"Drivin' Around In My Automobile"
Author: Ivory Tower
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all Harry Potter characters.
A/N: I realize that stick shifts are the norm in Europe but I am American and learned using an automatic. However, I have kept in mind that people drive on the left side of the road and have used only generalities when referring to the location of the driver's and passenger's seats. Enjoy!
Blasted Dumbledore and his insane ideas! It was all well and good if the Headmaster saw fit to make Muggle Studies mandatory due to dangerous times. Severus Snape made unnumbered allowances for the old man't eccentricities, that is, until the old man decided to include Severus Snape personally. Then Dumbledore's "idea" became a problem. Were Snape in charge-yes, yes, he realized he WAS NOT in charge, but were Snape in charge he'd do away with Muggle Studies. He certainly would not include driver's education into the cirriculum. Thses blithering idiots referred to as students could hardly control their broomsticks!
Severus had reeled off these points and much more when informed of his "new position" of helping to teach the students to drive. Snape himself had a rather sketchy experience with automobiles. Surely it would be a complete catastrophe to allow himself and students behind the wheel.
"Nonsense, Severus! I have complete faith in your driving abilities. Naturally, I'm not going to throw you into the lake without a preserver."
Snape just stared at the Headmaster. "A preserver? What do you mean?"
"My apologies, Severus. Muggle statement. What I mean to say is all the professors involved will be taking a quick refresher course before being set loose with the students. I'll see you on the Quidditch Field after dinner."
Needless to say that the entire day was now ruined for Snape. Neville Longbottom added his own personal touch by blowing his cauldron through the roof. Snape shuddered at the notion of Longbottom behind the wheel and fervently hoped he wouldn't be stuck teaching the boy to drive. Grumbling his way through dinner, Snape refused to join the intrigue of his colleagues over a stupid muggle invention. Trelawney also must have been dreading the driving course because she repeatedly saw ill omens in her soup.
Weary in mind and body, Snape marched outside to the Quidditch Field with a large brigade of professors. They had been divided into two groups so the students were not left unsupervised. Much to Snape's annoyance he noticed any number of students watching from afar, obviously expecting a comical car show. The cars themselves were large and boxish, making Snape think of the cars muggles used to cart dead people to cemetaries. Ugly, rattling contraptions. Simply looking at the things put Snape in a foul mood. Dumbledore, on the otherhand, looked positively ecstatic.
"I shall assign everyone a number, one through three," Dumbledore explained as though addressing a group of five-year-olds. Snape rolled his eyes. "Go stand by the car with your number and discuss with your peers who has had the most driving experience."
Soon as the number 3 appeared above Snape's head he started off towards the automobiles he so despised. They looked like primitive animals of some sort. Snape winced as he quickly saw that the car he'd been assigned to was a god-awful blue. He felt the corners of his mouth go downward as McGonagall and Trelawney joined him. Some unseen force out there was having a field day with him. That was the only logical explanation for this!
While Trelawney examined the car as if it were a sleeping Hippogriff, Snape cleared his throat and asked McGonagall about her driving experience. Minerva did not look anymore pleased about the situation than Snape.
"I haven't driven a car in thirty years! Mind you, I only learned the barest essentials. Who would have thought a witch would ever need to maneuver a muggle form of transportation? You've driven before, haven't you, Severus?"
"Yes, but I never considered myself close to instructer material. If Dumbledore expects us to parallel park-Sybil, what are you doing?"
The divination professor was tugging up at the hood with all her might. Her bangles clanked loudly against the metal exterior.
"I am trying to get inside the car."
"That's not the entrance, you twit! That houses the engine."
"Engine."
"The thing that makes the car go. Don't touch the hood, Sybil. Minerva, show her where the backseat is."
"Wait a minute. Albus is doing a quick explanation of the basics. You might do well to listen and brush up."
"What for?"
Minerva fixed Snape with a firm gaze. "You are driving first."
Once they were safely inside the vehicle and Trelawney finally got the hang of the seatbelt, Severus turned the key in the ignition. Sybil paled.
"Is it supposed to...roar?"
"Yes. Yes," said Minerva impatiently. "Muggle transportation is very noisy so get used to it. Very well, Severus, Albus told us to simply drive half the length of the field then turn and come back."
"I know what he said, Minerva. I am not deaf."
"Check your mirror."
"I am" Spat Snape through gritted teeth.
"I am only trying to be of assistance, Severus." Minerva did not look at all comfortable buckled into the passenger seat. She looked very out of place.
"Let's go then." No sooner had Severus pressed down on the accelerator did the car containing Sinistra, Vector and Lupin swerve in front of him. Sybil screamed and tried to duck as best her seatbelt would allow. Minerva tensed. Snape slammed on the breaks, heart pounding. Furious, he rolled down the window.
"What the hell are you doing out there," he yelled, eyes blazing.
Professor Sinistra peeked her head out the driver side and waved sheepishly.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize the thing had so much power! This wheel is tricky."
"Calm down , Severus. She didn't mean to," aid Minerva, calm once more.
Muttering, Severus started down the course at a comfortable 35 miles per hour. Flitwick sped by in a tiny Volkeswagon Beetle, waving merrily.
"Look at him go!" Minerva was clearly impressed, as was Severus though he said nothing.
Minerva's driving was much more jerkey as she slammed on the breaks whenever she felt the car was "gaining too much control". Snape frowned as the car addled along at a mere 10 miles an hour. He could reach the mark quicker by walking.
"Speed up, Minerva."
"I will not! I don't trust the other drivers. Remus should have both hands on the wheel."
"Don't watch Lupin, watch the path! Damn these muggle inventions!" Snape fought with the lever to mov the seat back as his legs were quite cramped.
"Stop that, Severus. It took me forever to get *this* seat adjusted."
"Well you should be taller," grumbled Snape. "Sybil, what are you doing back there?"
"What on earth are these tiny compartments for? They are hardly large enough to store Knuts."
"I don't know! Don't touch it!"
"But they make the most wonderful clicking sounds when you close them."
Click. Clack. Click. Clack. Click. Clack. Click. Clack. Click. Clack.
"Sybil, please stop that! It's very distracting," scolded Minerva. "Besides, it's your turn."
As they rotated seats Snape whispered to Minerva, "You're sitting up front with her."
"I am not! You are the better driver, Severus."
"Then we'll both sit in the back."
"Severus Snape, get in the passenger seat this instant," ordered McGonagall with a very strict expression indeed.
'I hate that old woman,' thought Snape, glaring as Trelawney apprehensively took the driver's seat beside him.
"Now, buckle your safety belt, Sybil. Check your mir..."
With an ugly sneer, Severus mocked McGonagall's instructful bossiness, having half a mind to stick his tongue out at the old bat.
Trelawney gasped. "The car will not start...it's broke!"
"Turn the key the other way, Sybil," prompted Minerva.
Trelawney cringed when the engine roared into action, and would have sprang from her seat had the seat belt not held her down.
"Put your right foot on the break, Sybil," continued Minerva, in complete control of the situation.
Trelawney's lineage fogged. "Which-?"
"The *left*," interjected Snape. "Now pull that lever down until the marker rests on the 'D'."
"Yes?" Sybil's excitement increased as she accomplished this small feat flawlessly.
"Take your foot off the break," butted in Minerva, "and gently apply it down on the accelerator."
"More pressure," ordered Snape.
Trelawney floored it and they zoomed forward, the engine vrooming as though pleased with the sudden exertion.
"Stop! Stop!" Screamed Minerva, still flung against the back seat.
"How do I stop?" Trelawney began to panick and turned the wheel this way and that, hoping it would somehow stop the car.
"The break! Foot on the break, Sybil," yelled Snape as he and Minerva tried to keep from swerving to and fro with the car. "Your LEFT!"
Trelawney promptly floored the car anew.
"Your *other* left," screamed Snape, eyes bulging horrifically.
The car screeched to a halt far beyond the halfway mark. All three professors sat in rigid silence.
"Minerva, are you alive?" Snape managed to turn enough to see McGonagall's dark hair tumbling from its neat bun, glasses askew. Minerva only nodded.
"Severus, I cannot drive with you screaming at me like this. It makes me nervous." Trelawney untangled her bangles from her hair.
"Sybil...turn the car off."
"But I-."
"Turn the car off, please." Snape spoke the command monotone. He felt dazed. On shakey legs he exited the car and walked around to the driver's side.
"I want to drive back," whined Sybil as Snape flung the door open and gestured for her to get out.
"NO Severus! Don't let her-FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN," shrieked Minerva.
As Snape settled in and readjusted the seat to accomodate his long legs his mind flashed to images of Neville Longbottom and the other Hufflepuff students. He suddenly felt the overpowering urge to break down and cry.
~FIN~
Next chapter: Yes, dear readers, the students take the wheel under the watchful eye of the professors.
Author: Ivory Tower
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all Harry Potter characters.
A/N: I realize that stick shifts are the norm in Europe but I am American and learned using an automatic. However, I have kept in mind that people drive on the left side of the road and have used only generalities when referring to the location of the driver's and passenger's seats. Enjoy!
Blasted Dumbledore and his insane ideas! It was all well and good if the Headmaster saw fit to make Muggle Studies mandatory due to dangerous times. Severus Snape made unnumbered allowances for the old man't eccentricities, that is, until the old man decided to include Severus Snape personally. Then Dumbledore's "idea" became a problem. Were Snape in charge-yes, yes, he realized he WAS NOT in charge, but were Snape in charge he'd do away with Muggle Studies. He certainly would not include driver's education into the cirriculum. Thses blithering idiots referred to as students could hardly control their broomsticks!
Severus had reeled off these points and much more when informed of his "new position" of helping to teach the students to drive. Snape himself had a rather sketchy experience with automobiles. Surely it would be a complete catastrophe to allow himself and students behind the wheel.
"Nonsense, Severus! I have complete faith in your driving abilities. Naturally, I'm not going to throw you into the lake without a preserver."
Snape just stared at the Headmaster. "A preserver? What do you mean?"
"My apologies, Severus. Muggle statement. What I mean to say is all the professors involved will be taking a quick refresher course before being set loose with the students. I'll see you on the Quidditch Field after dinner."
Needless to say that the entire day was now ruined for Snape. Neville Longbottom added his own personal touch by blowing his cauldron through the roof. Snape shuddered at the notion of Longbottom behind the wheel and fervently hoped he wouldn't be stuck teaching the boy to drive. Grumbling his way through dinner, Snape refused to join the intrigue of his colleagues over a stupid muggle invention. Trelawney also must have been dreading the driving course because she repeatedly saw ill omens in her soup.
Weary in mind and body, Snape marched outside to the Quidditch Field with a large brigade of professors. They had been divided into two groups so the students were not left unsupervised. Much to Snape's annoyance he noticed any number of students watching from afar, obviously expecting a comical car show. The cars themselves were large and boxish, making Snape think of the cars muggles used to cart dead people to cemetaries. Ugly, rattling contraptions. Simply looking at the things put Snape in a foul mood. Dumbledore, on the otherhand, looked positively ecstatic.
"I shall assign everyone a number, one through three," Dumbledore explained as though addressing a group of five-year-olds. Snape rolled his eyes. "Go stand by the car with your number and discuss with your peers who has had the most driving experience."
Soon as the number 3 appeared above Snape's head he started off towards the automobiles he so despised. They looked like primitive animals of some sort. Snape winced as he quickly saw that the car he'd been assigned to was a god-awful blue. He felt the corners of his mouth go downward as McGonagall and Trelawney joined him. Some unseen force out there was having a field day with him. That was the only logical explanation for this!
While Trelawney examined the car as if it were a sleeping Hippogriff, Snape cleared his throat and asked McGonagall about her driving experience. Minerva did not look anymore pleased about the situation than Snape.
"I haven't driven a car in thirty years! Mind you, I only learned the barest essentials. Who would have thought a witch would ever need to maneuver a muggle form of transportation? You've driven before, haven't you, Severus?"
"Yes, but I never considered myself close to instructer material. If Dumbledore expects us to parallel park-Sybil, what are you doing?"
The divination professor was tugging up at the hood with all her might. Her bangles clanked loudly against the metal exterior.
"I am trying to get inside the car."
"That's not the entrance, you twit! That houses the engine."
"Engine."
"The thing that makes the car go. Don't touch the hood, Sybil. Minerva, show her where the backseat is."
"Wait a minute. Albus is doing a quick explanation of the basics. You might do well to listen and brush up."
"What for?"
Minerva fixed Snape with a firm gaze. "You are driving first."
Once they were safely inside the vehicle and Trelawney finally got the hang of the seatbelt, Severus turned the key in the ignition. Sybil paled.
"Is it supposed to...roar?"
"Yes. Yes," said Minerva impatiently. "Muggle transportation is very noisy so get used to it. Very well, Severus, Albus told us to simply drive half the length of the field then turn and come back."
"I know what he said, Minerva. I am not deaf."
"Check your mirror."
"I am" Spat Snape through gritted teeth.
"I am only trying to be of assistance, Severus." Minerva did not look at all comfortable buckled into the passenger seat. She looked very out of place.
"Let's go then." No sooner had Severus pressed down on the accelerator did the car containing Sinistra, Vector and Lupin swerve in front of him. Sybil screamed and tried to duck as best her seatbelt would allow. Minerva tensed. Snape slammed on the breaks, heart pounding. Furious, he rolled down the window.
"What the hell are you doing out there," he yelled, eyes blazing.
Professor Sinistra peeked her head out the driver side and waved sheepishly.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize the thing had so much power! This wheel is tricky."
"Calm down , Severus. She didn't mean to," aid Minerva, calm once more.
Muttering, Severus started down the course at a comfortable 35 miles per hour. Flitwick sped by in a tiny Volkeswagon Beetle, waving merrily.
"Look at him go!" Minerva was clearly impressed, as was Severus though he said nothing.
Minerva's driving was much more jerkey as she slammed on the breaks whenever she felt the car was "gaining too much control". Snape frowned as the car addled along at a mere 10 miles an hour. He could reach the mark quicker by walking.
"Speed up, Minerva."
"I will not! I don't trust the other drivers. Remus should have both hands on the wheel."
"Don't watch Lupin, watch the path! Damn these muggle inventions!" Snape fought with the lever to mov the seat back as his legs were quite cramped.
"Stop that, Severus. It took me forever to get *this* seat adjusted."
"Well you should be taller," grumbled Snape. "Sybil, what are you doing back there?"
"What on earth are these tiny compartments for? They are hardly large enough to store Knuts."
"I don't know! Don't touch it!"
"But they make the most wonderful clicking sounds when you close them."
Click. Clack. Click. Clack. Click. Clack. Click. Clack. Click. Clack.
"Sybil, please stop that! It's very distracting," scolded Minerva. "Besides, it's your turn."
As they rotated seats Snape whispered to Minerva, "You're sitting up front with her."
"I am not! You are the better driver, Severus."
"Then we'll both sit in the back."
"Severus Snape, get in the passenger seat this instant," ordered McGonagall with a very strict expression indeed.
'I hate that old woman,' thought Snape, glaring as Trelawney apprehensively took the driver's seat beside him.
"Now, buckle your safety belt, Sybil. Check your mir..."
With an ugly sneer, Severus mocked McGonagall's instructful bossiness, having half a mind to stick his tongue out at the old bat.
Trelawney gasped. "The car will not start...it's broke!"
"Turn the key the other way, Sybil," prompted Minerva.
Trelawney cringed when the engine roared into action, and would have sprang from her seat had the seat belt not held her down.
"Put your right foot on the break, Sybil," continued Minerva, in complete control of the situation.
Trelawney's lineage fogged. "Which-?"
"The *left*," interjected Snape. "Now pull that lever down until the marker rests on the 'D'."
"Yes?" Sybil's excitement increased as she accomplished this small feat flawlessly.
"Take your foot off the break," butted in Minerva, "and gently apply it down on the accelerator."
"More pressure," ordered Snape.
Trelawney floored it and they zoomed forward, the engine vrooming as though pleased with the sudden exertion.
"Stop! Stop!" Screamed Minerva, still flung against the back seat.
"How do I stop?" Trelawney began to panick and turned the wheel this way and that, hoping it would somehow stop the car.
"The break! Foot on the break, Sybil," yelled Snape as he and Minerva tried to keep from swerving to and fro with the car. "Your LEFT!"
Trelawney promptly floored the car anew.
"Your *other* left," screamed Snape, eyes bulging horrifically.
The car screeched to a halt far beyond the halfway mark. All three professors sat in rigid silence.
"Minerva, are you alive?" Snape managed to turn enough to see McGonagall's dark hair tumbling from its neat bun, glasses askew. Minerva only nodded.
"Severus, I cannot drive with you screaming at me like this. It makes me nervous." Trelawney untangled her bangles from her hair.
"Sybil...turn the car off."
"But I-."
"Turn the car off, please." Snape spoke the command monotone. He felt dazed. On shakey legs he exited the car and walked around to the driver's side.
"I want to drive back," whined Sybil as Snape flung the door open and gestured for her to get out.
"NO Severus! Don't let her-FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN," shrieked Minerva.
As Snape settled in and readjusted the seat to accomodate his long legs his mind flashed to images of Neville Longbottom and the other Hufflepuff students. He suddenly felt the overpowering urge to break down and cry.
~FIN~
Next chapter: Yes, dear readers, the students take the wheel under the watchful eye of the professors.
