A/N: What's up? I own none of this. Except for my hat, which will be introduced later. If you sue me, I'll tell my mommy and she'll hit you with the broom. And you can't have the broom. So that's that. *wanders away*



…Nothing happened.

"What?" Ron said in outrage. "Nothing happened? You leave us with a breathtaking cliffhanger and NOTHING HAPPENS?"

The compartment began to shake.

"Uhoh Ron, you've done it now…" Harry muttered, looking up at the ceiling.

"Done what?" Ron asked.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to piss off the narrator? IF YOU WOULD JUST READ 'HOGWARTS, A HISTORY' YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE WHO DOES!" Hermione shrieked. The penguin sat up straighter, looking annoyed.

"Sorry about the noise, penguin." Harry told it.

"Penguin Monty." Stellar said mysteriously.

"Do I look fat yet?" Ginny asked.

"Bark!" Said Gregory William.

Dumbledore strummed his ukulele.

"Penguin Monty?" Hermione asked.

"Yes. That is its title. The Golden Monkey told me so."

Just then, there was a blinding flash of light. A girl in plaid pajama pants, a white long sleeved shirt, and a dark gray skiing hat appeared looking very annoyed.

"Who are you?" Draco asked rudely.

"Who am I? WHO AM I? I AM THE GUARDIAN OF LOST SOULS!"

"You are?" Draco interrupted.

"Er, no. I am the author. THE ALL POWERFUL AUTHOR WHO COMMANDS YOUR EVERY THOUGHT AND MOVEMENT! NOT ONLY HAVE YOU CRITICIZED ME ON MY CLIFFHANGERS, YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT THE COMPARTMENT IS SHAKING! YOU COULD ALL BE .4 SECONDS FROM DEATH AND YOU DON'T CARE!"

"Oops." Ron said.

"Now I'm going to let it all slide this time," the girl continued, breathing heavily, "but things will not go so smoothly next time. Watch yourself." She disappeared in a flurry of snow. The compartment stopped shaking.

"Phew!" Hermione said in relief.

Dumbledore continued to strum his ukulele.

"MAKE HIM STOP I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Draco shrieked, falling to the floor and covering his ears.

"Oh, don't be such a baby." Ginny said in disgust.

"Bark!" Said Gregory William.

"Wow, your dog is enormous." Ron said conversationally to Stellar.

"Isn't he? Just like a Grim."

"So why is his name Gregory William?" Ron asked.

"Well, he looked like a serious dog. So I thought he needed a serious name."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, Seriously."

"Wow. Just a huge black dog with a Sirius- I mean, Serious name."

"Pretty cool, isn't it?"

"Seriously."

"Dude, shut up already." Rage said moodily.

"Whatever Rage, you're just jealous because you don't have a BIG BLACK DOG with a SERIOUS name." Stellar said, miffed.

"Why would I want a SERIOUS BLACK DOG?" Rage asked rudely.

"Because he's COOL."

"Stellar, I think we should really work more on our mysteries about our twins…" Harry said.

"Eh, not right now."

"Are you willing to go get pregnant right now?" Hermione asked hopefully.

"No." Stellar said, flipping her perfect hair over her shoulder.

Just then, the door opened. A little kid in an orange sweater ran in.

"Kenny!" Hermione squealed. "There you are!"

"Who's that?" Draco asked.

"This is Kenny, my little brother. Crookshanks turned into some old lady who said she used to baby-sit Harry and ran away over the summer. So this year I brought Kenny for a pet."

"Um…" Everyone said.

Dumbledore strummed his ukulele.

There was a long silence. Everyone turned to look at Gregory William, who hadn't barked.

"What the…" said Ron.

"Oh my…" said Hermione.

"OH NO!" shrieked Stellar.

What has happened to Gregory William? What the hell is Hermione's little brother doing, hanging around? Why was the author wearing a skiing hat at 10am on a day when she's not skiing? (Because I like my hat, of course!)

Stay tuned…