Musings of an Amphibian

While the X-Men were getting settled in for the night, one teenager was definitely not ready for sleep. Todd crouched outside on top of one of the flat roofs of the buildings, pondering the latest direction his life had turned. He closed his eyes as he felt the breeze blow through his long hair, trying to control the surging emotions inside of him.

Why did they have to come here? He thought. Just when my life was starting to get good they show up! I was about to forget my past and straighten my life out and then they come back here to remind me of my past! I still hate them! Stupid X-Geeks! They think they're better than anyone else! Make me feel like I'm that stupid worthless…

No! No! I won't think that way anymore! I'm not the same Toad I used to be! I'm just as good as they are now! Maybe even better! I will not let myself feel that way ever again!

He still felt disgusted, partially at himself. Then why do I still feel so…dirty? Unclean compared to them? Stop that Toad! Just because you don't live in a fancy mansion? Who cares? You have Roadblock now and the Joes. That's better than any X-Geek dump! Besides, people like that could never understand you anyway. Not like the Joes. At least they know where I'm coming from. They know all this fighting stuff isn't just about playing hero. It's about survival and doing what has to be done!

"Toad?"

Todd looked around and saw Rogue standing behind him. "Hey," Todd said to Rogue. He forced a smile back. It wasn't that hard. Out of all of them she was probably the only one who could understand him.

Rogue walked up to him. "Thank you," she said. "For helping us out."

"Yeah well, it's no big deal you know," Todd shrugged.

They stood there in silence for a moment. "Toad what happened to you?" Rogue asked. "We all thought you were dead! How did you get here?"

"Yeah well I nearly was," Todd shrugged, trying to rid himself of the painful memories. If only you knew…

"So what happened?" Rogue asked again.

"Basically when Mag-nut-o threw me outta that jet the Joes found me," Todd said. "Saved my life and took me in. I've been training with them ever since."

"But why didn't you try to contact us?" She asked.

Because none of you X-Geeks wanted me that's why! Todd's brain screamed. Instead he chose his words carefully. "I…needed to get away. Be by myself for a while. Get my head together you know? Besides, Mystique threatened my life if I ever tried to come back."

Rogue looked stunned. "Hey it's no sweat," Todd smiled. "It's not so bad with the Joes. They're real nice to me. Roadblock's the best. He's cool. Kinda like my new dad so it all worked out all right."

More silence. "By the way," Todd sighed. "I…kinda forgive you for leaving the Brotherhood when you did. You were always the smart one. I had to learn the hard way." Strange, I feel better just saying that.

She looked at him with a mixed look of shock and sadness. Here it comes, Todd thought. He knew what she was going to say next.

"Toad, you can still come back with us. Be a part of the team."

Todd shook his head. "Rogue, thanks but no thanks. I realized a long time ago that I'm not an X-Man. It's just not for me that's all."

"But being a soldier is? You want to be a Joe?" She sounded shocked.

"I don't know what I'm going to be!" Todd told her. "But I know what I'm not and that's not an X-Man or a Brotherhood."

"But the professor can help you!"

"I've got help! Roadblock, all the Joes…I've got a lot of friends who really care about me. That's something I haven't had in a long time."

"But they can't help you like the professor can."

"Why not?"

"Well because…."

"Because they're human?" Todd's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Now isn't that funny. An X-Man telling a former Brotherhood member that he can't trust humans?"

"That's not what I said!" Rogue started to lose her temper.

"Close enough!" Todd snapped. "Maybe you're more like your mother than you realize."

"My mother?" Rogue blinked.

"Mystique," Todd told her. "She didn't tell you that you and Blue Boy are brother and sister did she? Well half siblings anyway."

Rogue's eyes narrowed. "NO! You're lying you creepy little frog!"

"Why would I lie?" Todd shouted back. "I heard about it when the Joes were spying on you guys. They did a background check on all of you. It's true! And something tells me deep inside you know it too."

Rogue reached out to slap him but Todd caught her wrist. "Where did you learn that?" Todd asked in a cold voice. "You didn't get it from the Professor. That look in your eyes, it was the same exact look as Mystique's whenever she beat me."

Rogue gave off a mild cry and ran off. Todd shook his head and sighed. "Way to go Toad," He groaned, instantly regretting his outburst. You just had to provoke her didn't you? The one X-Geek that you kind of like! Of course she wasn't exactly perfect with you either…Oh boy. Roadblock's really gonna be mad now.