Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry potter characters. I am not responsible for any lost braincells, broken limbs, overreacted laughing muscles or anything else. This fic is very stupid, so please review. _________________________________________________________________________

YAAAAY!!! All the Muggle children cheered when Harry did one of his tricks again. 'And now, for my final trick, I will need my lovely assistant, Hermione! Come out Hermione'

And in her pink tutu, Hermione came out and laid herself down in one of those magical boxes.

'And now', Harry said, 'I will saw right trough Hermione!

He magically spawned a saw (oooooooooh) (aaaaaaaaaaaah) and started sawing.

AAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! OOOOOOOOOUCH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Hermione screamed.

HARRY!!!! STOP! AAAAAAAAH!!!

Bleed was pouring out of the box, the podium was completely red by now.

'Harry. Harry.. Hermione isn't supposed to do this.' Ron said from backstage

'nah, she is just faking it' Harry thought, and he kept on sawing.

AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhh....

Ron jumped out to the box and checked her pulse.

'The saw was too much for her.. she's dead Ji. Harry...' Ron said.

'Dammit Ron, I'm a wizard, not a doctor! Harry shouted.

Meanwhile, all the Muggle children opened the box and are now slinging around with hermione's stiff body parts.

'STOP IT!' Ron shouted. He magically glued all body parts together and checked her pulse again.

'She is alive Harry, but not as we know it..' Ron whispered.

'How is that possible? She has passed on! Hermione is no more! She has ceased to be! She has expired and gone to meet her maker! She's a stiff! Bereft of life, she rests in peace! If you had not glued her there she would be pushing up the daisies! Hermione is off the twig! She has kicked the bucket and shuffled of her mortal coil! THIS! IS AN EX-HERMIONE!!!' Harry shouted.

'Well.' Ron slowly said, 'I'd better replace her then.'

Ron started chanting a spawn spell: 'herum jezum domine spawna annoyinga bratta withus tooo muchos brainsum andat lotso nastyr commentsos andat tous manys studya hoursummmmmm...'

And with a poof, (POOOOOOOF!!!) Hermione was back, but not as we know her.

She now wore black shining armour with a helmet with two points, a big golden ring on her finger with a flaming red inscription, and she got a huge sword in her hands.

With a very deep voice, Hermione said:

'I AM SAURIONE, DARK RULESS OF MORDOR AND DRUGS TRANSPORTS! FEAR ME!'

'Wicked!' said Ron. 'Can we join? The drugs thing I mean.'

And so, Harry, Ron and SAURIONE lived in wealth and happiness after all. Harry and SAURIONE had two children, ron found out he was gay and spent the rest of his life in soltitude.

To be continued, but not in this world..

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