A/N: Hi. It's me, Katameran, and I just wrote the third chapter to a story
that I don't think I should have written in the first place. I would just
like to say that machete-bearing penguins are an everyday occurrence in my
school…our librarian is one.
The door opened and in marched a giant penguin carrying a machete.
"Dear God, what is that thing?" Harry asked.
Hermione jumped and down and turned orange. "It's a giant penguin carrying a machete! I wish you would read Hogwarts, A History!"
"Oh." Everyone else said. Then they sat there and screamed as the penguin marched across the compartment and did away with the golden monkey.
"HE WAS MY FRIEND THAT'S WHY HE'S DEAD!" Harry screamed hysterically.
"No, no, that's not it." Stellar said, rushing over to sit by him and pat the back of his hand.
"WHY NOT?" Harry screamed even more hysterically.
"Because, well, he wasn't really your friend." Stellar told him.
"Oh. You're right." Harry said.
"I know." Stellar said.
The penguin climbed up to the dead monkey's spot and held his machete like a scepter.
Then the door opened. Draco Malfoy walked in.
"I thought I taught you your lesson!" Stellar growled. Even her growl was sexy.
"What? I walked by you and you made me go unconscious!" Draco said angrily.
"You're a meany-head!" Stellar said, stomping her foot.
"I'm a what?"
"I would like to call you another word, but the author rated this story PG and doesn't wish to change the rating." Stellar explained.
"Oh." Draco said. "Well, I just came in here to see if I left my violin."
"You play the violin?" Hermione asked, sitting up.
"Yes. I know that it will show that I have a compassionate, gentle, humane side and that it will make you think that maybe I am not such a bad person, and that I've really changed."
"Have you?" Hermione asked.
"Yes. I hate my father even though I idolize him and believe in all the same things he does."
"Like Voldemort?" Harry asked, eyes narrowing.
"No, like rainbows and reincarnation." Draco said.
"Really?" Harry asked.
"No."
"Oh."
"Hermione…" Harry said, "did I ever tell you that I play the bassoon?
Just then, the penguin blew up an Imac with its eyes and waved its machete threateningly.
"Oh, Lord, No!" Hermione screamed. "It's going to try to blow up a computer!"
Everyone looked at her.
"Hermione," Stellar said, "it just did that."
"Oh, I knew that." Hermione said. "I just wondered if you did."
"You are all pathetic." Rage said from where he was sitting sullenly in the corner.
"Why are we pathetic?" Ron asked angrily, turning purple and clenching his fists.
"Because you are HAPPY. Normal people aren't HAPPY. They are DARK. Like ME. Even though I'm a complete nonconformist."
"That's stupid." Harry said.
"I hate you." Rage said.
"Oh, Rage, don't be so dark." Stellar said with a laugh. Suddenly her eyes grew wide and she fell over onto the floor and began thrashing around.
"OH MY GOD WHAT IS SHE DOING?" Hermione screamed.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Harry screamed back.
"SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!" Ron screamed at both of them.
Ginny suddenly sat up and started whimpering. She was pointing at something behind them. They turned to see that the penguin was now ANGRY, and its tacky plastic jewelry was glowing with its rage. The penguin seemed to grow bigger and bigger.
"OH NO I FORGOT, PENGUINS HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE YELL!" Hermione yelled.
"THEN STOP YELLING!" Draco shouted.
"Oh. Good idea." Ron said in his normal voice.
The penguin stared at them imperiously for a moment, then went back to its normal size.
Just then Stellar sat up, her eyes were round.
"What's wrong? Why did you start freaking out like that?" Hermione asked.
"I was going into a trance. The spirit of the golden monkey was speaking to me."
"What did it say?" Hermione asked curiously.
"It said that cereal is a nazi conspiracy, and that paper bags are useful, and that Hershey kiss wrappers should not be disregarded!"
"What does that mean?" Ron asked.
Hermione clapped her hands over her mouth. "In Hogwarts, A History, when someone goes into a trance and talks about cereal and paper bags and foil candy wrappers…Harry, you and Stellar must have a child to defeat Voldemort!"
DUN DUN DUN…Stay Tuned.
For what? I don't know. I'll figure that out when I get there. Why am I writing this? No one should read this. It's awful.
The door opened and in marched a giant penguin carrying a machete.
"Dear God, what is that thing?" Harry asked.
Hermione jumped and down and turned orange. "It's a giant penguin carrying a machete! I wish you would read Hogwarts, A History!"
"Oh." Everyone else said. Then they sat there and screamed as the penguin marched across the compartment and did away with the golden monkey.
"HE WAS MY FRIEND THAT'S WHY HE'S DEAD!" Harry screamed hysterically.
"No, no, that's not it." Stellar said, rushing over to sit by him and pat the back of his hand.
"WHY NOT?" Harry screamed even more hysterically.
"Because, well, he wasn't really your friend." Stellar told him.
"Oh. You're right." Harry said.
"I know." Stellar said.
The penguin climbed up to the dead monkey's spot and held his machete like a scepter.
Then the door opened. Draco Malfoy walked in.
"I thought I taught you your lesson!" Stellar growled. Even her growl was sexy.
"What? I walked by you and you made me go unconscious!" Draco said angrily.
"You're a meany-head!" Stellar said, stomping her foot.
"I'm a what?"
"I would like to call you another word, but the author rated this story PG and doesn't wish to change the rating." Stellar explained.
"Oh." Draco said. "Well, I just came in here to see if I left my violin."
"You play the violin?" Hermione asked, sitting up.
"Yes. I know that it will show that I have a compassionate, gentle, humane side and that it will make you think that maybe I am not such a bad person, and that I've really changed."
"Have you?" Hermione asked.
"Yes. I hate my father even though I idolize him and believe in all the same things he does."
"Like Voldemort?" Harry asked, eyes narrowing.
"No, like rainbows and reincarnation." Draco said.
"Really?" Harry asked.
"No."
"Oh."
"Hermione…" Harry said, "did I ever tell you that I play the bassoon?
Just then, the penguin blew up an Imac with its eyes and waved its machete threateningly.
"Oh, Lord, No!" Hermione screamed. "It's going to try to blow up a computer!"
Everyone looked at her.
"Hermione," Stellar said, "it just did that."
"Oh, I knew that." Hermione said. "I just wondered if you did."
"You are all pathetic." Rage said from where he was sitting sullenly in the corner.
"Why are we pathetic?" Ron asked angrily, turning purple and clenching his fists.
"Because you are HAPPY. Normal people aren't HAPPY. They are DARK. Like ME. Even though I'm a complete nonconformist."
"That's stupid." Harry said.
"I hate you." Rage said.
"Oh, Rage, don't be so dark." Stellar said with a laugh. Suddenly her eyes grew wide and she fell over onto the floor and began thrashing around.
"OH MY GOD WHAT IS SHE DOING?" Hermione screamed.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Harry screamed back.
"SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!" Ron screamed at both of them.
Ginny suddenly sat up and started whimpering. She was pointing at something behind them. They turned to see that the penguin was now ANGRY, and its tacky plastic jewelry was glowing with its rage. The penguin seemed to grow bigger and bigger.
"OH NO I FORGOT, PENGUINS HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE YELL!" Hermione yelled.
"THEN STOP YELLING!" Draco shouted.
"Oh. Good idea." Ron said in his normal voice.
The penguin stared at them imperiously for a moment, then went back to its normal size.
Just then Stellar sat up, her eyes were round.
"What's wrong? Why did you start freaking out like that?" Hermione asked.
"I was going into a trance. The spirit of the golden monkey was speaking to me."
"What did it say?" Hermione asked curiously.
"It said that cereal is a nazi conspiracy, and that paper bags are useful, and that Hershey kiss wrappers should not be disregarded!"
"What does that mean?" Ron asked.
Hermione clapped her hands over her mouth. "In Hogwarts, A History, when someone goes into a trance and talks about cereal and paper bags and foil candy wrappers…Harry, you and Stellar must have a child to defeat Voldemort!"
DUN DUN DUN…Stay Tuned.
For what? I don't know. I'll figure that out when I get there. Why am I writing this? No one should read this. It's awful.
