Author's Note: This story is basically my speculation on this question: What if Jasna Kovac had survived the bombing in Vukovar? Things you need to know: It takes place around the middle of season 6, so any character development we've seen since then is irrelevant. Also, since this is season 6, Luka and Abby are not together. They are, however, better acquainted than they were in the real season 6. For simplicity's sake, Luka never had anything with Carol besides friendship. There is no hotel; Luka and Jasna live in an apartment. Jasna is 14 years old (forgive me if that's not accurate, but I'm not sure if anyone knows how old she'd really be). Abby is a nurse – the med school thing didn't happen. What? It's my alternate universe, so I can do what I want! J Hopefully everything else will become clear as the story progresses.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the familiar characters; they belong to NBC and whomever else; I am making no money off this; it is for entertainment only; yadda yadda yadda.
Archives: Sure, go ahead. Just let me know where.
Blood and Water – Part 1
by Kate
He was drowning. Sinking deeper and deeper in the water, and he thought it would be futile to struggle anymore. Until he heard a sound – a sound that made him reconsider. So he began struggling again, struggling to the surface, pulling the water with his powerful arms until he broke the surface, gasping.
Luka lay in bed for a few moments, wondering what had woken him from his dream. He listened carefully in the darkened room until he heard it again – a quiet whimpering coming from down the hall. Running a hand across his face, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. As he walked down the hall, the whimpering became louder, changing into cries and sobs. He pushed open the door of his daughter's room and turned on the small lamp on the desk beside the door. In the soft light, he could see her thrashing on the bed, her fists clenched to her chest. Kneeling by her bed, he grasped her shoulders gently. "Wake up, Jasna. Wake up, it's only a dream," he whispered. Jasna's eyes fluttered and closed again as she frowned and muttered something incoherent. "Jas, wake up," Luka urged again, a bit louder.
She gasped and her body jerked as if someone had hit her. Her gaze, still haunted by sleep and dreams, swung wildly around the room until it came to rest on her father. He smiled gently and smoothed the hair from her sweaty forehead. "You were dreaming, honey." Luka had learned long ago that it was better to talk his daughter through the process of waking up after a nightmare than to let her go it alone. "You're awake now." He watched as she unclenched her fists and scrubbed her palms across her wet face. "You're awake, Jasna," he repeated.
Jasna sighed shakily and nodded. "I'm awake," she murmured, almost as if to convince herself.
Luka continued stroking her forehead until her breathing slowed. "Okay now?" he asked, knowing she wouldn't want to talk about her dream. She was often exhausted after being woken up from a nightmare, and the last thing she was willing to do was relive it for her father.
"Okay," she agreed, yawning. She swiped her hands across her face once more as Luka pulled the blanket back over her shoulders. "I'm just tired…" she mumbled, already drifting off.
Luka stood, staring down at his sleeping daughter. She still had a tense look on her face, even in sleep, and he hoped her slumber would be uninterrupted for the rest of the night. He gently deposited a kiss on her forehead before returning to his bedroom. Lying in bed, he stared up at the ceiling, sleep out of his grasp. He would never have dreamed, fourteen years ago, how his life would change because of that tiny baby in the hospital bassinette. That tiny baby, who had grown into such a beautiful girl, a beautiful girl who was haunted by terrible dreams, a beautiful girl who had no mother to kiss her tears away.
~*~
Walking into the kitchen, Jasna tossed her school bag onto the table and headed for the refrigerator. As she pulled out a carton of orange juice and poured herself a glass, Luka looked up from the paper. "Good morning," he ventured. She made a noncommittal sound in her throat, sipping the juice and absently tugging on a stray strand of dark hair by her face. She was always like this the morning after a nightmare – guarded, cautious, almost sullen. He'd become used to it, but that didn't mean he gave up trying. "Jas, how about something to eat?"
She shook her head, placing the glass in the sink and settling her bag over her shoulder. "I'm not hungry. And I'll be late for the bus." As he opened his mouth to protest, she glanced at him, a ghost of a smile crossing her features. "I know, I know. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Here." She grabbed a Pop Tart from the box on the counter and turned to leave.
Luka got up from the table, following his daughter to the door. "Jasna, last night…Do you want to talk about it?"
She snorted softly. "I have to go," she said. "You have the late shift tonight, right? So I'll see you tomorrow?" Luka hardly had time to answer in the affirmative before the door closed behind her and her voice barely floated back to him. "'Bye, Tata."
He sank back into his chair, sighing heavily. "I love you, Jasna," he whispered to the door.
~*~
"Dr. Kovac?" The voice sounded like it was coming from very far away. He shifted his body slightly and tried to ignore it. "Dr. Kovac?" Whoever it was, was persistent. "Dr. Kovac?"
Luka grunted, forcing his eyes open. He could barely make out the figure standing in the doorway. Squinting against the light coming in from the hallway, he identified Abby Lockhart. He rubbed his palm across his face, hoping he hadn't been drooling. "Yes?"
She stepped farther into the room. "We've got a multiple MVA coming in, ETA 5 minutes. I'm sorry," She shifted on her feet slightly, looking embarrassed, "but you said to wake you if…"
He sat up, unfolding his long legs from the couch and waving his right hand in response to her apology. "It's okay, I'm awake." Standing up, he stretched slowly and shook his head, trying to shake the sleep from his brain. "What time is it?"
"10:30," she responded, and moved aside to let him out the door of the lounge. "Coffee?" She offered the styrofoam cup she'd been holding. "I thought you might need some."
Luka sighed gratefully, taking the proffered cup. "Thank you." He took a sip, grimacing at the taste but thankful for the fact that it was caffeinated.
Together, they walked out to the ambulance bay. Leaning against the building, Luka tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle a yawn. Abby glanced at him. "You okay?" He gave her a questioning look as her face reddened. "Sorry…I mean…well, no one's ever seen you sleep while you're here." She looked to the ground, shuffling her feet self-consciously. Silently, she chided herself. Not quite as bad as the classic "you look tired" comment, but close.
Luka chuckled softly. "I don't think I have before. That couch, it is too short." He shook his right leg a bit to emphasize his point as Abby laughed. Feeling as if he had to explain himself, he continued. "My daughter, she has been having a lot of…bad dreams?"
Abby nodded. "Nightmares?" she supplied.
"Yes, nightmares. I think I worry too much, because afterward, I never sleep." Abby was staring intently at him as he spoke, and now it was Luka's turn to look embarrassed. He hadn't meant to tell anyone about his personal life, about his worries for Jasna, but there was just something…something about Abby that made him want to keep talking. And he might have, had Malucci not come outside at that moment.
"You guys waiting for the overdose?" Dave asked, oblivious to the fact that neither Luka nor Abby looked very happy to see him.
Abby cleared her throat. "No, the MVA."
Dave nodded as an ambulance sped into the bay. "Well, I hope that's yours, because I was planning on a longer break than this," he said as the paramedics wheeled a gurney towards the doors.
Tossing his coffee cup into the garbage bin, Luka shot Abby a quick smile before grabbing the gurney. "Okay, let's go. What do we have?"
~*~
Luka unlocked the door and tiptoed into the apartment, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake Jasna. Setting his keys and jacket on the table, he noticed a scribbled note from Jasna, a phone message about his car's repairs. She had signed the note simply with a heart.
Luka smiled softly. What had he done to deserve such a daughter? He headed for his bedroom but paused by her door, opening it a crack. The light from the hallway barely illuminated the figure on the bed, and he had to strain his eyes to see. Yes, she was sleeping peacefully. Luka felt a familiar ache in the pit of his stomach as he watched his daughter sleep. Her dark hair was fanned out on her pillow and in one hand she clutched the stuffed frog, Žaba, that she'd had since birth. Sometimes she looked so much like her mother that Luka could scarcely believe it. He was filled with such an overwhelming combination of love and sorrow that he could barely breathe. "She's a good girl, Danijela," he whispered. "You would be proud of her. But am I doing things right? The way you would?" He trailed off and stepped back, closing the door carefully. "I'm trying, Danijela. I really am…"
to be continued…
