TITLE: My Enemy's Enemy
AUTHOR: Bellerophon
EMAIL: bellerophon_666@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: WWF
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, nor do I claim to.
DISTRIBUTION: Anyone can have this story as long as they ask first.
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: What could've happened during the whole Alliance debacle.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:This doesn't follow any particular time line, I've kinda taken artistic license and made a whole lot of stuff up. But hey, it's fiction so I'm allowed. It should become clear what's going on as the story progress's. Team Xtreme are still together, E&C have broken up, Jericho hasn't been the Undisputed Champion and the whole alliance thing is still going on. Make sense? Don't worry, I'm sure it will sooner or later. Thanks to everyone who offered to beta for me when I asked and also to those of you who have helped me with finding out a whole lot of stuff I didn't know. Also, apologies to Karen because I keep forgetting rules. I'll try not to break any this time.
CHAPTER 4
Stephanie couldn't move. She was being held captive by the dozens of elephants stomping around in her head. They had paralysed her from the hair down. Once again, she had managed to forget how much alcohol disagreed with her system. Unbelievably she managed to moan in pain, causing her soft warm pillow to ripple...wait, ripple? Since when did a pillow ripple much like a man's chest did?
She cautiously opened one eye, noting thankfully that the sun hadn't risen enough for it too shine straight into her eyes, and examined what she was lying on. She could only see a little patch of material but it appeared to be a jersey of some sort. And if Stephanie wasn't mistaken, there was also a person inside that jersey. She tried to remember how exactly she had gotten into this position. She had definitely been in Jericho's room last night. She had definitely drunk a ton of mini hotel bottles. Horrifically, she was piecing together some facts. One: she was currently lying on some one wearing a jersey. Two: to her knowledge, apart from his atrocious ring attire, jerseys were Jericho's main clothing item of choice. This had to be investigated further.
Wincing at the continuing aching in her head, Stephanie opened her other eye and saw part of some letters on the jersey. Moving her head slightly, Stephanie's eyes widened in shock when she read the large letters decorating the front of the jersey. Y2J. No way. She was not lying on Chris Jericho. This *had* to be a nightmare. She swallowed and raised her head, hoping that, somehow, it wasn't Jericho she was lying on. The room spun the more she moved and she could feel her nausea growing, but she forgot about her hangover as soon as she saw the face of the person she was lying on.
Nightmare of nightmares, today it seemed that God wasn't on her side. And it also seemed that Jericho was waking up from underneath her.
"Oh God, who's put an elephant on me?" Jericho moaned, opened his eyes and smirked. "Never mind. It's just Stephanie."
Stephanie glared at him as she tried to free herself from the sheets wrapped around her. "How in hell did I end up in the same bed as you!?" She finally wrenched the sheets from her and stumbled out of bed, the room spinning as her head swam.
"Well, you might not remember but I certainly do! I never thought I'd see Stephanie McMahon stinking drunk and crying during Romeo and Juliet. Not only that, but you must have issues with Triple Nose in the bedroom because you were certainly making a play for me last night," Chris grinned. He was about to admit he was just joking but Stephanie beat his insult with a physical one of her own.
Her face twisted in disgust and she put a hand to her mouth. "Oh my god, I'm going to be sick," she spat out. She spun around and ran into the bathroom, suitable sound effects following. Chris frowned. He was pretty sure that the idea of sleeping with him making Stephanie throw up was a pretty bad insult. Now he wasn't sure who out of the two of them was winning their fight. Oh well, there would be time to get her back once she was done painting the toilet bowl.
KNOCK KNOCK-KNOCK KNOCK-KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
Chris shook his head. Why couldn't Matt, Jeff and Lita be late just once? He had asked them to stop by this morning with clothes that the Princess Bitch could borrow, and also so they could hang out today before RAW. God knows he wasn't going to spend the day *protecting* Stephanie by himself. Pfff, like she needed protection. She could puncture ear drums with her voice alone.
Chris made his way to his door and opened it, greeting his friends. They trooped inside and sat themselves down, except for Lita who stomped into his kitchen and started making coffee. She was spitting insults about Jeff and Matt under her breath as she gathered sugar milk and the coffee mugs on a tray. She picked the tray up and carried it to the table, setting it down before the sitting wrestlers.
Chris's eyes widened. "What is going on here? Lita, you never make coffee. You hate coffee. You hate Matt and Jeff when they drink coffee. Why are *you* making them coffee and would some one please tell Matt and Jeff to stop giggling like little girls!"
Matt calmed down just enough for him to choke out the joke, "Me and Jeff won a bet with Lita about who could go the longest without chocolate." He lost himself in another fit of laughter. "And…and…and….we found Lita with chocolate hidden in her bra!"
Jeff picked up a mug and poured a river of sugar in. "Now Lita has to make us coffee for a month!" He grinned at Chris, "We got ourselves a coffee slave!" He raised the mug, about to take a sip when a delicate hand reached from behind them all and snatched it from him. "Hey…"
The group turned around in time to see Stephanie McMahon drink deeply from the mug, and walk slowly into the kitchen. They watched in amusement as she poured a glass of water, found some aspirin, swallowed them both and sank down out of sight. Chris turned back around and shook his head. "You cannot leave me alone with her."
Lita sat herself down between Matt and Jeff, elbowing the younger Hardy, "What do you expect us to do? We're no exactly her favourite people. In fact, no one knows who her favourite people are! She won't tell anyone," Lita huffed.
Chris rolled his eyes. "Who cares? As far as I'm concerned, her little Alliance buddies can drop off the planet."
Stephanie smacked him over the head as she walked back to the bedroom. "Care a little more, Jericho. After all, they are going to save your ass." She smirked as she looked back from the bedroom door. "Guess you were too much of a pussy to try and save yourself, Jerky." And the door slammed shut behind her.
"Wooo, I keep forgetting how much she hates you, Chris." Lita muttered. "Got yourself a real fan there."
They heard some thudding noises coming from the bedroom. "I don't even want to think about what she's doing in there," Matt frowned.
"She didn't happen to smuggle any young wrestlers in the room, did she?" Jeff laughed. The rest of the group eyed the door. She couldn't have…and then the noises stopped and the door opened.
"Oh no way! I don't think so, Princess," Chris snapped.
Stephanie smirked at him. She walked out wearing an old pair of his jeans, which actually fit her, albeit loosely. Probably because they were skin tight on him. She was also wearing a Y2J sleeveless hocky jersey, with her hair tied back and hidden beneath his *favourite* baseball cap. Chris shook his head. "Take them off," he ordered.
"Sorry Jericho, I'm a little tired. Maybe your little ho over there would like to," Stephanie suggested, indicating Lita. Lita gave her the finger.
Chris glared at her. Granted, she looked good in his clothes, much better than when she was trying to look like a prostitute. But still, they were his… "I'm serious."
"So am I. You can stop whining like a little girl about having to stay here with me. I'm going shopping for the day," she said airily and picked up her little bag.
"I don't think so. For one thing, Vince would have me killed in a really pain filled way if I let you wander off like the dopey little Princess you are. Secondly, you don't need to because Lita kindly decided to take pity on you in your friendless situation and brought some clothes for you to borrow," Chris finished.
Stephanie raised an eyebrow and settled into her 'I don't think so' pose. "If you think for one second that I would even touch her rags, you need your head examined. I don't know where she's been," Stephanie smirked at Lita. Matt restrained his girlfriend from tackling the smiling brunette. No one was holding Chris or Jeff down though.
"Why are you such a bitch!?" Jeff snapped, as he stood up and looked, well, up at her. Stephanie was about the same height as him, maybe a little taller and, quite frankly, she had scary eyes. Despite his anger, he noted that and decided next time he wouldn't stand so close to her. "We're the ones suffering here."
"Your suffering? I'm the one having to stand here and smell your gross breath. Ever heard of a toothbrush?" Stephanie pulled a disgusted face and took a step back. "You obviously don't want me here. I obviously don't want to have to look on your dog-ugly faces. I'm doing us all a favour." She pulled a face at Jericho before turning and walking out of the hotel room.
"Stephanie, if you walk out that door!?…" Chris yelled even as the door slammed shut after she had walked out. He growled as he turned around. "Have I ever told you guys that Slutanie is my most favourite person ever!? No? That's because I hate her!" He yelled. "Now we have to walk around, following her as she shops! Shops!"
"I don't have gross breath. Do I, Lita?" Jeff leant over Lita and breathed on her. Her response was to punch him and give him a dead arm. "I'll take that as a no."
"Okay, we can't let her wander around by herself. If any Alliance people see her, she'll get her cute little butt kicked." Chris frowned. Cute? No, he did not just say that Stephanie 'Evil Bitch From The Depths Of Hell' McMahon had a cute butt.
Jeff and Matt looked at each other. Cute little butt? Never mind, there'd be time to laugh about Chris later. Right now there was the problem of a shopping excursion. Neither wanted to go on a girly shopping trip with the Hell-bitch. Both knew a way of getting out of it. Neither wanted to give up their coffee slave though. Jeff sighed, said a silent goodbye to all that coffee and nodded to Matt. Matt gave a weak smile and turned to Lita. "Uh, Lita? Me and Jeff have been talking…"
"Oh my god. Have you guys been doing that weird think the same thing as each other thing again? You know what, you are both freaks." Lita rolled her eyes and then laughed when Matt mock punched her. "Okay, what were you, air-quote, thinking?"
"Well, someone has to follow the Spoiled One and you don't want to be our coffee slave for a month. Connect the dots, Smoochy," Jeff ruffled her hair and grinned.
Lita eyed them both. "Let's just get this clear. I follow little Miss Bitchy, make sure she doesn't get seen by any Alliance people and I'm absolved from my chocolatey sin?" Matt and Jeff nodded. "One conditions, guys. If I do this, you both have to give up coffee for a month."
"A month? No coffee-loving way! Here's a better deal. I'll give you a foot massage." Matt offered.
Jeff snorted and mock whispered to Chris. "That's actually more punishing. You may not know this but there are rotting animals that smell better than Lita's feet."
"Jeff, don't make me beat you up…" Lita glared at him. He raised his hands in surrender. "That's the deal, guys. You give up coffee for a month, I follow Stephanie for a day. Take it or leave it."
"Deal," Matt sighed at Lita as they shook hands. "Better get a move on. It doesn't count if you can't even find Stephanie. Have fun carrying her bags."
Lita glared at him and as she walked out, "I hate you guys so much." Then she grinned, waved and shut the door.
Chris turned and looked at the two frowning Hardys. "What's wrong? We just got ourselves a guys day. No Lita, no crazy hell-bitch. Go crazy!"
"I can't believe we just gave up coffee," Matt sighed.
"A month! A whole freaking month! She's evil, Matt. Your girlfriend is evil and she wants me to suffer," Jeff pouted and drained the last of the coffee left in the mug. He drank it all in one swallow and then paused as he thought of something. "I just had a brainwave. Chris is right for the first time ever!"
"Hey…"
"That's a pretty big call, Jeff. He's never been right before," Matt smirked.
"Hey!"
"I'm serious. About the no Lita thing. If she's not here, she isn't gonna be able to see us drinking all the coffee we can. We need to stock up if we're going without for a month, Matt."
"Don't you have a match tonight against Christian, Jeff?" Chris asked, hoping to stop what he could see coming.
"Like that blonde idiot could stop me. I'm Jeff Hardy, coffee connoisseur." He reached for the phone and ordered five pots of coffee. Matt was grinning and nodding. Chris was contemplating jumping out a window. Imagine, both Hardys on caffeine highs. Maybe it wasn't too late to join Lita.
"Let the coffee-a-thon begin!"
*********
Stephanie tried to ignore the red-headed woman as she examined clothes in some boutique she had wandered into. Stephanie had figured Jericho would probably send someone to watch out for her, or as she liked to put it, spy on her. It looked like Lita was the lucky girl to do it. Stephanie smirked, maybe she could give Lita some fashion tips like how to wear underwear inside clothes. No, Stephanie decided that instead it would just be more fun to play the game she had come up with half an hour ago. Lita had been following her like a bad smell for an hour then and Stephanie had decided some fun was in order. After about five minutes of hiding and watch Lita stress out, thinking she had lost her, Stephanie had come out of hiding and continued pretending she had no idea that Lita was around. It was actually really difficult trying not to smirk and look like a crazy person.
Stephanie held up a strapless dress and looked it over. Not bad, easily something Daddy's credit card could pay for. She waltzed over to the cashier and laid it on the counter. Drumming her fingers, she waited for the assistant to come and serve her. He seemed very busy trying to look trendy as he racked clothes. Rolling her eyes, Stephanie dropped the dress on the floor and walked out. The dress wasn't that nice and she didn't like being kept waiting. She glared at the shocked man as she walked out the door.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit," Lita muttered as she tried to hide behind a fountain. Stephanie had walked out of that shop a lot sooner than expected and she hadn't had time to find a decent hiding place. Not to mention the fact that people were looking at her like she was a crazy person.
Stephanie rolled her eyes and walked over to the fountain. "You can come out, Lita. I know your there."
She heard a curse then Lita emerged from behind the fountain, water dripping from her hair. "Thanks for telling me after I get soaked. Really, thanks a bunch."
"I aim to please. Now honestly, Lita, this is such a waste of your time. You don't need to follow me around. No one's going to attack me when I'm surrounded by people and even if they did, I can scream like a banshee. You go off and have fun. Get a tattoo, buy some skanky clothes, whatever it is you do for fun. Just stop following me," Stephanie indicated in one direction. "You go that way, I'll go this way. Then we won't have the unfortunate and uncomfortable mistake of accidentally running into each other." She turned and started walking away.
"I don't think so," Lita muttered. She kept pace at Stephanie's side, "I am not giving Jeff and Matt the chance to say they're allowed to drink coffee again just because you don't want me around."
"Wow, they really are your bitches. I thought it was just a rumour." Stephanie rolled her eyes and gave up on getting rid of the flying red-head. "Okay, fine, you're not going away. How about we don't talk so people won't think we're," she paused and shivered in disgust, "friends or something. God, how socially degrading."
Now it was Lita's turn to roll her eyes. "Fine. No talking." Lita hated having to follow the spoiled woman wherever she walked but at least she wouldn't have to deal with Jeff or Matt on coffee highs for a month. That *really* sucked.
*********
Chris had known the Hardys could be hyper. In fact, Jeff was hyper all the time. But right now it was certainly odd to see Matt, the commonly acknowledged normal Hardy, helping Jeff make an Anything Cake. All Jeff's idea of course to go in the kitchen, throw every possible ingredient into a bowl, bake it and call it an Anything Cake. This could only be the influence of four pots of coffee talking.
Chris winced at the sound of something glass shattering. He looked into the kitchen but Jeff and Matt were mostly hidden by the cloud of white flour still hanging in the air there. Unfortunately, Chris had been in the kitchen during the Great Flour Fight as Matt had dubbed it. He had also been the Great Flour Fight's first, last and only casualty. He shook his head and watched a ring of white powder float off his head. Looking down, the flour still coated his clothes. Chris was now understanding why Lita wanted the Hardys off coffee. He could only hope she was doing better with Stephanie than he was with the Hyper Brothers.
A peal of laughter rung out from the kitchen. Chris sighed, stood up and walked into the white smoke to make sure they weren't about to electrocute themselves or anything. He disappeared into the whiteness.
"Jeff! Put that down! Put it down now! No, you can't cut Matt's hair!" Glass shattering. "Oh god! You've broken my little toe!" Giggles of laughter. "You are both going to pay for this!!!"
**********
"Stop insulting my taste in clothing!"
"You stop bagging out my taste in clothing and my taste in boyfriends."
"Easily done. You don't have any taste in either of those categories!"
Lita balled her hands into fists and restrained herself from cuffing the Billion Dollar Princess over her coiffed little head. As different as they were, Stephanie could be every bit as annoying as Jeff sometimes. "Lets just go back to not talking to each other."
"Fine." Stephanie stayed quiet for about five seconds. "Not like I want to talk to you anyway."
"Stephanie, this is how we started arguing in the first place!" Lita exploded. She watched in frustration as Stephanie smiled wickedly at her.
"I know. See how easy it is for me to play you?"
Lita huffed. She wondered if this was what Matt was talking about when he said having a younger sibling was often annoying even though you cared about what happened to them. Of course, she only cared about Stephanie because of the Alliance thing. Beyond that, she didn't give a stuff about the spoiled bitch. But still…Lita had always wanted a sister. She was brought out of her musings by Stephanie squealing and pulling her by the hand to a store.
"Come on, Bodyguard Barbie. I want to go in here," she smiled and led Lita in through the door.
"I'm in hell," Lita muttered. Everything was lacy and frilly and tight and pretty and so so so disgusting.
"Stop your whining, you're the one who refuses to leave me alone," Stephanie shot back as she thumbed through some clothes.
"You've already bought a ton of clothes. The delivery service will need a truck to get them to the hotel. Can't we just leave now?" Lita wiped a hand over her face. She might be great in the ring but Stephanie was an absolute machine when it came to shopping.
"Oh alright. But only because I feel sorry for you," Stephanie smirked.
Lita rolled her eyes. Why not walk right into it? "And why is that?"
"Who wouldn't feel sorry for someone dating that weirdo Hardy? Not to mention your clothing. Repeat after me: cargo pants are wrong."
Her clothing and her boyfriend. That had been the theme for the day. "Whatever. Can we go now."
"Sure. These clothes are substandard anyway." Stephanie brushed past her and walked out.
Lita watched Stephanie discreetly as they walked back to the hotel. Today had been oddly interesting. She had really seen Stephanie differently. Not that she wasn't acting like the typical bitch she was, it just seemed to Lita that perhaps she meant it in a different way. Maybe that was the way she talked to people. Maybe that was the only way she knew how to talk to people. Lita guessed it had probably helped that Stephanie wasn't wearing her usual scaggy clothes, instead in what could be considered normal. She was pretty sure Stephanie didn't really want to wear Y2J merchandise any more, though.
They walked into the hotel and waited in silence for the elevator. Once they were inside, Lita felt a sudden urge. "You know, Stephanie. We really are thankful for what you're doing. Turning on your brother and your federation. What with Hunter being a lunatic with a sledge-hammer, you're taking this huge risk and…well…it's just really nice of you." Lita finished lamely as Stephanie stared at her, eyebrows raised.
"Are you finished heaping gratitude on me like a peasant?" Stephanie rolled her eyes. "Don't pretend for a second I'm doing this for any of you. I'm doing this because no one, NO ONE, tries to make a fool out of a McMahon. Especially not me. Hunter is going to pay for his little endeavour," she spat out.
Lita took a step back. She guessed that when she was thinking about Stephanie being a nice bitch, she had forgotten about how much of a evil bitch she was. "Whatever. Forget I said anything."
"Gladly," Stephanie snapped. They walked out of the open elevator doors and Lita knocked on Chris's door. Neither of them were expecting a flour covered madman to wrench the door open, screaming, "For the love of God, no more coffee! No more!!"
Lita eyed Chris as he stood there panting in the doorway. "You let them have coffee, didn't you?"
He nodded and groaned, "It was a binge. A coffee massacre. I couldn't stop them. There was flour, goddammit, flour! I'm only human!"
Stephanie pushed him out of her way as she entered the room. Jeff and Matt jumped up from the pillow castle they were building and ran over to her, chanting 'coffee, coffee, coffee'. "Don't touch me!" She snapped. They backed off, leaving a trail of white powder behind them. Stephanie walked carefully around the fallen furniture into the bedroom. She looked back into the chaotic scene.
Lita stood in the doorway, next to a powdery Jericho. Jeff and Matt were currently jumping on a pile of cushions amid the mess on the floor. Stephanie sneered at Lita.
"Like I'd do anything for these losers."
Lita just watched as Stephanie closed the door. Sighing, she nudged Chris. "I bet you had a better day than me."
Chris just glared at her.
**********
Wooo baby. Now this story is getting somewhere. I have all sorts of wacky antics planned for this mishmash of a plot. Now for the much loved spoiler.
SPOILER: I don't know what will happen next chapter!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Anything is possible!!!!!!!
