he say anything about what happened to him down there? Did he see or hear anything? What did they do to him?"

"He wasn't very articulate on that point", Buffy sighed. "He just kept on rambling about how evil those people were, how dangerous, and how the only option was to kill them all. I think he even said they were inhuman monsters - ha, look who's talking!"

"Well... I think he may be right", Willow said quietly. And so it starts, she thought.

"What: you think we should blow up all of Sunnydale's underground too?" Buffy had flopped on the couch beside Willow and was obviously not taking her seriously. She seemed otherwise preoccupied.

"No, but I think these people ARE dangerous, and that we should do something."

Giles took off his glasses and began to clean the spotless lenses with a handkerchief. "The fact, Willow, is that we know very little about 'these people', as Spike and you seem fond of calling them. I think the wise thing to do is wait and see how things develop."

"At least until Riley is out of the hospital. He will give us all the information we need, and then we can move on from there", Buffy said, and a certain posessive little smile curved her lips. Willow knew it well, it was always there when Buffy had a new boyfriend who had put her an a mile-high pedestal and loved her to distraction. Oddly enough, in spite of all her admiration for the Slayer, Willow had never envied her friend on that particular point. That was not the way she wanted to be loved. - But now was not the time to think about love. This might be war.

"I- I'm sorry, but I don't get you guys. I mean, what more information do you need? We've seen what they've done to Riley and the other... soldiers or whatever they are, we've seen Adam, we've seen what they've done to Spike - do you need more proof?"

"Look, Willow." Buffy had adopted a soothing, sweet tone, as if she were talking to a little child. "For all we know, it could have been just professor Walsh having some egotrip. Maybe she built Adam ignoring her superiors. Maybe the Initiative is really meant to be a good thing. Our lives could be so much easier if we could all work together... Just think about it! Do you want to risk a chance like that, just because Spike, a vampire responsible for the death of thousands of innocents, whom I should have slayed a long time ago anyway, said they were not being so nice to him?"

"Buffy is right, Willow", said Giles. "In spite of everything, I am still not convinced that the Initiative is not actually working towards a higher purpose. There is so much we still don't know..." Xander at his side nodded emphatically.

"So this is what it's all about? You just don't want anything to change, you're just making up this absurd fantasy about Walsh and good intentions and whatnot becouse you're not ready to accept that Spike might be right, and that a bunch of goodlooking guys from Iowa in uniforms that say they work for the government CAN be worse than one vampire who can't help being what he is."

"Willow, what are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

Willow couldn't stop the bitterness she felt from trickling into her voice, poisoning it. She had come to the house this morning fearing exactly this. She knew her friends too well. Yet for a moment, while she was looking up into the sky standing on the street in front of Giles' house, she had hoped they would understand. They had been together for so long, had been through so much, had grown up together in more than one way. Now was the time to see the other side, to accept that white was not always white and black not always black. That a white cell could be blacker than the darkest crypt.

But they wanted their lives to go on just the way they were, and who was she to blame them. Buffy was in love with Riley, she thought she had found something good and wanted to keep it; Xander just didn't want any complications and Giles - Giles was afraid, Willow could tell by the way he wouldn't look at her and kept fidgeting with his glasses.

Yes, she felt pity for them, and if she had felt it would make any sense, she would have stayed and tried to make them understand. But she knew they were not ready, knew with a knowledge beyond reason and logic, the same way she had known the night before, holding an unconscious Spike in her arms, that she was. She was ready to see the other side, the sparkle in the shadow, the black spot on the sun. She was ready to move on.

Without a word, Willow stood up and looked at her friends with deep regret before turning away.

"Hey, wait a minute, you're leaving? Just like that? Will, I don't get this, what's the matter with you?"

Xander's voice was pleading. But Buffy didn't speak, and her eyes were hard as Willow closed the door behind her for the second time that day. She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Never mind what had gotten into Willow, Buffy could see a challenge when one was offered to her. If Willow was willing to risk everything she had, fine with her - but it had taken Buffy years of struggle and despair to get what she had now: a nice boyfriend who really loved her and was willing to take care of her and be everything she needed, an acceptable social life, a locker full of nice clothes... and acceptance of who she was and her mission in this life: she was the Slayer, her job was to kill bad vampires, she was good and saved the world from the invasion of evil. It was that simple. She would not have that security challenged by a sudden twist in the conscience of anyone, not even her best friend. If necessary, she would fight, and Giles and Xander would be on her side because that was how it had always been.

Willow was on her own.