Title: If the Bird Returns
Author: Sphynx
Notes: I really didn't mean for this to get so long. Hoohumm.Well, this
comes after "No Escape".
Disclaimers: For the last time.The boys aren't real and they aren't mine.
The song "It Doesn't Matter" (©Harley Allen/Coburn Music, Inc., BMI) is not
mine. I don't have that much creative genius. Don't sue me.I have nothing
(not even the computer I write this on).
He hasn't been back in a couple of days. Not since he gave me the note. But it doesn't matter if he never comes back. Nothing will change the fact that I love him, and I forgive him. If he chooses to keep running from me, even though I am far from perfect, then I will still love him. But it's not easy. I sit here and cry still, crying for the loss, for the bitterness I felt, for the things that make me far less than perfect and unworthy of anyone's love. It used to be that he would tell me that he wasn't worthy, not it is I that am not worthy. Will he come back?
It doesn't matter what I want It doesn't matter what I need It doesn't matter if I cry Don't matter if I bleed You've been on a road Don't know where it goes or where it leads
Where is he now I wonder? Does he still feel unworthy of me? I wish he would come back. I want to apologize. For being weak. I was so utterly weak without him. He had always been my strength. Will he come back after finding out how weak I am, that without him, I am nothing? The doctors say that if I continue to dwell on him I will never get better. They send a psychiatrist every day now that they think I am strong enough to confront my problems. But they don't know that it is not the same. I know why he left now, it is grief I am feeling, not a loss of direction.
It doesn't matter what I want It doesn't matter what I need If you've made up your mind to go I won't beg you to stay You've been in a cage Throw you to the wind you fly away
The psychiatrist has finally suggested something worth trying. He seems to have figured out what is depressing me. He told me that if I truly love Trowa that I should let him go. If he comes back to me, then he will never leave again like he did before. So I am letting go. I will always love him, but for my own happiness I have to let go.
It doesn't matter what I want It doesn't matter what I need It doesn't matter if I cry Doesn't matter if I bleed Feel the sting of tears Falling on this face you've loved for years
(One year later)
It's been a year now since the doctor told me I had to let go. I still cry sometimes. But I truly only wish the best for Trowa. He's never been back, but that hasn't killed the hope that he will be someday. The doctors have finally found me fit to go without weekly counseling. We are having a party later tonight. Everyone I love will be there, except Trowa.
(Later that night)
There was a knock on the door a little after the party started. Someone went to answer it, and when they didn't come back I went after them. My bird had flown back. Trowa was standing in the door looking steadily at an irate Duo who didn't seem to want to let him in. Duo tried to stand guard, but he wasn't expecting an attack from the rear as I ran to embrace my world-weary love. I just stood there crying in his arms and he held me tight.
"I never want to let you go," he whispered softly.
He hasn't been back in a couple of days. Not since he gave me the note. But it doesn't matter if he never comes back. Nothing will change the fact that I love him, and I forgive him. If he chooses to keep running from me, even though I am far from perfect, then I will still love him. But it's not easy. I sit here and cry still, crying for the loss, for the bitterness I felt, for the things that make me far less than perfect and unworthy of anyone's love. It used to be that he would tell me that he wasn't worthy, not it is I that am not worthy. Will he come back?
It doesn't matter what I want It doesn't matter what I need It doesn't matter if I cry Don't matter if I bleed You've been on a road Don't know where it goes or where it leads
Where is he now I wonder? Does he still feel unworthy of me? I wish he would come back. I want to apologize. For being weak. I was so utterly weak without him. He had always been my strength. Will he come back after finding out how weak I am, that without him, I am nothing? The doctors say that if I continue to dwell on him I will never get better. They send a psychiatrist every day now that they think I am strong enough to confront my problems. But they don't know that it is not the same. I know why he left now, it is grief I am feeling, not a loss of direction.
It doesn't matter what I want It doesn't matter what I need If you've made up your mind to go I won't beg you to stay You've been in a cage Throw you to the wind you fly away
The psychiatrist has finally suggested something worth trying. He seems to have figured out what is depressing me. He told me that if I truly love Trowa that I should let him go. If he comes back to me, then he will never leave again like he did before. So I am letting go. I will always love him, but for my own happiness I have to let go.
It doesn't matter what I want It doesn't matter what I need It doesn't matter if I cry Doesn't matter if I bleed Feel the sting of tears Falling on this face you've loved for years
(One year later)
It's been a year now since the doctor told me I had to let go. I still cry sometimes. But I truly only wish the best for Trowa. He's never been back, but that hasn't killed the hope that he will be someday. The doctors have finally found me fit to go without weekly counseling. We are having a party later tonight. Everyone I love will be there, except Trowa.
(Later that night)
There was a knock on the door a little after the party started. Someone went to answer it, and when they didn't come back I went after them. My bird had flown back. Trowa was standing in the door looking steadily at an irate Duo who didn't seem to want to let him in. Duo tried to stand guard, but he wasn't expecting an attack from the rear as I ran to embrace my world-weary love. I just stood there crying in his arms and he held me tight.
"I never want to let you go," he whispered softly.
