1 Steel(beak) Magnolias: To Quack Foo: T'anks Fer Every'ting
By Tinselcat
Rating: PG. Okay, I know I promised previously that I would crank up the rating, but I wanted to get another chapter up, and next one really will have more action, I promise! It won't stay tame! That would go against my principles…
Disclaimer: Steelbeak, Bushroot, FOWL and Saint Canard are all property and creations of the Walt Disney company, used without permission (big surprise, that.). Dr. Kamo Quack is all mine, but if you want to use her in a story, just email me and ask.
Summary: Steelbeak and Bushroot go…*dramatic music* SHOPPING!!
*********
Steelbeak found the sensation of the wind blowing his hair not entirely unpleasant. Not that he wouldn't take back his large red crest in an instant. Thinking about Bushroot and how wide his eyes had gotten when Steelbeak announced that he was his date forced a smile onto the agent's beak. So what if Bushroot's looks were a bit on the unusual side, he was actually kinda… cute. The way he hesitated to make eye contact, and blushed when approaching delicate subjects was rather endearing. And the way he immediately brightened and seemed to come into his element when talking science was… *wat da 'ell am I tinkin'?* thought Steelbeak frantically, *not only is dis guy a tree-huggin' nutcase, 'e's also a walkin', talkin' unnatural 'istory exhibit! Now dat's just freaky!* surprisingly, the fact that Bushroot *was* a guy didn't bother him that much. Hell, it didn't bother him at *all*. He found the prospect of going out with the shy botanist rather appealing. Well, what the hell, it was just one night, why not make the best of it?
He finally pulled into his parking space, and entered his building through the back, not wanting to raise any suspicions by the doorman or the lobby clerk. He made his way into his apartment and flopped into bed, not bothering to ditch his clothes. He rolled over and closed his eyes, falling into an easy sleep.
************
"…Already? Thank you… he should be here any minute, I'll tell him. Are you at the lab now, can we just pick it up?… great… Actually, I'm not sure what he wants to do for three hours before his meeting, but I can only guess that he has a plan… *ahem* I'm s-sure that that's not what he had in m- mind… oh, I can see his car now. See you in a few minutes. Bye." Bushroot hung up the phone, all-too-aware that his face was still hot with embarrassment. *some people!* he thought to himself as he unlocked the door, *really, I don't see how she could suggest that Steelbeak might be interested in…* his thoughts trailed off as Steelbeak entered his greenhouse, scowling at spike who growled in response.
He was wearing his usual clothes, though his belt was cinched tight and the coat and trousers hung loosely off of him. He also wore his hat. Bushroot mused that he seemed to be in a better mood, though still far from thrilled.
"Dr. Quack just called. She thinks she may have a solution, she wants us to meet her at her lab to pick it up." Bushroot threw on his black trenchcoat and donned his own hat over his bushy purple hair.
"okay, den. Let's go."
The odd pair were somewhat more conversational while driving through the city this time.
"er, so, uh… what is it that you want to do between now and your meeting?" asked Bushroot, his face reddening at the thought of what Dr. Quack had suggested over the phone.
"I ain't showin' up ta my meetin' dressed like dis. I gotta find somethin' dat fits! An' dat includs undaweah an' shoes an' stuff. Plus, I gotta do some'tin wid my 'air!" he absently tossed said hair over his shoulder in a casual move which Bushroot found entirely too attractive.
Within 15 minutes they were, once again, in Dr. Quack's laboratory, where she was holding two syringes, filled with a cloudy, colorless liquid toward Bushroot. "My colleague says that a solution such as this should work. Based on what I know of what happened to you, this should hopefully reverse the process. I'm not sure how long it will take, so you should probably plan on the process taking at least as long as the first one. I would also recommend going to sleep immediately after the first injection, as that may have something to do with the change, we don't want to take any chances."
Bushroot took the syringes and peered into them, "what's in this?"
"well, there's a form of chemically altered testosterone, as well as some of the other ingredients you would find in steroids. I added a chemical catalyst that should hopefully speed up the reaction once the solution is in his system."
"should we use both at once?"
"well, the second one is more of a precautionary booster. If you don't see any change within 12 hours of the first injection, the second one probably won't do any good either. However, if there is any change at all after 12 hours, even if you seem to be completely back to normal, I would use the second injection anyway. It's basically there to make sure the process doesn't reverse or anything."
Bushroot nodded in comprehension and pocketed the two syringes. "Thanks a lot." He smiled hesitantly at the other scientist.
For some crazy reason, Steelbeak felt jealous of the doctor. "well, as much as I'd love to sit an' talk science, da green-guy an' I got some errands ta run. Catch ya later, doc." He threaded his arm around Bushroot's. Bushroot gave him a startled look, then quickly broke eye-contact, his face reddening.
"good luck." Said Dr. Quack as Steelbeak and Bushroot headed toward the door, "let me know how it goes."
"so, umm… where are we going?" asked Bushroot as they got in Steelbeak's car.
"I dunno. Ta go grab somthin' off the sales-rack. No point in lookin' nice."
"why not?"
Steelbeak snorted, "look at me, leaf-brain. I wouldn't even fit inta an extra-small Armani, fer chrissake! It ain't like I can look impressive like dis!"
"but Steelbeak, you've always taken pride in your image. Why should this be any different?"
"because… w-well, because… I dunno. I ain't exactly cut out ta wear a dress, am I?"
"I think you'd look nice. I mean, you've always looked nice before" Bushroot grinned, "you'd probably look good in a potato sack, female or not."
Steelbeak looked quickly over at Bushroot who blushed again and suddenly seemed to find the dashboard very interesting. Steelbeak returned his eyes to the road and smiled to himself. "okay, den. We spare no expense. 'ell, I can afford it. where to foist?"
they cruised through the streets of the expensive shopping district. Steelbeak pulled up in front of *Feathoria's Secret*. "wat?" he said at Bushroot's stunned expression, "youse don't tink I'm walkin' inta dat restaurant wid'out a bra, do ya?"
"er, er, I think I'll just wait out here for you" said Bushroot nervously.
"wat, ya don't wanna help me pick som'ting out?" Steelbeak asked mischievously as he got out of the car.
Bushroot stared, bug-eyed at the agent as he snickered and headed into the store. *was he flirting with me?* his stunned mind thought, *no way… but… I suppose he could have been… but why?* these nervous thoughts continued to race through his head until Steelbeak emerged from the lingerie store, a plastic bag in one hand and his coat and hat in the other. Bushroot tried as hard as he could not to look at the bag, though he found he was curious as to what, exactly, was inside.
"alright, now fer a dress. An' yer gonna need some'tin too." Steelbeak raced off, hair whipping about his face. He pulled in front of another, larger store with glittering dresses displayed in the window on one side of the glass double-doors, and handsome suits in the other. "I get all my suits 'ere, but I gotta admit, I neva been in da ladies department yet!" he found a parking space and eagerly led Bushroot inside the store.
Surrounded by so many styles and fashions, and the smell of new clothes, Bushroot felt as if he were in a foreign country. A store attendant walked briskly up to them. Bushroot immediately felt slightly threatened by the perfume and makeup-wearing woman. Her outfit was spotless, and her stiletto heels looked like they could impale a person.
"'ey there," said Steelbeak, "we're lookin' fer-"
"don't speak!" the woman held up a hand dramatically as she looked them both over.
Steelbeak's beak snapped shut with a 'clang'.
"Gracious!" she exclaimed, "you do need help, don't you? the 'casual cross- dresser' look went out *months* ago!" she grabbed Steelbeak's hand and practically dragged him into the ladies department. Bushroot followed behind. She grabbed a few dresses, seemingly at random, from a rack, thrust them at Steelbeak, and shoved him toward a dressing room, "now, you try those on, we'll see if we can't fix up something for your boyfriend."
"b-but, I'm not… I'm not…" stuttered Bushroot as he, in turn, was dragged to the men's department.
"I see you in black. Possibly silver… and definitely with shoulder-pads, because, darling, you're as cute as a ring-tailed lemur,"
"a what?"
"but you need to make a strong impression on people! We'll get you some hair gel, too, static's a bitch this time of year, don't you think?"
"uh…"
"well, no matter. You'll look like the alpha stud-muffin once I'm through with you!"
the next few minutes passed in a blur as Bushroot numbly took the orders of the woman who was throwing various articles of clothing at him and ordering him to try them on. He wasn't even sure what he ended up with when he was ushered back to the ladies department with a suit over one arm. The woman sat him down in a padded chair in front of the three mirrors which stood next to the changing room.
"how is it coming in there?" the attendant called into Steelbeak's dressing room.
"'ow da 'ell do youse people get dese damn zippers up? An' where da 'ell does dis strap go? I already gots, like, five! I don't know whether ta lace this part up, or use it ta keep dis damn thing on my chest!"
Bushroot hid a smile behind his hand, as he imagined a very tangled Steelbeak trying to figure out how to wear the dress.
"come out, it can't be that difficult!" said the attendant. "oh, excuse me!" she bustled out as another victim came through the door, with a lost look on his face.
Steelbeak stepped out of the dressing room in a hidious bright pink monstrosity with far too many frills. He stepped in front of the mirror. "'oly shit!" he turned to Bushroot, "am I a lady, or a birthday cake? Whaddaya think?"
"err… it's not really your color, is it?"
"yeah, I look like an easter egg! Ta 'ell wid dis get-up! Gimme some'tin a little simpler." He gathered the excess frills into his hands and stalked back into the changing room. After a few bumps, grunts and swears, he came out in a pale blue dress, covered in sequins. He looked at himself in the mirror. "well?" he said, addressing Bushroot.
"umm… it's… nice…" Bushroot said, tentatively.
"christ, I could blind someone wid dis 'ting!" he looked at Bushroot over his shoulder, "plus, I 'tink it makes my ass look big. Does dis dress make me look fat?" he turned to Bushroot and planted his hands on his hips.
"w-well…" Bushroot suddenly started to sweat. This was a question he had never expected to be asked after the little accident which had rendered him thus. "it's rather… sparkly…"
"yer right, too much glitter. I'd go fer some'tin a little more subdued." He marched back into the dressing room. Bushroot sighed and stared about him as he heard more bumping and cursing coming from the dressing room. Finally, the door opened once more. He prepared himself for something covered with lace and gauze but, when he caught site of his 'date', his breath caught. The sheath-dress had an empire waist which switched from satin to a velvety fabric just below the bust. It was a dark, rich wine- red, with slits up the sides that came to mid-thigh.
"well? whaddaya 'tink? Another dead-end?"
"wow…" breathed Bushroot.
Steelbeak gave him a puzzled look.
"I-I mean…" he took a deep breath, "Steelbeak, you look very beautiful in that dress." To his chagrin, his bold words came out in a high-pitched, squeaky voice and, to no one's surprise, blushed again. However, he made himself hold eye contact to see Steelbeak's reaction.
Steelbeak smiled, "t'anks, Bushroot. It means a lot." He said quietly. He returned to the dressing room and eventually emerged in his own pants and shirt. "almost done." He said.
Their final stop was the shoe department, where they were once more assaulted by the enthusiastic attendant, who nearly killed them both with various flying strappy platforms.
They finally staggered out of the store, laden with vestments, with the attendant spraying them with cologne and perfume with names like "canard klein's 'bored'".
They made it to the 'Seeking Skylines' building, the rest being a hotel, and changed in the restrooms in the foyer. Steelbeak, having almost gone into the gentleman's room with Bushroot, emerged from the lady's room complaining about his bra. They deposited their other clothes in Steelbeak's car, and headed up to the elevators. Bushroot stole repeated glances at Steelbeak as they rode up, getting more nervous by the moment. for every floor they went up, Steelbeak seemed more at ease, especially in the posh surroundings.
"ya ready ta spend an evening wid da big wheels?" asked Steelbeak, stunning Bushroot with a dazzling smile as he took his arm.
"s-sure." Bushroot smiled back. The elevator doors opened, and they stepped out.
************
Notes: I know this story, so far, is not what many would call Slash, but I promise that Steelbeak won't be a female for the whole thing, and we'll get some good, old-fashioned slashyness in there. But hey, don't you want to know what kind of underwear he bought? *snickers* anyway, yeah, I think that's all I have to say about this for now. I should hope that, by now, I don't have to beg for reviews, but I probably will end up doing it anyway…
By Tinselcat
Rating: PG. Okay, I know I promised previously that I would crank up the rating, but I wanted to get another chapter up, and next one really will have more action, I promise! It won't stay tame! That would go against my principles…
Disclaimer: Steelbeak, Bushroot, FOWL and Saint Canard are all property and creations of the Walt Disney company, used without permission (big surprise, that.). Dr. Kamo Quack is all mine, but if you want to use her in a story, just email me and ask.
Summary: Steelbeak and Bushroot go…*dramatic music* SHOPPING!!
*********
Steelbeak found the sensation of the wind blowing his hair not entirely unpleasant. Not that he wouldn't take back his large red crest in an instant. Thinking about Bushroot and how wide his eyes had gotten when Steelbeak announced that he was his date forced a smile onto the agent's beak. So what if Bushroot's looks were a bit on the unusual side, he was actually kinda… cute. The way he hesitated to make eye contact, and blushed when approaching delicate subjects was rather endearing. And the way he immediately brightened and seemed to come into his element when talking science was… *wat da 'ell am I tinkin'?* thought Steelbeak frantically, *not only is dis guy a tree-huggin' nutcase, 'e's also a walkin', talkin' unnatural 'istory exhibit! Now dat's just freaky!* surprisingly, the fact that Bushroot *was* a guy didn't bother him that much. Hell, it didn't bother him at *all*. He found the prospect of going out with the shy botanist rather appealing. Well, what the hell, it was just one night, why not make the best of it?
He finally pulled into his parking space, and entered his building through the back, not wanting to raise any suspicions by the doorman or the lobby clerk. He made his way into his apartment and flopped into bed, not bothering to ditch his clothes. He rolled over and closed his eyes, falling into an easy sleep.
************
"…Already? Thank you… he should be here any minute, I'll tell him. Are you at the lab now, can we just pick it up?… great… Actually, I'm not sure what he wants to do for three hours before his meeting, but I can only guess that he has a plan… *ahem* I'm s-sure that that's not what he had in m- mind… oh, I can see his car now. See you in a few minutes. Bye." Bushroot hung up the phone, all-too-aware that his face was still hot with embarrassment. *some people!* he thought to himself as he unlocked the door, *really, I don't see how she could suggest that Steelbeak might be interested in…* his thoughts trailed off as Steelbeak entered his greenhouse, scowling at spike who growled in response.
He was wearing his usual clothes, though his belt was cinched tight and the coat and trousers hung loosely off of him. He also wore his hat. Bushroot mused that he seemed to be in a better mood, though still far from thrilled.
"Dr. Quack just called. She thinks she may have a solution, she wants us to meet her at her lab to pick it up." Bushroot threw on his black trenchcoat and donned his own hat over his bushy purple hair.
"okay, den. Let's go."
The odd pair were somewhat more conversational while driving through the city this time.
"er, so, uh… what is it that you want to do between now and your meeting?" asked Bushroot, his face reddening at the thought of what Dr. Quack had suggested over the phone.
"I ain't showin' up ta my meetin' dressed like dis. I gotta find somethin' dat fits! An' dat includs undaweah an' shoes an' stuff. Plus, I gotta do some'tin wid my 'air!" he absently tossed said hair over his shoulder in a casual move which Bushroot found entirely too attractive.
Within 15 minutes they were, once again, in Dr. Quack's laboratory, where she was holding two syringes, filled with a cloudy, colorless liquid toward Bushroot. "My colleague says that a solution such as this should work. Based on what I know of what happened to you, this should hopefully reverse the process. I'm not sure how long it will take, so you should probably plan on the process taking at least as long as the first one. I would also recommend going to sleep immediately after the first injection, as that may have something to do with the change, we don't want to take any chances."
Bushroot took the syringes and peered into them, "what's in this?"
"well, there's a form of chemically altered testosterone, as well as some of the other ingredients you would find in steroids. I added a chemical catalyst that should hopefully speed up the reaction once the solution is in his system."
"should we use both at once?"
"well, the second one is more of a precautionary booster. If you don't see any change within 12 hours of the first injection, the second one probably won't do any good either. However, if there is any change at all after 12 hours, even if you seem to be completely back to normal, I would use the second injection anyway. It's basically there to make sure the process doesn't reverse or anything."
Bushroot nodded in comprehension and pocketed the two syringes. "Thanks a lot." He smiled hesitantly at the other scientist.
For some crazy reason, Steelbeak felt jealous of the doctor. "well, as much as I'd love to sit an' talk science, da green-guy an' I got some errands ta run. Catch ya later, doc." He threaded his arm around Bushroot's. Bushroot gave him a startled look, then quickly broke eye-contact, his face reddening.
"good luck." Said Dr. Quack as Steelbeak and Bushroot headed toward the door, "let me know how it goes."
"so, umm… where are we going?" asked Bushroot as they got in Steelbeak's car.
"I dunno. Ta go grab somthin' off the sales-rack. No point in lookin' nice."
"why not?"
Steelbeak snorted, "look at me, leaf-brain. I wouldn't even fit inta an extra-small Armani, fer chrissake! It ain't like I can look impressive like dis!"
"but Steelbeak, you've always taken pride in your image. Why should this be any different?"
"because… w-well, because… I dunno. I ain't exactly cut out ta wear a dress, am I?"
"I think you'd look nice. I mean, you've always looked nice before" Bushroot grinned, "you'd probably look good in a potato sack, female or not."
Steelbeak looked quickly over at Bushroot who blushed again and suddenly seemed to find the dashboard very interesting. Steelbeak returned his eyes to the road and smiled to himself. "okay, den. We spare no expense. 'ell, I can afford it. where to foist?"
they cruised through the streets of the expensive shopping district. Steelbeak pulled up in front of *Feathoria's Secret*. "wat?" he said at Bushroot's stunned expression, "youse don't tink I'm walkin' inta dat restaurant wid'out a bra, do ya?"
"er, er, I think I'll just wait out here for you" said Bushroot nervously.
"wat, ya don't wanna help me pick som'ting out?" Steelbeak asked mischievously as he got out of the car.
Bushroot stared, bug-eyed at the agent as he snickered and headed into the store. *was he flirting with me?* his stunned mind thought, *no way… but… I suppose he could have been… but why?* these nervous thoughts continued to race through his head until Steelbeak emerged from the lingerie store, a plastic bag in one hand and his coat and hat in the other. Bushroot tried as hard as he could not to look at the bag, though he found he was curious as to what, exactly, was inside.
"alright, now fer a dress. An' yer gonna need some'tin too." Steelbeak raced off, hair whipping about his face. He pulled in front of another, larger store with glittering dresses displayed in the window on one side of the glass double-doors, and handsome suits in the other. "I get all my suits 'ere, but I gotta admit, I neva been in da ladies department yet!" he found a parking space and eagerly led Bushroot inside the store.
Surrounded by so many styles and fashions, and the smell of new clothes, Bushroot felt as if he were in a foreign country. A store attendant walked briskly up to them. Bushroot immediately felt slightly threatened by the perfume and makeup-wearing woman. Her outfit was spotless, and her stiletto heels looked like they could impale a person.
"'ey there," said Steelbeak, "we're lookin' fer-"
"don't speak!" the woman held up a hand dramatically as she looked them both over.
Steelbeak's beak snapped shut with a 'clang'.
"Gracious!" she exclaimed, "you do need help, don't you? the 'casual cross- dresser' look went out *months* ago!" she grabbed Steelbeak's hand and practically dragged him into the ladies department. Bushroot followed behind. She grabbed a few dresses, seemingly at random, from a rack, thrust them at Steelbeak, and shoved him toward a dressing room, "now, you try those on, we'll see if we can't fix up something for your boyfriend."
"b-but, I'm not… I'm not…" stuttered Bushroot as he, in turn, was dragged to the men's department.
"I see you in black. Possibly silver… and definitely with shoulder-pads, because, darling, you're as cute as a ring-tailed lemur,"
"a what?"
"but you need to make a strong impression on people! We'll get you some hair gel, too, static's a bitch this time of year, don't you think?"
"uh…"
"well, no matter. You'll look like the alpha stud-muffin once I'm through with you!"
the next few minutes passed in a blur as Bushroot numbly took the orders of the woman who was throwing various articles of clothing at him and ordering him to try them on. He wasn't even sure what he ended up with when he was ushered back to the ladies department with a suit over one arm. The woman sat him down in a padded chair in front of the three mirrors which stood next to the changing room.
"how is it coming in there?" the attendant called into Steelbeak's dressing room.
"'ow da 'ell do youse people get dese damn zippers up? An' where da 'ell does dis strap go? I already gots, like, five! I don't know whether ta lace this part up, or use it ta keep dis damn thing on my chest!"
Bushroot hid a smile behind his hand, as he imagined a very tangled Steelbeak trying to figure out how to wear the dress.
"come out, it can't be that difficult!" said the attendant. "oh, excuse me!" she bustled out as another victim came through the door, with a lost look on his face.
Steelbeak stepped out of the dressing room in a hidious bright pink monstrosity with far too many frills. He stepped in front of the mirror. "'oly shit!" he turned to Bushroot, "am I a lady, or a birthday cake? Whaddaya think?"
"err… it's not really your color, is it?"
"yeah, I look like an easter egg! Ta 'ell wid dis get-up! Gimme some'tin a little simpler." He gathered the excess frills into his hands and stalked back into the changing room. After a few bumps, grunts and swears, he came out in a pale blue dress, covered in sequins. He looked at himself in the mirror. "well?" he said, addressing Bushroot.
"umm… it's… nice…" Bushroot said, tentatively.
"christ, I could blind someone wid dis 'ting!" he looked at Bushroot over his shoulder, "plus, I 'tink it makes my ass look big. Does dis dress make me look fat?" he turned to Bushroot and planted his hands on his hips.
"w-well…" Bushroot suddenly started to sweat. This was a question he had never expected to be asked after the little accident which had rendered him thus. "it's rather… sparkly…"
"yer right, too much glitter. I'd go fer some'tin a little more subdued." He marched back into the dressing room. Bushroot sighed and stared about him as he heard more bumping and cursing coming from the dressing room. Finally, the door opened once more. He prepared himself for something covered with lace and gauze but, when he caught site of his 'date', his breath caught. The sheath-dress had an empire waist which switched from satin to a velvety fabric just below the bust. It was a dark, rich wine- red, with slits up the sides that came to mid-thigh.
"well? whaddaya 'tink? Another dead-end?"
"wow…" breathed Bushroot.
Steelbeak gave him a puzzled look.
"I-I mean…" he took a deep breath, "Steelbeak, you look very beautiful in that dress." To his chagrin, his bold words came out in a high-pitched, squeaky voice and, to no one's surprise, blushed again. However, he made himself hold eye contact to see Steelbeak's reaction.
Steelbeak smiled, "t'anks, Bushroot. It means a lot." He said quietly. He returned to the dressing room and eventually emerged in his own pants and shirt. "almost done." He said.
Their final stop was the shoe department, where they were once more assaulted by the enthusiastic attendant, who nearly killed them both with various flying strappy platforms.
They finally staggered out of the store, laden with vestments, with the attendant spraying them with cologne and perfume with names like "canard klein's 'bored'".
They made it to the 'Seeking Skylines' building, the rest being a hotel, and changed in the restrooms in the foyer. Steelbeak, having almost gone into the gentleman's room with Bushroot, emerged from the lady's room complaining about his bra. They deposited their other clothes in Steelbeak's car, and headed up to the elevators. Bushroot stole repeated glances at Steelbeak as they rode up, getting more nervous by the moment. for every floor they went up, Steelbeak seemed more at ease, especially in the posh surroundings.
"ya ready ta spend an evening wid da big wheels?" asked Steelbeak, stunning Bushroot with a dazzling smile as he took his arm.
"s-sure." Bushroot smiled back. The elevator doors opened, and they stepped out.
************
Notes: I know this story, so far, is not what many would call Slash, but I promise that Steelbeak won't be a female for the whole thing, and we'll get some good, old-fashioned slashyness in there. But hey, don't you want to know what kind of underwear he bought? *snickers* anyway, yeah, I think that's all I have to say about this for now. I should hope that, by now, I don't have to beg for reviews, but I probably will end up doing it anyway…
