As Link approached the lone tree outside the ranch he crossed his fingers (and toes, which is quite difficult for some people) hoping that Malon hadn't told anyone he was coming though he didn't think she would, it was really Talon he was worried about. He figured the ranch owner would go out, get drunk and start telling anyone who would listen "did you know that the hero of times coming home to see us, but it's a secret so don't tell anyone" and naturally they'd tell everyone and get a party going with a keg bigger than the Dodongo King and they'd all get drunk and dance round a big colourful fire.

Link urged Epona on towards the entrance and as he entered the main entry area place thingy (im not very good at descriptions) he thought he heard a rustle and a quick noise. "Okay," link thought to himself, "two things make a rustle, an ambush or surprise partiers, and this is probably the worst place for an ambush so it must be a party". Link hopped down off his horse and walked out into the main paddock, and as he guessed a whole lot of people jumped up and yelled "SU" but that's as far as they got, because Link threw down a marvelous little piece of equipment, known to most as a Deku Nut, and stunned pretty much everybody in the area. As they came to, Link looked round at everyone and yelled "SURPRISE". Most people just sat and looked around wondering what had happened, and a few people still stood, well actually just one, and that was Impa, because she's paranoid and never lets her hair down for a second, and actually anticipated the deku nut, which is kinda hard. Link got looks from various peoples and actually squealed like a girl when he saw Ruto, his own personal royal fishgirl stalker. But he calmed when he saw Zelda, who everyone knows is in love with him, though Link had never been sure of his feelings towards her, though he'd choose her over fishgirl any day, though some people like naked white half human half fishes.

As you can imagine, Link wasn't exactly impressed with his return to Hyrule, Malon and Talon where the only people who knew about his arrival, and he spotted them up the back behind Darunia, Link guessed that Zelda had had them jostled to the back to focus Links attention towards her, but who could miss the red locks of Malon, even behind Darunia who was a Goron of surmountable size, though not as big as Biggoron and Medigoron who were sitting outside the ranch and still blocking the moon from shining. Link took a couple of steps toward her but Zelda and Ruto grabbed him by the arms and hauled him over to a table with a whole lot of other people who were obviously friends of the two royal families and didn't even bother to hide there snobbishness (is that even a word?) and came out with remarks like "Oh, a red tunic, how quaint," or "I had a hat like that once, I fed it to my butler," then they all broke out in a snobbish weasel laugh which was just too much for Link, who wasn't too fond of humans, especially rich ones. After all, the Kokiri raised Link to be a wholesome person and be nice to everyone, even Mido, and then there were the Gorons who were his were his sworn brothers which conveniently worshipped him, and the zoras who were so sophisticated that they were above sheer insults, they too also loved Link a bunch (bunch is a mad word don't knock it) but snobbish humans were beyond him, even though he was one himself (a human, not a snob). Link excused himself and headed over to the great keg and grabbed a glass and filled it to the brim, though found that it was a keg of milk, not beer. Talon saw the bewilderment on Links face and walked over "Lon Lon Milk, Finest there is, I wanted something a little stronger but Ingo said he wouldn't be cleaning up the er, aftermath of of a drunken mob come hell or high water, anyway, come with me, there's some people you have to meet" Talon poured himself a glass then walked Link over to a group of laughing people, and Link spotted Malon among them. "Well these are my brothers Alon and Daron, and my sister Sharon, and that's Ingo's brother Tingo, everyone this is the Hero of Time and my future son in law Link" "Dad, Links not marrying me he's gonna marry Zelda or Ruto or some Gerudo. I'm just trash compared to two princesses." Malon interrupted. "Why I remember when Link said he'd love to marry you" Talon retorted. "Yeah Dad, when he was ten!" "By the way Link the offer still stands you kn- um, where'd Link go" "You probably freaked him out with all this talk about our marriage" A few people turned to look for the hero, and realized Epona was gone too. "Where'd he go?" was the common thought throughout the guests. Zelda picked up the drapes of her dress and tip-toed away to find Link, as she was the bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom, so she already knew where he was, though with all that wisdom, she was surprisingly blinded by emotions towards Link.

Stay tuned for chapter Two