Chapter Eight
* * * * *
It's never easy admitting when you're wrong, especially when what you're wrong about isn't really what you truly feel. You're afraid that you'll look like an even bigger fool than someone who at least believed in their convictions.
Hoshi was beginning to realize this truism as the days past and Trip treated her with impersonal professionalism, not even having the friendship they shared when the ship first launched. They were strangers, polite to each other like strangers are as not to intrude upon the other's life. It was slowly killing Hoshi.
Floating in the pool they had found, Hoshi did some serious soul searching. She missed him. Missed everything she had with him, missed the promise of what they would have had. Why did she push him away? The image of Trip smiling at the other female crew members came to mind, every time he called them darlin'.
She was insecure. Hoshi's body stilled at the thought. Trip was known to be a ladies' man, why would he want her? How long before he got bored and moved on to someone else? That was the crux of the matter then, wasn't it? How did he really feel about her?
Sighing, Hoshi swam to the edge and climbed out of the pool, wringing out her hair. As uncomfortable as it might get, she had to talk to Trip about this.
----------
Trip peeled off his shirt as he approached the top of the small waterfall above the pool. Setting traps had been harder than he thought, and he was hot and sweaty. A figure floating in the pool below stopped him, for a brief heart wrenching second he thought Hoshi had drowned. But no, she was face up, her hair spread around her like an inky cloud. He watched her float, unconcerned that she might see him. He missed her. Trip didn't understand what had happened that night, and it was getting harder and harder to give her room. His feelings for her had distilled in this crucible of a jungle, and he loved her and he wanted her back.
----------
Hoshi's chance didn't come however. When the comm. unit beeped, they weren't sure at first what it was. Realization hit, and they looked at each other, but what would normally have seen them hugging and laughing in relief only saw Trip get up and respond to T'Pol's hails, Hoshi staring mutely into the fire, the knife she stabbed herself with twisting deeper into her heart.
She spent the hours until their rescue on autopilot, only listening with half an ear as Trip and his Engineering team tried to understand why the shuttle's power system wouldn't work. Apparently they figured it out, the other shuttle coming down and giving their crippled pod a jumpstart.
"Ensign, you go with Reed and Vignerot. Gomez and I will take this one back." Not used to him speaking to her, Hoshi could only watch Trip disappear into the shuttle. She followed Vignerot into the remaining pod, settling in her seat and buckling in. Against her will, she looked out the window and watched the planet recede below them, wondering how it went wrong so quickly.
After Phlox had looked them over, after the Captain had debriefed them, and after she had put off going to bed as long as possible, Hoshi lay in her bunk fighting the tears.
Just like that you're letting him go. You're not even going to fight for him.
He thinks I don't want him.
To get what you had back, you need to be honest with him.
Before she could talk herself out of it, Hoshi shoved her feet into her bunny slippers and ran out her cabin. Panting slightly, she skidded to a halt outside Trip's door.
He's probably asleep.
JUST DO IT ALREADY!!
Hoshi rang the chime and waited, trying to catch her breath. And waited. And waited.
He's not there.
Of course he is. Open the door.
Hesitating for a moment, Hoshi keyed open the door with the code Trip had given her. Walking in the darkened cabin, she heard the shower. And something else .
Sliding open the bathroom door she saw Trip sitting on the shower floor, leaning against the wall as the water poured down over him. His head was buried in his arms, and his shoulders were shaking.
A sick feeling grew in Hoshi's belly. He's crying .
Crouching own next to him, she reached out. "Trip?" Her hand gently moved over the top of his head. "Are you alri."
"What're you doin' here, Hoshi?" She snatched her hand back as Trip stood up, turning off the water. He pushed past her to grab a towel, vigorously rubbing his hair dry.
"I came to say I was wrong. I took you for granted and when I found out what it was like to live without you, it hurt. A lot."
"I was the only one down there, Hoshi. You're back on the ship where you've got other friends. You don't need me." Trip opened a drawer, taking out a shirt and boxers.
Hoshi stood in the doorway. "They're not you. They don't make me happy the way you do. They don't make everything all right the way you do."
"There's other stars in the sky, Hoshi. Someone else will come along and I'll be just a memory for you."
"No! I was scared on that planet. I didn't want to rush into something I wasn't ready for. We need to be honest with each other, Trip.
"What do you want from me? We've become close, but I don't know what you want. Friends? Good friends? Friends with privileges? I don't know what to think anymore. I thought I was happy with what we had, but now . I can't be another one of your many girlfriends. I don't want my heart broken."
"Hosh ." She felt his thumb on her cheek as he wiped away a tear. "I've had three girlfriends in my entire life. I may flirt with a lot of women, but I'm picky about who I actually date. I was takin' it slow 'cause I didn't want t' scare you away. I love you Hoshi."
Trip leaned forward slightly, careful not to get too close. Hoshi bridged the distance, giving him a tentative kiss. Pulling her to him, Trip kept the kiss gentle, but held on to her like a lifeline. She broke the kiss to lay her head against his, happy to have him back.
* * * * *
It's never easy admitting when you're wrong, especially when what you're wrong about isn't really what you truly feel. You're afraid that you'll look like an even bigger fool than someone who at least believed in their convictions.
Hoshi was beginning to realize this truism as the days past and Trip treated her with impersonal professionalism, not even having the friendship they shared when the ship first launched. They were strangers, polite to each other like strangers are as not to intrude upon the other's life. It was slowly killing Hoshi.
Floating in the pool they had found, Hoshi did some serious soul searching. She missed him. Missed everything she had with him, missed the promise of what they would have had. Why did she push him away? The image of Trip smiling at the other female crew members came to mind, every time he called them darlin'.
She was insecure. Hoshi's body stilled at the thought. Trip was known to be a ladies' man, why would he want her? How long before he got bored and moved on to someone else? That was the crux of the matter then, wasn't it? How did he really feel about her?
Sighing, Hoshi swam to the edge and climbed out of the pool, wringing out her hair. As uncomfortable as it might get, she had to talk to Trip about this.
----------
Trip peeled off his shirt as he approached the top of the small waterfall above the pool. Setting traps had been harder than he thought, and he was hot and sweaty. A figure floating in the pool below stopped him, for a brief heart wrenching second he thought Hoshi had drowned. But no, she was face up, her hair spread around her like an inky cloud. He watched her float, unconcerned that she might see him. He missed her. Trip didn't understand what had happened that night, and it was getting harder and harder to give her room. His feelings for her had distilled in this crucible of a jungle, and he loved her and he wanted her back.
----------
Hoshi's chance didn't come however. When the comm. unit beeped, they weren't sure at first what it was. Realization hit, and they looked at each other, but what would normally have seen them hugging and laughing in relief only saw Trip get up and respond to T'Pol's hails, Hoshi staring mutely into the fire, the knife she stabbed herself with twisting deeper into her heart.
She spent the hours until their rescue on autopilot, only listening with half an ear as Trip and his Engineering team tried to understand why the shuttle's power system wouldn't work. Apparently they figured it out, the other shuttle coming down and giving their crippled pod a jumpstart.
"Ensign, you go with Reed and Vignerot. Gomez and I will take this one back." Not used to him speaking to her, Hoshi could only watch Trip disappear into the shuttle. She followed Vignerot into the remaining pod, settling in her seat and buckling in. Against her will, she looked out the window and watched the planet recede below them, wondering how it went wrong so quickly.
After Phlox had looked them over, after the Captain had debriefed them, and after she had put off going to bed as long as possible, Hoshi lay in her bunk fighting the tears.
Just like that you're letting him go. You're not even going to fight for him.
He thinks I don't want him.
To get what you had back, you need to be honest with him.
Before she could talk herself out of it, Hoshi shoved her feet into her bunny slippers and ran out her cabin. Panting slightly, she skidded to a halt outside Trip's door.
He's probably asleep.
JUST DO IT ALREADY!!
Hoshi rang the chime and waited, trying to catch her breath. And waited. And waited.
He's not there.
Of course he is. Open the door.
Hesitating for a moment, Hoshi keyed open the door with the code Trip had given her. Walking in the darkened cabin, she heard the shower. And something else .
Sliding open the bathroom door she saw Trip sitting on the shower floor, leaning against the wall as the water poured down over him. His head was buried in his arms, and his shoulders were shaking.
A sick feeling grew in Hoshi's belly. He's crying .
Crouching own next to him, she reached out. "Trip?" Her hand gently moved over the top of his head. "Are you alri."
"What're you doin' here, Hoshi?" She snatched her hand back as Trip stood up, turning off the water. He pushed past her to grab a towel, vigorously rubbing his hair dry.
"I came to say I was wrong. I took you for granted and when I found out what it was like to live without you, it hurt. A lot."
"I was the only one down there, Hoshi. You're back on the ship where you've got other friends. You don't need me." Trip opened a drawer, taking out a shirt and boxers.
Hoshi stood in the doorway. "They're not you. They don't make me happy the way you do. They don't make everything all right the way you do."
"There's other stars in the sky, Hoshi. Someone else will come along and I'll be just a memory for you."
"No! I was scared on that planet. I didn't want to rush into something I wasn't ready for. We need to be honest with each other, Trip.
"What do you want from me? We've become close, but I don't know what you want. Friends? Good friends? Friends with privileges? I don't know what to think anymore. I thought I was happy with what we had, but now . I can't be another one of your many girlfriends. I don't want my heart broken."
"Hosh ." She felt his thumb on her cheek as he wiped away a tear. "I've had three girlfriends in my entire life. I may flirt with a lot of women, but I'm picky about who I actually date. I was takin' it slow 'cause I didn't want t' scare you away. I love you Hoshi."
Trip leaned forward slightly, careful not to get too close. Hoshi bridged the distance, giving him a tentative kiss. Pulling her to him, Trip kept the kiss gentle, but held on to her like a lifeline. She broke the kiss to lay her head against his, happy to have him back.
