Disclaimer: We don't own LOTR. We do own 5 fish and 2 cats and any spiders
or other bugs you might find in our bedrooms.
A/N: Here's an idea we had. Dunno what's up with our heads. Do you know?
Lafi: I guess I have a demented brain.
Tafi: Well, we're hoping that this will be the first ever co-written fic that we've made. Sure, we've created co fics before, but they were only fics that Lafi came up with and Tafi wrote (i.e. "A New Middle Earth" and "Screwed in a Tree"). So, we'll have to see if our constant bickering messes this up or not. Tell us what you think. WARNING: This is a movie fic, not a book fic. But we might mess up and place some book bits in there. ^_^
Prologue
Sauron was hanging out in the sky of Barad-dûr like he always did on weekends. Or weekdays, for that matter. Ever since he lost his poor little precious, he'd been a mess. He'd been sitting there over Barad-dûr for a REALLY long time now. All he did was stare at the ever-boring Middle Earth and smoke that expensive pipe-weed, hence the blood-shot eye. He was hooked and had nothing better to do. He just sat there, constantly high, and constantly bored, for countless years when one day, he had an amazing idea:
I WANNA BE A SNAKE!
All of the Orcs and all that other riff raff in Mordor heard his wish and were confused, but he didn't care. He was going to use all of his high and bored mind to become a snake, and that was that. On day, he finally discovered how to make his wish come true:
OOGLEY DOOGLEY!…oops
Sauron had turned himself into a cobra. The mirror never lied to him. He had succeeded. But he was having a chat with his good new friend Saruman that day and of course showing him his special transformation. He noticed something odd happened. When he looked back at Saruman, he only saw a rattlesnake. Sauron felt himself turning redder in embarrassment and decided to see if the same had happened to the other Maiar in Middle Earth. Radagast was a garden snake. Gandalf was a diamondback. Sauron knew that everyone was angry enough with him at the moment, so he decided to quickly change the wizards back to normal.
LOCUS BOGUS!…wait, that's not right
Sauron looked over Middle Earth to see what happened. No, the wizards were still snakes. He looked again. Surely he changed something? And sure enough, he looked in on some Elves and screamed his little girlish scream. He usually had quite a nice time looking in on Galadriel when she bathed, but not today. Today he saw a drenched white cat scrambling to get out of her birdbath. Er, I meant mirror. 'She must have been trying to look at ME naked and she fell in, poor dear' he thought. He had to set this strait. Elrond would try to kill him again. He decided to look in on Elrond and had quite a giggle. A calico was cleaning itself in its special area on Elrond's bed. Sauron just HAD to see Elrond doing this in his normal form. He HAD to change them all back.
ABRA CADABRA!…but he's still a kitty
Sauron looked disappointed at Elrond. 'Oh well,' he thought. But he knew that something must have changed. He looked around Middle Earth for something different, but found nothing. He looked again, but nothing. Angry, he looked very carefully at the orcs, men, what are those things Saruman is making without MY permission???, hobbits, and dwarves. But NOTHING was different. Wait a minute…trace back…he looked at the Dwarves again. Something didn't seem right…wait…PIGS! The Dwarves were pigs! No wonder he couldn't tell the difference. He looked back at Elrond and he was still cleaning himself, so he knew he still had time.
RATHABANZA!…wait, I just made that one up
Sauron looked eagerly at Elrond but was again disappointed. Rolling his eye, or himself, or whatever, he looked over Middle Earth again. He laughed very hard seeing Denethor peeing on the White Tree. Peeing, after all, is really a dog's way of marking his property. Sauron looked all over Mens' world and didn't think it was very funny anymore when ever former man was peeing on a nearby wall. The female dogs were sitting there wagging their tails, back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and…Sauron got VERY dizzy staring at Éowyn's tail. He decided to change them back.
ALLA KAZAM!…no, back and forth and back and…
Sauron would've vomited had he not just been a huge eye. He looked around Middle Earth but once again saw no difference until he looked upon his own land. He once again screamed like a little girl. What kind of evil warriors were RATS??? How would they kill everyone in Middle Earth? Sauron HAD to change them quickly.
KABANA BANANA!…crap! no good
His Orcs were still rats. He angrily searched Middle Earth and noticed that the "what are those things that Saruman is making without MY permission???" were guinea pigs. He screamed this time in terror. Guinea pigs were after all very terrifying little creatures. So, to save himself, he chose to quickly change them back.
THIS IS A MAGIC TRICK!…ok, that sure didn't work
Sauron whimpered and inched his way a little bit further east to stay away from the guinea pigs. He looked around to see what he DID do. 'Oh, never mind my worries, it's just the hobbits," he thought. Who cared about HOBBITS? They had never done anything or ever destroyed anything evil. What should he care what happened to them? Even more, they were even less to worry about because instead of hobbits running madly around the countryside, there were squirrels running madly across the countryside. Sauron decided to just change everyone back so everything would be normal again. He would be content with smoking and being bored.
BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Once again, Sauron was disappointed. He scanned the miles and saw nothing interesting. Wait a minute…that old Balrog…that thing Morgoth had made…it looked different somehow. Sauron, however, just couldn't decide how it looked different so he continued on his way. He decided not to even TRY to set things right because he'd probably turn his now freaky Doberman Nazgûl into cute little bunnies or something. So, Sauron sat back and grabbed his pipe, and became bored and even more high than he had been ever before.
A/N: There's the beginning. Can you tell?
Lafi: I think they can, Tafi.
Tafi: Me too. Actually, that's more of a PROLGOUE, hence the name PROLGOUE, but I can call it a beginning if I feel like it, right?
Lafi: Sure, why not? Can I be a squirrel? Or better yet, a cat?
Tafi: You can't be in the story.
Lafi: WHY NOT???
Tafi: Because this is LOTR, not some stupid ol' Mary Sue where "girl falls into Middle Earth and magically suddenly becomes whatever Legolas is, be it Elf or Cat,"
Lafi: Oh, ok.
Tafi: So people, please review! We will only post the next chapter if we get enough reviews that they satisfy us! We don't know how many will, so just review anyway! If there are more flames than reviews…we'll probably not put up another chapter. So, with that stuff in mind, just REVIEW! I'M BEGGING YOU, REVIEW! ~gets on knees~
Lafi: ~does the same~ I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SUCCESSFUL STORY BEFORE! Seriously, the only thing I've written totally flopped. Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!
A/N: Here's an idea we had. Dunno what's up with our heads. Do you know?
Lafi: I guess I have a demented brain.
Tafi: Well, we're hoping that this will be the first ever co-written fic that we've made. Sure, we've created co fics before, but they were only fics that Lafi came up with and Tafi wrote (i.e. "A New Middle Earth" and "Screwed in a Tree"). So, we'll have to see if our constant bickering messes this up or not. Tell us what you think. WARNING: This is a movie fic, not a book fic. But we might mess up and place some book bits in there. ^_^
Prologue
Sauron was hanging out in the sky of Barad-dûr like he always did on weekends. Or weekdays, for that matter. Ever since he lost his poor little precious, he'd been a mess. He'd been sitting there over Barad-dûr for a REALLY long time now. All he did was stare at the ever-boring Middle Earth and smoke that expensive pipe-weed, hence the blood-shot eye. He was hooked and had nothing better to do. He just sat there, constantly high, and constantly bored, for countless years when one day, he had an amazing idea:
I WANNA BE A SNAKE!
All of the Orcs and all that other riff raff in Mordor heard his wish and were confused, but he didn't care. He was going to use all of his high and bored mind to become a snake, and that was that. On day, he finally discovered how to make his wish come true:
OOGLEY DOOGLEY!…oops
Sauron had turned himself into a cobra. The mirror never lied to him. He had succeeded. But he was having a chat with his good new friend Saruman that day and of course showing him his special transformation. He noticed something odd happened. When he looked back at Saruman, he only saw a rattlesnake. Sauron felt himself turning redder in embarrassment and decided to see if the same had happened to the other Maiar in Middle Earth. Radagast was a garden snake. Gandalf was a diamondback. Sauron knew that everyone was angry enough with him at the moment, so he decided to quickly change the wizards back to normal.
LOCUS BOGUS!…wait, that's not right
Sauron looked over Middle Earth to see what happened. No, the wizards were still snakes. He looked again. Surely he changed something? And sure enough, he looked in on some Elves and screamed his little girlish scream. He usually had quite a nice time looking in on Galadriel when she bathed, but not today. Today he saw a drenched white cat scrambling to get out of her birdbath. Er, I meant mirror. 'She must have been trying to look at ME naked and she fell in, poor dear' he thought. He had to set this strait. Elrond would try to kill him again. He decided to look in on Elrond and had quite a giggle. A calico was cleaning itself in its special area on Elrond's bed. Sauron just HAD to see Elrond doing this in his normal form. He HAD to change them all back.
ABRA CADABRA!…but he's still a kitty
Sauron looked disappointed at Elrond. 'Oh well,' he thought. But he knew that something must have changed. He looked around Middle Earth for something different, but found nothing. He looked again, but nothing. Angry, he looked very carefully at the orcs, men, what are those things Saruman is making without MY permission???, hobbits, and dwarves. But NOTHING was different. Wait a minute…trace back…he looked at the Dwarves again. Something didn't seem right…wait…PIGS! The Dwarves were pigs! No wonder he couldn't tell the difference. He looked back at Elrond and he was still cleaning himself, so he knew he still had time.
RATHABANZA!…wait, I just made that one up
Sauron looked eagerly at Elrond but was again disappointed. Rolling his eye, or himself, or whatever, he looked over Middle Earth again. He laughed very hard seeing Denethor peeing on the White Tree. Peeing, after all, is really a dog's way of marking his property. Sauron looked all over Mens' world and didn't think it was very funny anymore when ever former man was peeing on a nearby wall. The female dogs were sitting there wagging their tails, back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and…Sauron got VERY dizzy staring at Éowyn's tail. He decided to change them back.
ALLA KAZAM!…no, back and forth and back and…
Sauron would've vomited had he not just been a huge eye. He looked around Middle Earth but once again saw no difference until he looked upon his own land. He once again screamed like a little girl. What kind of evil warriors were RATS??? How would they kill everyone in Middle Earth? Sauron HAD to change them quickly.
KABANA BANANA!…crap! no good
His Orcs were still rats. He angrily searched Middle Earth and noticed that the "what are those things that Saruman is making without MY permission???" were guinea pigs. He screamed this time in terror. Guinea pigs were after all very terrifying little creatures. So, to save himself, he chose to quickly change them back.
THIS IS A MAGIC TRICK!…ok, that sure didn't work
Sauron whimpered and inched his way a little bit further east to stay away from the guinea pigs. He looked around to see what he DID do. 'Oh, never mind my worries, it's just the hobbits," he thought. Who cared about HOBBITS? They had never done anything or ever destroyed anything evil. What should he care what happened to them? Even more, they were even less to worry about because instead of hobbits running madly around the countryside, there were squirrels running madly across the countryside. Sauron decided to just change everyone back so everything would be normal again. He would be content with smoking and being bored.
BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Once again, Sauron was disappointed. He scanned the miles and saw nothing interesting. Wait a minute…that old Balrog…that thing Morgoth had made…it looked different somehow. Sauron, however, just couldn't decide how it looked different so he continued on his way. He decided not to even TRY to set things right because he'd probably turn his now freaky Doberman Nazgûl into cute little bunnies or something. So, Sauron sat back and grabbed his pipe, and became bored and even more high than he had been ever before.
A/N: There's the beginning. Can you tell?
Lafi: I think they can, Tafi.
Tafi: Me too. Actually, that's more of a PROLGOUE, hence the name PROLGOUE, but I can call it a beginning if I feel like it, right?
Lafi: Sure, why not? Can I be a squirrel? Or better yet, a cat?
Tafi: You can't be in the story.
Lafi: WHY NOT???
Tafi: Because this is LOTR, not some stupid ol' Mary Sue where "girl falls into Middle Earth and magically suddenly becomes whatever Legolas is, be it Elf or Cat,"
Lafi: Oh, ok.
Tafi: So people, please review! We will only post the next chapter if we get enough reviews that they satisfy us! We don't know how many will, so just review anyway! If there are more flames than reviews…we'll probably not put up another chapter. So, with that stuff in mind, just REVIEW! I'M BEGGING YOU, REVIEW! ~gets on knees~
Lafi: ~does the same~ I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SUCCESSFUL STORY BEFORE! Seriously, the only thing I've written totally flopped. Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!
