Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Romeo & Juliet. It's for fun, please don't sue, I'm broke.

A/N: Yes, this is a Romeo and Juliet parody. However , it's written like a story, with actual descriptions between the talking. Amazing, no? I'm not going to give the main pairing away 'til later. You need no knowledge of Romeo and Juliet; I'm borrowing the basics, as I am putting things in, taking things out, warping things and generally changing it. So don't use this as a quick summary of R & J for you English class! Anyways, please review. It will make me very happy ^_^.

Sunday morning at 5:00 it was lightly drizzling outside Gryffindor Tower. Hermione habitually woke up and went down to the common room, pulling her books and homework out of her bag. Every morning she would check her homework and practice any spells.

Potions . . . six problems . . . seventeen inches . . . check.

This usually meant Monday's homework turned out the best or at least the most fussed at. What else could Hermione do over the weekend but redo her homework, study and read? Ron (Harry too, but mostly Ron) would usually drag her away in the afternoon, but right now it was five thirty in the morning and Hermione was focusing on schoolwork.

Next, Charms. She reached for the book and . . . it wasn't there! Panicked, she searched through her bag and rechecked the table. Oh no! I really needed to practice the shield spell! Suddenly, she remembered. The library. Bother.

Sighing, she quickly got dressed, polished her prefect badge, pinned it to the front of the robes and headed of to Madam Pince's Realm of Terror.

At seven o'clock in the morning Crabbe and Goyle were wide-awake and wandering about the corridor outside the library. They weren't quite sure why, but they were bound to make the best of it. Which meant staring at the floor, staring at the ceiling, staring at the wall, staring at their hands, and, every once in awhile, attempting conversation about food or superiority of certain houses over certain houses, or possibly Quidditch. Loads of fun, I'm sure you'll agree, but we're going to skip to the next scene.

Hermione crept in the back door to the library and walked to the table she, Ron, Harry and Ginny had been working at last night. There it was! Lying next to Ordoff the Sordid: a Biography, a book about the first goblin rebel leader. Fascinating stuff. She picked it up and started to flip to her favourite part; a bit about Ordoff and his fellow rebels setting fire to a rooster and then letting it go in an opponent's chicken yard. The fire had spread to the chicken coop and then the house . . . No. Stop. Put the book down. Hermione sighed and nodded. Right. I'm only here for my Charms book. She reached across the table, snatched the textbook and headed for the front exit.

About the time Hermione had gone back up to her dormitory to change the Creevey brothers had quietly stepped down from the Fat Lay's portrait with a fabulous, to them, plan in mind.

The plan was simple: get into the kitchen, find out which food was going to the Slytherins and dump vinegar in it all. They had considered dish soap, but weren't quite sure if house elves used it.

On the way to the site of their mischief Colin and Dennis had a near collision with two older pupils. They happened to resemble a species lower on the evolutionary rung than humans, but the brothers paid that no mind. Instead, the Gryffindors focused on the other's house colours: Silver and Green.

"Yeah?! Well . . . we're not scared!" shouted the minute Dennis.

"Not in the slightest!" Colin said in return.

"Nope, not us."

"'Cause we're Gryffindors," Colin said resolutely. "Means we're brave."

"We could crush your heads like . . . like . . . something . . . round . . . and crushable . . . that'll go . . . pop . . . yeah," said Crabbe. Or possibly Goyle.

And so on and so forth, Colin and Dennis yammering, Crabbe and Goyle threatening. Really quite funny to watch, like little yappy toy poodles arguing with rather dumb-witted St. Bernards. But neither the brave Gryffindors nor the cunning Slytherins deemed they were ready to fight, and the disagreement went on for quite awhile. That is, until to other students showed up.

Draco Malfoy strode across the hall; intent on reaching the centre of the ruckus they could her all the way in the dungeons. Crabbe and Goyle had been missing for quite some time; they were undoubtedly the cause of the noise and Slytherin was undoubtedly going to come off worse point-wise.

Draco frowned and fidgeted with his badge. Being a prefect, and his obedient girlfriend the other, fabulously rich, of the purest blood, smart, favoured by the head of house, and absolutely ruthless had made his life quite comfy. However, he found this whole "responsibility" thing with being a prefect was getting very boring. And, of course, almost the entire Gryffindor house, and those associated with it, were getting in the way of his plans. Draco snorted. Fools, morons and utter idiots, the lot of them. Sometimes I want to just strangle them all. Crucio would be nice, but strangulation seems so much more personal. Now, where the hell are those stupid bastards?

"Draco," said one gorilla-like being to another.

"He'll back us up," the other grunted and they both pulled out their wands.

Dennis and Colin spotted Hermione Granger at the same time as they saw the two Slytherins preparing to attack. The Creeveys knew that Hermione was Harry's friend, and very smart, but they could only that she would help them.

"This is my first duel," Dennis said nervously; whipping out his wand.

"Mine too," came the whispered reply.

"What do we do?"

"We fight," Colin said fiercely; squaring his shoulders. "Like Harry would."

The younger boy pushed his mousy hair out of his eyes. "Like true Gryffindors."

"The nitwits," Hermione said under her breath, then switched to her I'm-a-Prefect-do-what-I-say-or-else Voice. "Drop! Your! Wands!"

The boys didn't hear her. She grabbed her own wand and was about to stop the fight manually when a voice interrupted her.