Title: Of Magic and Machinations (8/?)
Author: Jeffrey Patrick
Type: B/X…though it is slow in coming to fruition.
Description: Xander is back, but in a junkie's body. Wolfram and Hart are after the kids, and Angel has disappeared. Now, the fun really begins.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but some shaved fish, which is great topped with Mean Mr. Mustard. Buffy and all related characters are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I simply squeeze a drop of their creative juices to inspire my own.
"Damn," Xander said, unable to control the shaking. He was burning with fever.
His closest friend, Willow Rosenberg, held him in her arms. She had levitated herself to the couch while her husband, Oz, got Xander something cool to drink. "What did the doctor say?"
"That as far as I've come, I'm better off riding this out," Xander said softly. "It… it hurts, Will."
"Drink this," Oz said, stepping toward him with some lemonade. Xander took a sip and winced.
"God, you know they put sugar in that stuff these days."
"I know. I was just trying to take your mind off the pain."
"Thanks, man."
"Buffy's coming by later," Willow said. "She wanted to give us some time with you first."
"Great," Xander said, closing his eyes.
Willow watched as Oz took his glass and went back to the kitchen for sugar. She looked at her friend. His new body was wracked with pain. But there was something more… something likely only she could see. "Xander, what is it?"
He looked at her and his eyes sparkled with his usual Xander charm, but the witty remark he meant to cover his pain wouldn't come out. Willow gave him her resolve face and all thoughts of lying went out the window. "She… she didn't know it wasn't me."
Willow nodded. "Neither did I."
"No offense, but you aren't in love with me, Will. If someone replaced you and Oz didn't figure it out, wouldn't you be hurt?"
She nodded. "I would understand… but I would still hurt."
"And I do understand," Xander said, closing his eyes again, trying to ride out the tremors of his body. "Angel duped her. He lied. He manipulated. I know that, but it doesn't make it hurt any less."
"Why didn't you tell her?" Willow asked. "When I talked to her early this morning, she said that you were so understanding. That you seemed to be dealing so well with everything…"
"I know," he said, hanging his head. "I only did that…"
"To make her feel better?" Oz finished, stepping back into the room. He handed Xander the glass of lemonade. "Lots of sugar," he said.
Xander took it and nodded. "I could see that she felt… I didn't want her to hurt any more."
"She knows it was all too easy, Xander. That's why she wanted us to come by first," Willow said. "She knows you must be incredibly disappointed in all of us, and she…"
"But I'm not," Xander insisted. "I'm not disappointed in you guys. It happened. You wanted to believe the spell had worked. I don't blame you… any of you. But it hurts… knowing what I've missed… knowing that she has a daughter that…" Tears ran down his cheeks.
Oz put a hand on his shoulder, not saying a word. Willow joined her friend in tears, feeling his pain as though it was her own. Xander just sighed, and let his body continue quaking against his will.
"I can't believe it," Anya said a little too loudly. "I've got to go see him!"
"No, Anya," Buffy said. "Willow and Oz should be over there now. I asked Willow to check on him. Let them get caught up. Then you and Alex can have some alone time with him. I promise."
"What are you not telling me?" Anya asked flatly.
"He's… hurting. It was obvious last night. But he put up this brave face so he wouldn't upset me. I just thought that Willow might get him to open up about what he was really feeling."
"It'll be hard," Anya said.
Buffy nodded.
"You have a daughter he's never seen… a married life he's been no part of."
Buffy nodded again.
"You're a mother now. That changes a woman. He's bound to feel…"
"Like he doesn't know me anymore," Buffy said softly. "I know. What do I do?"
"Help him get his body back," Anya said. "He's bound to feel a little more stable once he's himself again."
"I'll need your help to find Angel."
"Of course."
"Anya, thanks."
"Don't mention it. I love Xander too. He should have everything that makes him happy, which means you specifically. You'll sort all this stuff out."
"I hope so," Buffy said. "I really love him."
"I really love her," Angel said, kneeling before Cordelia Chase's tombstone. "I know what I did was wrong, but I did it for her."
"You trying to convince her?" asked a familiar voice. "Or maybe yourself?"
The short little man in the hat was not someone Angel relished seeing. "Whistler… what are you doing here?"
"Working the balance. Same as always."
"You know?"
"That you're Angel? Sure, I know. You can't hide stuff like that from the PTB."
"Then why come now?"
"Because now that the Harris kid has returned, things are gonna heat up. You're about to find yourself in the middle of a plan that's been orchestrated for years. What you do next could decide the future for a lot of people… the Slayer included."
"What do you mean?"
"Let's take a walk. This is gonna take a while."
"I missed you," Anya said. "I thought… that you might never come back to us… not after we found out about Angel."
Xander's shaking was a little more controlled, but it was obvious that it was getting harder for him to focus on the conversation. "Me too," he said weakly. "Thanks for not bringing Alex. Don't want any of the kids seeing me this way."
"It's okay," Anya said. "He had karate class this afternoon anyway."
"He must be big. He's what? Six?"
"Yes. He's quite pleasant and causes feeling of maternal pride which I relish."
He managed a weak smile. "You're doing that on purpose."
"Just reminding you how much I've grown," she said with a smile.
His face suddenly grew serious, but the expression was a soft one. "You know I'm proud of you, right? I mean, not just for the way you talk, but for who you are. You died and came back as a ghost trying to protect your child. Most mothers would have been destroyed by not being able to touch their child. But you… you held on. You're a great mom."
A single tear dropped from Anya's chin. "Thank you. There were times when I wanted to give up, but Buffy would never let me. She helped me so much. Now Giles does the same. But every time I've thought about what a great family we are, I've always wished that you were with us. Oz and Giles are great role models for Alex, but you… you saved my son's life. You stood up for me when I was newly human. You are everything I could wish for my son to be when he is a man."
"Except for the heroin problem," Xander said with a grin.
"Right. Except for that."
"Thank you, Anya. That means a lot."
"Buffy is worried," Anya said softly, "that you won't be able to get past all the Angel stuff."
Xander nodded. "I know. I will, though. Get past it, I mean. It's just…"
"Hard," she finished. "I know. We all love you, though. We'll get through this together."
"Thanks, An. But… where do I start?"
"How about by telling the woman you love how you really feel?"
"Somehow I knew you were gonna say that."
A few hours later, Xander had stopped shaking. He sat on the couch, staring at the woman next to him. "One of us should say something," he whispered.
"And ruin the whole awkward silence thing?" she asked with a smile.
"That would be a shame, wouldn't it?"
She gazed into his eyes like she had something to say, but her lips did not move.
"Awkward silence," Xander said with a grin, "the sequel. Because you demanded it…"
"Stop," she said. "Don't…"
"Don't what?"
"Don't hide from me."
"I'm not."
"You are. You're making with the funny. I want you to tell me how you feel."
"How I feel?" Xander stood up. "You want to know how I feel?"
"Yes," she said resting her head in her hands.
"I feel… lost. Like everything I know is gone. Everyone has children now… Parents. All of you are parents… but not me. The woman I love… You married the one man I hate with a passion. And I know you didn't know. I know he lied and fooled you all… but…"
Buffy looked up at him and saw his tears flowing freely. "Go on," she said quietly, knowing he had to get it all out.
"You should've known. You and Will… I… It's like you never knew me."
"No. It's worse than that," Buffy said as her own tears began to flow. "Some part of me knew it wasn't you. Something in the bottom of my soul that I couldn't quite touch. Maybe Willow knew too. But… if we ever allowed that thought to completely form, you would be dead again."
"And I can understand that. You don't think I can, but I do. I understand. But… it hurts… and I'm scared… and… What if I don't fit into your life anymore? What if your daughter hates me? What if I never get my body back? What if… I lose you?"
Buffy stood up and threw her arms around his neck. "That will never, EVER happen. I swear to you that I will never let you go… no matter what body you're in. Dawn will love you. How could she not love you?"
"I'm scared."
"I know."
"I love you, Buff. I really do."
"I know that too." She looked him in the eye. "And I love you. We WILL be okay. I promise."
He nodded.
"Now," Buffy said with a smile, "let's talk about living arrangements."
Lilah had owned her new Jaguar for less than a month. It was black, like her soul. She slipped behind the wheel, tossing her briefcase into the passenger seat. The engine roared to life when she turned the key in the ignition. She reached for the gear shift when an arm came from behind and grabbed her throat.
"Didn't you learn your lesson all those years ago?" a male voice asked. "I would think you would have people walking you to your car."
Lilah smiled. "Angel? I heard you were back."
"You heard, huh? I have a feeling you were involved somehow."
"Why would you think that?"
"Because you're up to something. I know it. The PTB knows it."
"So you're here to kill me. Is that it?"
"No," he said, letting her go. "I'm here to help you."
She turned around and gazed into his eyes. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I'll do you a favor if you do one for me."
"You don't even know what we want."
"The babies," Angel said flatly. "You want the babies."
Lilah smiled. "And you want the Slayer. But you'll never get her. Not with Harris back in the picture."
"That's what I want you to take care of for me. I have to appear uninvolved."
"And why should I trust you?"
"You shouldn't," Angel said with Xander's patented grin. "You really shouldn't."
To Be Continued…
Author: Jeffrey Patrick
Type: B/X…though it is slow in coming to fruition.
Description: Xander is back, but in a junkie's body. Wolfram and Hart are after the kids, and Angel has disappeared. Now, the fun really begins.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but some shaved fish, which is great topped with Mean Mr. Mustard. Buffy and all related characters are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I simply squeeze a drop of their creative juices to inspire my own.
"Damn," Xander said, unable to control the shaking. He was burning with fever.
His closest friend, Willow Rosenberg, held him in her arms. She had levitated herself to the couch while her husband, Oz, got Xander something cool to drink. "What did the doctor say?"
"That as far as I've come, I'm better off riding this out," Xander said softly. "It… it hurts, Will."
"Drink this," Oz said, stepping toward him with some lemonade. Xander took a sip and winced.
"God, you know they put sugar in that stuff these days."
"I know. I was just trying to take your mind off the pain."
"Thanks, man."
"Buffy's coming by later," Willow said. "She wanted to give us some time with you first."
"Great," Xander said, closing his eyes.
Willow watched as Oz took his glass and went back to the kitchen for sugar. She looked at her friend. His new body was wracked with pain. But there was something more… something likely only she could see. "Xander, what is it?"
He looked at her and his eyes sparkled with his usual Xander charm, but the witty remark he meant to cover his pain wouldn't come out. Willow gave him her resolve face and all thoughts of lying went out the window. "She… she didn't know it wasn't me."
Willow nodded. "Neither did I."
"No offense, but you aren't in love with me, Will. If someone replaced you and Oz didn't figure it out, wouldn't you be hurt?"
She nodded. "I would understand… but I would still hurt."
"And I do understand," Xander said, closing his eyes again, trying to ride out the tremors of his body. "Angel duped her. He lied. He manipulated. I know that, but it doesn't make it hurt any less."
"Why didn't you tell her?" Willow asked. "When I talked to her early this morning, she said that you were so understanding. That you seemed to be dealing so well with everything…"
"I know," he said, hanging his head. "I only did that…"
"To make her feel better?" Oz finished, stepping back into the room. He handed Xander the glass of lemonade. "Lots of sugar," he said.
Xander took it and nodded. "I could see that she felt… I didn't want her to hurt any more."
"She knows it was all too easy, Xander. That's why she wanted us to come by first," Willow said. "She knows you must be incredibly disappointed in all of us, and she…"
"But I'm not," Xander insisted. "I'm not disappointed in you guys. It happened. You wanted to believe the spell had worked. I don't blame you… any of you. But it hurts… knowing what I've missed… knowing that she has a daughter that…" Tears ran down his cheeks.
Oz put a hand on his shoulder, not saying a word. Willow joined her friend in tears, feeling his pain as though it was her own. Xander just sighed, and let his body continue quaking against his will.
"I can't believe it," Anya said a little too loudly. "I've got to go see him!"
"No, Anya," Buffy said. "Willow and Oz should be over there now. I asked Willow to check on him. Let them get caught up. Then you and Alex can have some alone time with him. I promise."
"What are you not telling me?" Anya asked flatly.
"He's… hurting. It was obvious last night. But he put up this brave face so he wouldn't upset me. I just thought that Willow might get him to open up about what he was really feeling."
"It'll be hard," Anya said.
Buffy nodded.
"You have a daughter he's never seen… a married life he's been no part of."
Buffy nodded again.
"You're a mother now. That changes a woman. He's bound to feel…"
"Like he doesn't know me anymore," Buffy said softly. "I know. What do I do?"
"Help him get his body back," Anya said. "He's bound to feel a little more stable once he's himself again."
"I'll need your help to find Angel."
"Of course."
"Anya, thanks."
"Don't mention it. I love Xander too. He should have everything that makes him happy, which means you specifically. You'll sort all this stuff out."
"I hope so," Buffy said. "I really love him."
"I really love her," Angel said, kneeling before Cordelia Chase's tombstone. "I know what I did was wrong, but I did it for her."
"You trying to convince her?" asked a familiar voice. "Or maybe yourself?"
The short little man in the hat was not someone Angel relished seeing. "Whistler… what are you doing here?"
"Working the balance. Same as always."
"You know?"
"That you're Angel? Sure, I know. You can't hide stuff like that from the PTB."
"Then why come now?"
"Because now that the Harris kid has returned, things are gonna heat up. You're about to find yourself in the middle of a plan that's been orchestrated for years. What you do next could decide the future for a lot of people… the Slayer included."
"What do you mean?"
"Let's take a walk. This is gonna take a while."
"I missed you," Anya said. "I thought… that you might never come back to us… not after we found out about Angel."
Xander's shaking was a little more controlled, but it was obvious that it was getting harder for him to focus on the conversation. "Me too," he said weakly. "Thanks for not bringing Alex. Don't want any of the kids seeing me this way."
"It's okay," Anya said. "He had karate class this afternoon anyway."
"He must be big. He's what? Six?"
"Yes. He's quite pleasant and causes feeling of maternal pride which I relish."
He managed a weak smile. "You're doing that on purpose."
"Just reminding you how much I've grown," she said with a smile.
His face suddenly grew serious, but the expression was a soft one. "You know I'm proud of you, right? I mean, not just for the way you talk, but for who you are. You died and came back as a ghost trying to protect your child. Most mothers would have been destroyed by not being able to touch their child. But you… you held on. You're a great mom."
A single tear dropped from Anya's chin. "Thank you. There were times when I wanted to give up, but Buffy would never let me. She helped me so much. Now Giles does the same. But every time I've thought about what a great family we are, I've always wished that you were with us. Oz and Giles are great role models for Alex, but you… you saved my son's life. You stood up for me when I was newly human. You are everything I could wish for my son to be when he is a man."
"Except for the heroin problem," Xander said with a grin.
"Right. Except for that."
"Thank you, Anya. That means a lot."
"Buffy is worried," Anya said softly, "that you won't be able to get past all the Angel stuff."
Xander nodded. "I know. I will, though. Get past it, I mean. It's just…"
"Hard," she finished. "I know. We all love you, though. We'll get through this together."
"Thanks, An. But… where do I start?"
"How about by telling the woman you love how you really feel?"
"Somehow I knew you were gonna say that."
A few hours later, Xander had stopped shaking. He sat on the couch, staring at the woman next to him. "One of us should say something," he whispered.
"And ruin the whole awkward silence thing?" she asked with a smile.
"That would be a shame, wouldn't it?"
She gazed into his eyes like she had something to say, but her lips did not move.
"Awkward silence," Xander said with a grin, "the sequel. Because you demanded it…"
"Stop," she said. "Don't…"
"Don't what?"
"Don't hide from me."
"I'm not."
"You are. You're making with the funny. I want you to tell me how you feel."
"How I feel?" Xander stood up. "You want to know how I feel?"
"Yes," she said resting her head in her hands.
"I feel… lost. Like everything I know is gone. Everyone has children now… Parents. All of you are parents… but not me. The woman I love… You married the one man I hate with a passion. And I know you didn't know. I know he lied and fooled you all… but…"
Buffy looked up at him and saw his tears flowing freely. "Go on," she said quietly, knowing he had to get it all out.
"You should've known. You and Will… I… It's like you never knew me."
"No. It's worse than that," Buffy said as her own tears began to flow. "Some part of me knew it wasn't you. Something in the bottom of my soul that I couldn't quite touch. Maybe Willow knew too. But… if we ever allowed that thought to completely form, you would be dead again."
"And I can understand that. You don't think I can, but I do. I understand. But… it hurts… and I'm scared… and… What if I don't fit into your life anymore? What if your daughter hates me? What if I never get my body back? What if… I lose you?"
Buffy stood up and threw her arms around his neck. "That will never, EVER happen. I swear to you that I will never let you go… no matter what body you're in. Dawn will love you. How could she not love you?"
"I'm scared."
"I know."
"I love you, Buff. I really do."
"I know that too." She looked him in the eye. "And I love you. We WILL be okay. I promise."
He nodded.
"Now," Buffy said with a smile, "let's talk about living arrangements."
Lilah had owned her new Jaguar for less than a month. It was black, like her soul. She slipped behind the wheel, tossing her briefcase into the passenger seat. The engine roared to life when she turned the key in the ignition. She reached for the gear shift when an arm came from behind and grabbed her throat.
"Didn't you learn your lesson all those years ago?" a male voice asked. "I would think you would have people walking you to your car."
Lilah smiled. "Angel? I heard you were back."
"You heard, huh? I have a feeling you were involved somehow."
"Why would you think that?"
"Because you're up to something. I know it. The PTB knows it."
"So you're here to kill me. Is that it?"
"No," he said, letting her go. "I'm here to help you."
She turned around and gazed into his eyes. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I'll do you a favor if you do one for me."
"You don't even know what we want."
"The babies," Angel said flatly. "You want the babies."
Lilah smiled. "And you want the Slayer. But you'll never get her. Not with Harris back in the picture."
"That's what I want you to take care of for me. I have to appear uninvolved."
"And why should I trust you?"
"You shouldn't," Angel said with Xander's patented grin. "You really shouldn't."
To Be Continued…
