Reality Check



Disclaimers in chapters 1&2



"I'm so sorry Sydney can you ever forgive me, I'm so sorry..



I woke to the sound of a sobbing Slavic. What a foreign concept, not so much the accent, but rather MY "mother" pleading for mercy. from ME!

It's like a dream come true; too bad it's just a dream.

It's funny though, how dreams can feel more real than reality. Like how I can actually feel the conflicting emotions battling within me. I want to cry with her, scream at her, give her a big bear hug, and punch her lights out all at the same time.

I suppose it should be reassuring to know my first reaction to the distress of another is that of pity and concern, at least I haven't fully become what I hate.

But then, like images on a movie screen, the transgressions for which she is begging forgiveness play through my mind. Motherless moments at school, a shattered and useless father, and being the target for every international intelligence bad guy.

The funeral, so many funerals. hers, Danny's, and now Vaughn's.mine. In hindsight, my life hadn't really been about "life" at all, but "death" and "good-bye's". Something I hadn't fully grasped until I watched my last hope disappear into a dark abyss (yet another disastrous creation of my mother).

This last truth brings me back to reality; I open my eyes ready to deny her emotional request, but realize that I have been mistaken.

The woman clinging to and crying all over my hand, while slightly rocking back and forth, can't possibly be MY mother. Gone is the sleek, black outfit of a master criminal; in its place are Capri khakis and an oversized periwinkle oxford. She looks more like a suburban socialite than Satan's sidekick!

This poor woman is obviously so distraught, and blinded by her tears that she has mistaken me for her daughter. Making a pointless attempt to lift my 500-pound arm, to kindly correct her, I go to Plan B. mumbling.

"Mmmm.Ma'am."

"AHHH, SYDNEY!!!"

Wow, quick reflexes! Hope she didn't brake her neck! But even the tearstains can't disguise that face; it's the same one that slithered from the shadows. The image etched in my mind. It's her. my.

"Mother?"

Her hands, wet with tears, reach up to caress my face, my head too heavy to turn in disgust. "Oh my sweet Sydney, I'm so sorry we fought, can you ever forgive me, this is all my fault, I'm so sorry."

"Fought?"

"Before the wreck. we fought. I'm sorry I ever said anything, I just don't want you to repeat MY mistakes!"

"Don't worry!" I sharply retort.

Apparently my syllables are still slurred, she continues as if I said nothing.

"Sydney, you're really great at what you do, and I'm so, so proud of you, but please don't let your career come between you and those who love and need you, it's just not worth it! Believe me, I know. I don't want YOUR daughter to hate YOU."

Wait a minute; that was MY speech, okay I'm really confused. This is like a really freaky episode of the Twilight Zone. Danny's alive but doesn't know me and my mother is apologizing and giving advice, hmm.

"Dad.where's dad?"

She pauses and smiles; can't tell if she feels rejected or relieved that I'm actually talking.

"He's right outside, with the doctor, hold on I'll get him."

I'll have to get the recipe from mom's crazy Chinese guy; whatever he put in me is the best hallucinogen EVER! Danny may not know me, but he's alive, and my "mother" is here without a master plan for world domination, and about to go TALK to my father, WITHOUT a gun.

This perfect dream is missing only one thing, one person. But I don't deserve to see him again; not after allowing him to pay the ultimate price for me.anyway this is a happy dream, not a nightmare, right now I'll just settle to see my parents in the same room and happy!

Maybe if I'm lucky "Mommy Dearest" will lock me up in some forgotten cell, and hook me up to a constant supply of this stuff.

Better than facing reality.

TBC