A/N: Thanks many reviewers!

Lafi: 6 reviews on the first chapter…within one day…

Tafi: We've never had that kind of success before. Thank you all so much!

Lafi: I like slim black cats.

Tafi: …yeah…and we'll see what the readers think about slim black cats also, won't we?

Saruman was chatting with Sauron over his palantír. Sauron was bragging about how he was going to become a snake. Saruman thought the idea was interesting.

NEATO!

So Saruman waited for that big blood-shot eye to become a snake. He watched and waited. Finally, instead of the eye, he saw a huge red cobra and couldn't help showing his admiration.

NEATO!

Saruman giggled with delight until Sauron looked at him, somehow turned even redder, and disappeared. Saruman wondered what was wrong. He shrugged and walked off. 'Wait a minute,' he thought. He realized that he was NOT, in fact, walking. He looked at himself.

NEATO!

Radagast was hopping around the forest. Suddenly, he couldn't hop any more. 'No matter,' he thought. He saw a bird.

Oh, hiya little birdie!

The bird grabbed him with his beak and Radagast was no more.

Gandalf was up to his usual business wandering around Middle Earth. He was going somewhere this time, though. He was on his way to a birthday party. Gandalf was very excited. He was thinking of cake, ice cream, beer, and other food items – but then he had a sudden urge to eat Bilbo. He licked his lips with the thought of that plump little figure sliding down his throat. But he didn't have lips. He felt his mouth, but not with a limb. He looked at the tail that had just sprouted out of his arse and realized that he looked a little different.

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!…AWESOME!

Lady Galadriel was peering intently into her mirror. 'I look so beautiful today,' she thought happily. She leaned over and looked at herself some more. She leaned over a little more and screamed. Her face was hairy! She tried to back away, but she fell into the water.

ACK! NO! I'M WET! NNNNOOOO!!!!

Lord Elrond was sleeping while sitting cross-legged on his bed. He had a goofy grin on his face. He was dreaming about VERY happy things, after all. He sighed and giggled excitedly. But he suddenly woke up. 'I feel so…dirty,' he thought. So, he cleaned… himself. Suddenly he started choking on something. He leaped off his bed and coughed. Three calico cats ran into his room, and all of them were his size. 'How very curious. Have I shrunk?' he wondered. But he was busier trying to get that dang hairb- wait, had he just tried to call it a hairball? One of the cats that had run into his room was whining.

DDDAAAAAAAADDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!!

Without thinking, he answered.

What, Arwen?

Elrohir bit my taaaiiil!

Elrond continued coughing and choking but it seemed like such a normal thing. Elrohir was very angry.

I didn't do it! HE did!

Elrohir angrily pointed to Elladan. Elladan shook his head.

I didn't do it. HE did!

Elrond turned to Arwen. She shrugged.

I dunno. It all happened so fast, and it's so difficult to tell who's who.

Elrond shook his head angrily. He suddenly went cross-eyed and the hairball finally came out.

King Thranduil was sitting very importantly on his throne. He was sitting very tall and perfect. It was very boring. He looked around at the other Elves in the room. It wasn't fair – their arses probably didn't hurt. His was aching horribly. He glared at a nearby Elf. Thranduil screamed and fell out of his throne when that Elf suddenly became a slim black cat. All the Elves became slim black cats. They all noticed and chaos ensued. Cats were running and jumping everywhere. Thranduil didn't care though. He had noticed something very interesting. The cats left the room, maybe to go get some milk or something. After that much jumping they must have been thirsty. Anyway, Thranduil was starring at that very interesting something. He crouched on the floor and his arse instinctively rose and started to shake. He glared at the little interesting something.

You're MINE, little mouse.

He leaped across the room but he hit something. Another slim black cat had just walked into the room and had gotten in his way. The cat looked at him with his bright blue eyes.

Oh. Sorry about that, dad. Didn't see you there.

Thranduil glared at his son. Legolas smiled.

Actually, you should say sorry to me. I didn't jump onto you.

Legolas laughed but Thranduil continued glaring.

You made me lose my mouse.

Legolas shrugged.

I'm more in the mood for squirrel. Do you want to go hunt for some?

Thranduil thought about it for a moment. Squirrel DID sound nice right now…

Up in their nice city at the Lonely Mountain, the Dwarves were having a very pleasant day. They were having a lot of fun today. There's nothing better to do on a hot day than swimming in gold. What fun! Gimli got up on the diving board and was about to jump in when he had a sudden urge to jump into some mud instead. He did just that and had plenty of fun getting nice and dirty.

Denethor was looking at the dead white tree again. He had always wanted to be the king, not the steward. But he had never shown it. He had never crowned himself. He was a very good steward. But then he had such a crazed urge to OWN that tree. He was MEANT to rule, not to serve. He looked around, but all he could see was dogs. Nobody was watching. He lifted his leg and-

Aragorn couldn't find that stupid little creature Gandalf told him to look for. He looked at what could be its tracks, but he just didn't know. It wasn't fair – Gandalf had made him look for some shriveled little halfling while he went to a birthday party. HE wanted to go to the birthday party! HE was the one always doing all of Gandalf's work! He crawled after the tracks and sniffed them. 'Screw this,' he thought. But he suddenly thought that he had the scent. He sniffed the tracks again and started barking excitedly.

Booger the Orc was angry. He was very angry. He wasn't sure why he was angry or what he was angry at, but he was definitely angry. Reebok the Orc looked at Booger's plate. He hadn't eaten all of his cheese yet. Reebok hated cheese, so he decided not to steal it. 'No, I'm being stupid,' he thought. 'Who doesn't LOVE cheese?" With that new thought, Reebok stole Booger's cheese. Booger knew why he was angry now.

THAT'S MY CHEESE!

Well, it's MINE now!

They fought, as Orcs do, to the death.

The newborn Uruk-hai were having very much fun right now. They were killing the Orcs that Saruman used to breed them. Snap, snup, crack, crock. The Orcs were being murdered. But then the Orcs became rats. The Uruk-hai didn't care much and just continued snapping their necks using their huge arms. But then they became guinea pigs and it got considerably harder to do. But guinea pigs are tough creatures and they just bit off the rats' heads instead.

Pippin was running around in circles around Merry's place. He was running around, and around, and around, and around… then he turned into a squirrel and he ran around, and around, and around, and around…

Frodo was sitting contently under a tree reading a book and eating an apple. But then that nice and fun little coloring book got boring and the apple tasted kind of funny. So, without thinking, Frodo jumped onto the tree and ran around, and around, and around, and around…

wwwwwweeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

That's when Gandalf came up, still hungry for that plump little Bilbo. He saw a squirrel running around a tree. It talked to him.

gggggaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAnnnnnnnnnnddddddddAAAAALLFFFFF!!!

The squirrel cried as it ran around the tree two more times.

you're LAAAAAAAAATE!

Gandalf was very confused. He looked at his pipe and quickly threw it away.

A/N: Hey hey, look at that!

Lafi: Hehehe…Frodo's crazy.

Tafi: What squirrel isn't?

Lafi: Squirrels are so ADORABLE! Uh oh…Legolas wants to hunt squirrels.

Tafi: Yeah…just wait until the council. Or better yet, until next chapter. This was kinda lame because it was just what Middle Earth did when it discovered what happened to it.

Lafi: I can't get the image of the Council of Elrond out of my head.

Tafi: I wonder if anyone else is terrified of guinea pigs. I'm terrified of guinea pigs. That's why the Uruk-hai are now guinea pigs.

Lafi: I'm not terrified of guinea pigs. Fighting the guinea pigs will sure be much easier, won't it?

Tafi: Yeah, but I don't think the fellowship will be quite as strong as it used to be either, though.