Authors note: Firstly, thank you all so much for the feedback! I've decided to go along with my original idea which was to tell the story from Lex's POV now, basically just retelling the events so far, but as Lex saw them. Then, when I've finished that, if I feel like its going somewhere, I'll try and continue the story, write about what happens after the kiss. That's the plan for now anyway, although I'll probably change my mind half way through! Anyway, thanks again for the feedback!
Chapter 4 (Lex's POV)
When had he first fallen for Lana Lang? If anybody had ever asked him that question; and assuming he'd undergone a major personality transplant that had left him freely open to discussing his feelings, actually admitting he had feelings; then he would have been able to say, without a doubt, from the very first time he'd laid eyes on her.
It wasn't her beauty that had done it, although there was no denying she was phenomenally beautiful, surreally so in fact. It was something else, it was as though there was some kind of aura surrounding her; she seemed so pure, so innocent, so naïve, she seemed to be everything that he wasn't. Everything that he could never be. He'd known since this moment that he wanted her, wanted her more than he'd wanted anyone or anything before, it was as though there was some other-worldly force acting upon him, pulling him towards her. Yet, at the same time, he knew that he could never have her, she was never going to be his. He didn't mean this in the physical sense; after all, he was Lex Luthor – he knew how to turn on the charm, how to make any woman become putty in his hands – and he was pretty positive that with the right words, the right actions, and Lana would be no different. No, when he said he couldn't have her, he meant that he couldn't do than to her, she deserved better than him. He would only bring darkness and evil into the pure world that was that of Lana Lang. He would taint her spirit, and inevitably tear out her heart, leaving only a broken shell. Maybe this was why he pushed her so hard towards Clark. Clark was the epitome of what Lana deserved, of what she should have. Good-looking, kind, selfless, everything that Lex wasn't, everything that would make Lana happy, and when it came down to it, that was all Lex wanted to do – make Lana happy.
…………………………
That night when he'd stormed into the Talon, he had been so angry with his father, so completely furious, that not even the sight of Lana could help to subdue it. As he'd sat there the image of his Father and what he'd said to him kept running through his mind "Your Mother belongs in the past Lex, I'm doing this for our future"; and the cold, heartless expression that rested on his face as he'd said it replayed over and over in his head like a broken videotape until he'd felt like screaming.
When she'd come over and sat next to him at precisely the moment he'd wanted to scream, he hadn't known what to do. That was a first for him, he always knew what to do, always had a plan ready, always thought out every possibility. Thinking about his Dad though, and all the memories of his Mother that their argument had brought up, had left him in no fit state to deal with Lana sitting next to him. In fact, he noted wryly, sitting very close to him, so close they were almost touching, so close that he could hear every breath she took. In ordinary circumstances he would have relished this closeness. Tonight however, the clouding of his mind that her closeness left in him didn't help with the onset of emotions he was trying so hard to avoid. There was something about her, the way she was so selfless and caring, and seemed so genuinely concerned for him, that made Lex find himself fighting the urge to tell her everything that was inside of him. He'd never felt like this before, years of training from his Father had taught him to keep everything inside, keep it buried so deep that not even your eyes gave the slightest glimpse of what lay beneath. Revealing your feelings was a weakness, something that your enemy could prey upon, yet then again, Lana wasn't an enemy, she wanted to help him, not work against him, and it was with this thought, before he could stop himself, that Lex suddenly found himself speaking. "My Mother died on this day, I was just a boy, but I remember it like it was yesterday". What was he doing? he asked himself frantically, he never spoke about his Mom, not to her, not to anyone, not ever. Yet the way she gently took his hand, and squeezed it reassuringly, made him want to carry on. To let out everything that had been buried deep inside him for years, things that he had never told anyone, yet things that he instinctively knew she would understand. Words came pouring out almost quicker than he thought them, and once he'd started he couldn't stop. He told her things that he hadn't even admitted to himself – how much he missed his Mom, how he was scared that without her to guide him he was going to turn into his Father, how his hatred for his Father sometimes threatened to engulf him. And finally, he'd told her what his Father had said to him today.
A silence surrounded them after he said this, and for a brief instant Lex felt something he'd never felt before, panic. He suddenly panicked that he'd told her too much, that she hadn't really wanted to know what was wrong with him, she was just a nice person, that offering to listen was something that nice people felt obligated to do. He was just about to apologise to her (something Lex certainly never did), when suddenly she took him in her arms and gently held him. He'd stiffened at first, not used to genuine human contact, not used to someone wanting to hold him, wanting to make him feel better, but slowly he felt his fears ease out of him as he sunk into her arms. His anger at his Father slowly disappeared and for the first time in a long time he felt safe, he felt as though he belonged. He belonged here, in the arms of Lana Lang.
