Flint blinked his eyes several times as he slowly awoke to the new day.
Sleeping soundly next to him on the large bed was the Baroness. Beneath
the bed sheets, Flint and the Baroness were naked. Flint smiled as he
remembered their stormy night of torrential passion. All in all, he had to
admit that sex with the Baroness was pretty good. Actually, it was
probably one of the best times he'd ever had sticking his penis into a
woman's vagina. Boy, that Baroness was one horny lady!
The Baroness stirred as she woke. She smiled at Flint and lay an arm across his chest. They looked into each other's eyes.
"Morning," Flint said.
"Mmmm, Flint," the Baroness said. "You are such a better lover than my tin- headed boyfriend. Couldn't you stay with me a while longer? Stay in Cobra and we can be lovers. We can 'take care' of Destro. We can overthrow Cobra Commander as well. The world could be our burrito. Just think of it. Imagine the possibilities."
Flint looked at the Baroness thoughtfully. She was such an evil bitch. But damn, she was something else in the sack! It was one of the hardest things he had to do.
"I can't," Flint said. "That dumb cockmaster, Duke, has my one true love under his spell. I've got to find that love bugle of his and trash it into a million pieces, if it's the last thing I do."
"I admire your resolve," the Baroness said.
The Baroness surprised Flint by lowering her hand under the covers, resting on his crotch.
"Let's do it one more time," the Baroness said. "A little sex before we say good-bye."
Flint was all too happy to oblige.
* * *
The moment had come. The giant Cobra transport plane hovered over G.I. JOE headquarters. On the ground, Cobra infantry was advancing on all sides. The battle to "stick it to the Joes" had begun.
Flint stood near the door of the transport plane, ready to parachute down to G.I. JOE headquarters and penetrate the base from above. Legions of Cobra troopers were prepared to follow him to victory.
"Follow me to victory!" Flint shouted. "We will storm this base and break G.I. JOE!"
"FLINT! FLINT! FLINT!" the Cobras shouted.
"I don't care about the other Joes, but do not harm the women. And NO ONE is to attack Duke. He is MINE, is that understood?"
"Hail Flint! Hail victory! Hail Cobra!"
Flint nodded and jumped off the plane.
"Cobraaa!" Flint cried.
* * *
Flint and his company of Cobra troopers landed on the roof of G.I. JOE headquarters. They easily overwhelmed the roof defenses and penetrated the base. Outside, Cobra ground troops led by Cobra Commander had overrun the peripheral defenses and were likewise on the verge of a breakthrough. The Joes were stunned at the sight of their former comrade, Flint, leading this ferocious attack against them.
Within an hour, Cobra had broken G.I. JOE's resistance and had cornered the bulk of the Joe forces inside the staging area.
"Surrender now. Drop your weapons. There is no escape," Flint said as he stepped forward to face the surrounded Joes.
Behind Flint, Cobra Commander chuckled with sadistic satisfaction. Destro, the Baroness, Tomax, Xamot, and Zartan stood by impassively.
"How could you?" Shipwreck cried in accusation. "You dirty traitor!"
Flint smirked at Shipwreck as he scanned the crowd, looking for Duke. He found Duke near the back of the crowd, with Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Cover Girl, and Jinx holding on to him for dear life.
"At last," Flint cried, "Revenge is mine!"
Flint cleared a path toward Duke, and the two officers stood staring at each other, face to face. The women slunk back, afraid of Flint's wrath.
Cobra Commander walked a short distance behind Flint, along with Destro and the Baroness.
"Yesss," Cobra Commander said. "Kill him now. We can kill them all and soak our hands in the blood of dead Joes."
Flint cocked his pistol and pointed it at Duke's forehead. Duke shut his eyes.
"My name is Flint. You stole my girlfriend," Flint said. "Prepare to die."
Suddenly, instead of firing, Flint's hand shot out toward Duke's belt, where the bugle was attached. Flint took hold of the bugle and with a furious yank, he stripped it away from Duke. Duke was wide-eyed in shock.
"My bugle!" he gasped, as if suddenly impotent.
"What is this treachery?" Cobra Commander said.
Before Cobra Commander could attack Flint, the Joe spun on his heels and struck a blow to the Commander, knocking the wind out of him. Cobra Commander doubled over, gasping for air.
"YO JOE!" Flint shot his gun into the air, raising the battle cry.
The captured Joes went from despair to joy within seconds. With new enthusiasm, they picked up their dropped weapons and began firing on the Cobra forces surrounding them. The entire scene soon degenerated into a huge, chaotic melee, with G.I. JOE and Cobra forces mixing it up with zest.
Flint was so caught up bashing Cobra troopers on the head that he was caught by surprise by Cobra Commander, who tripped Flint and sent him tumbling to the ground.
Flint turned and stared into the barrel of Cobra Commander's gun.
"You," Cobra Commander, "You were a TRIPLE AGENT! How did you discover the secret of the love bugle? How did you spoil my precious dreams of revenge?"
Flint spat, "I don't answer to Cobra Commander!"
"No one double crosses Cobra Commander. I'm the only one allowed to do the double crossing around here, understood? Now, die, worm!"
Before Cobra Commander could pull the trigger, the Baroness lunged at him and smashed a 2x4 foot piece of plywood over his head, knocking him out.
The Baroness said nothing to Flint as she reached down to Cobra Commander's fallen body, and ripped his helmet and face plate off. She grabbed the dazed Cobra Commander and yanked him to his feet.
"Cobra legions, behold the face of your Commander!"
The Baroness' voice rang out in the room, piercing the noise of the battle, and everyone paused at what they were doing to turn to the direction of the Baroness.
"This is Cobra Commander. This is the man you serve!"
Cobra Commander had the butt-ugliest face anyone had ever seen. His skin was pale blue, and he had ten eyes scattered on his head in random places.
Shocked silence. The combatants on both sides were stunned.
A Cobra trooper pointed his finger at Cobra Commander and began to laugh.
"Ah, hah, look at him," the Cobra said derisively. "he's a mutant."
Everyone in the room began to laugh.
"Ha ha, he's a mutant! What a freak!" someone called out.
The Cobra and Joe forces began to gleefully chant, "Mutant! Mutant! Mutant!"
Cobra Commander, horrified that his secret was out in the open, blubbered like an idiot.
"I'm a man! I'm a maaaaaaaaaan!!!!!"
The Cobra troopers began jeering at their leader. They threw tomatoes and assorted rotten fruits, which every Cobra trooper carried in their pack as standard issue gear, just for moments like this.
Cobra Commander dropped to his knees and held up his hands to shield his face from rotten tomatoes.
Roadblock ran out of the room and came back moments later, bearing a crate of tomatoes. All the Joes ran out to Roadblock so they could join the Cobras in throwing food at Cobra Commander.
When the attack on Cobra Commander finally subsided, the once proud terrorist leader was reduced to a blubbering baby.
"I'm a maaaan," he muttered. "A maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan."
The Cobras and Joes looked at each other uneasily. What are we going to do now?
Destro solved that problem by walking up to General Hawk.
"I propose that we call a truce," Destro said to Hawk. "We will surrender Cobra Commander to you and walk away. But when we meet again, we shall once again be mortal enemies."
Hawk nodded. The day had been so crazy that this was one of the few things that seemed reasonable.
Hawk and Destro shook hands.
"Cobra legions," Destro announced, "I assume leadership of Cobra. All those who are loyal to Cobra, follow me to another dawn of terror! Let us leave this place at once!"
Destro faced the Baroness as she walked to join him.
"Baroness, you are a strange woman. Why you did what you did, I will never understand. One moment, you betray me, the next moment you make me into the new leader of Cobra. What will I ever do with you?"
"Have lots of hot sex?" the Baroness suggested.
"Works for me," Destro said as he led the Cobra troopers away.
The Baroness lingered. She found Flint in a corner, contemplating the golden love bugle.
"Thank you," Flint said to the Baroness.
The Baroness leaned in and kissed Flint on the cheek.
"Good-bye," she said. "I suppose we will be enemies now. But I will always remember there was once a time when we did it doggy style like a couple of crazed nympho weasels. And I suppose you will never forget either."
Flint smiled.
The Baroness waved her hand as she walked away to join her fellow terrorists.
"It could have been beautiful," she said.
Then she was gone.
NEXT TIME: THE SOUL-STIRRING CONCLUSION!
The Baroness stirred as she woke. She smiled at Flint and lay an arm across his chest. They looked into each other's eyes.
"Morning," Flint said.
"Mmmm, Flint," the Baroness said. "You are such a better lover than my tin- headed boyfriend. Couldn't you stay with me a while longer? Stay in Cobra and we can be lovers. We can 'take care' of Destro. We can overthrow Cobra Commander as well. The world could be our burrito. Just think of it. Imagine the possibilities."
Flint looked at the Baroness thoughtfully. She was such an evil bitch. But damn, she was something else in the sack! It was one of the hardest things he had to do.
"I can't," Flint said. "That dumb cockmaster, Duke, has my one true love under his spell. I've got to find that love bugle of his and trash it into a million pieces, if it's the last thing I do."
"I admire your resolve," the Baroness said.
The Baroness surprised Flint by lowering her hand under the covers, resting on his crotch.
"Let's do it one more time," the Baroness said. "A little sex before we say good-bye."
Flint was all too happy to oblige.
* * *
The moment had come. The giant Cobra transport plane hovered over G.I. JOE headquarters. On the ground, Cobra infantry was advancing on all sides. The battle to "stick it to the Joes" had begun.
Flint stood near the door of the transport plane, ready to parachute down to G.I. JOE headquarters and penetrate the base from above. Legions of Cobra troopers were prepared to follow him to victory.
"Follow me to victory!" Flint shouted. "We will storm this base and break G.I. JOE!"
"FLINT! FLINT! FLINT!" the Cobras shouted.
"I don't care about the other Joes, but do not harm the women. And NO ONE is to attack Duke. He is MINE, is that understood?"
"Hail Flint! Hail victory! Hail Cobra!"
Flint nodded and jumped off the plane.
"Cobraaa!" Flint cried.
* * *
Flint and his company of Cobra troopers landed on the roof of G.I. JOE headquarters. They easily overwhelmed the roof defenses and penetrated the base. Outside, Cobra ground troops led by Cobra Commander had overrun the peripheral defenses and were likewise on the verge of a breakthrough. The Joes were stunned at the sight of their former comrade, Flint, leading this ferocious attack against them.
Within an hour, Cobra had broken G.I. JOE's resistance and had cornered the bulk of the Joe forces inside the staging area.
"Surrender now. Drop your weapons. There is no escape," Flint said as he stepped forward to face the surrounded Joes.
Behind Flint, Cobra Commander chuckled with sadistic satisfaction. Destro, the Baroness, Tomax, Xamot, and Zartan stood by impassively.
"How could you?" Shipwreck cried in accusation. "You dirty traitor!"
Flint smirked at Shipwreck as he scanned the crowd, looking for Duke. He found Duke near the back of the crowd, with Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Cover Girl, and Jinx holding on to him for dear life.
"At last," Flint cried, "Revenge is mine!"
Flint cleared a path toward Duke, and the two officers stood staring at each other, face to face. The women slunk back, afraid of Flint's wrath.
Cobra Commander walked a short distance behind Flint, along with Destro and the Baroness.
"Yesss," Cobra Commander said. "Kill him now. We can kill them all and soak our hands in the blood of dead Joes."
Flint cocked his pistol and pointed it at Duke's forehead. Duke shut his eyes.
"My name is Flint. You stole my girlfriend," Flint said. "Prepare to die."
Suddenly, instead of firing, Flint's hand shot out toward Duke's belt, where the bugle was attached. Flint took hold of the bugle and with a furious yank, he stripped it away from Duke. Duke was wide-eyed in shock.
"My bugle!" he gasped, as if suddenly impotent.
"What is this treachery?" Cobra Commander said.
Before Cobra Commander could attack Flint, the Joe spun on his heels and struck a blow to the Commander, knocking the wind out of him. Cobra Commander doubled over, gasping for air.
"YO JOE!" Flint shot his gun into the air, raising the battle cry.
The captured Joes went from despair to joy within seconds. With new enthusiasm, they picked up their dropped weapons and began firing on the Cobra forces surrounding them. The entire scene soon degenerated into a huge, chaotic melee, with G.I. JOE and Cobra forces mixing it up with zest.
Flint was so caught up bashing Cobra troopers on the head that he was caught by surprise by Cobra Commander, who tripped Flint and sent him tumbling to the ground.
Flint turned and stared into the barrel of Cobra Commander's gun.
"You," Cobra Commander, "You were a TRIPLE AGENT! How did you discover the secret of the love bugle? How did you spoil my precious dreams of revenge?"
Flint spat, "I don't answer to Cobra Commander!"
"No one double crosses Cobra Commander. I'm the only one allowed to do the double crossing around here, understood? Now, die, worm!"
Before Cobra Commander could pull the trigger, the Baroness lunged at him and smashed a 2x4 foot piece of plywood over his head, knocking him out.
The Baroness said nothing to Flint as she reached down to Cobra Commander's fallen body, and ripped his helmet and face plate off. She grabbed the dazed Cobra Commander and yanked him to his feet.
"Cobra legions, behold the face of your Commander!"
The Baroness' voice rang out in the room, piercing the noise of the battle, and everyone paused at what they were doing to turn to the direction of the Baroness.
"This is Cobra Commander. This is the man you serve!"
Cobra Commander had the butt-ugliest face anyone had ever seen. His skin was pale blue, and he had ten eyes scattered on his head in random places.
Shocked silence. The combatants on both sides were stunned.
A Cobra trooper pointed his finger at Cobra Commander and began to laugh.
"Ah, hah, look at him," the Cobra said derisively. "he's a mutant."
Everyone in the room began to laugh.
"Ha ha, he's a mutant! What a freak!" someone called out.
The Cobra and Joe forces began to gleefully chant, "Mutant! Mutant! Mutant!"
Cobra Commander, horrified that his secret was out in the open, blubbered like an idiot.
"I'm a man! I'm a maaaaaaaaaan!!!!!"
The Cobra troopers began jeering at their leader. They threw tomatoes and assorted rotten fruits, which every Cobra trooper carried in their pack as standard issue gear, just for moments like this.
Cobra Commander dropped to his knees and held up his hands to shield his face from rotten tomatoes.
Roadblock ran out of the room and came back moments later, bearing a crate of tomatoes. All the Joes ran out to Roadblock so they could join the Cobras in throwing food at Cobra Commander.
When the attack on Cobra Commander finally subsided, the once proud terrorist leader was reduced to a blubbering baby.
"I'm a maaaan," he muttered. "A maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan."
The Cobras and Joes looked at each other uneasily. What are we going to do now?
Destro solved that problem by walking up to General Hawk.
"I propose that we call a truce," Destro said to Hawk. "We will surrender Cobra Commander to you and walk away. But when we meet again, we shall once again be mortal enemies."
Hawk nodded. The day had been so crazy that this was one of the few things that seemed reasonable.
Hawk and Destro shook hands.
"Cobra legions," Destro announced, "I assume leadership of Cobra. All those who are loyal to Cobra, follow me to another dawn of terror! Let us leave this place at once!"
Destro faced the Baroness as she walked to join him.
"Baroness, you are a strange woman. Why you did what you did, I will never understand. One moment, you betray me, the next moment you make me into the new leader of Cobra. What will I ever do with you?"
"Have lots of hot sex?" the Baroness suggested.
"Works for me," Destro said as he led the Cobra troopers away.
The Baroness lingered. She found Flint in a corner, contemplating the golden love bugle.
"Thank you," Flint said to the Baroness.
The Baroness leaned in and kissed Flint on the cheek.
"Good-bye," she said. "I suppose we will be enemies now. But I will always remember there was once a time when we did it doggy style like a couple of crazed nympho weasels. And I suppose you will never forget either."
Flint smiled.
The Baroness waved her hand as she walked away to join her fellow terrorists.
"It could have been beautiful," she said.
Then she was gone.
NEXT TIME: THE SOUL-STIRRING CONCLUSION!
