Title: Pink or Blue
By: Manigault
Rating R
Disclaimer: Not mine, I only take pleasure in complicating their lives.
Summary: Reactions
Special Thanks: Alison, you are wonderful. Thank you!
Sara's eyes held a glazed look that Catherine empathized with very well. Taking her friend by the shoulder, she held her eyes with her own and laid it out on the table.
"Do you want this baby?" Catherine asked with a bluntness that Sara felt strike to her bones.
Yesterday the question would have spilled from her lips without a second thought. Today, it was not so easy to answer as she thought of how the baby was conceived; in the most wonderful relationship she had ever had the privilege of enjoying. Now she was carrying the product of that union and she was scared.
"Why don't you take the rest of the shift off?" Catherine suggested. "I'll cover for you with Grissom." She hesitated, but then continued. "Unless you would like to talk?"
"No, no." Sara waved her away, her mind a turmoil of emotion. "Thanks, Catherine, for everything."
When left alone, Sara sank onto her sofa and leaned back against the cushions, her eyes closed in contemplation. She thought of the first time that she had met Grissom, how drawn to him she had found herself when sitting in his lectures. He fascinated her in a manner that no other man had ever come close to achieving and that fascination had not lessened the more she had come to know him over the following years. Unconsciously, she placed her hand on her flat belly and marveled at the thought of that union growing inside of her and how it would change everything. What would he say when he found out? Would he blame her for not taking more precautions? She knew that she did not blame him. They were equals in their relationship and in their careers. This threw a wrench in the works. Their relationship would be open for attack. Eckley would have a field day. Restless, she moved from the sofa to the kitchen where she opened the refrigerator and stared into the empty depths. She had not bought groceries in weeks, practically living in Grissom's townhouse and relying much too heavily on his ability to cook. With a sigh, she decided to drive to his place.
"Where is Sara?" Grissom asked as Catherine joined him in the lab where he was bent over a microscope.
"She decided to take the rest of the shift off." Catherine replied and watched, as the news broke over him in waves of deep concern that he could not hide.
"Is she feeling any better? Why didn't she come back with you?" Grissom pushed back from the microscope and scowled in bewilderment. He knew that he should have followed Sara when she and Catherine had left the break room. His instincts had been to go after her and demand to know what was bothering her so much, as well as let her know that he was not angry with her for throwing up at a crime scene. He understood. Frowning, he corrected himself. He wanted to understand. Shaking his head, he realized that Catherine had been speaking to him, answering his questions and he had missed what she said.
"So, she is not coming in." Catherine finished her explanation with a glare that he did not comprehend.
Grissom stared at her, bit his bottom lip, and then excused himself.
"Where are you going?" Catherine demanded, checking her mock anger.
Grissom paused, looked back into the lab, and then shrugged. "Out." He pulled out his cell phone as he walked to his car, determined to speak with Sara and find out what was going on. He let the phone ring until Sara's answering machine picked up, and then hung up before he heard her ask to leave a message. With a frown, he dialed her cell phone, and again, waited while it rang without connecting him to the person he needed. Why was she not answering her cell phone? She always answered her phone. It rested on the nightstand beside his own while they slept. It lay on the bathroom counter while she bathed, or on the kitchen counter when they ate. Was she staring at it now and refusing to answer? The thought made him angry as he pulled into his town home parking space and cast a glance towards Sara's own car that occupied the guest space three rows over from his own. He let the anger fuel his steps as he opened the door and stepped inside the cool interior. Glancing around he did not see her, and his anger ebbed as his feet led him to the bedroom where he found her lying on their bed, one hand covering her eyes, the other splayed across her stomach. He stared at her for a second before pulling a chair over beside the bed and easing into it where he could keep a closer eye on her while she breathed, her hand rising and falling on her belly. His eyes narrowed slightly as he stared at that hand and a crazy idea began pushing against the conscious recesses of his mind. Sara had been sick for several days. She tried to brush it off, convincing him that it was a virus that was making its circuit around the lab. Now he was not so sure. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as his eyes moved up to her face. Startled, he almost jumped back as he found her soulful brown eyes regarding him with love and something else; fear? Why was she afraid of him? Pushing back the thought that was trying to make itself known, he leaned forward again, and smiled.
"Feeling any better?"
Sara stretched and turned to look at the alarm clock. "It isn't time for you to be home, yet, Gil."
"I was worried about you." Grissom reached for the hand that was still lying across her stomach and watched as she flinched. His eyes narrowed with suspicion. "What is going on here, Sara? I thought that we could tell each other everything."
Sara nodded. Pushing herself up with the palms of her hands, she scooted back against the headboard and stared at her hands that rested on the tops of her knees. "I want to tell you, only I don't know how you will react and that scares the shit of me."
Risking a glance, she took in the concerned blue eyes that bored into her face with a familiar intensity. He did not speak with words, but those eyes spoke volumes. Holding those eyes with her heart in her own, she spoke honestly.
"I'm having your baby, Gil." She watched the emotions play across his face in quick progression; doubt, comprehension, anger, fear. He was processing the past few days when she had retched in the bathroom and then passed it off as the flu. She watched him lean back in the chair and stare at her with open amazement.
"When?" He asked, and then shook his head. "When did this happen? We are always so careful."
"Not always." Sara felt anger with him for reacting the way he was, but she also felt disappointment and did not know why. What did she expect him to say, or to do for that matter? Sweep her off her feet and promise her the world? Neither one of them had ever planned to have children, absolutely comfortable with being together for the unforeseeable future. Then why had she not suggested that he have a vasectomy or why had she not taken better precautions against this situation? If she was honest with herself then, she could not say that she had ever ruled children out of her future. She also had to admit that the thought of sharing this part of herself with the man she loved was rather alluring. When she realized that he was still staring at her with a bewildered look she scooted to the opposite side of the bed and made her way to the door.
"Where are you going?" Grissom stood up and turned towards the door as she paused in the doorway.
"The kitchen." Sara placed her hand on her stomach and tilted her head towards the outer room. "I'm hungry and I think that you could use the time to sort out your thoughts."
Grissom watched her walk out of the room and wondered at the fear that had leapt into his mind when he thought for a minute that she was walking out of his life. He was not prepared to be a father, but he was not prepared to lose Sara either. He moved to the kitchen where he watched her taking lettuce from the refrigerator. Habit led him to join her in making a salad; tomatoes, olives, and an assortment of other salad musts found their way onto the counter. They worked in silence, the tension thick as each one moved around the kitchen. Finally, when Grissom could take it no longer, he felt a rush of words spew from his mouth.
"So, you are planning on having this baby?"
He watched her hands freeze on the salad dressing cap as she swung around to face him. "You don't want me to have it?"
Grissom had the distinct feeling that his future with Sara rested solely on his reply to this question, but he could not form the words that he knew she wanted to hear.
"I never planned on having children, Sara, I don't know what to feel." He watched her face fall and wondered how he could have ignored this aspect of life for so long. Only once in the months they had been involved had he broached the subject and now he wanted to go back and hash out something that he was certain all couples must discuss at some point in their lives. Why had they not discussed this? "I want whatever you want, Sara, and I'll support whatever decision you make." He felt his words would satisfy her until he could sort out his own emotions but by the look on her face, that was not to be.
Sara felt sharp disappointment course through her again, and slowly continued opening the cap on the dressing as she processed his words. "I'm having this baby, Griss, and I would like for you to be part of its life." The declaration surprised her almost as much as it did Grissom, but she felt strongly about the commitment she was asking. What he did next would alter their future for better or worse.
TBC
