Part VII: The Taxidermy, With an Important Message
DISCLAIMER: Whoo, I dun own the Taxidermy. Mmnope. Roman Dirge does. Praise him. Whee!
"Middle of nowhere.. If those aren't the most God-awful directions I've ever heard…" Akira muttered to herself as she puttered down the street in Kris's crappy old stationwagon.
She glared at the dashboard as the car jolted with a weird splooshy sound, one you wouldn't normally consider a good car sound, or a car sound at all.
"Don't even…" she threatened the evil little blue car as it began to slow gradually somewhere near what most would dub the middle of nowhere.
"Goddamnit, I said don't start with me!"
Then the stationwagon stopped (you are surprised, yes?). Close to the middle of nowhere. In the right lane.
Akira sighed and banged her head on the steering wheel several times, causing the horn to sound. Not long into her God-this-really-sucks-ass-head-bang-ie-thing, someone rapped loudly on the driver side window. She raised her head slightly to see a dark-skinned girl with an insane grin pressing her face to the glass.
She sighed and rolled down the window. "Hi, Tenna."
"Did your radiator bust?" she asked brightly.
"I… have no idea." Akira climbed out and Devi and Johnny came into view, Devi, of course, keeping her distance from the homicidal maniac. "You still have that cell phone, right?"
"Of course!" Tenna shoved her hand down into her pocket and pulled out the phone, managing to turn it on before it slipped from her fingers and shattered on the pavement below.
The two looked down at the broken pieces of plastic and whatnot which seemed to mock them in their broken-ness.
Nny came over to see what had happened, Devi keeping her place by Nny's old car.
"Well… That's not good."
Devi sat down in the grass and gave an exasperated yell. "That's IT! I give up!" She pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. "I'm SICK of this shit! It's just a Christmas party! Why are we trying so hard to get there anyway?!"
Tenna frowned and walked over to her.
"Devi, it's a Christmas party. Christmas. And you know what Christmas is all about." She knelt down beside her friend. "Presents. And if we don't go, we won't get any, so get your ass up and help us think!"
The two girls looked up as a large van slowed to a stop over by Akira and Johnny, and both got to their feet and went over when the driver's side door opened.
A tall man in a white lab coat that covered the lower half of his face got out and looked at them all.
"Car trouble, hm? Well, I've got some tools in the back."
Gir poked his head out the window. "TENNA!!!"
Tenna's eyes brightened. "GIR!!! Are you guys goin' to the party?!"
"Yep!"
"Ah, well then, why don't the three of you hop into the back? We're on our way there," the scientist said as he got back in the car.
Devi stared at the van incredulously. "… Did that little green dog just talk?"
"Come on, guys!" Tenna called, already in the van.
Devi and Johnny climbed in as well, though one of them rather hesitantly (bet you don't know who).
Dib turned around in his seat, staring at the three newcomers with a suspicious expression, and Zim had given up on trying to silence Gir to do the same.
"Who… are you people?" the little paranormalist questioned.
"I'm… *Squeek!* Tenna! And this is Spooky! *SQUEEEEK!*" Tenna replied happily. "This is Devi, my antisocial friend, and this is her crazy ex-boyfriend Johnny!" She gestured to the people on either side of her.
Devi crossed her arms over her chest and began to stare out the window uninterestedly as Johnny gave a small wave.
"… Right," Dib said slowly, turning back around as Tenna and Gir started an "interesting" conversation about tacos which no one else seemed to understand.
Zim continued to watch, although his attention was on Johnny.
He doesn't look any too friendly… He thought to himself as he turned to face the front slowly, frowning. I think I'll stay away from that human worm.
So the over-crowded van made its way through the middle of nowhere and out the other side without incident, ending up back in town, and drove safely to Kris's house! That's kinda boring, isn't it?
The group filed out of the van and watched as Membrane drove off, already talking to one of his labworkers via little microphone thingy.
"Well, we're finally here!" Tenna cheered as she ran over to the door of Kris's house and punched the poor little doorbell until the button popped out and the wires beneath began to spark and crackle.
The door opened a tiny sliver to reveal a hazel eye peering out at them before it swung open violently and Kris rushed out to hug Tenna tightly.
"Aww, you guys are finally here! That's so great! WHY THE HELL DID IT TAKE YOU SO LONG?!" Kris practically screamed as she let go.
Everyone (well, except for Gir and Tenna) backed up a bit.
"Car trouble. And déjà vu," Tenna replied.
"Aww, how horrible!" Kris stepped aside. "Come in, people, come in!"
After everyone was inside, Kris motioned for them to have a seat.
Gir and Tenna sat in the same little group of armchairs as Lenore and Ragamuffin, Devi and Akira took a seat on one of the smaller couches, Dib and Zim taking the larger couch (with Gaz between them), and Johnny sat down beside Squee on the loveseat with a maniac smile and a "Hey there, Squeegee. How's it goin'?"
Kris stood before the large Christmas tree and silenced everyone with a loud "HEY! SHUT UP SO I CAN TALK TO YOU!"
"Now then, there is ONE rule for this party," she stated, glancing over her captive (heh, captive) audience. "GET ALONG. If you don't, I'll.. melt your face off… or somethin'."
Zim covered his face protectively, hissing.
"All rightie, the snacks are on the table…" Kris gestured to the large table next to the tree, piled high with a variety of foods that probably weren't good for anyone, "and as soon as everyone has had something to eat, we'll open presents!"
Gir gasped loudly and ran to Kris, hugging her gnawing on her ankle.
"NOOO! PRESENTS PRESSSEEEENTS!!!!" screamed the little android.
Kris knelt down and pulled him off. "I have taquitos, Gir… You want the taquitos yes?"
Gir stared at her, swaying in a trance-like state. "Yes… Taquitos…" He broke free of the semi-hypnosis and dove onto the snack table, devouring a fourth of its contents in one huge bite.
"Er… what if we don't want any of that.. stuff?" Zim inquired, his imaginary nose wrinkled up in disgust.
If looks could kill, he'd be dead, 'cause Kris was glaring at him like there was no tomorrow.
"YOU WILL EAT THE SNACKS, AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!"
Zim shrank back into the cushions, frightened.
Kris cleared her throat, regaining her composure. "All rightie, dig in, ev'rybuddy!"
The crowd slowly got to their feet, approaching the table with caution. Well, except for Tenna, who was following Gir's lead.
After all had had their fill (well, okay… Zim only pretended to eat something, and all Nny had was a taco ((actually, that's prob'ly all it takes to fill him up.. so skinny… eek)) ), Kris made everyone shut up once again.
"Okay… And now, what you've aaall been waiting for… PRESENTS!" Kris threw her arms up over her head and smiled real big.
She was about to say something else when a soft, barely audible insect-ie sound reached the group's ears. She frowned slightly and turned to look at the tree.
Nny got to his feet. "Wait a minute.. that sounds like…" He pointed as a little roach peeked its head out from behind the fake pine. "MR. SAMSA!"
"Eee, a roach!" Kris ran over to an empty chair and crawled into it.
All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. Akira, who was rather bored with the whole thing, got up to answer it, and when she opened the door, she was "greeted" by an odd man who seemed to have the head of a disfigured deer/horse corpse… thing.
Akira stared at him open-mouthed.
"Um, yes, I was wondering what the lot of you were doing and if you could quiet down a bit. All the racket is disturbing my work," the thing said politely.
"Er.. we're having a Christmas party… And.. okay, sorry for disturbing you… I think…" Akira stuttered.
"Christmas party?" It frowned.. well… I guess that's what it did. Kind of hard to tell. "But it's not Christmas."
"Yeah, well... Christmas Eve, close enough."
It stared at her. "… It's August."
"…" Akira looked at the thing for a moment longer before shutting the door and walking back to the living room, where everyone else was.
"Who was it?" Kris asked.
Her friend gave her an odd look. "… It's not Christmas."
"I know, you told me this morning. It's Christmas Eve."
"No, no…" Akira shook her head. "It's August."
Everyone stared at her. Even Mr. Samsa.
"… Whoops," Kris muttered. "I guess you all have to go home then."
Now everyone turned to stare at Kris.
"After all the shit I went through to get here?!" Devi yelled.
"Uh-huh. Now get out. All of you. Shoo!"
After realizing she wasn't joking, everyone (except for 'Kira and Kris) got up and headed out the door.
Once all the disappointed guests were gone, Akira turned to her friend and smacked her in the forehead.
"My GOD you're an idiot."
Kris blinked and watched 'Kira trudge upstairs to her room, then grabbed a bag of Señor Salsa chips and flopped down on the couch.
Fin
That's right! That's the end! Are you sad? Well.. umm… Sorry. But I was kind of running out of things to put in here. Anyway, now that that's out of the way, I can work on other stuff. And I kinda wanna write somethin' for somebody else, so, umm… I guess I'm taking story requests right now. And they don't have to stay in the Jhonen (or Roman) world either. E-mail me with all the info if this little request thingy appeals to you. Hmm… I s'pose that's about it. Go read Celestial Dark (it's in Originals Fantasy)… Or not. Welp, I guess I'll mozy (heh) onto some other fic. Thanks for reading! I love you guys!
