Title: Pink or Blue

By: Manigault

Rating: R for language

Summary: Heart to Heart

Special thanks: Alison! You rock!



Sara could almost hear the wheels spinning and whirling inside Grissom's head as he processed her statement. Sara had made up her mind about her stand on having this baby. His baby. That thought terrified him more than he could express. Instead of responding, he reached for the salad bowl and turned to the counter, hoping she would give him the space he needed to sort this situation out before he said something that would be impossible to take back. He heard her move softly around him towards the counter where she eased onto a bar stool, and began to pick around in her own salad. He watched as her delicate fingers, wrapped around the fork, picked through the salad, pushing olives to one side of the bowl, cherry tomatoes to the other. He recognized the pattern as being one that meant Sara was deep in thought, physically with him, yet miles away. Clearing his throat, he asked her if she was not hungry, and then bit his bottom lip as she glared over at him, then went back to sorting her salad as if he had not spoken. Undaunted, Grissom ate several bites, forcing himself to swallow over the thickening of his throat as he watched Sara from the corner of his eye. When he could not tolerate the silence any longer, he carefully placed his fork beside the bowl and swiveled around on the stool until he was facing Sara's profile.

"You need to eat something if you want to keep the fetus supplied with nutrients."

Sara stabbed her fork into a tomato and turned to look at him before she popped the juicy fruit into her mouth. She chewed slowly while mentally berating herself for giving him such a hard time. She could not say what she expected from him, but she yearned for something on a more personal level than nutrient fulfillment.

Grissom nodded his head slightly, as if deciding some internal conflict. He opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it with a shake of his head. Sara felt his confusion and wanted to assure him that it would be okay, but she could not bring herself to say those words, not yet. She watched him move from the counter and walk towards the balcony with an unsteady gait. The weight on his shoulders was massive at the best of times and now it was blatantly pulling him away from her, a feeling that she could not accept.

Grissom leaned over the balcony, his gaze fixated on the lights of Vegas that spread out before his town home. He could sense Sara standing inside the threshold of the balcony door, staring a hole through his back, but he did not want to argue with her, and he did not want her to leave. He felt her hand rub the middle of his spine, a comforting motion that resulted in his closing his eyes until only the sensation of her warmth swept through him. Wrapping her arms around his back, she leaned her head on his shoulder and spoke softly into his body.

"It's okay, Gil, I do understand if you don't want to be this baby's father." She hugged him to her before moving to stand beside him. "I don't have to tell anyone who the father is, and we can go on being friends."

Grissom heard the words and felt the pang they caused as they swept through his chest and settled in the depths of his heart. "I would never not be part of my child's life." He whispered, keeping his eyes averted from her face. "I know how much it hurts for your dad to choose to opt out of your life. I could never do that."

In the months she and Grissom had been on a more intimate level, Sara had never been able to pull out much information concerning his dad. He dodged the questions, only speaking of his mom who had raised him with a firm, yet loving hand. Sara reached out to wrap her hand on his right hand, that was gripping the balcony rail with such intensity she feared it would snap his fingers. Visibly relaxing beneath her touch, Grissom turned his head slightly, until he could see her concerned face.

"There is something else that bothers me, Sara, you have to have the same fears." He kept his eyes on her face. "You should have the same fears when you realize the possible future this baby has in store."

Baffled by his words, Sara felt a jolt of fear slice through her, as she wondered what in the world he could be referring.

"My mom was deaf, Sara." He pulled his hand from beneath hers and pointed at his chest. "You know what I'm going through myself. If you look at my genealogy line, you would find that it is not uncommon through my family's history. Why would I elect to bring a child into that environment?"

"Otosclerosis, Grissom." Sara turned him to face her as she reached up to touch his ears with both of her trembling hands. "It is not something that strikes fear into me, and certainly not a condition that will make me reject this child." She kissed his chin, and smiled into his watering eyes. "Is that why you think your dad left you? That and the fact that your mom was deaf? You have to see how far the treatment for this condition has come since you were born, and I can't imagine where it will lead when our child is your age." She kissed his lips, and felt them turn into a slight smile.

"I suppose there are other reasons I worry about bringing a child into this world." He felt his fears spill from his mouth and watched her as her eyes twinkled. "I'm serious, Sara, this world is filled with perils, and you see them everyday." \

"I'm thinking that if this is a girl, I can't wait to see how overprotective you are when she starts dating."

A horrified look swept over his usually expressionless face, and his mouth fell open. "Is that a double standard, Sara, because my son isn't dating either until he is thirty." He shook his head again, "It is not something to scoff at, Sara, there are nuts out there."

"There are some crazy shits in the world, but I hardly think that everyone will be out to get him, or her."

Grissom felt a shiver slide over his spine as he touched her belly. "There are more immediate problems, you know."

"Telling everyone." Sara responded, and then added, "Telling the Sheriff and Ecklie."

"Ecklie will try to have you moved to dayshift." Grissom frowned. "Maybe you will want to go to dayshift? It would be easier for you, especially once the baby is here."

Sara was grateful that he did not suggest she move to a safer job, although the idea of working with Ecklie and no longer being in Grissom's captivating presence made her shudder. "No, thanks." She patted his hand that was still pressed against her stomach. "This baby is a Grissom slash Sidle, so he or she will have to get used to wacky schedules."

Grissom smiled at the thought. "There is another issue we have to work out." Like how do I broach the subject of marriage? Should I buy a ring first and propose in an old-fashioned sense of the word, or have we passed that stage? His heart fell as Sara responded, and not in the manner he would have hoped.

"Where we live?" Sara nodded, happier than words could describe that Grissom was hashing all of this out with her, and not walking away from the details. "I thought that we could live here, if that's okay with you? We could make the spare room a nursery, and see how that goes for now."

Narrowing his eyes, he teased her in a slightly accusatory manner. "You already planned all of this out before you knew what I would say."

"Never," Sara denied. "I always have a contingency for all possibilities."

"Ahhh," Grissom moved his hand from her stomach, leaving Sara with a bereft feeling until he bent towards her and captured her lips with his own. "Now how and when do we let the rest of the team know?"

TBC

Side Note: I had to add the schedule thing, because I've known so many people that "assume" the baby will follow their schedules only to have reality wop them upside the head. :0