Disclaimer: We still own jack. Vinc estill owns everything. In his own words, life sucks and then you
die. Eh, we'll live.
Pyper: Well, she didn't take my mags, but she did buy the RAW mag with Austin and 'The Untold
Story' on the front before I could. But I least I got the one that says 'Louder than Life.' Ha, Jericho
rules!! *Bursts out laughing maniacally then pauses when she realizes that no one else is there.* Uh,
Azrael? I could have sworn that she was right beside me. Azrael...? *Pauses again and lets out a
shriek of terror.* Oh my God!! They've got her, and now they're coming to get me too!!
Nnooooooooooo!!!!!!! *Runs off screaming into the distance.
Azrael: *Arrives a split second after she disappears.* Pyper? Goddamnit, I told her I'd just be a
minute in getting a soda. That freak. Anyway, this is the final chapter! Enjoy.
LANDING
"… please place your seatbacks in an upright position, fold back your tables and check that your
seatbelts are securely fastened…"
Could it be? Yes, it's true. After more than seven chapters of being cramped in a plane with insane
and sometimes homicidal companions, not to mention terribly frazzled flight attendants, this fanfic
is finally drawing to a close.
Well, not until we're crammed in a few more hi-jinks for your reading pleasure.
"When the Rock gets to the hotel, he's going to soak himself in a tub." Rock groaned to himself as
he went about fixing his area.
"But Rock…" Kurt said, overhearing him. "Billy and Chuck have invited both of us to their hotel room
the moment we touchdown. They promise that they'll have more fun games to do there, and that
they'll introduce us to their friend, Rico."
Rock simply gave him a weird look and shuddered, not bothering to tell him anything.
Scott Hall tossed away the fifth beer can he had taken under Austin's nose and emptied. He was
drunk, all right, but he had to have one more. And in that cloudy haze he saw himself check if Austin
was looking.
The Rattlesnake had fallen asleep again. How was that for good luck? Snickering to himself, Hall
slowly reached out and tried to grasp the can that was poking out of Stone Cold's bag. A little more…
"Gotcha!" Austin's gruff voice bellowed out, grabbing Scott Hall by the wrist.
Startled, Hall let out a small cry of indignation. The bastard had been faking it! "Let go of me,
you drunken idiot!" Hall slurred.
"I got news for you, pal." Austin told him in a similarly garbled fashion. "You're no better off than
me at the moment."
Actually, the two of them arguing in that fashion were a pretty weird sight, but come on. They
were two big guys who were far from sober. Nobody was stupid enough to laugh.
"I don't take kindly to idiots who are dumb enough to steal my beer, son." Austin said, half-rising to
his feet and still not taking his hand off Hall's wrist.
"I don't see how you catch many, seeing as you're only dumb enough to have caught me now!" Scott
Hall countered, raising his voice and abruptly jerking himself to a standing position so that he pulled
Austin up as well.
"I caught you, didn't I??" Austin pointed out, jabbing the index finger of his free hand at Scott Hall's
chest. At this point they were partially holding each other up.
"Oh shit." Jeff Hardy said, seeing what was happening. "The two of them finally decided to go
at it."
"We only had less than half an hour in the air left!" Matt groaned. "Couldn't they have waited??"
"I'm going to say this one last fucking time…" Hall said in a low snarl. "Let go of my wrist."
"Funny, I thought you were holding my wrist." Austin said with a blear-eyed blink.
"Gentlemen, please, sit down and fasten your seatbelts." A flustered flight attendant suddenly cut
in, probably after psyching herself up first in order to be able to do it. Hey, you have to admire
her guts.
"Back off, lady, this is between this sonofabitch and me." Austin growled.
"But the plane is going to land in about twenty minutes." The stewardess persisted. "Please, take
your seats! It's for your safety!"
"And I'm going to say this for your safety." Hall said, finally turning to look at her. "Be a good girl,
back off and take your own goddamn seat, because-"
Hall was cut off as Austin hit him with a clumsy left hook. Despite it being a weak hit, Hall, being
inebriated as he was, went down easily and would have sprawled all over the unfortunate crew-
member seated in front of him if Nash hadn't grabbed him at the last second.
To make matters worse, all of a sudden the plane veered sharply downward, as compared to the
deliberate fall that it had been taking a while ago. A scream rang out as Nash fought to pull Hall
back into his seat, and Albert managed to prop up Stone Cold and push him back into his own seat,
where the pyro-technician buckled him up for the second time.
The stewardess who had tried to stop the brawl was not so lucky, though. With a yelp she lost
her balance and fell over, collapsing all the way to the front of the aisle where she disappeared
into the place were the food was being kept. JR winced with every slam and bang that echoed
throughout the cabin, documenting her painful trip.
Then a final crash was heard and then there was silence. The entire cabin was quiet as every-
body looked dumbly at where she had fallen.
The PA system came on. "Oops." The captain said.
"Sorry about that. We hope all of you had your seatbelts fastened like we told you to." The co-
pilot's tone was slightly condescending. Then it went off again.
"Isn't anyone going to see if she's all right?" Lillian asked Scotty.
Scotty shrugged. "If we stand up and the plane jolts again, she won't be alone over there, I
guarantee it."
Suddenly there was a rustle from the front and a weak voice stated, "I'm okay… I'm okay."
"You heard her, she's okay." Scotty said with a grin. Lillian frowned at him.
After that little spectacle, most everybody tightened their breaths and held on tightly to the
armrests, some closing their eyes and others muttering words of maybe prayer under their
breaths. Others couldn't care less. Still others were unconscious. We'll leave you to decide who
those were.
"I just hope that we get through this part alive." Lance Storm grumbled.
"Dude, after all the other shit that we went through, it would be twisted if we don't." Christian
commented.
The plane moved lower. The system came on for the second time in less than five minutes.
"I see a landing strip!" the pilot announced proudly. "Now what do I do again?"
"Oh goddamnit, give me that." The co-pilot said in exasperation.
"No, I wanna drive!"
"Just let me have the fucking controls before you get us all killed!!" a pause. "You moron, you
turned the PA system on!"
"Well it's really hard figuring out what all these switches do-" the captain was cut off as the system
was hastily turned off.
"If shit like that just hadn't happened for the entire flight, I would be really disturbed by now."
Tazz commented.
Let's revert back to thought reading for a while.
'I need juice.' Rob Van Dam thought desperately.
'I need to get away from this guy.' Michael Cole thought, looking nervously at Rob.
'Smile! Think positive for the sake of the others.' DDP said, a smile frozen on his face that was
beginning to make Tommy Dreamer uncomfortable.
'That was expensive wine.' X-Pac brooded.
'I wish these guys would just grow up.' Torrie thought as she groaned inwardly, looking at Tajiri
and Billy Kidman glare at each other through the corners of her eyes.
'I hate these pants.' Jericho contemplated glumly.
'I bet Jericho hates those pants.' Trish thought, still with a triumphant grin on her face.
'I don't see what's wrong with those pants.' Kurt Angle thought quizzically. 'I like those pants.'
'I hope that son of mine hasn't done anything too stupid.' Ric Flair thought.
'Shit, here's the fucking receipt for that repair I had on my bike.' Undertaker thought when he
looked at the piece of paper he had slipped out of his pocket.
'Jesus Christ, I really hope that's not Goldust's hand brushing up my leg!' Booker T thought in a
panic as he looked down. 'Oh good, it's just his feather boa. Wait a minute, should I be
relieved…?'
Right, let's cut it right there.
"Hey, I can see the landing strip from here too!" Al Snow said excitedly, peering out the window.
"I never thought I'd be so happy to see solid ground."
"I never thought I'd be so happy to hear something like that come from Al Snow's mouth, and
not immediately think of a dumb joke to nail him with." Mick Foley said from the seat in front.
The plane descended and kept on going, and for the passengers in that main cabin seeing the
ground get bigger and closer was nothing short of a fucking miracle. They waited with bated
breaths at the moment when the wheels would be lowered and hit the ground, ultimately coming
to a complete stop.
There was a rumble as the wheels were employed. They straightened and struck the ground,
making the plane bounce into the air… for higher than it really should have gone. For a minute
all of them had that sensation of leaving their stomachs in the air as they came crashing down
after that huge jolt. The plane crashed back down onto its wheels, bounced the slightest bit and
then came to a screeching halt right in front of the door of the airport.
All of the passengers in the main cabin looked dumbly at each other for a moment, all of them
wanting to collect their wits about them as they fathomed that they had actually touched down.
The PA system switched on. "We've arrived at the airport." The pilot announced formally.
"See? I told you we would bring you here in one piece."
"You may unfasten your seatbelts and collect your baggage, then exit the plane in an orderly
manner." The co-pilot said in a slightly bored voice. "The flight attendants would be happy to
help you."
Orderly? We think that all of them, in complete unison, simply thought, 'Screw that.'
All at once every single one of them shot to their feet and started pulling their hand carry from
under their chairs and overhead bins. There was absolute chaos as all of them resorted to
pushing and shoving each other in their eagerness to get off the blasted plane.
The doors opened and it was like salvation for all who stood before it. It was Rock who was
the first one out. He left quickly, not daring to look back at Kurt, who stood with Billy and
Chuck and was imploring for Rock to come back.
"Damn, there he goes." Kurt said, disappointed.
"Don't worry, Kurt, we can play games with just ourselves." Chuck said with a grin. "You, me,
Billy and Rico back at the hotel."
"Okay, that sounds like fun." Kurt said dumbly as the two of them led him out of the plane.
"What games do you have at the hotel? Twister? Parcheesi? Monopoly?"
"Think Twister." Billy said with a grin of his own.
Fortunately for Kurt, the person right behind him was Jerry Lawler. King heard the conversation
and shuddered, then decided to help the clueless guy out. He cleared his throat and grabbed
Kurt by the arm. "Actually, boys, Kurt promised to help me screen some new talents." He said.
"Right, Kurt?"
"No I didn't." Kurt said dumbly.
"Yes you did." King said, winking out of the corner of his eye.
"No I didn't. And do you have something out of the corner of your eye?"
King resisted the urge to slap a palm to his forehead. He sighed and smiled and Billy and
Chuck. "Kurt, forgetful as usual, and such a kidder! But really, he's booked for today."
"Oh, too bad." Billy said. "Maybe next time, Kurt?"
"Yeah, I guess." Kurt said, still looking bewilderedly from King to Billy and Chuck.
King watched Billy and Chuck leave with a relieved sigh. JR passed them. "Don't take that
guy under your wing too much." He told King warningly, indicating Kurt.
"Don't worry, I'll just show him some of the ropes." King said, patting Kurt's shoulder. "At
least this way we'll be sure that if he's playing any 'games,' they'll be of a heterosexual nature."
He grinned and led Kurt away.
As they were leaving a hurrying Jericho passed by them. "Hey Chris," Kurt called, "You can
return those pants to me at the arena."
Jericho said nothing but flipped him the bird and continued on his way.
"What is wrong with everybody today??" Kurt exclaimed in exasperation.
King took him by the shoulders. "Kurt, I'm going to take you on a trip today that will open
your eyes to everything you've blocked out in your adult life." He continued to talk as he and
Kurt walked down the ramp to the airport.
A bunch of superstars and other people filed past from the main cabin. Torrie, to the surprise
of everybody, walked out chattering animatedly with a delighted Maven. Both Tajiri and Billy
Kidman followed, sour looks on their faces. It seemed that she had gotten tired of their
childish bickering and left with someone else. Tazz snickered as he walked out of the plane.
With a huge smile on his face, Mr. Perfect strode out of the plant door with the ho that he
and Val Venis had bet on. The girl herself looked less than enthusiastic, but was cheering
herself up with the fact that it was only until they had reached the end of the ramp way.
"Well, Venis." Perfect said haughtily, gesturing to his companion. "I guess I've won the bet."
"I suppose you have." Th Big Valbowski said. He shrugged. "Well, all right. You get to call
yourself the most perfect, in a sense, with women." He smiled then turned to the entrance.
"Ladies?"
Two smiling flight stewardesses stepped from the entrance. Val took one on each arm and
turned to grin at Mr. Perfect. "You win. See you around." He gave a mock salute and left the
plane.
Perfect watched him go with an incredulous snarl on his face. Godfather passed by with his
other ho at his side. "Hey, Hennig." He greeted with his smile. He waved the cash he held
in his hand. "Time's up. It was a pleasure doing business with you." He took the ho who was
with Perfect by the hand and led her away, waving to Perfect as he did.
Perfect looked like he might explode, but he was jostled into moving by Rob Van Dam, who
wanted out of there as soon as possible.
"Lita! Hey Lita, wait!" a whistle. "Lita, over here!"
Lita sighed as she hesitantly turned around. Matt and Jeff stopped as well, Matt looking on
impatiently. "X-Pac, what do you want now?" Lita asked, annoyed.
X-Pac stopped in front of her. "Listen, I know you acted like a bitch and totally overlooked the
gift I sent you, but okay, no big deal, I forgive you." He said, oblivious to the fact that she was
shooting him a look that radiated hatred. "But how about you make it up to me more with a
night out at the town, huh? What do you say?"
Lita looked at him for a moment, then swift as lightning kneed him in the balls. X-Pac's eyes
bugged out and he let out a howl of pain, dropping his bag and almost crumbling to the floor,
his hands in between his legs.
Jeff burst out laughing, and was soon joined by Hulk Hogan, who had witnessed the event.
Matt grinned, then put an arm around his girlfriend. "Come on, Matt, let's go." Lita said with
a grin of her own. She waved sardonically at X-Pac as they left.
X-Pac was trying to pick himself up when Kevin Nash strode out of the plane door, a catalep-
tic Hall slung over his shoulder. "That is the last time I let him sit beside Stone Cold again, or
vice versa." The big man muttered before making his way down the ramp.
Big Show followed and saw X-Pac on the floor. He sighed and shook his head. "I tell you,
man, you really need help with women." He said, reaching over and picking up X-Pac off the
ground and hanging him over his shoulder like hand carry as well.
"Jackie, I can't thank you enough." Kane was saying as he stepped out of the plane. "I don't
think I would have been able to make it through the trip without you."
"It was my pleasure." Jacqueline said with a smile. "I'd say you held out pretty well yourself."
She said, lying through her teeth.
Kane shrugged. "I think I'm on my way to recovery. Who knows? Maybe I can even make
the next flight on my own."
Jackie patted his arm. "Baby steps." She reminded him.
"That's good news." A deep voice said behind them.
Kane and Jackie turned to see the Undertaker step out of the plane. He adjusted his trench
coat and spoke again. "The next show is in Canada. We'll have to take the plane again if we
plan to make it there in time." He said to Kane, then left.
"T-that soon?" Kane stammered.
"Now, Kane, remember all that I told you…" Jackie said, grasping his arm as the Big Red
Machine looked ready to hyperventilate right there and then.
The pyro-technician who had sat beside Kane for the remainder of the flight came out and
wrote something on a piece of paper. "Hey, here's the number for a good shrink." He said,
giving it to Kane. "Try it, maybe he can help you."
"Why do you have a number for a shrink?" Jackie asked him curiously.
"He's not my shrink." He said defensively. "I got it from some of the guys who do backstage
questioning during the shows. Seems like interviewing some of the superstars can leave you
scarred, if you're not careful, for life."
The three of them watched Jonathan Coachman and Kevin Kelly step out and make their
way down the ramp.
Kane nodded and clutched the scrap of paper. "Maybe I'll give the guy a try." He said.
"It's done."
Triple H looked quizzically at Foley, who was holding up a huge sheaf of papers as they stepped
out of the plane door. "What's done?"
"The first draft of my new manuscript." Foley said proudly, giving Triple H that gap-toothed
smile of triumph. "And you know what, Hunter? I'm dedicating it to you."
"What?" Triple H checked to see if Foley was pulling his leg, but the former commissioner
was obviously serious. "Well, thanks, Mick, I appreciate it."
"And you get to read it first and tell me what you think of it." Foley said, patting Triple H on
the back and walking away. Al Snow snickered behind him as the Game stood and groaned.
Finally it seemed that all of the wrestlers and other people had clambered out of the main
cabin. The stewardess at the door gave a groan of relief and was about to shut the door
when she was stopped by a fellow flight attendant. "Wait, there's one more in there." She
told her.
"What?" they both went back into the main cabin and found none other than Stone Cold Steve
Austin, awake but still smashed, muttering incoherently to himself. They looked at each
other.
"What do we do?" one asked.
The other shrugged. "I have no idea."
"Excuse me?"
They both turned to find a blonde, middle-aged but still attractive woman standing in the
doorway of the plane. "I'm here to pick up my husband. He didn't get out of the plane so
I asked to be let in and see if he's all right?"
"Would that be him?" the stewardess pointed to Stone Cold.
Debra looked and sighed. "Yes, that would be him." She walked over to the seat and the
two flight attendants watched as she talked to him, managed to get him to stand up and
finally led him shakily out of the plane.
"Do you need help, ma'am?" one of the stewardesses asked.
"No, I'm quite all right." Debra assured with a smile. "I'm used to it. Thank you for keeping
an eye on him." She gave a slight wave, fumbled when Stone Cold leaned too heavily on her
and then continued leading him down the ramp.
"I tell you, I don't envy the wives of those guys, not one bit." One of the flight attendants
said.
"Me too." The other agreed, as the two of them shut the door.
***
Up in the cockpit, the pilot pulled off the headphones and sat back in the seat and sighed in
content. "Well, we actually did it. Not bad for flying a plane first time."
Her companion, the co-pilot, simply scowled at her. "Shut up, Pyper."
"Oh, lighten up." Pyper said. "You know, that crash course in piloting wasn't half bad. And it
really paid off." She said.
"Pyper, I was the one who raised and landed the goddamn plane, admittedly shakily on both
accounts but like I give a shit, not to mention fight for control of it when we were in the
storm." Azrael said pointedly, taking off her headphones to glare at her. "All you did was
flick on the auto-pilot switch."
"It was a big switch." Pyper said, nodding for emphasis.
Azrael groaned.
"At least we get paid." Pyper said. "Fifty-fifty, right?"
"No, seventy-thirty. And yes, the bigger half goes to me."
"That's not fair!"
"You should have thought about that before you let me do all the work." Azrael snapped.
"And that included flying the plane was well as faking those resumes to get the job."
"I wondered why we were picked highly out of all those professionals."
"Aw, screw it. You want to go grab some coffee from Seattle's Best?"
"Hell yeah, let's go.
***
Azrael: Oh yeah, we're done, we're done...
Pyper: *Comes stalking back.* Hey, I was texting you like crazy. I thought THEY had gotten you! Why didn't you answer me??
Azrael: First of all, who the hell are the THEY you're talking about?
Pyper: *Talks in a high, squeaky voice like Cartman of South Park.* I don't know. We always say they when they kill Kenny.
Azrael: *Sighs.* I got to get to you to stop drinking coffee, man.
Pyper: Wait a minute, that's the end?
Azrael: Hardly. We've got Authors' Notes coming at you guys. A little sign-off on behalf of us and this crazy fanfic. Nope, the madness won't stop just yet!!
Pyper: It'll be the final chapter, we promise! See you then!!
die. Eh, we'll live.
Pyper: Well, she didn't take my mags, but she did buy the RAW mag with Austin and 'The Untold
Story' on the front before I could. But I least I got the one that says 'Louder than Life.' Ha, Jericho
rules!! *Bursts out laughing maniacally then pauses when she realizes that no one else is there.* Uh,
Azrael? I could have sworn that she was right beside me. Azrael...? *Pauses again and lets out a
shriek of terror.* Oh my God!! They've got her, and now they're coming to get me too!!
Nnooooooooooo!!!!!!! *Runs off screaming into the distance.
Azrael: *Arrives a split second after she disappears.* Pyper? Goddamnit, I told her I'd just be a
minute in getting a soda. That freak. Anyway, this is the final chapter! Enjoy.
LANDING
"… please place your seatbacks in an upright position, fold back your tables and check that your
seatbelts are securely fastened…"
Could it be? Yes, it's true. After more than seven chapters of being cramped in a plane with insane
and sometimes homicidal companions, not to mention terribly frazzled flight attendants, this fanfic
is finally drawing to a close.
Well, not until we're crammed in a few more hi-jinks for your reading pleasure.
"When the Rock gets to the hotel, he's going to soak himself in a tub." Rock groaned to himself as
he went about fixing his area.
"But Rock…" Kurt said, overhearing him. "Billy and Chuck have invited both of us to their hotel room
the moment we touchdown. They promise that they'll have more fun games to do there, and that
they'll introduce us to their friend, Rico."
Rock simply gave him a weird look and shuddered, not bothering to tell him anything.
Scott Hall tossed away the fifth beer can he had taken under Austin's nose and emptied. He was
drunk, all right, but he had to have one more. And in that cloudy haze he saw himself check if Austin
was looking.
The Rattlesnake had fallen asleep again. How was that for good luck? Snickering to himself, Hall
slowly reached out and tried to grasp the can that was poking out of Stone Cold's bag. A little more…
"Gotcha!" Austin's gruff voice bellowed out, grabbing Scott Hall by the wrist.
Startled, Hall let out a small cry of indignation. The bastard had been faking it! "Let go of me,
you drunken idiot!" Hall slurred.
"I got news for you, pal." Austin told him in a similarly garbled fashion. "You're no better off than
me at the moment."
Actually, the two of them arguing in that fashion were a pretty weird sight, but come on. They
were two big guys who were far from sober. Nobody was stupid enough to laugh.
"I don't take kindly to idiots who are dumb enough to steal my beer, son." Austin said, half-rising to
his feet and still not taking his hand off Hall's wrist.
"I don't see how you catch many, seeing as you're only dumb enough to have caught me now!" Scott
Hall countered, raising his voice and abruptly jerking himself to a standing position so that he pulled
Austin up as well.
"I caught you, didn't I??" Austin pointed out, jabbing the index finger of his free hand at Scott Hall's
chest. At this point they were partially holding each other up.
"Oh shit." Jeff Hardy said, seeing what was happening. "The two of them finally decided to go
at it."
"We only had less than half an hour in the air left!" Matt groaned. "Couldn't they have waited??"
"I'm going to say this one last fucking time…" Hall said in a low snarl. "Let go of my wrist."
"Funny, I thought you were holding my wrist." Austin said with a blear-eyed blink.
"Gentlemen, please, sit down and fasten your seatbelts." A flustered flight attendant suddenly cut
in, probably after psyching herself up first in order to be able to do it. Hey, you have to admire
her guts.
"Back off, lady, this is between this sonofabitch and me." Austin growled.
"But the plane is going to land in about twenty minutes." The stewardess persisted. "Please, take
your seats! It's for your safety!"
"And I'm going to say this for your safety." Hall said, finally turning to look at her. "Be a good girl,
back off and take your own goddamn seat, because-"
Hall was cut off as Austin hit him with a clumsy left hook. Despite it being a weak hit, Hall, being
inebriated as he was, went down easily and would have sprawled all over the unfortunate crew-
member seated in front of him if Nash hadn't grabbed him at the last second.
To make matters worse, all of a sudden the plane veered sharply downward, as compared to the
deliberate fall that it had been taking a while ago. A scream rang out as Nash fought to pull Hall
back into his seat, and Albert managed to prop up Stone Cold and push him back into his own seat,
where the pyro-technician buckled him up for the second time.
The stewardess who had tried to stop the brawl was not so lucky, though. With a yelp she lost
her balance and fell over, collapsing all the way to the front of the aisle where she disappeared
into the place were the food was being kept. JR winced with every slam and bang that echoed
throughout the cabin, documenting her painful trip.
Then a final crash was heard and then there was silence. The entire cabin was quiet as every-
body looked dumbly at where she had fallen.
The PA system came on. "Oops." The captain said.
"Sorry about that. We hope all of you had your seatbelts fastened like we told you to." The co-
pilot's tone was slightly condescending. Then it went off again.
"Isn't anyone going to see if she's all right?" Lillian asked Scotty.
Scotty shrugged. "If we stand up and the plane jolts again, she won't be alone over there, I
guarantee it."
Suddenly there was a rustle from the front and a weak voice stated, "I'm okay… I'm okay."
"You heard her, she's okay." Scotty said with a grin. Lillian frowned at him.
After that little spectacle, most everybody tightened their breaths and held on tightly to the
armrests, some closing their eyes and others muttering words of maybe prayer under their
breaths. Others couldn't care less. Still others were unconscious. We'll leave you to decide who
those were.
"I just hope that we get through this part alive." Lance Storm grumbled.
"Dude, after all the other shit that we went through, it would be twisted if we don't." Christian
commented.
The plane moved lower. The system came on for the second time in less than five minutes.
"I see a landing strip!" the pilot announced proudly. "Now what do I do again?"
"Oh goddamnit, give me that." The co-pilot said in exasperation.
"No, I wanna drive!"
"Just let me have the fucking controls before you get us all killed!!" a pause. "You moron, you
turned the PA system on!"
"Well it's really hard figuring out what all these switches do-" the captain was cut off as the system
was hastily turned off.
"If shit like that just hadn't happened for the entire flight, I would be really disturbed by now."
Tazz commented.
Let's revert back to thought reading for a while.
'I need juice.' Rob Van Dam thought desperately.
'I need to get away from this guy.' Michael Cole thought, looking nervously at Rob.
'Smile! Think positive for the sake of the others.' DDP said, a smile frozen on his face that was
beginning to make Tommy Dreamer uncomfortable.
'That was expensive wine.' X-Pac brooded.
'I wish these guys would just grow up.' Torrie thought as she groaned inwardly, looking at Tajiri
and Billy Kidman glare at each other through the corners of her eyes.
'I hate these pants.' Jericho contemplated glumly.
'I bet Jericho hates those pants.' Trish thought, still with a triumphant grin on her face.
'I don't see what's wrong with those pants.' Kurt Angle thought quizzically. 'I like those pants.'
'I hope that son of mine hasn't done anything too stupid.' Ric Flair thought.
'Shit, here's the fucking receipt for that repair I had on my bike.' Undertaker thought when he
looked at the piece of paper he had slipped out of his pocket.
'Jesus Christ, I really hope that's not Goldust's hand brushing up my leg!' Booker T thought in a
panic as he looked down. 'Oh good, it's just his feather boa. Wait a minute, should I be
relieved…?'
Right, let's cut it right there.
"Hey, I can see the landing strip from here too!" Al Snow said excitedly, peering out the window.
"I never thought I'd be so happy to see solid ground."
"I never thought I'd be so happy to hear something like that come from Al Snow's mouth, and
not immediately think of a dumb joke to nail him with." Mick Foley said from the seat in front.
The plane descended and kept on going, and for the passengers in that main cabin seeing the
ground get bigger and closer was nothing short of a fucking miracle. They waited with bated
breaths at the moment when the wheels would be lowered and hit the ground, ultimately coming
to a complete stop.
There was a rumble as the wheels were employed. They straightened and struck the ground,
making the plane bounce into the air… for higher than it really should have gone. For a minute
all of them had that sensation of leaving their stomachs in the air as they came crashing down
after that huge jolt. The plane crashed back down onto its wheels, bounced the slightest bit and
then came to a screeching halt right in front of the door of the airport.
All of the passengers in the main cabin looked dumbly at each other for a moment, all of them
wanting to collect their wits about them as they fathomed that they had actually touched down.
The PA system switched on. "We've arrived at the airport." The pilot announced formally.
"See? I told you we would bring you here in one piece."
"You may unfasten your seatbelts and collect your baggage, then exit the plane in an orderly
manner." The co-pilot said in a slightly bored voice. "The flight attendants would be happy to
help you."
Orderly? We think that all of them, in complete unison, simply thought, 'Screw that.'
All at once every single one of them shot to their feet and started pulling their hand carry from
under their chairs and overhead bins. There was absolute chaos as all of them resorted to
pushing and shoving each other in their eagerness to get off the blasted plane.
The doors opened and it was like salvation for all who stood before it. It was Rock who was
the first one out. He left quickly, not daring to look back at Kurt, who stood with Billy and
Chuck and was imploring for Rock to come back.
"Damn, there he goes." Kurt said, disappointed.
"Don't worry, Kurt, we can play games with just ourselves." Chuck said with a grin. "You, me,
Billy and Rico back at the hotel."
"Okay, that sounds like fun." Kurt said dumbly as the two of them led him out of the plane.
"What games do you have at the hotel? Twister? Parcheesi? Monopoly?"
"Think Twister." Billy said with a grin of his own.
Fortunately for Kurt, the person right behind him was Jerry Lawler. King heard the conversation
and shuddered, then decided to help the clueless guy out. He cleared his throat and grabbed
Kurt by the arm. "Actually, boys, Kurt promised to help me screen some new talents." He said.
"Right, Kurt?"
"No I didn't." Kurt said dumbly.
"Yes you did." King said, winking out of the corner of his eye.
"No I didn't. And do you have something out of the corner of your eye?"
King resisted the urge to slap a palm to his forehead. He sighed and smiled and Billy and
Chuck. "Kurt, forgetful as usual, and such a kidder! But really, he's booked for today."
"Oh, too bad." Billy said. "Maybe next time, Kurt?"
"Yeah, I guess." Kurt said, still looking bewilderedly from King to Billy and Chuck.
King watched Billy and Chuck leave with a relieved sigh. JR passed them. "Don't take that
guy under your wing too much." He told King warningly, indicating Kurt.
"Don't worry, I'll just show him some of the ropes." King said, patting Kurt's shoulder. "At
least this way we'll be sure that if he's playing any 'games,' they'll be of a heterosexual nature."
He grinned and led Kurt away.
As they were leaving a hurrying Jericho passed by them. "Hey Chris," Kurt called, "You can
return those pants to me at the arena."
Jericho said nothing but flipped him the bird and continued on his way.
"What is wrong with everybody today??" Kurt exclaimed in exasperation.
King took him by the shoulders. "Kurt, I'm going to take you on a trip today that will open
your eyes to everything you've blocked out in your adult life." He continued to talk as he and
Kurt walked down the ramp to the airport.
A bunch of superstars and other people filed past from the main cabin. Torrie, to the surprise
of everybody, walked out chattering animatedly with a delighted Maven. Both Tajiri and Billy
Kidman followed, sour looks on their faces. It seemed that she had gotten tired of their
childish bickering and left with someone else. Tazz snickered as he walked out of the plane.
With a huge smile on his face, Mr. Perfect strode out of the plant door with the ho that he
and Val Venis had bet on. The girl herself looked less than enthusiastic, but was cheering
herself up with the fact that it was only until they had reached the end of the ramp way.
"Well, Venis." Perfect said haughtily, gesturing to his companion. "I guess I've won the bet."
"I suppose you have." Th Big Valbowski said. He shrugged. "Well, all right. You get to call
yourself the most perfect, in a sense, with women." He smiled then turned to the entrance.
"Ladies?"
Two smiling flight stewardesses stepped from the entrance. Val took one on each arm and
turned to grin at Mr. Perfect. "You win. See you around." He gave a mock salute and left the
plane.
Perfect watched him go with an incredulous snarl on his face. Godfather passed by with his
other ho at his side. "Hey, Hennig." He greeted with his smile. He waved the cash he held
in his hand. "Time's up. It was a pleasure doing business with you." He took the ho who was
with Perfect by the hand and led her away, waving to Perfect as he did.
Perfect looked like he might explode, but he was jostled into moving by Rob Van Dam, who
wanted out of there as soon as possible.
"Lita! Hey Lita, wait!" a whistle. "Lita, over here!"
Lita sighed as she hesitantly turned around. Matt and Jeff stopped as well, Matt looking on
impatiently. "X-Pac, what do you want now?" Lita asked, annoyed.
X-Pac stopped in front of her. "Listen, I know you acted like a bitch and totally overlooked the
gift I sent you, but okay, no big deal, I forgive you." He said, oblivious to the fact that she was
shooting him a look that radiated hatred. "But how about you make it up to me more with a
night out at the town, huh? What do you say?"
Lita looked at him for a moment, then swift as lightning kneed him in the balls. X-Pac's eyes
bugged out and he let out a howl of pain, dropping his bag and almost crumbling to the floor,
his hands in between his legs.
Jeff burst out laughing, and was soon joined by Hulk Hogan, who had witnessed the event.
Matt grinned, then put an arm around his girlfriend. "Come on, Matt, let's go." Lita said with
a grin of her own. She waved sardonically at X-Pac as they left.
X-Pac was trying to pick himself up when Kevin Nash strode out of the plane door, a catalep-
tic Hall slung over his shoulder. "That is the last time I let him sit beside Stone Cold again, or
vice versa." The big man muttered before making his way down the ramp.
Big Show followed and saw X-Pac on the floor. He sighed and shook his head. "I tell you,
man, you really need help with women." He said, reaching over and picking up X-Pac off the
ground and hanging him over his shoulder like hand carry as well.
"Jackie, I can't thank you enough." Kane was saying as he stepped out of the plane. "I don't
think I would have been able to make it through the trip without you."
"It was my pleasure." Jacqueline said with a smile. "I'd say you held out pretty well yourself."
She said, lying through her teeth.
Kane shrugged. "I think I'm on my way to recovery. Who knows? Maybe I can even make
the next flight on my own."
Jackie patted his arm. "Baby steps." She reminded him.
"That's good news." A deep voice said behind them.
Kane and Jackie turned to see the Undertaker step out of the plane. He adjusted his trench
coat and spoke again. "The next show is in Canada. We'll have to take the plane again if we
plan to make it there in time." He said to Kane, then left.
"T-that soon?" Kane stammered.
"Now, Kane, remember all that I told you…" Jackie said, grasping his arm as the Big Red
Machine looked ready to hyperventilate right there and then.
The pyro-technician who had sat beside Kane for the remainder of the flight came out and
wrote something on a piece of paper. "Hey, here's the number for a good shrink." He said,
giving it to Kane. "Try it, maybe he can help you."
"Why do you have a number for a shrink?" Jackie asked him curiously.
"He's not my shrink." He said defensively. "I got it from some of the guys who do backstage
questioning during the shows. Seems like interviewing some of the superstars can leave you
scarred, if you're not careful, for life."
The three of them watched Jonathan Coachman and Kevin Kelly step out and make their
way down the ramp.
Kane nodded and clutched the scrap of paper. "Maybe I'll give the guy a try." He said.
"It's done."
Triple H looked quizzically at Foley, who was holding up a huge sheaf of papers as they stepped
out of the plane door. "What's done?"
"The first draft of my new manuscript." Foley said proudly, giving Triple H that gap-toothed
smile of triumph. "And you know what, Hunter? I'm dedicating it to you."
"What?" Triple H checked to see if Foley was pulling his leg, but the former commissioner
was obviously serious. "Well, thanks, Mick, I appreciate it."
"And you get to read it first and tell me what you think of it." Foley said, patting Triple H on
the back and walking away. Al Snow snickered behind him as the Game stood and groaned.
Finally it seemed that all of the wrestlers and other people had clambered out of the main
cabin. The stewardess at the door gave a groan of relief and was about to shut the door
when she was stopped by a fellow flight attendant. "Wait, there's one more in there." She
told her.
"What?" they both went back into the main cabin and found none other than Stone Cold Steve
Austin, awake but still smashed, muttering incoherently to himself. They looked at each
other.
"What do we do?" one asked.
The other shrugged. "I have no idea."
"Excuse me?"
They both turned to find a blonde, middle-aged but still attractive woman standing in the
doorway of the plane. "I'm here to pick up my husband. He didn't get out of the plane so
I asked to be let in and see if he's all right?"
"Would that be him?" the stewardess pointed to Stone Cold.
Debra looked and sighed. "Yes, that would be him." She walked over to the seat and the
two flight attendants watched as she talked to him, managed to get him to stand up and
finally led him shakily out of the plane.
"Do you need help, ma'am?" one of the stewardesses asked.
"No, I'm quite all right." Debra assured with a smile. "I'm used to it. Thank you for keeping
an eye on him." She gave a slight wave, fumbled when Stone Cold leaned too heavily on her
and then continued leading him down the ramp.
"I tell you, I don't envy the wives of those guys, not one bit." One of the flight attendants
said.
"Me too." The other agreed, as the two of them shut the door.
***
Up in the cockpit, the pilot pulled off the headphones and sat back in the seat and sighed in
content. "Well, we actually did it. Not bad for flying a plane first time."
Her companion, the co-pilot, simply scowled at her. "Shut up, Pyper."
"Oh, lighten up." Pyper said. "You know, that crash course in piloting wasn't half bad. And it
really paid off." She said.
"Pyper, I was the one who raised and landed the goddamn plane, admittedly shakily on both
accounts but like I give a shit, not to mention fight for control of it when we were in the
storm." Azrael said pointedly, taking off her headphones to glare at her. "All you did was
flick on the auto-pilot switch."
"It was a big switch." Pyper said, nodding for emphasis.
Azrael groaned.
"At least we get paid." Pyper said. "Fifty-fifty, right?"
"No, seventy-thirty. And yes, the bigger half goes to me."
"That's not fair!"
"You should have thought about that before you let me do all the work." Azrael snapped.
"And that included flying the plane was well as faking those resumes to get the job."
"I wondered why we were picked highly out of all those professionals."
"Aw, screw it. You want to go grab some coffee from Seattle's Best?"
"Hell yeah, let's go.
***
Azrael: Oh yeah, we're done, we're done...
Pyper: *Comes stalking back.* Hey, I was texting you like crazy. I thought THEY had gotten you! Why didn't you answer me??
Azrael: First of all, who the hell are the THEY you're talking about?
Pyper: *Talks in a high, squeaky voice like Cartman of South Park.* I don't know. We always say they when they kill Kenny.
Azrael: *Sighs.* I got to get to you to stop drinking coffee, man.
Pyper: Wait a minute, that's the end?
Azrael: Hardly. We've got Authors' Notes coming at you guys. A little sign-off on behalf of us and this crazy fanfic. Nope, the madness won't stop just yet!!
Pyper: It'll be the final chapter, we promise! See you then!!
